My 16 year old is accusing her step dad of rape

[dandare]

charges dropped

Well today my husband was at court, after 6 hours of his lawyer chasing the PF to find out the charges have been dropped and bail conditions too. His lawyer has said the police want to investigate further but she thinks this is a good sign but if anything else is brought to light then he could be recharged. It is a step further but im nervous too at the same time. As for social work...what a bunch of idiots!!! My minutes from the family conference where sent to a different number on my street so yet again have disclosed private info about myself and family to strangers!! I got a lawyer for myself and family as i am sick of the screw up's and the treatment from these so called wannabe gods, he has asked that i let him see the minutes from the meeting, i have also got a page of mistakes that have been made in the report and conference. I have also been asked by this new social worker to write down a list of questions i would like to ask my husband about this situation and a list for my daughter (who is refusing to have any communication with SW) i told her i didn't see why as i had asked my husband everything i wanted to and that he has answered all honestly from the onset. She has also said that i have to start believing that my husband could have done this, and i stated that i know my husband and my daughter and i know she is downright lying to ruin my life just like she stated she would do and this was all premeditated because of a situation with an ex boyfriend who i told could be charged with rape because she was a minor when they were having a sexual relationship. Oh they are now seeing each again and have been for a few months (but it's all been in secret, i found out from someone who knows nothing about this situation.

[frightened spouse]

Hi Dandare excellent news that the charges have been dropped

If all the bail conditions are also dropped does this mean he can return home, social services permitting. The communication between the police and ss seems pretty sloppy, so to have the charges dropped and yet to have some patronising social worker telling you you need to think that your husband may have done this doesn't really suprise me, they have no tact or sensitivity. As for sending your notes to the wrong address - I hope you're keeping that complaints list up to date. Fingers crossed this is the beginning of the end of the ordeal for you and your family.

Best wishes

Frightened Spouse

[myhome]

Hi DD - this sounds like the start of good news and a resolution to your ordeal..... keep a note of everything that you're told or that happens, and just hold a little in reserve "just in case..."

[dandare]

Hi DD - this sounds like the start of good news and a resolution to your ordeal..... keep a note of everything that you're told or that happens, and just hold a little in reserve "just in case..."

What an end to a day, my husband phoned his lawyer to go over everything and to confirm what she had said, unfortunately my sister in law had picked it up wrong and had my husband convinced, what has happened is the bail has been dropped and the PF had not done the paper work and want more investigating done from the police so nothing has really changed apart from a day wasted sitting outside a court room. I do apologise for the miss info but i couldn't be there as i had our daughter, but he did have his family there for moral support. I am keeping a note of everything, SW will no longer talk in front of my family or friends so i have been advised to write down everything said while she is here as this is well within my rights, but then again i thought having a friend sitting with me was as well but according to the social worker she will not discuss anything in front of anyone!! Is that right??

[frightened spouse]

Sorry to hear the charges are still in place, however if they're having to investigate further maybe the case isn't looking very strong.

As for the SS, I don't know what anyone elses opinion is but I would do an audio recording of any meeting ( and I wouldn't tell them.) I've done it in the past and it has been useful in showing up their blatant misrepresentation. It would also protect you .

Best wishes

Frightened Spouse

[worriedgirl]

hi, DD sorry to read about your situation just looked up about having someone present at your meeting with social worker hope this info is of use to you


Q. Can I invite a friend or advocate to attend meetings with social workers with me?

A. Parents do not have a right in law to have an advocate, friend or supporter with them in social work meetings. However, they should normally be allowed to come if this would be helpful to the parent and the person is not disruptive.

Before you invite someone to go to the meeting with you, you need to:

•ask the social worker if this will be all right.
•If you are told you can’t bring someone with you ask the social worker to explain why not in writing.
•Explain to your child’s social worker who the person is and that you agree for them to hear confidential personal information about you.
•You may also need to say why you want them at the meeting. You could explain that this person can help you to get your points across during the meeting and help you understand and remember what happened.
The person who is in charge of the meeting is the person who decides whether you can have someone there. If the answer is no, you may want to make a formal complaint.

Q. Can I record a meeting or a telephone call with a social worker?

A. You should only record a conversation with the other person’s permission.

If you ask your child’s social worker or the chair of the meeting and they say no, be prepared to give your reasons why you would like a recording. This might be because:

•You have trouble remembering what happened at meetings and this would help you later
•You have a disability and you need extra help like recordings to help you understand and remember
•English isn’t your first language and you find listening again helps you understand
•You want to make sure you have an accurate record as you don’t like to rely on someone else’s record.
If you are still told the answer is no, you could think about making a formal complaint but you should consider whether this is going to help your child in the long run. Sometimes it can be harder to work with social workers after you have made a complaint especially if your child still has the same social worker. It may be worth discussing this with our advice service.


best wishes WG

[is there justice?]

