Accused and feeling alone

[Markanth0ny]

Hi all im not sure were to start but here goes

i was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend for 3 years we have a 2 year old boy together and she has recently just given birth 2 my daughter anyway

we split around the end of February because the relationship was dead she was a night mare to me to be honest she dumped my son on me at one point and went of to Greece on holiday and gave me a days notice witch then i had to take an emergency week of work she was violent to me she would come at me with things like hot irons etc we had the police round my house a few times because she would attack me and then play the victim when they arrive .

my son was suffering in this as well as i thought he had a behavioral problem he used to headbutt the floor when in a tantrum and i told her that he might have a ADHD problem witch infuriated her for some reason anyway she used to go to the other side of the uk to see her daughter who was took of her for reasons i don't want to get into so she would go and leave for 2 maybe 3 weeks at a time witch i thought was abit weird because she only started doing this since December but i dident think anything of it so come to the end of February she diffident come back and i kept asking her when she would be back as i missed my son and she was telling me she loved me etc

and then the next thing i found out she was in a mother and baby unit and she had told them that she was in a violent and aggressive relationship and that it was me and i was like W.T.F has gone on here i questioned her about it and she said to me on Facebook that i never laid a hand on her and i said well why are you there then and she said because i shouted at her SERIOUSLY!!! i couldn't believe what she was doing she told me i would not see my son so i told her that i am coming for my son and that i want full custody because she is currently unfit to look after him then the next thing i get a letter through the door saying shes taking me to court for a injunction i could not believe what i was hearing so i went court and she told them all sorts of lies witch i proved she was a liar .

anyway Monday just gone had a knock at my door at 4:30 in the morning i was like DAM who that at this time thought it was a neighbor who was locked out no it was the police i can i help you i said yes you xxxxx i am well im here to arrest you for the rape of your ex girlfriend i was like WHAT~!!!!!! straight away i broke down could not believe that she had done this i was took to the police station and when they interviewed me she had told them i raped her 4 times and allso i think she is trying to make out that she got pregnant through me forcing myself on her witch is a lie because my friends and her friends knew that we was trying for a baby .

so now i have been put on bail by the police to attend again in 3 months time to the police station to see weather or not they are going to charge me with it its her word Vs my word and she is a compulsive liar .. now at the minute my work progressiveness has dropped i cant sleep at night every time i hear a car outside i go into a panic thinking its the police that she has told them more lies it has really destroyed my life at the moment and i really need some help support a friend anything im just really upset i dont want to go to prison for something ive not done i could not handle it i really couldn't i told my friend i will not go to prison i would rather die and so scared at the moment upset feeling of anxiety nausea depression i just don't know were to turn

[is there justice?]

MarkAnthony

Sorry to see yet another new face here but welcome anyway.

This sounds all too common and I know the hell that you have been thrust in to. The shock can't be understated and the most extreme effects of it can last for up to 4 weeks, insomnia, crying, deep fear, shame (even though you are innocent) so go to your Doc if you need to. He or she will have heard it all before and will be happy to help you.

On a practical level, immediately take screen shots and back ups of everything that may be relevant, facebook, emails, texts, letters etc. These will be helpful for your sol should you be charged. Write every little thing down that comes to mind. Look at friends' FB pages, is there anything there?

You may have a bit of a culture shock when you realise plod are more interested in prosecuting than being impartial so be guarded in what you say about dates, time, places. Again, save any anomalies for your sol.

Lastly, you will receive lots of good advice and support here from folk who have been through this and survived or others who are still going through it all. Come back as often as you need to. It will get easier but it will never be easy

ps think everyone thinks they can't face it all at first but you will - dig deep and don't let her win.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hello MarkAntony - welcome to the forum.

That's brilliant advice from ITJ especially this ... 'ps think everyone thinks they can't face it all at first but you will - dig deep and don't let her win. ' There are members who are in or have been in very similar (if not identical) situations as your own.
The first few weeks (or months) are really hard, because it's an affront on your own sense of morality and the things you believe in, but you will slowly get to grips with the situation. You must also be quite concerned about your children.

I would just add to what ITJ has said that if you get charged, you'll need to get yourself a competent, experienced legal team to represent you. I suggest you have a look at the 'specialised solicitors' thread in the General Information. Although there's not a lot a lawyer can do for you right now apart from give you important advice, it's just as well to have someone lined up -some work on legal aid. I cannot stress enough how important getting the right legal team is.

Try take some time out from this, it's all too easy for it to poison everything in your life and it's best to avoid that if at all possible.

[myhome]

Hi Mark Anthony and welcome to the forum but so sorry that you have to find us.

You've been given great advice from ITJ and WGO (as always). Sadly what you are feeling and experiencing are so so common for all of us that are going through this - or have been through it. Some of us have found the GP to be a great source of strength and support. Some have taken medication, some - herbal remedies, and some haven't taken either. It's personal choice but anything that helps you cope is a good thing....

You'll get a wealth of advice and support on here so post as often as you like and there's usually someone around to help and support you...Keep strong

[can it get worse]

Hi,

So sorry to hear your awful situation. I can only echo what other people have already said. (but they communicate better than me).

There are too many people on here. They are suffering the same spectrum of emotions. And until you experience it for yourself, you would never be able to imagine it.

You will have terrible days (like us all) but you will somehow gain the strength to get thru' another day. Try to remain strong.

