What the **** is the point of living after a false accusation?

[BlackLantern]

My false accusation drama is over for now, my case was dropped awhile back.

Still, I feel like people look at me and think "thats the rapist!"
And as hard as I try to see things positively, I cannot. I was very optimistic, very outgoing before all of this. I actually considered a career in politics, which I can never have now. If I ever tried to run for anything big, as soon as my false allegations are brought up i would be destroyed.

I would have identified myself as supporting the feminist agenda before, but seeing as how they do not care about the struggles of those falsey accused, I have grown to dislike these groups with a passion for their lack of want of equality and TRUE justice.

I dont have the money to move far enough away for my FA not to effect me. where I live (western hemisphere) I cannot even legally get my charges removed from my record because they didnt make it to trial before they were dropped due to lack of evidence.

I have to constantly live in fear of these charges randomly being brought up again,


I have to worry that any woman I date may hear of these charges and dump me or, even worse, add a second allegation to me.

If I ever hit the lottery or become rich through other means, I will be a target for lawsuit happy individuals. If those same individuals are aware of my accusations, they would have an easy route to take my money seeing as a false accusation requires no proof. So even becoming rich (something i'm sure every human would like) would put me at risk of serious prison time. (If you don't buy that, watch ANY documentary about lottery winners, they all deal with constant bogus lawsuits monthly.)

So if becoming rich is detrimental to my freedom, staying poor still sucks, and always having to worry about how my actions look to those who know of my FA, I really don't see what the world has to offer me? I have already received a handicap despite my being a good person my whole life and despite actively being against sexism.

Many of you, I am aware, that despite your cases ending positivly, have simply moved on with your life and accepted what happened.

I cannot in good conscience do that.

I feel wronged and have no legal means of making it right.

I wouldn't disgrace myself with just accepting this unfair behavior against myself and not doing anything, its not something I would want my kids to do if they were bullied, to simply ignore it and allow the aggressor to go on bullying others or possibly them again in the future.

But I cant do anything about it.


I swear, Id rather face nothingness or hell before continuing this existence in which I have been wronged but must continue with my life without any true justice.

Its pathetic.

I am not suicidal, I do not need the numbers to any suicide hotlines, but I do want to know this, have any of you who had never thought about S before, started thinking about it after a False Accusation?

I know it would only make me look guilty if I did, which is why I want, but the frustration with the quality of life afterwards has definitely made me at least think about it. What about the rest of you?

Again, I am not suicidal and do not need numbers for S hotlines.

[RFLH]

I think we all have at some point. I was the wife of a man sent to prison, although I am no longer, and because I was arrested at the same time - I have to declare it, I have a record by default.

A lot of people think harshly of the women that stick by their menfolk and its not pleasant, I heard the word 'scum' on more than a few occasions.

I lost my children and family through it - so yes, what you feel is 'normal'. I moved on and the best revenge is to live a happy life. You may not think so - but they have made you stronger.

[breakmyheart]

freedom is priceless!

My false accusation drama is over for now, my case was dropped awhile back.

Still, I feel like people look at me and think "thats the rapist!"
And as hard as I try to see things positively, I cannot. I was very optimistic, very outgoing before all of this. I actually considered a career in politics, which I can never have now. If I ever tried to run for anything big, as soon as my false allegations are brought up i would be destroyed.

I would have identified myself as supporting the feminist agenda before, but seeing as how they do not care about the struggles of those falsey accused, I have grown to dislike these groups with a passion for their lack of want of equality and TRUE justice.

I dont have the money to move far enough away for my FA not to effect me. where I live (western hemisphere) I cannot even legally get my charges removed from my record because they didnt make it to trial before they were dropped due to lack of evidence.

I have to constantly live in fear of these charges randomly being brought up again,


I have to worry that any woman I date may hear of these charges and dump me or, even worse, add a second allegation to me.

If I ever hit the lottery or become rich through other means, I will be a target for lawsuit happy individuals. If those same individuals are aware of my accusations, they would have an easy route to take my money seeing as a false accusation requires no proof. So even becoming rich (something i'm sure every human would like) would put me at risk of serious prison time. (If you don't buy that, watch ANY documentary about lottery winners, they all deal with constant bogus lawsuits monthly.)

So if becoming rich is detrimental to my freedom, staying poor still sucks, and always having to worry about how my actions look to those who know of my FA, I really don't see what the world has to offer me? I have already received a handicap despite my being a good person my whole life and despite actively being against sexism.

