HELP! My partner has been accused of sexually assualting a minor.

[babygal2014]

Two weeks ago, my partner was accused of sexually assualting a 10 year old girl. This has ripped my family apart and I dread every day waking up to this nightmare. I do not believe the allegation made against him.
Hes a hard working family man, works 70 hours a week and is also doing a degree with open uni. I have one child with him and four from another relationship. The worst is we had planned to have one last child and Im 3 months pregnant and he was so happy when we found out. This allegation is completely out of character for him and I cannot believe he would give up his life and his children to do what this girl is accusing him of.
This nightmare started when we recently moved home and my 12 year old made friends with a girl down the street. Over the past few months I had become increasingly wary of the girl. She had made many inappropriate sexual remarks to my daughter, to which I told her off for and was also known to call young boys a paedophile in the park. Which was witnessed by myself and my mum.

My daughter wanted a sleepover and I agreed she could have one friend and she chose this girl to stay over. I allowed her to stay because her nan had died the same day and I felt quite sorry for her. The girl was very quiet when she came to my home. She didnt really communicate much with my daughter throughout the late evening and wanted to play on the computer in the other room.
On noticing this I suggested she come in to the living room and watch movies with everybody else. She wasn't very happy about leaving the computer and made this known to my daughter. My daughter ignored her comments and brought down two duvets and put them on the living room rug.
By the second movie I had fallen asleep and when I awoke i noticed that it was 1.30am and that my partner had fallen asleep on the other sofa and my daughter and this girl was sleep next to each other on the duvets. Completely wrapped up and fast asleep after 15 minutes of in and out of sleep not wanting to go to bed and forcing myself up. Me and my partner went to bed with our 20 month old.
In the morning this girl was supposed to leave by 9am and she did not. She stayed till bout 9.35am going on the computer and watching Sky. She never made me aware anything could of been wrong, she never used the house phone which was right next to the room when we went to bed and she never left early. She even made plans with my daughter to meet up in the day.

By the end of the day my partner phoned and said he was arrested in work, interviewed, forensic examinations have been conducted and bailed without charge pending further enquiries. He had been banned from coming home and is not allowed to our kids until the investigation is complete. Social services have been and made me sign written agreements to keep him away and questioned all my kids on their own. Which I dont mind as there is nothing to hide.

The girl has accused him of sexually assualting her is the living room which was the same room that me and my daughter was in. I cannot believe even with someone with lack of intelligence would take the opportunity to do this to a small girl less than 1 metre away from me and less than 30 cm from my daughter. Especially as my daughter is the most loudest child I have ever known.

Since he has been on bail I have seen this girl quite happily walking up the street, she has sent me facebook requests and even added my daughter as a friend on facebook again.

At the moment my partner is on bail without charge awaiting forensic results and I dont know what to do until those results come back. Even though I believe hes innocent Im so scared to think what if these results come back positive. I keep finding myself asking him are u sure there is nothing to worry about these results. I want this sooo much to be a false allegation so that we can be a family again bug Im so scared for the future if it comes back he did it.

I got to be strong for the kids but I dont know how, I cant eat, cant sleep and all I do is replay that night in my head over and over again.

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum though sorry that you needed to find us!

Many members are supporting their partners through just this sort of ordeal so you will receive lots of sympathy and understanding. I imagine the hardest thing is having him being bailed away from home.

I just wanted to put in a little positive spin: Unlike many allegations which supposedly happened many years ago; this one is well and truly current. Depending on the exact nature of the allegation, DNA will either be present or not so the outcome will not rest simply on the accuser's statement as is the case for many of our members.

Do bear in mind that no matter how unbelievable the allegation, in the present climate, the police are obliged to investigate it thoroughly.

[frightened spouse]

Hi so sorry to hear your story, what you are experiencing is truly horrific. After two weeks you will still be in shock and the lack of sleep and not eating properly will also be taking it's toll, particularly as you are pregnant. It is important to try and eat regularly even small amounts as it will help to feel a bit better. When my husband was accused of something similar (but historic), a nurse advised me to try and eat when I was making food for my children which sounds obvious, but in the panic and confusion you can forget to eat.

Have you thought of visiting your GP, many on this forum have found them to be hugely sympathetic and helpful and it maybe particularly important that your health is monitored as you are expecting.

