Accused of raping my partner 3 months ago

[Wilts]

Hi everyone, what a life line this forum is. I am one week into this nightmare.

Here it goes.

I was arrested last Saturday for assaulting my partner, the last few months have been very difficult as she has developed a relationship with another woman. Although I knew its was going on and supported her and indeed participated for a few weeks I could see that it was pulling us apart. We have 2 kids boy 15 and girl 10 and I was starting to get concerned and frustrated at the possible damage this carry on was having on them. After 4 weeks I stated to my partner that she needed to cool things off with her girlfriend and she agreed. However 7 weeks went by and she did nothing and it came to a head early hours last Saturday, I lost control and hit her, something I am devastated about. I was arrested last Saturday afternoon and when interviewed for ABH the Police then said my partner alleges I raped her 3 months ago. It was like a bomb going off in my stomach. They could not give me a date just that it was in he morning about 3 months ago. I have not been charged for this alleged rape but expect to be rightly charged for ABH. I have been destroyed by this allegation and it looks like a malicious way to add weight to the assault charge and get me out of the way so she can set up with her girlfriend. I have been bailed pending further investigation on the assault with a no contact order naming my partner as IP and her girlfriend as a witness. I have not been able to contact my children although have found that they are being looked after along with my partner by SS. Partner and kids are moving back to the family home next week and I guess the girlfriend as well. My poor son must be very distressed, he is 15 and needs his Dad.
I am truly devastated I have lost my kids, my partner and 16 years of happy family life. I am 43 and have moved back to my elderly parents. I have been in tears every day and struggling to cope. Doctor has given me Citalopram but its not yet had enough time to work. I know I have got to be strong but not sure if I can carry on.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hello and welcome although sorry you have found yourself here.
Although I don't wish to sound like I'm getting at you, no-one should find themselves in a situation where they hit another person. You shouldn't have sunk that low, but I am glad that you do regret it and that is a charge you will have to face.
Nevertheless, any person making a false allegation of rape, whether man, woman or child, for whaatever reasons<- in your case obviously to back up the BH, are absolutely sick - for lack of a better word.
You are a "newbie" in this situation and it will take a while for the initial shock to pass, but it will. You will then find yourself in various states - from "ready to fight", devastated" "shocked" (again or whatever. It's a rollercoaster as so many people have put it. But we will be here to support you, answer questions (if we can) and generally be "eyes" for you to have a rant.
First and foremost<- you need a solicitor!

Take care!

xx

[Wilts]

Thanks Don-tbelieveit! You are right i should never have hit her and I will live with that action for the rest of my life. I am truly devastated that she feels the need to claim I have raped her. I have only got a legal aid funded solicitor so have not had the chance to have a meeting with solicitor since the Police interview. i cant help thinking there is some collusion between my ex partner and her girlfriend. It is a great support to see other guys dealing with this situation and by the looks of things going through the same devastating process and surviving. For now its day by day got another doctors appointment next week to see if they can help me get through the coming weeks and months Thanks again.

[myhome]

Hi wilts and welcome to the forum though really sorry you had to find us. You will get a wealth of help, support, advice and information on here....

You have admitted your guilt in hitting your partner but we all have done things which we later regret and have far reaching consequences - I know I have...it's done; it can't be undone and the process will take its course. So, it needs to be put aside while you concentrate on the FA....

It does seem that she has thrown this one in to add weight to the other and to get the children away from you so she can start her new life with her gf as you say. You are not the first person on here that this has happened to....(My aging brain can't remember who the other member was - maybe someone else can???? I'll dig a bit and see if I can find out). You will probably find SS will condemn you from the start - they have their own agenda and assume you're guilty just because your partner says so

You are at the beginning of a potentially lengthy, and quite traumatic experience. If you read other threads on here you can learn about what we are all going through and that everything you experience will have been experienced by most of us at some time or other. The other thing to remember is that there are many
many success stories on here too, and everyone's case is different.....There is one big similarity and that is that the police are not our friends - they have conviction targets to meet and that is all they are interested in. They aren't bothered if you are innocent, they just want you - us - convicted to make them look good. Don't ever talk to them without a solicitor, and don't tell them anything that you think will help your later defence should you need it. They can quite easily deny you ever told them, gave them a document, "lose" information etc etc. One thing you can do and that is to make electronic copies of any relevant texts emails, tweets, cards, etc especially those from around 3 months ago which will be helpful to you and your sol when necessary.

Keep strong and remember you are innocent and no-one can take that away. be active on here and join in other threads too when you feel ready to. We will help all we can...... MH

[myhome]

Although I don't wish to sound like I'm getting at you, no-one should find themselves in a situation where they hit another person. You shouldn't have sunk that low, but I am glad that you do regret it and that is a charge you will have to face.

DBI - from his post, wilts is obviously very traumatised by what has happened and I feel that although you probably didn't intend it to be - this was a bit harsh. We never know what is behind another person's actions or what drives them to doing what they do, and whilst I never condone striking another person, we have to be a little careful in adding more weight to someone's already heavy burden.....MH

[Boys don't cry]

I do not see any harshness in DBI's post MH and you are both right.

