Crying my eyes out yet again...

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Many think I am strong - I am not!

Short summary:
1. Alleged victim has NOT made a statement against my hubby
2. A third party has made allegations of rape of alleged victim
3. Due to third party, I have lost not only my whole family but also close friends who all believe third party
4. Of my hubby's family, only his parents know, but I am absolutely sure that ALL of his family would stand by him
5. I am absolutely devastated that despite trying to contact my parents via various channels, they have not responded (due to influence by third party)
6. I cry my eyes out every evening when my husband is in bed, I don't want to distraught him any more than he already is.
7. Why would the alleged victim want to move in with us after what allegedly happened?
8. I can't cope any more but have to for my hubby, but how???
9. There is so much more to say, but I can't... publicly

Please help me...am cracking up

[is there justice?]

Oh DBI

I wish I'd been awake last night to send you some support - it was one of the few nights I slept through.

I can't fathom what goes through anyone's mind when they make an FA but a 3rd party accusation is so weird if the alleged victim isn't making a statement. Why can't she just deny it?

This really is the time you need your family's support, the so-called close friends have shown their colours I'm afraid. Some of the people supporting us, we never even thought of as friends really, just acquaintances. Two people we thought of as good friends have gone to the dark side. Other friends have been hugely supportive. Our extended family and my Mum don't know because both hub and I are the youngest in our families and we don't want to worry them.

The night is a cruel time when your mind runs on , imagining every worst case scenario and the stress, that you have managed in the day, just takes over and it's overwhelming. It's when I do my crying too so as not to show hub how worried I am.

We have more strength in us than we can possibly imagine -keep digging deep even when you think you're done.

[saddened]

Dear DBI, I am so sorry your family are not supporting you during this terrible time, but take strength in the relationship you have with your husband and when you are through this you will be stronger than ever. As a parent to a son accused of attempted rape, I cannot understand why they are not there fighting with you all the way, but then that is their choice. You know your husband is innocent, so that is enough and you have a family of supporters on here who will provide advice and support when needed, so stay strong and if you have sad times or need to talk to people, then post on here.

Keen your chin up, hard we know... we all struggle at times, but lets find strength in each other..... xxx

[lonley place]

Hi DBI
Its a hard path to follow more so when you are without the people you have always relied on for support.
I can't say anything to make it easier but We do send you both masses of support, and you can ring whenever you need a chat.
As saddened has said everyone is here for you xx LP

[myhome]

Hi DBI - it is really really hard for people who are supporting the person who has been FA'd - my sister has just been referred for counselling because of her support and worry for me...
Apart from us on here - who do you have that you can talk to and share your worries with? Have you been to see your GP to get medical help and possible referral for counselling, therapy, and support. Many of us on here have found our GP's to be hugely supportive and sympathetic....

Yourhubby's case makes no sense - but then many don't - we'll probably never know the motivation behind some of the FA's that are made.....

I used to think, "I can't do this anymore..." but then I asked myself what the alternatives were and they weren't worth considering, so like you, I've now changed that question to, "How am I going to carry on doing this?" I then talk to myself to answer the question as if I was talking to a friend who'd asked me the question...

Keep strong babe and get some support for yourself too.......hugs MH xx

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi everybody
Thanks to all of you for your supporting and kind words!

I have made a few decisions today, these being:

a) I am going to go to bed when my husband does to avoid the being alone at night when things get me down,
b) I am going to do at least 30 minutes of exercise every day,
c) and I am going to try and forget about this mad situation for a few days if I can, and if I do have to, then immediately conert it into positive thoughts.

This also means that as of this evening, I will not be coming on this forum for a few days.

I don't want any of you to worry about me, I WILL be fine and I WILL be back, I just need some time off. It won't be easy as my job involves sitting at my PC all day, but I will go through with it anyway.

I will look by this evening... xx

[saddened]

I think that you have made some truly wise decisions there!! Well done you :-) !!!!

If you were my child I would be very, very proud of you!!!! Take some time away from it all. You are amazingly strong, so hold on to that

xxx

[is there justice?]

See, I told you had amazing inner strength!

We'll be around whenever you pop in!

[cantgiveup]

Many think I am strong - I am not!

