my patners trial starts tomoorow

[can it get worse]

That is fantastic news. Brilliant for you and the children.

This is an excellent change of mind for SS - do you know why they have changed their decision? We have SS involved in our case and they will not change. They say they are waiting for CPS decision and even if we get NFA, SS will still continue to be involved. They say they are treating the false allegation as being true. However my partner does not have bail conditions set as it was decided that none were necessary.

[is there justice?]

thank you lawlessone for all your advice it is definitely the uncertainty that is the worst. Some good news today social services have agreed to my partner moving back home just have to wait for them to write up our new agreement and all sign it so by next week we will have some normality back in our lives and the children will be happier and we don't have to pretend he's at work anymore.

Brilliant news and a good decision

[lawlessone2009]

the children will be happier and we don't have to pretend he's at work anymore.

Jeez....... That's some overtime shift!

[worriedgirl]

That is fantastic news. Brilliant for you and the children.

This is an excellent change of mind for SS - do you know why they have changed their decision? We have SS involved in our case and they will not change. They say they are waiting for CPS decision and even if we get NFA, SS will still continue to be involved. They say they are treating the false allegation as being true. However my partner does not have bail conditions set as it was decided that none were necessary.

what my social worker told me is as there is now no bail condition stopping him from living at home there is nothing they can do to stop him living at home and as long as we keep to the agreement of me supervising at all times they are happy with that . I think it depends on your social worker if there are no bail conditions they cant legally do anything without taking you to court. I would perhaps try and come to an agreement with them as if they think you are putting them at risk could try and have them removed from your care. In the very beginning he was not allowed to see them at all we had to get a solicitor who put to the police it was against our children's rights to not let them see there father so after 4 weeks he was allowed to see them in public only. our social worker at the time helped get the police to change his bail conditions to visits at home with no overnight stays after 8 months and then finally after 2yrs 5m they are allowing overnight stays. so its been a long road getting there. have they had a conference to discuss the risk to your children it is awful they are treating the allegation as true but I guess they have to assume the worst but if its still early on after assessments they might agree to change contact arrangements I think it depends on a lot of factors age of children, the allegations. best of luck

[worriedgirl]

Jeez....... That's some overtime shift!

Its been horrible not telling them the truth but being so young we were advised by SS to tell them he was at work. They must think he's the hardest working man around. Will be one wait of my shoulders next week when we tell them he's not working anymore.

[can it get worse]

what my social worker told me is as there is now no bail condition stopping him from living at home there is nothing they can do to stop him living at home and as long as we keep to the agreement of me supervising at all times they are happy with that . I think it depends on your social worker if there are no bail conditions they cant legally do anything without taking you to court. I would perhaps try and come to an agreement with them as if they think you are putting them at risk could try and have them removed from your care. In the very beginning he was not allowed to see them at all we had to get a solicitor who put to the police it was against our children's rights to not let them see there father so after 4 weeks he was allowed to see them in public only. our social worker at the time helped get the police to change his bail conditions to visits at home with no overnight stays after 8 months and then finally after 2yrs 5m they are allowing overnight stays. so its been a long road getting there. have they had a conference to discuss the risk to your children it is awful they are treating the allegation as true but I guess they have to assume the worst but if its still early on after assessments they might agree to change contact arrangements I think it depends on a lot of factors age of children, the allegations. best of luck

Hi WG, I have just tried to PM you with some more questions but don't think you have the 'rights' yet?

I will PM you again when you are able to receive them.

It has been a long wait but you must be overjoyed to SS decision. Really pleased for you, the children and dad ofcourse.

[worriedgirl]

Thanks CIGW. Not sure how long till I can pm. hope I can be of help when I can

[Casehardened]

I will PM you again when you are able to receive them.

WG should become a full member tomorrow and so should be able to send and receive pm's

[worriedgirl]

I've been feeling quite low this week felt unsupported by some members of my family they don't seem to understand that even though I get on with normal life and appear ok on the outside inside I am a emotional wreck and insecure on the inside. Then on top of that being let down twice by someone who wanted to exchange houses then changed there mind then they wanted to again, filled out all forms just getting to the final stage and they pull out again. really thought why does everything go wrong what have I done to deserve all this hate feeling out of control of things. But on a positive note my partner spent his first night back at home last night when the kids woke up this morning you would of thought it was Christmas they were so excited the best thing to happen in ages. Now feeling alright again pulled myself together and thought I have some good family 2 beautiful children and some wonderful friends why worry about a few individuals. Life at the moment is just an emotional rollercoaster as I'm sure many others well know.

[frightened spouse]

Hi worried girl

Don't be disheartened by family or any others that don't understand. Over the last three months I have noticed people melt away too and I have a theory that they don't necessarily believe that the allegations are true but that it is human nature to shy away from difficult or unpleasant situations, they feel awkward and uncomfortable. When you really need support it is very hard not be angry with their distance or lack of understanding. No one truly understands how hard it is to cope unless they have experienced it first hand, I can't even begin to imagine how you've coped over such an inhumanely long period of time.

Still fantastic news that your partner is home

Best wishes

FS

[sparks]

So happy for you, next time you are feeling low, remember the look on the faces of your children when they realized there daddy was home.

Sparks

[cantgiveup]

Hi worried Girl,

I have just read your thread and like others am appalled that you have been treated this way and had to live your life for so long in limbo. I have little knowledge of the legal system, but can empathise with your feelings as I am going through a similar thing. It sounds as if you have worked well with SS and have got a good outcome although it has taken an unbelievable length of time to get there.

I understand your feelings of helplessness, and lack of control. As a mum, I have always felt confident in my parenting and while I am not perfect and make mistakes I have known I was doing a pretty good job and was bringing up happy, confident children. But this situation I have found myself in has blown all my confidence and trust in myself and my actions away. Over the last month or two I hit an all time low, so much so that I was doubting myself and what I was putting my children through and even thought about voluntarily putting them in to care as I was feeling that I had put them in such a situation they would be better off without me. (My partner is not my childrens father, he has been accused of rape, not yet formally charged, I am standing by him, we are still together, I know he did not do this - I was there the night in question) I was beginning to feel that while I knew I was doing the right thing for me and him it was not for my children.

Anyway what I am trying to say to you is this. Think back to before this all happened and the confidence you felt as a parent and in yourself. Then think of your children and how happy you and your husband were as a family. You can have this again. No one can take away your love. Be proud you are teaching your children that sometimes you need to make a stand against bullies as this is what a false accusation is, it is someones way of belittling you and destroying you to make them either feel better about themselves or for their own gain.

Although things are moving unbearably slowly for you they are slowly moving in the right direction, you are all back together as a family again, and maybe the length of time it has taken to get to trial is an indication that the evidence is not clear.

Carry on what you are doing, stay strong and beat this. It is true that the mind can cope better with a certain tragedy rather than an uncertain what if, that is what makes it so hard. I hope what I have said makes some sense, I tend to ramble a bit!!

CGU xx

[myhome]

That's a really really lovely thread CGU...

[cantgiveup]

Thankyou Myhome



xx

[worriedgirl]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support and CGU what you said does make sense and I'm determined to get through this although some days are harder than others. Its good to come on hear and not feel so alone in our situation