These investigations can be quite slow and drawn out so don't expect any quick resolution, the police seem to be very busy at the moment with real cases and FA's. This forum is a fantastic source of support and knowledge, you may feel alone but there are many that are in or have been through a similar situation.

The whole process puts immense pressure on your family to the extent that you may feel guilty even though have done nothing wrong, I know I have felt like that at times.

Sending you virtual hugs and best wishes

Frightened Spouse

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum but really sorry you had to find us.

This is the start of what can be (though isn't always) a long, emotional and traumatic journey. it is important to write down every single thing that you can remember of that evening and all previous conversations you have had with the girl, along with anything she may have said to your daughter. Store these somewhere that plod can't get to them - in case they take your partner's laptop/pc. Take screenshots of all the girl's FB conversations and friend requests...

Keep strong......keep posting and we will help all we can....MH

[breakmyheart]

never give up

Two weeks ago, my partner was accused of sexually assualting a 10 year old girl. This has ripped my family apart and I dread every day waking up to this nightmare. I do not believe the allegation made against him.
Hes a hard working family man, works 70 hours a week and is also doing a degree with open uni. I have one child with him and four from another relationship. The worst is we had planned to have one last child and Im 3 months pregnant and he was so happy when we found out. This allegation is completely out of character for him and I cannot believe he would give up his life and his children to do what this girl is accusing him of.
This nightmare started when we recently moved home and my 12 year old made friends with a girl down the street. Over the past few months I had become increasingly wary of the girl. She had made many inappropriate sexual remarks to my daughter, to which I told her off for and was also known to call young boys a paedophile in the park. Which was witnessed by myself and my mum.

My daughter wanted a sleepover and I agreed she could have one friend and she chose this girl to stay over. I allowed her to stay because her nan had died the same day and I felt quite sorry for her. The girl was very quiet when she came to my home. She didnt really communicate much with my daughter throughout the late evening and wanted to play on the computer in the other room.
On noticing this I suggested she come in to the living room and watch movies with everybody else. She wasn't very happy about leaving the computer and made this known to my daughter. My daughter ignored her comments and brought down two duvets and put them on the living room rug.
By the second movie I had fallen asleep and when I awoke i noticed that it was 1.30am and that my partner had fallen asleep on the other sofa and my daughter and this girl was sleep next to each other on the duvets. Completely wrapped up and fast asleep after 15 minutes of in and out of sleep not wanting to go to bed and forcing myself up. Me and my partner went to bed with our 20 month old.
In the morning this girl was supposed to leave by 9am and she did not. She stayed till bout 9.35am going on the computer and watching Sky. She never made me aware anything could of been wrong, she never used the house phone which was right next to the room when we went to bed and she never left early. She even made plans with my daughter to meet up in the day.

By the end of the day my partner phoned and said he was arrested in work, interviewed, forensic examinations have been conducted and bailed without charge pending further enquiries. He had been banned from coming home and is not allowed to our kids until the investigation is complete. Social services have been and made me sign written agreements to keep him away and questioned all my kids on their own. Which I dont mind as there is nothing to hide.

The girl has accused him of sexually assualting her is the living room which was the same room that me and my daughter was in. I cannot believe even with someone with lack of intelligence would take the opportunity to do this to a small girl less than 1 metre away from me and less than 30 cm from my daughter. Especially as my daughter is the most loudest child I have ever known.

Since he has been on bail I have seen this girl quite happily walking up the street, she has sent me facebook requests and even added my daughter as a friend on facebook again.

At the moment my partner is on bail without charge awaiting forensic results and I dont know what to do until those results come back. Even though I believe hes innocent Im so scared to think what if these results come back positive. I keep finding myself asking him are u sure there is nothing to worry about these results. I want this sooo much to be a false allegation so that we can be a family again bug Im so scared for the future if it comes back he did it.

I got to be strong for the kids but I dont know how, I cant eat, cant sleep and all I do is replay that night in my head over and over again.

Hi, and is sad to read your ordeal.
We no all what you are going through and please hold on to faith. Don't doubt what you no is the truth and believe in the justice system that the outcome will be the right one.

From what you say already shows that no opportunity was ever there and these investigations will not hide that valuable defence .
Im sure you have a solicitor by now whom should be happy to discuss these points as well as anything else that may have come to mind.

The investigation process can be painfully long and like us all we are in the hands of the system.

