Any advice would be hugely appreciated

[cantgiveup]

Hi all,

I wonder if any of you have ever experienced this or have any ideas on how I should react.

My partner has been accused of raping my friend. He has not yet been formally charged (Scotland) and no bail or conditions.

The situation as it is for all of us is pretty intolerable, the accuser is being very vocal in her actions. Emotions are running very high. So far my partner and i have not reacted to anything and other that stating his innocence have not discussed the allegation with anyone appart from immediate friends and family who have all been supportive.

I received an email today to my workplace from the accuser, basically stating that she will fight this to the end and wants to look in my eyes when reality dawns on me. She states she loves me, my partner does not and will leave me. My soul is messed up. I am damaging my children.

When this happened the police advised me that if I was to talk to the accuser I would need to be very careful as I could find myself being prosecuted for intimidating a witness.

Does anyone think I would have a case for going to the police and making a charge against her for intimidating a witness, I was present when the allegation is supposed to have happened.

I also have some not very nice texts from her stating I need her, cant cope without her etc.

I am so gutted, at the moment my place of work has been the only escape I have from this where I can have some kind of normality and she has even taken this from me.

Any help would be appreciated I feel so trapped and helpless.

CGU

[Casehardened]

Hi CGU,

What a shock for you and I don't really know how to advise you how to deal with this emotionally as it seems that your 'friend's' motives for contacting you are rather strange.

From a practical viewpoint I would suggest you save all the texts & email (though I expect you have done this already!) and block her email address.

I think if you went to the police it would be looked on as a malicious accusation unless she had made specific requests i.e. that you should testify against your partner.

Stay strong!

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi all,



I received an email today to my workplace from the accuser, basically stating that she will fight this to the end and wants to look in my eyes when reality dawns on me. She states she loves me, my partner does not and will leave me. My soul is messed up. I am damaging my children.

CGU

Hi CHU, what a dreadful situation. Do you think the accuser might have more than friendship for you and that her purpose is just to split you and your partner up, deluding herself in the process that you will then fall into her arms? Just a thought.

There's been a thread started on slander which you might already have read. There might be something in there for you if she's spreading malicious rumours etc.

I can't see why you shouldn't have the same rights as anyone else and if she's hounding you at your workplace or trying to maintain a relationship you've made clear you don't want, that's harassment. I'm sure it would be considered intimidation of a witness if your partner had been charged and the courts have a special 'witness protection ' service, but I'm not sure you'd benefit from it at this stage.
I'd be tempted to send her a mail saying that that you no longer want to have any contact with her and that you'll consider any further messages etc from her as harassment and report it.

Hang on in there.
Best of luck

[is there justice?]

Lord, I don't know what to suggest - what an awful situation when you already have enough to cope with.

There is something very strange. I think she is trying to persuade you to go to her side because the ground is too shaky on her side and there is almost certainly some kind of jealousy going on.

She doesn't love you, she's not your friend by the way. You both know that so I'm not sure why she says it.

Once she's blocked at work, your workplace can return to being a haven of normality.

[cantgiveup]

Thanks for the replies guys...it is just so surreal and upsetting. I feel so guilty that it was my friend that has doe this to my partner and yes it appears that I am at the root of it....she seems intent on having me back in her little world where she is a big fish. I think you may be right and she knows that the fact i do not believe her weakens her accusation.

I met and told her I wanted no contact with her a couple of months ago...at that point I foolishly did not make my position entirely clear to her. I did not emphatically state I did not believe her, only I wanted contact cut and our friendship was over.

I have not replied to her email, I am seeing my lawyer on Wednesday to ask advise whether it would be worth going to the police. I am nervous of making anything worse.

I would love to block her email address, but in ways I do not want to, I wonder whether she may eventually provide me with the actual nugget of proof at some point in one of her rants....WGO I will go off and read that thread on slander...

Thanks again... xx

[Boys don't cry]

I have not replied to her email, I am seeing my lawyer on Wednesday to ask advise whether it would be worth going to the police. I am nervous of making anything worse.

I would love to block her email address, but in ways I do not want to, I wonder whether she may eventually provide me with the actual nugget of proof at some point in one of her rants....WGO I will go off and read that thread on slander...

Thanks again... xx

Hi Cantgiveup.

You are sensible not to reply to her mails.
My personal point of view is similar to yours.

I wouldn't stop her emails nor report them to the police.
It is probably hard to read them but I would keep them in case one day you need evidence.
In my case I did collect evidence against her and in the end it paid.
One piece might not be enough but the more you get the less the accuser will be credible.

Take care.

[cantgiveup]

Thanks, I forwarded the email to a mental health nurse (a friend) who has advised he feels it has a controlling / threatening tone and I should definitely seek advise.

It was a horrid thing to happen at work and because I have it in writing (I know this is good as it is evidence) it makes it more real and frightening although it does prove to me that my thoughts are not imaginary.

Thanks for all the support, it really does help.

CGU xx

[myhome]

hang in there CGU - BDC has given you great advice - collect everything you can, but try to find a way of dealing with the anger and other emotions you will have when you receive and read them - instead of being worried and anxious before you open the email, you could think, "Yipee - more evidence against her."