What an end to a day, my husband phoned his lawyer to go over everything and to confirm what she had said, unfortunately my sister in law had picked it up wrong and had my husband convinced, what has happened is the bail has been dropped and the PF had not done the paper work and want more investigating done from the police so nothing has really changed apart from a day wasted sitting outside a court room. I do apologise for the miss info but i couldn't be there as i had our daughter, but he did have his family there for moral support. I am keeping a note of everything, SW will no longer talk in front of my family or friends so i have been advised to write down everything said while she is here as this is well within my rights, but then again i thought having a friend sitting with me was as well but according to the social worker she will not discuss anything in front of anyone!! Is that right??

Blimey, what a rollercoaster! But hopefully as FS said, it might be a step in the right direction. The SW sounds like a nightmare to deal with. They must know that FAs exist. Stay strong!

[dandare]

Sorry to hear the charges are still in place, however if they're having to investigate further maybe the case isn't looking very strong.

As for the SS, I don't know what anyone elses opinion is but I would do an audio recording of any meeting ( and I wouldn't tell them.) I've done it in the past and it has been useful in showing up their blatant misrepresentation. It would also protect you .

Best wishes

Frightened Spouse

Hi FS

Thanks for you advice, i think your right about the case not being strong enough. I have looked into recording and i would need the other persons consent, not sure she would be willing to do that if she has said she won't speak in front of others, her reason was because she wanted to discuss my daughter but as my daughter wont communicate with SS there was nothing said!!! But the family lawyer suggested that i write everything down in front of her to show im taking note. Never slept well last night, this roller coaster takes so much out you and all involved.

Thanks DD

[dandare]

hi, DD sorry to read about your situation just looked up about having someone present at your meeting with social worker hope this info is of use to you


Q. Can I invite a friend or advocate to attend meetings with social workers with me?

A. Parents do not have a right in law to have an advocate, friend or supporter with them in social work meetings. However, they should normally be allowed to come if this would be helpful to the parent and the person is not disruptive.

Before you invite someone to go to the meeting with you, you need to:

•ask the social worker if this will be all right.
•If you are told you can’t bring someone with you ask the social worker to explain why not in writing.
•Explain to your child’s social worker who the person is and that you agree for them to hear confidential personal information about you.
•You may also need to say why you want them at the meeting. You could explain that this person can help you to get your points across during the meeting and help you understand and remember what happened.
The person who is in charge of the meeting is the person who decides whether you can have someone there. If the answer is no, you may want to make a formal complaint.

Q. Can I record a meeting or a telephone call with a social worker?

A. You should only record a conversation with the other person’s permission.

If you ask your child’s social worker or the chair of the meeting and they say no, be prepared to give your reasons why you would like a recording. This might be because:

•You have trouble remembering what happened at meetings and this would help you later
•You have a disability and you need extra help like recordings to help you understand and remember
•English isn’t your first language and you find listening again helps you understand
•You want to make sure you have an accurate record as you don’t like to rely on someone else’s record.
If you are still told the answer is no, you could think about making a formal complaint but you should consider whether this is going to help your child in the long run. Sometimes it can be harder to work with social workers after you have made a complaint especially if your child still has the same social worker. It may be worth discussing this with our advice service.


best wishes WG

Thank you so much WG, this is very helpful x

[dandare]

Blimey, what a rollercoaster! But hopefully as FS said, it might be a step in the right direction. The SW sounds like a nightmare to deal with. They must know that FAs exist. Stay strong!

Oh of course they do but i think because they get such bad press for getting it wrong they always treat people guilty until proven innocent!! Yeah they are, i feel as if im constantly watching what i say as i know they will twist it to make me look horrid, they have done this before in regards to who i speak about my other kids and apparently when i speak about my daughter my face doesn't light up....can you blame me after what she has done... i love my daughter but at this moment i dont understand how she can be so cruel. Lets hope the police do their job properly. Thanks ITJ

[breakmyheart]

frustrating

Thank you so much WG, this is very helpful x

Hi dandare ,

What a shambles this sounds and has given you false hope so far. Two key things have come to light that looks positive....

1 The bail conditions being lifted

2 Must be a weak case as for them not to press ahead on the charges . Further investigations must mean they have not got enough to convince a jury and if that is as far as they got after what they have already investigated then what more could they possibly find?

The sw is unable to offer any info to oic from the girl and will not add any creditability to her complaint and remains so questionable as to why she is refusing to talk to them.

Meanwhile it is back to the never ending worry of all this and we wish you the very best of luck that a speedy decision comes your way.


regards b.m.h

[dandare]

Hi dandare ,

What a shambles this sounds and has given you false hope so far. Two key things have come to light that looks positive....

1 The bail conditions being lifted

2 Must be a weak case as for them not to press ahead on the charges . Further investigations must mean they have not got enough to convince a jury and if that is as far as they got after what they have already investigated then what more could they possibly find?

The sw is unable to offer any info to oic from the girl and will not add any creditability to her complaint and remains so questionable as to why she is refusing to talk to them.