Lots of members on here are only too pleased to help and support you , and no matter what your mood we always listen. Many stickies have great information and can often give you clues as to what procedures take place and if in doubt many can give opinions .

Take care and keep strong ,

regards b.m.h

[sadman]

try to be positive

The police will be look at DNA on the girls clothes and person especially in intimate places .The police will assume he is guilty because children never lie about these things.If there was a computer in the house they will examine this to see if there is child pornography on it.this strengthens their case.I would like to say that if no forensic evidence was found the allegations would be no crimed.The police love these cases they get lots of brownie points so do not trust them they twist everything you say.The social services are like the gestapo and are gone on all this power they have right now they will also assume your partner is as guilty as hell.you need to co-operate with them or they will try to remove the children saying they are at risk.Do not openly defend your partner to them they will think you are in on it and are trying to protect him just say we need to see the result of the investigation and we should all keep an open mind careful what you tell them they like the police wil,twist everyword you say.I have been through it and know how they operate.KIDS AND ADULTS DO LIE TRUST YOUR HEART

Good luck
[LEFT ][/LEFT]

Two weeks ago, my partner was accused of sexually assualting a 10 year old girl. This has ripped my family apart and I dread every day waking up to this nightmare. I do not believe the allegation made against him.
Hes a hard working family man, works 70 hours a week and is also doing a degree with open uni. I have one child with him and four from another relationship. The worst is we had planned to have one last child and Im 3 months pregnant and he was so happy when we found out. This allegation is completely out of character for him and I cannot believe he would give up his life and his children to do what this girl is accusing him of.
This nightmare started when we recently moved home and my 12 year old made friends with a girl down the street. Over the past few months I had become increasingly wary of the girl. She had made many inappropriate sexual remarks to my daughter, to which I told her off for and was also known to call young boys a paedophile in the park. Which was witnessed by myself and my mum.

My daughter wanted a sleepover and I agreed she could have one friend and she chose this girl to stay over. I allowed her to stay because her nan had died the same day and I felt quite sorry for her. The girl was very quiet when she came to my home. She didnt really communicate much with my daughter throughout the late evening and wanted to play on the computer in the other room.
On noticing this I suggested she come in to the living room and watch movies with everybody else. She wasn't very happy about leaving the computer and made this known to my daughter. My daughter ignored her comments and brought down two duvets and put them on the living room rug.
By the second movie I had fallen asleep and when I awoke i noticed that it was 1.30am and that my partner had fallen asleep on the other sofa and my daughter and this girl was sleep next to each other on the duvets. Completely wrapped up and fast asleep after 15 minutes of in and out of sleep not wanting to go to bed and forcing myself up. Me and my partner went to bed with our 20 month old.
In the morning this girl was supposed to leave by 9am and she did not. She stayed till bout 9.35am going on the computer and watching Sky. She never made me aware anything could of been wrong, she never used the house phone which was right next to the room when we went to bed and she never left early. She even made plans with my daughter to meet up in the day.

By the end of the day my partner phoned and said he was arrested in work, interviewed, forensic examinations have been conducted and bailed without charge pending further enquiries. He had been banned from coming home and is not allowed to our kids until the investigation is complete. Social services have been and made me sign written agreements to keep him away and questioned all my kids on their own. Which I dont mind as there is nothing to hide.

The girl has accused him of sexually assualting her is the living room which was the same room that me and my daughter was in. I cannot believe even with someone with lack of intelligence would take the opportunity to do this to a small girl less than 1 metre away from me and less than 30 cm from my daughter. Especially as my daughter is the most loudest child I have ever known.

Since he has been on bail I have seen this girl quite happily walking up the street, she has sent me facebook requests and even added my daughter as a friend on facebook again.

At the moment my partner is on bail without charge awaiting forensic results and I dont know what to do until those results come back. Even though I believe hes innocent Im so scared to think what if these results come back positive. I keep finding myself asking him are u sure there is nothing to worry about these results. I want this sooo much to be a false allegation so that we can be a family again bug Im so scared for the future if it comes back he did it.

I got to be strong for the kids but I dont know how, I cant eat, cant sleep and all I do is replay that night in my head over and over again.

[is there justice?]

Hi and welcome although it's always sad to see a new face.

You have had some great advice here already so I've nothing to add apart from more support. I would say that the initial shock calms down a bit after a few weeks but can increase from time to time so crying, nausea, insomnia etc are all par for the course.