Many of you, I am aware, that despite your cases ending positivly, have simply moved on with your life and accepted what happened.

I cannot in good conscience do that.

I feel wronged and have no legal means of making it right.

I wouldn't disgrace myself with just accepting this unfair behavior against myself and not doing anything, its not something I would want my kids to do if they were bullied, to simply ignore it and allow the aggressor to go on bullying others or possibly them again in the future.

But I cant do anything about it.


I swear, Id rather face nothingness or hell before continuing this existence in which I have been wronged but must continue with my life without any true justice.

Its pathetic.

I am not suicidal, I do not need the numbers to any suicide hotlines, but I do want to know this, have any of you who had never thought about S before, started thinking about it after a False Accusation?

I know it would only make me look guilty if I did, which is why I want, but the frustration with the quality of life afterwards has definitely made me at least think about it. What about the rest of you?

Again, I am not suicidal and do not need numbers for S hotlines.

Suicide must have been on most fa mind ,I no it was a daily thought for me. How selfish it would have been for my family whom supported me throughout and loved me for me and my children to be totally without their dad.
The system that is in place for anyone that is under investigation for sexual allegations has always been put in place and thanks to the publicity on jimmy saville and such likes have urged the police to be so stringent and don't leave a stone unturned. And as far as the f.a we are hit the hardest with fear and worry of what could happen to us that our mind turns to defeat and were so run down that s seems an easy option.
I no I shall never forget my ordeal and it shall be a constant reminder that my freedom and being able to be a dad at home means everything. Money is far from everything and only buys things, and it certainly does not buy freedom to the fa .
I lost my home my job our business and all my assets but still my family is everything . I hope my views may reflect upon your outlook. regards b.m.h

[Dave]

Some very good points made there, that I am sure many of us will recognise.

You are correct in saying there is very little you can do about this, well very little legally that you can do, and trying anything illegal will probably make your life worse.

Karma will get the FA one day and then you will smile inwardly for ever.

These feelings will pass eventually, although it may take some time. Move on chum.

[Seeking Justice]

It has crossed my mind, I mean if I am ever able to trust another woman to enter into a relationship etc, how could I not tell her about the FA as it has been such a big part of my life.

It scares me to think that I will have to tell any serious prospective partner about the FA, and then be so vulnerable in that she could at any time make a FA against me knowing it would corroborate the earlier FA.

Before this happened to me I thought that no woman would make a FA, and any man accused was pretty much 100% guilty. How naïve I really was.

I also thought that the Police/Prosecution can easily see through lies, and they would not entertain any spurious claims. Again, totally naïve.

The one reason I am sure I would not entertain the 'S' word however is that this will no doubt vindicate my FA, and she will have done what she set out to do i.e. ruin my life.

Even if I do get wrongly imprisoned, I am going to do my level best to make the negative into a positive. I have already looked at courses etc that I can do inside prison, just in case it all goes terribly wrong.

You are in a unique position, and I agree you will now be a stronger person for this. If anything it should make you enjoy life more. I think moving would be an option for me personally, and although as you say I cant really afford it, but I will probably bite the bullet and just start again somewhere else.

[evian1976]

My false accusation drama is over for now, my case was dropped awhile back.

Still, I feel like people look at me and think "thats the rapist!"
And as hard as I try to see things positively, I cannot. I was very optimistic, very outgoing before all of this. I actually considered a career in politics, which I can never have now. If I ever tried to run for anything big, as soon as my false allegations are brought up i would be destroyed.

I would have identified myself as supporting the feminist agenda before, but seeing as how they do not care about the struggles of those falsey accused, I have grown to dislike these groups with a passion for their lack of want of equality and TRUE justice.

I dont have the money to move far enough away for my FA not to effect me. where I live (western hemisphere) I cannot even legally get my charges removed from my record because they didnt make it to trial before they were dropped due to lack of evidence.

I have to constantly live in fear of these charges randomly being brought up again,


I have to worry that any woman I date may hear of these charges and dump me or, even worse, add a second allegation to me.

If I ever hit the lottery or become rich through other means, I will be a target for lawsuit happy individuals. If those same individuals are aware of my accusations, they would have an easy route to take my money seeing as a false accusation requires no proof. So even becoming rich (something i'm sure every human would like) would put me at risk of serious prison time. (If you don't buy that, watch ANY documentary about lottery winners, they all deal with constant bogus lawsuits monthly.)