Short summary:
1. Alleged victim has NOT made a statement against my hubby
2. A third party has made allegations of rape of alleged victim
3. Due to third party, I have lost not only my whole family but also close friends who all believe third party
4. Of my hubby's family, only his parents know, but I am absolutely sure that ALL of his family would stand by him
5. I am absolutely devastated that despite trying to contact my parents via various channels, they have not responded (due to influence by third party)
6. I cry my eyes out every evening when my husband is in bed, I don't want to distraught him any more than he already is.
7. Why would the alleged victim want to move in with us after what allegedly happened?
8. I can't cope any more but have to for my hubby, but how???
9. There is so much more to say, but I can't... publicly

Please help me...am cracking up

I just want to echo what everyone else has said and to let you know I am thinking of you.

It is hugely emotionally draining being a partner of someone who has been FA'd, the feelings of needing to hold things together for them are overwhelming and that coupled with some very thoughtless people who are not giving you their support at this time is only making the situation worse for you. BUT the strength you have shown so far is unbelievable, you can keep going and you will, we are all here for you anytime you want to support, advise or just a listening ear.

I think you have made some wise decisions today re bedtime routines and giving yourself a break for a few days, which only proves your inner strength as saddened said I am very proud of you also.

You are important in all this too, and need to look after yourself to be able to look after your partner. Take some time for you, care for yourself and let others care for you too.

We are all here for you whenever you need.

CGU xx

[myhome]

Hi DBI - as the others have said - great decisions.....

Here's something you could try - a colleague of mine has used it with her clients and they have found it works.....

Choose a space - either in your home or garden where you don't go very often and designate this as the space that you go to when you want to think about all this stuff. You could also give yourself a time of day and a length of time to spend there. Say - 10 am every day - you go to that space for half and hour and think about all this - make notes, emails, screenshots etc. At 10:30 you leave the space - it's even better if you can shut a door to it as well and then teach yourself not to think about stuff till that time the next day - although you could pop in to write an important thought down so you don't forget it and then deal with it the next day....If you can teach yourself to do this then you will find that you can discipline your mind to ignore unwanted thoughts at any other time of day or place........

You're doing really well - this is an awful situation - take care of B]you[/B] as well as hubby.....

Enjoy the rest time away from here will give you and only come back when you're ready.....big hugs to keep you going..........MH....

[myhome]

Hi DBI - as the others have said - great decisions.....

Here's something you could try - a colleague of mine has used it with her clients and they have found it works.....

Choose a space - either in your home or garden where you don't go very often and designate this as the space that you go to when you want to think about all this stuff. You could also give yourself a time of day and a length of time to spend there. Say - 10 am every day - you go to that space for half and hour and think about all this - make notes, emails, screenshots etc. At 10:30 you leave the space - it's even better if you can shut a door to it as well and then teach yourself not to think about stuff till that time the next day - although you could pop in to write an important thought down so you don't forget it and then deal with it the next day....If you can teach yourself to do this then you will find that you can discipline your mind to ignore unwanted thoughts at any other time of day or place........

You're doing really well - this is an awful situation - take care of you as well as hubby.....

Enjoy the rest time away from here will give you and only come back when you're ready.....big hugs to keep you going..........MH....

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Thank you everybody for your support. And I will try that out myhome.

I just need to get a bit of sanity and normality back and strength to be able to fight this to the end!

Please don't think I am leaving you guys and gals, am just going on a short vacation as it were and will be back all the stronger, ready for the fight!

So many of you have found a place in my heart and I am so grateful to you all for listening, reading and tolerating my ranting, but also for helping with good advice and kind words. Being here is like having the family I may never have of my own again, after my parents, good friends, acquaintances and my own kids have turned their backs on me. Unfortunately every single one of them is under the influence of this very wicked third party. She may never realize what she has done and how it feels to be FA'd, BUT she WILL find out what it is liked to be accused, and rightfully so.

Take care everybody and see you soon, after my break... Luv ya all!

PS. And yes, I've got tears in my eyes once again, but no longer of anger, disappointment and sadness, but because I know I am doing the right thing now - for me.

PPS @lawlessone: I really hope to read sth positive when I am back!