Come back here as often as you need to - hopefully this won't be long and drawn out as it's so recent.

Stay strong and positive

[babygal2014]

I would like to thanks for the support and advice that I have received as its very much appreciated. I have been reading many posts looking for advice and while I wish no one would be in this situation, it is slightly comforting that I'm not alone and that many others are subjected to this waiting game while the police, social services and CPS play god with out lives.
With this it has given me some strength to eat a little and while I'm not yet able to sleep properly without waking up panicking bout the situation. I'm a lot stronger than I was and have been trying to focus all my attention much more on the kids and make sure that they enjoy the last weeks of their summer holiday.
At night I have been doing a lot of research in to the possible outcomes for when my partner answers his bail in two weeks. I have realised that its not just a case of the forensics coming back and being clear and then he can come home. The CPS could still charge him just based on her statement or they could even keep rebailing him over many months. The even worse thing I have learnt, is that social services will do everything in their power to stop him having contact with our kids and will do everything to not let him come home and thats even if he gets a NFA or proved innocent in court.
I used to have faith in the British Justice system but now I see it as a farce, there is no such thing of being innocent until proven guilty in this country.

What makes me so mad is that I know the parents know she is lying. A normal reaction I would expect from a parent would be anger and violence. But, they have been coming up to my 12 year old daughter in the street and the park and asking is she is ok and how shes feeling. Yesterday, I walked past her mum and I tried to keep my head up and just walk past. She was so brazen that she tried to say hi and how are you to me. I just ignored her. How can she imagine how I feel. Her daughter ruined my family, our future and have potentially destroyed the relationship between my children and their father.

I have also learnt that this girl has a triple sleeper bunk bed in her bedroom and her 14 year old and 15 year old teenage cousins sleep over her house a few times every week and sleep in her room with her. The police and social services, should be looking in to that as I find it inappropriate and I would not be surprised if she is being abused at home. Also, I think there is a possibility she was jealous that my partner had a good relationship with my kids and this girl has made it clear to my daughter that she doesnt get on with her dad. I have looked at my daughters facebook conversations with her before this accusation and she has commented that shes not jealous of my daughter and thats shes glad she doesnt live in our home. I don't know if thats relevant at all or I'm just over thinking everything. I have also heard from those who know her. That they have immigration and financial issues and I wouldn't be surprised the parents are encouraging this in the hope of gaining compensation.

My partner seems confident that in two weeks everything is going to be sorted out and has no doubt the forensics will come back fine. One good thing this week as well, hes been allowed to have supervised contact with our youngest child for two hours per week with my mum supervising. Yesterday he saw her and this has given him the strength to fight to prove his innocence not just for himself but for her and our unborn as well.

[frightened spouse]

Hi glad to hear you are feeling a bit stronger, it does get a bit easier with the passage of time. It's also good that your children are allowed the supervised contact with their Dad. Some members on here have endured months even longer without any contact with their children.

Your partner sounds confident, though he needs to be prepared for the fact that he may be re bailed, the process is usually slow and does not take into consideration the impact it is having on your family.

You must have amazing self control to cope with meeting the FA's parents when you are out and about, I can't imagine having to cope with that on top of all the other pressures. As for parents that condone their children doing this, I am sure that my daughter hasn't come up with her "story " on her own and that she has been actively encouraged even helped by her father to concoct her version of events that never happened.

Compensation is definitely the motivating factor for some of these FA's, it would be interesting to know if the girl in your case has any family or extended family members that have reported similar offences in the past.

Sending you virtual hugs

Frightened Spouse

[babygal2014]

It was kind of surreal walking past her, I knew I must not speak to her as I have been warned by social services to have no contact with them as they live at the bottom of the road from me. Normally, I dont keep eye contact with people walking down the road but with her I made sure I looked into her eyes.
When she asked me how I was, I wanted to let it all out but I just bit my tongue as I believe that they are probably desperate for a reaction from us. So they can run to the police and social services and say that we are being hostile or intimidating them or even worse saying things that I never said. The last thing I want right now is to make this nightmare anymore worse for my partner or get myself arrested, when my kids only have me left. I know CPS love the thought of partners of the accused intimidating their witnesses. I refuse to give the FA's parents that satisfaction. However, when its all over I might be tempted to give them a piece of my mind or even hit them with a civil lawsuit of defamation of character.

