please please read need help badly :( :( :( :(

[bighomer13]

hi, this is a tricky one and im sorry for the long winded story that i am about to say but i cant think of a shorter one...

when i was younger me and my younger sister experimented as some children do. yes i know it should never ever of happened but it did and there is nothing i can do to change this now

i met up with my ex wife in 2000 we started to be very good friends at first then things just seemed to happen we got married in 2002 and it was the best day in our lives loads and loads of tears of happiness for most that turned up. amazing day we had our first son in out 2003. and had a daughter in dec 2004 wasnt planned but vould never change the fact that we had 2 beautiful children.

in june 2006 her 12 year old sister accused me of touching her and i got questioned and DNA taken finger prints and they had no evidence to say that i did but then they had nothing to say i didnt.

we later found out that her dad put her up to this all because i took my ex wife from the family home!!

in july 2006 we had another daughter and in march 2008 another son. everything was going so so well

there was a friend of my ex wifes staying over cause of my daughters birthday in dec 2008 and me and her always had a bit of banter i sent her a stupid text saying do you want to meet me down stairs i had no intention of going down or doing anything with her because i was a married man.

in the morning she showed the message i sent to my ex wife who has now told her dad about this and he came over and ordered me out of the family home and he punched me in the face. i called the police and had him arrested for what he had just done to me.

just as i was about to leave the police station after i had given them my statement another office came in and read me my rights saying that i have been accused of attempted to rape my wife! i was devastated and gob smacked stunned ive never in my life done anything like this to any one.

i got sent to prison on remand hated every second of it. got made to move out of the area that i lived in and was put on trial for attempted rape. the jury only took a couple of hours to find me not guilty as there was nine discrepancy's in her statement

in 2011 i sent a letter to my children asking how they all are and just to let them all know that daddy loves and misses them all and i never stop thinking about them.

i had her solicitor call me and said that there is going to be a court date for residency of my children because she is saying that i have touched my older two children this killed me to think that anyone that knows me says im nothing like that.

i moved back to the area in jan 2012 because of the court date was in june and needed to see my solicitor about it all.

i then met up with a school friend that we used to go to junior school together back in the 80's and we just hit it off. we didnt plan anything just friends i told her about my past and she says that she can see im nothing like everyone is saying and how much it hurts me.

she confided in a friend and told her everything that i know so the friend decided to go to the police and ask about this sarahs law.

the wiltshire police and social services came out and done there initial assessment on me and the children and my new partner and they could see nothing wrong so we carried on as normal.

my new partner had to move out of her house as it was private rented so i then moved in with her.

sept 2012 a few weeks after we get settled in dorset my partners ex decided to do the same thing after he got told by the friend in wiltshire. so dorset social services and the police came round to talk about it all. the police didnt want anything to do with it all but social service omg they went to town on it all they have made mine and my now ex partner a living hell. they have just made my partner choose over me or her children and for not to have any form of contact with me and if she dose then her children are going to be taken away. they are making me out to be a right so in so with children all because i have had accusations on my police file.

i think that this is not right or totally wrong with what they are doing to an innocent man. my partner has got to do an 18 week course about protective parenting and they say i have got to do a course so i dont reoffend! ie not done it in the first place. but yet they keep saying that both me and my partner are in denial over it all.

im not going to stick my hand up in the air and say yes i done all these things when i know ive not done anything wrong.

i am now living in a one bed flat and my ex partner has had to move due to financial problems cause i have been forced out of the family home. they say i fit the profile of someone who sexually offends and i have got no convictions on my file or have i ever been charged and i am not on the register. its all a tick box for these guys we think. they should go for them out there that do do this sort of thing and not innocent easy targets like me.

[Casehardened]

Hi BH13 & a belated welcome to the forum.

I obviously did read your post yesterday when I edited it but did not respond as it appears that it is only social services who are taking an interest in you, the police having decided that as no offence has been committed nor any alleged victims come forward they have no interest in the matter.

Unfortunately (or fortunately!!) I have had no dealings with social workers and therefore can't offer any advice in how to deal with them and this may apply to many of our current members and might explain why no-one has responded to you

You have been honest with us and with your new partner regarding your past acquittal for a false accusation of rape. A trial and acquittal, as far as all the members of this forum are concerned, means that is the end of the matter and you move on from there but sadly her friends have not taken this view and have tipped off social services.

I understand that social services don't need proof for any of their decisions but only need probabilities and of course they need to cover their backs. I would liken them to the Inland Revenue, once they take an interest you will never be free of them.

Like all local government organisations, the social services department of your local council must have an appeals procedure against their decisions and I can only suggest that you try going down this route. If you have no luck with this or not sure how to initiate it, your MP may be willing to write to them on your behalf.

PS I completely agree that you should not do this 'reoffending' course; however it is best to write to them fully explaining your reasons, rather than just not turn up.

[cantgiveup]

Hi,

I live in fear the of social work also....I have no involvement yet but have spoken to Child Protection Team, Child Family Law Centre (Scotland) and Parentline all who have been very positive and advised that my ex can easily raise a concern, which would prompt an assessment but it is unlikely that this would be taken further....whether this is what would actually happen is anyone's guess!

I work within a service who has to liaise with Social work and in my role am privy to Child Protection Case notes and minutes from case conferences etc. It appears to me what they look for a protective factors, such as another adult with no supposed risk around the children (your partner), extended family etc. It also appears that they look very favorably on good engagement from people they are trying to help. Ensure you answer all letters, appointments, ask what you could do to help the situation. I am certainly not suggesting that you attend the reoffending course, as casehardened said make you reasons not to attend in a calm, clear and reasonable answer. However there are lots of parenting / family classes that they would be keen for you to work with and would look favorably on if you did.

Contact the the childrens school to ensure the children appear happy and settled, let social work know you primary concern is the childrens welfare. Try and think of anyone who could vouch for or examples of your good character. Above all make sure social work know that you want this situation resolved, you have absolutely no concerns but appreciate that they have a role to do and you are more that happy to work with them for a positive outcome.

I am based in Scotland, but if you can find an equivalent helpline in England it would be beneficial, they have given me lots of free impartial advise which I felt was very balanced, I did not like all they had to say but it was very honest and clear.

I know exactly how you are feeling and the fear of any risk being suggested to your own children or indeed any others is very worrying and emotional. I hope the above is not just stating what you already know, but please feel free to get in touch if you want.

CGU x