So if becoming rich is detrimental to my freedom, staying poor still sucks, and always having to worry about how my actions look to those who know of my FA, I really don't see what the world has to offer me? I have already received a handicap despite my being a good person my whole life and despite actively being against sexism.

Many of you, I am aware, that despite your cases ending positivly, have simply moved on with your life and accepted what happened.

I cannot in good conscience do that.

I feel wronged and have no legal means of making it right.

I wouldn't disgrace myself with just accepting this unfair behavior against myself and not doing anything, its not something I would want my kids to do if they were bullied, to simply ignore it and allow the aggressor to go on bullying others or possibly them again in the future.

But I cant do anything about it.


I swear, Id rather face nothingness or hell before continuing this existence in which I have been wronged but must continue with my life without any true justice.

Its pathetic.

I am not suicidal, I do not need the numbers to any suicide hotlines, but I do want to know this, have any of you who had never thought about S before, started thinking about it after a False Accusation?

I know it would only make me look guilty if I did, which is why I want, but the frustration with the quality of life afterwards has definitely made me at least think about it. What about the rest of you?

Again, I am not suicidal and do not need numbers for S hotlines.

This has to be he most descriptive post I have ever read regarding FA. I am still awaiting the outcome from CPS (fast approaching) and every other day I think about S, who doesn't right in these situations, my fear is if I am charged for I couldn't live the thought of my Children and what loved 1's I have left knowing that I was charged with Rape for which is something I didn't do.... I don't think the road is short ever in these situations and I can only say that in time hopefully things wont be as bad for you, I don't think we can ever forget what we all go through in situations like this and by only adding new joy's and trying to stay on top of the game can we truly be happy in our lives again.

Hate in your heart consumes you too! there is a lot of life ahead of you no you have the drama over, don't spend all your time thinking about it coming back because before you know it, you will be old and have missed possible lots and lots of great new memories you could have made.

[Izzy]

Hate in your heart consumes you too! there is a lot of life ahead of you no you have the drama over, don't spend all your time thinking about it coming back because before you know it, you will be old and have missed possible lots and lots of great new memories you could have made.

That's so true. I think you do have to fight it, however hard it is otherwise it will take over and will eventually ruin your life.

I think the hardest thing is always having the hope that the truth will one day come out and be discovered and with a lot of these cases that isn't the case.

I honestly don't think anyone can come through this without being left with scars but to go on and have a happy life ( like RFLH wrote ) is the best revenge.

Still, I feel like people look at me and think "thats the rapist!"
And as hard as I try to see things positively, I cannot. I was very optimistic, very outgoing before all of this. I actually considered a career in politics, which I can never have now. If I ever tried to run for anything big, as soon as my false allegations are brought up i would be destroyed.

You are in danger of creating your own prison, please don't try and second guess what people are thinking, it will drive you loopy. For all you know they could
sympathise with what you've been through or simply not know who you are.
Also if you want to have a career in politics don't let this stop you - go for it, you are looking for problems that haven't yet arisen.

[is there justice?]

This forum is the most brilliant resource for those facing FAs but it does group them together so it seems there are more FAs than there probably are. One is far too many I know.

I agree with what you say about being rich or famous but in that case, a certain type of person would try to sue you over anything anyway.

Today's news is still tomorrow's chip paper and when something else comes along the sensationalist and judgemental will be on to that instead.

Your income and career choice will be limited by your concerns so you aren't going to attract a 'trophy wife' which is a blessing, the gold-diggers will leave you alone, the women who are attracted to you will like you for you. You will have to judge when to tell them about what happened and if you doubt whether you can, that tells you something about them. If you do go on to have a career in politics in time, you will be more aware, cautious and wiser.

Without doubt, these FAs are life changing. When it doesn't reach trial it seems good but as you say, the fear of resurrection is always there.

The points about 'not creating your own prison' and be'ing happy being the best revenge' are excellent.

[myhome]

Hi Blacklantern - I can really feel the anguish that you feel right now - you of course should be feeling happy, over the moon, vindicated etc etc but all the emotions affiliated to injustice and unfairness have now raised their ugly heads.....

However, in answer to your question, there is every point of living after a FA - because if you don't then she will have won anyway and the FA will have been wasted...