Another interesting thing to look forward to is that the FA is in my daughters class and they go back to school next week. I'm not sure how this is going to work out and god forbid, they are made to sit next to each other.

[Casehardened]

Since he has been on bail I have seen this girl quite happily walking up the street, she has sent me facebook requests and even added my daughter as a friend on facebook again.

What makes me so mad is that I know the parents know she is lying. A normal reaction I would expect from a parent would be anger and violence. But, they have been coming up to my 12 year old daughter in the street and the park and asking is she is ok and how shes feeling. Yesterday, I walked past her mum and I tried to keep my head up and just walk past. She was so brazen that she tried to say hi and how are you to me.

This all sounds if it is a run-of-the-mill situation to them; wonder if she/they have made accusations
against others previously?

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi babygal, Welcome to the forum. Poor you and your partner (and kids!) What a nightmare!
You've obviously got plod and the ss sussed and have received some great advice so far. I feel sorry for your daughter having to be in class with that little madam . Your reaction with her Mum was just right (excellent self-control ) .
Are you looking after all the kids on your own, or have you got someone who can help you?
The attitude ss seem to have towards fathers baffles me - it's as though they somehow think dads are superflous and obviously don't realise the heartache to all and the presure on the family their absence creates.

DNA tests can take quite a long time to come back so you may have a bit of a wait till you hear any more.

Keep strong

[babygal2014]

I'm on my own now looking after them, my mum can help sometimes but she's already got enough on her plate caring for her sick brother who's got terminal cancer. So I don't want to burden her anymore than neccessary. Its such a shame as my partner is such a good dad and I got to take my hat off to him for all the things he has helped me with. He showed me how to be a greater person, because of him I started learning to drive and even passed my first year in University which I never thought I could achieve.

Not long ago this evening, my partner phoned form work, he's feeling down as we dont know when we will be able to see each other. I thought he was strong and confident but I'm not sure if he's just putting on a brave face for me. Hes sending me texts telling me he wants to kill himself. I have tried to reassure him that he needs to be there for p***** and our unborn. That he owes them to prove he's innocent but I don't know how much more I can take of this as this is truly breaking my heart.

I'm not sure if this girls family has made accusations to others and I'm not sure how to find that out I suppose if worse comes to the worse. A defence lawyer can do some digging but I do think its not normal that this girls family walks about like nothing has happened and even trying to seem concerned for how I or my kids are feeling.
Tomorrow I'm going to church to pray and worship the big man upstairs and just hope for a better tomorrow

[frightened spouse]

Hi

Sorry to hear your partner is struggling, he may benefit from visiting his GP many members have found them to be extremely sympathetic , it is not a sign of weakness and may help him greatly.

As for school I would make an appointment to see the head teacher as soon as the new term starts so you can give events from your perspective. I had to speak to my children's three different schools when my partner was first accused, it was difficult going through it but I am very glad I did. You are entitled to confidentiality, the only staff that need to be aware are the head teacher and the class teacher, you don't need to disclose to nosey receptionists ! I can't imagine that your daughter will be expected to work alongside the FA in class so there maybe some changes, it is all so difficult my heart goes out to you.


Virtual hugs

Frightened Spouse

[myhome]

Hi babygal - so sorry to read about how your partner is feeling. Sadly it is something that many of us have felt or are feeling, but fortunately these feelings do pass as feelings of anger and injustice take over and the realisation that suicide is a very permanent solution to a horrible but temporary situation and that ultimately the FAing b$tch will have won and everyone will say, "Oh he was guilty then and just couldn't face it!" (This is what friends said to me when I was suicidal [except I'm a her!!!!]). My sister was a bit more blunt and said, "So what am I supposed to do then? I get a call from the police saying 'Mrs X your sister has committed suicide and we need you to come and identify her body!'" Made me think and I've never felt like it again.....

Also - it would be so unfair to you and your children to grow up without a loving partner and father...

Please don't think I'm being unsympathetic - I'm really really not. I'm just speaking from the point of view of someone who had made arrangements for friends to take my dogs and then wrote the note stating where my estate should be split...

Please try to reassure your partner that these feelings do pass and that although the current situation is truly awful, it is not always going to be like this - although it doesn't seem like that right now..... I too would urge him to seek help from his GP.

Who have you got supporting you? You will find it very difficult being strong for all of you without someone to support you....

Keep strong babe .... you've got us all behind you......