There will never be an excuse to hit another human being but I know that someone wouldn't mind only getting "touched" to falsely accuse.

[Wilts]

Thanks MH, DBI is right to point out the fact i should have not hit her, but i am certainly in need of some positive support. I guess it is early days but I have enrolled on a 29 week domestic violence program 'Making Changes' recommended by Respect http://http://www.respect.uk.net/phoneline.php maybe too late for my last partner but should make me a better person for the next one one day. Sad thing is I still love her so much just want it back to where we where 4 months ago.
Right now I am in bed having just popped another sleeping tablet night time is the pits just keep worrying. Hope i find the strength to start fighting soon.

Folk on here seem fantastic and I hope I can help support others in the near future.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi all

I'm sorry if what I said came over somewhat harsh. I did not wish to condone, only point out my personal opinion. I did point out that I support the fact that wits realized the mistake he made.

Of course I wish to support him as well as any others here on this trip to hell and back because I know what it is like.

And wits - yes, you are right, there are so many amazing and supportive people here!

[sparks]

Hi wilts and welcome to the forum though really sorry you had to find us. You will get a wealth of help, support, advice and information on here....

You have admitted your guilt in hitting your partner but we all have done things which we later regret and have far reaching consequences - I know I have...it's done; it can't be undone and the process will take its course. So, it needs to be put aside while you concentrate on the FA....

It does seem that she has thrown this one in to add weight to the other and to get the children away from you so she can start her new life with her gf as you say. You are not the first person on here that this has happened to....(My aging brain can't remember who the other member was - maybe someone else can???? I'll dig a bit and see if I can find out). You will probably find SS will condemn you from the start - they have their own agenda and assume you're guilty just because your partner says so

You are at the beginning of a potentially lengthy, and quite traumatic experience. If you read other threads on here you can learn about what we are all going through and that everything you experience will have been experienced by most of us at some time or other. The other thing to remember is that there are many
many success stories on here too, and everyone's case is different.....There is one big similarity and that is that the police are not our friends - they have conviction targets to meet and that is all they are interested in. They aren't bothered if you are innocent, they just want you - us - convicted to make them look good. Don't ever talk to them without a solicitor, and don't tell them anything that you think will help your later defence should you need it. They can quite easily deny you ever told them, gave them a document, "lose" information etc etc. One thing you can do and that is to make electronic copies of any relevant texts emails, tweets, cards, etc especially those from around 3 months ago which will be helpful to you and your sol when necessary.

Keep strong and remember you are innocent and no-one can take that away. be active on here and join in other threads too when you feel ready to. We will help all we can...... MH

Hi MH, if my memory serves me right I think the thread you might be referring to was Yorksters,

[Wilts]

Hi MH, if my memory serves me right I think the thread you might be referring to was Yorksters,

Thanks Sparks I have looked up Yorksters thread and it looks like he went through the same thing. I just hope my outcome is the same

[Wilts]

Hi all

I'm sorry if what I said came over somewhat harsh. I did not wish to condone, only point out my personal opinion. I did point out that I support the fact that wits realized the mistake he made.

Of course I wish to support him as well as any others here on this trip to hell and back because I know what it is like.

And wits - yes, you are right, there are so many amazing and supportive people here!

DBI, dont worry I feel your support, everyone on here is brilliant. Frankly I am not sure I could carry on without this group.

[is there justice?]

Hi Wilts

I'm always saddened to see a new face here. It all probably seems such a mess right now but what's done is done.

However that is no excuse for malicious accusations. The feeling of 'don't know if I can go on' is really the default setting for false allegations. The initial shock lasts roughly around 4 weeks by which time your head is starting to clear and your brain wakes up.

Although losing your temper and hitting her is something you feel (rightly) very guilty about, it does also perhaps give a clue as to why she is being spiteful for revenge.

The next few weeks will be a rollercoaster, all your beliefs will be challenged, your trust in plod will no doubt be shattered and you will be left wondering if you can trust the judicial system. There will be ups and downs, sleepless nights, tears, anger - all is perfectly normal. In addition to all that there is this forum which miraculously balances out some of the worst times by being a constant source of advice, support and reassurance.

I really hope you can get something sorted regarding access to your children.

Any little bit of anything you uncover is for your legal team only. Taking it to plod won't see the investigation dropped - it will see dates, places, times etc changed to suit the FA.

It WILL get easier

[Wilts]

Thanks itj, just when i am feeling really dark and down, replies like this give me some hope.

[myhome]

Hi wilts - the down days are very hard and very frequent initially as so many emotions roam through your head....we'll support you all we can so keep posting........

[Wilts]

OIC called me today to say I will likely be bailed for a further 8 weeks next week. Not sure what they will find that they dont already know? Looks like a long road ahead. Still no contact with the children, its my daughters 10th birthday in 2 weeks miss them like mad and somehow still love my ex-partner