There is no doubt that what you have through and we are all going through will have changed our lives immeasurably, but this does not necessarily mean only in a negative way - it can make us stronger, more wary, more carefree, more laidback, head us in a different direction career-wise, socially, view it as a stepping stone to something new and exciting that you would not have considered before and so on. What you have been through has lasted a very long time and has been very traumatic for you and everyone who went through it with you. ergo - it will take a similar long time for all the emotional scars to heal - but they WILL heal and you may need some professional help for this to happen and I would urge you to seek this as soon as you can - your GP will be a good starting point...... s/he will be able to signpost you towards the most appropriate "talking" therapist... Anger and negative emotions which you feel that remain bottled up will fester away until they burst out in a very destructive way......

Hope this helps - keep strong.....you've got this far....

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi BlackLantern - in reply to your initial comment - yes, there're many reasons to carry on living.

It's not written on your fore-head 'I was accused of rape' , as others have said.... don't do the thinking for other people, you've no way of knowing what they really think. Anyone who's been falsley accused (of anything, might I add, even stealing cookies from the cookie jar) receives an awful bash to every point of reference they posess. It doesn't mean they can't regain or rebuild those.

I believe that sometimes terrible things happen to us to make us re-examine ourselves, our actions, beliefs and values. In a way it's a new start, with new oppetunities. Some of the people you thought were your friends have gone and maybe even members of your family you thought loved you and would stand by you too. But quite possibly others did and new people have shown their friendship.
However harrowing being FA'd is, it's not a fatal disease, it doesn't have to leave you with disabilities, there are things you can do.

I'm not even sure about telling the woman of your life about it; It's something that happened to you, not something you did. I wouldn't give anyone in the future ammunition for a further accusation.

No going down the S route, though.

All the best

[edinguy]

I can relate to this myself.

I went all the way to a trial and got the not guilty verdict but in reality those 2 ½ years change my whole entire life more than I thought was possible. Watching your back constantly just incase someone is out for revenge and worrying about your future children and if this will all be brought up when they are growing up.

I don’t even know if this charge will stay on my record? I mean I was found innocent but I doubt that matter much to those chasing convictions. Do I have criminal record? I haven’t really had the stomach to look into all of that to be honest. Luckily I have kept my job, girlfriend and getting married soon but the worry is always going to be there and I doubt it will ever go away.

Mud sticks as they all say and this is the worst kind of mud anyone can chuck at you which makes it all the more difficult to deal with on a daily basis.

Stiff upper lip and all that but really what I and others have to go through because of liars is nothing short of heartbreaking.

[whatsgoingon?]

Sorry if I sound flippant, Edinguy, I didn't mean to. It is the most horrendous thing to happen to anyone. But in the end, the better we learn to cope with the traumas that happen to you, the better your prospects for happiness. I speak as a cancer survivor and someone who's son has been through it. Both were a living nightmare.

[edinguy]

Sorry if I sound flippant, Edinguy, I didn't mean to. It is the most horrendous thing to happen to anyone. But in the end, the better we learn to cope with the traumas that happen to you, the better your prospects for happiness. I speak as a cancer survivor and someone who's son has been through it. Both were a living nightmare.

Not at all, my response was solely based on the opening post.

I have no doubt I am now a stronger person than I was before this happened but at what cost? I admire those who break through it and move forward like yourself and son but in reality not all of us are the same and we cope differently to such trials life throws at us.

I just hope that in time people like myself and the OP can move forward without this lingering horrible feeling in the back of our minds, I really do.

[whatsgoingon?]

I've moved forward, but not really moved on. It's made me question fundamental beliefs in my life - my attitude to the police is forever scared and at a time when one would assume personal and intimate relationships would be improving, I can see that infact they're taking a step backwards and the hypocisey regarding sexuality is increasing.
I live in a country that was occupied during the WW 2. I'm not old enough to remember any of that (god forbid , I wasn't even born!) but I do remember the elders talking about people being yanked out of their houses and people denouncing others just as a way of getting their own backs for something or just through jealousy. Extreme as this may sounds, to me, this whole issue has something of that in it.

I sincerely hope time will heal for you and everyone else one here. Give yourself a chance, we're all fragile beings. You probably won't be able to have the life back you had, but I'm sure that one day you'll find a frame of mind and lifestyle that suits you and that you can be happy in.

Wishing you all the very best.

[Dave]

Not at all, my response was solely based on the opening post.

I have no doubt I am now a stronger person than I was before this happened but at what cost? I admire those who break through it and move forward like yourself and son but in reality not all of us are the same and we cope differently to such trials life throws at us.

I just hope that in time people like myself and the OP can move forward without this lingering horrible feeling in the back of our minds, I really do.

With you on that point