Meanwhile it is back to the never ending worry of all this and we wish you the very best of luck that a speedy decision comes your way.


regards b.m.h

Hi BMH

I found it very strange that the bail conditions were dropped, if they had a shred of evidence i dont see why this would happen. Without saying to much forensics were taken as the rape my daughter described in her police statement was like something out a book and believe me would have left evidence behind so we are hoping when the results come back this will show clearly she is lying and the silly charges will be dropped, these are she states my husband hugged her and placed his hand on her hip but his fingers touched her buttock, sending a sexually suggestive text to her phone (this was the night before she told me about this alleged attack) but to me she had sent these to her phone and then deleted them so my husband was none the wiser until she showed me them (her actions all pointed towards this). And giving her alcohol, i which i did allow my 16 year old to have a couple of drinks in the house (i did not realize i was breaking the law) but since my husband allowed this thats why he was charged. Yeah i think so to but she just wants to create a situation and walk away, SS have told me she does not have to speak to them but what i have a problem with is the house she is now in (a friends home) she is drinking, smoking and taking drugs but this is apparently a safe place to be!!! Thank you

[breakmyheart]

sad losses

Hi BMH

I found it very strange that the bail conditions were dropped, if they had a shred of evidence i dont see why this would happen. Without saying to much forensics were taken as the rape my daughter described in her police statement was like something out a book and believe me would have left evidence behind so we are hoping when the results come back this will show clearly she is lying and the silly charges will be dropped, these are she states my husband hugged her and placed his hand on her hip but his fingers touched her buttock, sending a sexually suggestive text to her phone (this was the night before she told me about this alleged attack) but to me she had sent these to her phone and then deleted them so my husband was none the wiser until she showed me them (her actions all pointed towards this). And giving her alcohol, i which i did allow my 16 year old to have a couple of drinks in the house (i did not realize i was breaking the law) but since my husband allowed this thats why he was charged. Yeah i think so to but she just wants to create a situation and walk away, SS have told me she does not have to speak to them but what i have a problem with is the house she is now in (a friends home) she is drinking, smoking and taking drugs but this is apparently a safe place to be!!! Thank you

Hi dandare,
I hope what I said earlier made sense and is on the positive side.I totally agree with you that the new actions that have been sanctioned that if they were in that much doubt of his guilt then why drop bail conditions.It seems there is too many wishy washy facts for them to secure a positive prosecution.
As of the allowance of drinking is concerned becomes hideous as im sure he had never intended for harmful consumption to take place and realistically that's not that many youths out there that don't have a drink or two , so another weakness to charge and im sure that any top defence barrister will demolish that point in court.

I fully understand your concerns of what activities your daughter is currently involved in and I wouldn't feel that terrible over it . Just look at the mess she has made for the family and the bombshell has exploded already . sadly there are all too many casualties within these allegations and im sure your main concern is to focus the best you can on keeping the remainder of your family together , so how could you possibly take her into consideration as well.
My wife had this with her daughter and be it a tough call she had to go what way she could and what was best for the family and remains that dangerous threats are best left alone.

Regards b.m.h

[dandare]

Hi dandare,
I hope what I said earlier made sense and is on the positive side.I totally agree with you that the new actions that have been sanctioned that if they were in that much doubt of his guilt then why drop bail conditions.It seems there is too many wishy washy facts for them to secure a positive prosecution.
As of the allowance of drinking is concerned becomes hideous as im sure he had never intended for harmful consumption to take place and realistically that's not that many youths out there that don't have a drink or two , so another weakness to charge and im sure that any top defence barrister will demolish that point in court.

I fully understand your concerns of what activities your daughter is currently involved in and I wouldn't feel that terrible over it . Just look at the mess she has made for the family and the bombshell has exploded already . sadly there are all too many casualties within these allegations and im sure your main concern is to focus the best you can on keeping the remainder of your family together , so how could you possibly take her into consideration as well.
My wife had this with her daughter and be it a tough call she had to go what way she could and what was best for the family and remains that dangerous threats are best left alone.

Regards b.m.h

Hi BMH

You are so right, as my mum has said 'she has made her bed now let her lie in it'!!! I can confirm that she had 2/3 very weak drinks that night and i also know for sure she drinks quite a lot with friends, i always told her to be very careful of what she was doing but like most parents know if you tell them not to do something they do it behind your back anyway. But according to social work i was stupid to even allow this, but i really didn't think this would come back and bite my ass but i suppose i didn't think my daughter could be so cruel either but i know when this all ends nothing will happen to her anyway so its no skin off her nose anyway....Why does the law allow this i really think people who make false allegations should be charged!!! Thanks for your support x

[Izzy]

Hi Dandare

Sorry to hear what you've been going through. You wrote

And giving her alcohol, i which i did allow my 16 year old to have a couple of drinks in the house (i did not realize i was breaking the law) but since my husband allowed this thats why he was charged.

It's not against the law to give a 16 year old alcohol at home or on private premises in Scotland so you weren't breaking the law.