[Markanth0ny]

thank you

thank you for the support i have to go back to the police station on the 20th of december this year to see if they are going to charge me or not im so worried as i have done nothing wrong i havent done the crimes she said i have done she is a compulsive liar and is only out to do this to destroy my life

[breakmyheart]

being strong

thank you for the support i have to go back to the police station on the 20th of december this year to see if they are going to charge me or not im so worried as i have done nothing wrong i havent done the crimes she said i have done she is a compulsive liar and is only out to do this to destroy my life

Hi markanthony,


So sorry to read your story and see another sad situation ,especially where your children are effected.

We know only too well what you are experiencing and the many emotions you are feeling.
Hopefully you have found the strength to follow some of the great advice given to you , and if you have gone to your gp im sure support and assistance is at hand for you and is nothing shameful to hide away from .
Be it early days for you and it seems an eternity until your bail date with the neverending worries ,be assured that many people are here to talk to.As and when you are in a frame of mind to start preparing for your defence should it be relevant .Writing down every little thing that you can remember throughout your relationship and referring to whatever allegations that were made could be vital , and shared with your solicitor only.

You will have very low times and I can say that things do change for everyone and we have to believe that the justice system will see truth and make the correct decisions.
If you need to talk or even send a personal message plenty will reply on here , and we understand that it isn't a great idea to spell out every detail within an open forum.
Keep strong , regards b.m.h

[myhome]

It's a long time indeed to December 20th and a truly awful run up to the Christmas Season for you.

You are in the early stages and these are the worst - shock, disbelief, nausea, lack of appetite, lack of sleep, fear or terror, shaking, crying and on and on....It is little comfort for you now but these feelings do gradually lessen...I was interrogated on Nov 15 th last year and immediately suspended from work as I wirk with vulnerable adults (I went back in Jan). I remember nothing at all from that day until Jan 7 th when I went back. My sister said I was a jabbering wreck!!!
9 months on and I'm learning to live with it. I have done all I can to build a defence should it ever be necessary and now all I can do is wait....

There's lots of things you can do until your next bail date...
- as others have said - search the social networking sites and screenshot anything at all which you think will help you eg if your FA has told plod that she's really traumatised and can't enjoy herself out any more and there's FB messages and pics showing her out and having a great time....
- write down absolutely everything you can remember from the time of the FA - gather any concrete proof such as cinema tickets, receipts invites etc that show where you were; friends you visited, holidays, text messages etc. Store these somewhere safe and if electronically then on a USB, friend's PC or similar so that if plod should take your phone or laptop, you have this evidence backed up where they can't accidentally lose or destroy it. Don't show any of this to plod - if you do they will re-interview FA-er and she will change her story to fit this new evidence - she is allowed to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!
- make time every day for you and your family/friends to have a good time and enjoy stuff that you usually do. I know this seems impossible but it is very therapeutic and you need to do this to regain some sense of normality in your very abnormal situation....
- keep coming on here and join in discussions/ post on other people's threads/post on your thread etc. You'll begin to form friendships with other members....and we'll help all we can...
Keep strong MH

[Ghost biscuit]

Hi

Hi markanthony,

I have read your thread and I agree with what has already been put on here. However, I think the key to all of this is her past and by that I mean why where her child/ren taken off her in the first place. In that there would be files upon files of child protection meetings she would have attended if the SS were involved. She would have had a initial assessment, core assessment then a section 47 from the social services. To take children of someone means endless child protection meetings etc etc. There could have been GP records sourced by and for the SS. Meetings would have had to be attended by her. The SS do tend to lie and exaggerate on files I know from personal experience. However this could all work in your favour. Family court papers can be used in the crown court if its of relevance to the back ground of your relationship. Again her past involvement could be her undoing or at least help ur case again, all this would have to be talked through with an experience sexual crimes solicitor.

Please do your homework as much as you can. You have to be your own Sherlock Holmes and go through every detail again and again and again with a fine tooth comb. I have had to do that. I have missed important information the first time round and then found it the second time on the historic family court papers. I have found that by doing this it has taken time up and made me feel a bit better. Where once I felt all doom and gloom to saying well actually this doesn't add up here and this date does not match etc. One solicitor said to me once give them enough rope and they will hang themselves and I believe her past may well do that. Only you will know that. Hope this has been useful for you.

Regards,

Ghost....B

[can it get worse]

Hi MA,

You haven't been on here for a while - just hoping the advice you've been given on here has been some help to you. I hope you are managing to cope and occupy yourself. You state that your next bail date is December, why is it so long - do you know?

The advice from GB is surely a major issue in your defence.

Best Wishes.

[Markanth0ny]

hi guys yes ive not logged i but i have read your replies thank you all very much for understanding im still not sure whats going on i was bailed again on april the 27 of this year its affecting me in a way i cant imagine to my own self

[is there justice?]

I was hoping it was sorted, MK, but sorry to hear you have been rebailed. Keep your chin up.

[Markanth0ny]

I was hoping it was sorted, MK, but sorry to hear you have been rebailed. Keep your chin up.

no not yet the worry continues

[thisisinsane]

Hi MA, i am still new to this but it does seem a long time as they have questioned you August 2013, and still no decision about whether they will charge you. I hope you were able to see the kids, it is horrible to have them not only taken away from you because of a lie like this but also having to worry about their safety and wellbeing

[markanthony]

hi guys well thats me bailed again untill the end of july