Advice needed please

[now what?]

Hi all, I will try to keep this as brief as possible but need some advice.

I have been accused of rape by a friends daughter, I only found out when her mother turned up at my house with her dad and my wife and the mother punched me in the face. They said it's been reported to the police but I have not heard anything from them yet.

It all started about 2 years ago when I moved to a new area and I got friendly with my friends daughter who is in her early 20's (I am 42). we always had a laugh together and there was a degree of flirting.

We are both keen photographers and in Nov 2011 (I think) we went with some friends to photograph a meteor shower and the moon, it was a great night and we both said we should do it again.

In August last year we planned to go to a local camp site and take some star trail pics (its in the middle of nowhere so little light pollution). I know the owner of the site and he had agreed she could stay in one of the bell tents and I was going to stay in the site caravan but when we got to the site the caravan was locked and my friend who runs the site was not there (Key was in his caravan which was also locked). The person I was with said it would be OK to stay in her tent.

We set up the cameras and went back to the tent to have a drink, well the star trails take ages and we had a few drinks and chatted to the other campers including a couple of friends who where staying in the next tent.

We both got pretty drunk and started playing truth or dare - one thing led to another and we ended up kissing and then a dare cam up for her to perform oral sex on me which she did for about 30 seconds. We ended up naked and in bed together heavy petting. She then said "You don't have to be gentle with me" which I took as her saying she wanted to have sex. We had sex a couple of times and then both went to sleep. The couple in the next tent heard everything so the can definitely vouch that she was not distressed in any way.

The next day was an absolute scorcher and we hung around the camp site (we both felt a bit rough from the night before). We were laying outside on the grass on a blanket fooling around a bit and I performed oral sex on her 3 times which she definitely seemed to enjoy.

Later in the day we decided it was time to go home and I dropped her off at her house and went back to mine.

we have not had sex again since then but have seen each other on several occasions and had facebook chats with always have had xx's in them, hardly the behaviour of someone I have apparently raped.

She moved to London a while back when she broke up with her boyfriend and is now living with a new man, she has suffered from depression in the past although I don't know how badly but I believe her new boyfriend had persuaded her to stop taking her medication (I don't know what she was on).

Now nearly a year after the night we spent together she has had some kind of breakdown (I have been told she tried to cut her wrists)

I'm not pretending to be a saint as I cheated on my wife but it was one of those things that just happened, it wasn't planned and I felt pretty **** about it for a while but I am completely innocent of any type of rape.

I really don't know what to do now. I have been told I have 48 hours to get out of town or I'm going to be killed. I don't have to money to set up a new home and have nowhere else to go, everyone I know is local or a joint friend with my wife so they are hardly going to welcome me because I cheated.

Any advice would be really welcome.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

I really don't know what to do now. I have been told I have 48 hours to get out of town or I'm going to be killed. I don't have to money to set up a new home and have nowhere else to go, everyone I know is local or a joint friend with my wife so they are hardly going to welcome me because I cheated.

Reading your thread, and especially reading the part quoted above, I would make a report to the police myself! You have apparently done nothing wrong but are being threatened! Don't accept it!

That's my advice.

[sparks]

Firstly welcome to the forum but sorry you have had to find yourself here, threats to kill is a serious offence and you should inform the Police, do not make any statements to the Police without a Solicitor present, all Facebook contact you have had with the female take computer screenshots now, copy and save any other communication you have had with her, IE text messages etc, do not attempt to contact her now.
Have you spoken to your friends who were in the next tent to see what they can remember?, write down all you can recall.

Sparks.

[now what?]

Problem wit that is that these are (were) friends of mine and her daughter has just tried to harm herself so they are both pretty messed up and upset at the moment. I would rather not exacerbate matters if I can help it, I'm hoping she said that in the heat of the moment and will calm down a bit when she has had time to think about it.

They are obviously really annoyed at me as I have betrayed my wife and my friends by sleeping with there daughter.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

With all due respect, you have been threatened!!!

[sparks]

Sorry I am a little confused, the friends who were in the next tent,are you saying they were the parents of this female,?

[now what?]

Sorry I am a little confused, the friends who were in the next tent,are you saying they were the parents of this female,?

No they were just a couple of friends of mine who where also camping that night. They both heard everything that went on (tents were only about 2m apart)so they would be able to vouch that the noises were those of two people enjoying themselves, not of someone being raped.. Obviously I asked them to keep quiet about it as I didn't want my wife to find out and they agreed.

[sparks]

I think you really need to evaluate the situation, your life has been threatened, you have been assaulted, you potentially could be arrested for Rape and face a long time in prison if found guilty, Safe guard any evidence you have, as I previously suggested and take legal advice now, and for your own safety consider reporting the assault and threats.

[now what?]

I have copied all the facebook chats into a word document for easy reading along with screen shots to prove the word document has not been tampered with and stored them on my phone and a USB key which I have hidden.

Mad thing is she deleted her facebook account a while ago (I think because of her ex - she wanted a clean start) but she was happy to add me as a friend again. She has now deleted it again. Annoyingly my wife has deleted hers as well and there was probably loads of evidence proving we were friends (pictures at parties etc....)

Absolutely nothing adds up, my head is all over the place, how can someone I considered to be a close friend do this?

I will look into legal advice tomorrow but I don't have any money for a solicitor.

[sparks]

I believe the first interview with a solicitor is free, but I am sure someone will be able to confirm that, you will get lots of good advice and support here so don't be shy about asking, remember you have done nothing wrong so stand tall.

Best wishes Sparks

[now what?]

Doesn't look like I am going to get much sleep tonight.

Just jotting notes down here as I remember them, seem like a good place to have it written down and collated.

She asked about a condom and I told her that I had had a vasectomy and during sex we changed position several times and I remember that at one point when she was on top and facing away from me she told me not to look at her bum. Again hardly the actions of someone who is being raped.

Will see if I can arrange an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow, wont be able to see one as I have a work appointment which I can't / won't cancel, I'm not going to let this take over my life!!

[is there justice?]

hi Now What

some excellent advice being given to you - false allegations are very profitable these days so make sure you are covered. Your own personal safety is the most important thing right now though. Your wife is undoubtedly going to hear about the claims from what you've said. You may want to consider coming clean with her.

I'm pretty darn sure that if the 2 people next to you heard a struggle they would have been straight round. Don't worry about what they think of you cheating on your wife, they were happy enough to keep quiet about it.

[Casehardened]

I have been accused of rape by a friends daughter, I only found out when her mother turned up at my house with her dad and my wife and the mother punched me in the face. They said it's been reported to the police but I have not heard anything from them yet.

Hi,

From the way you have worded this it sounds like you are not living with your wife; if so was the split as a result of this allegation or something else (not trying to pry but to help you sort your emotions out)

Either way it is a double whammy, marital disharmony & false allegation; if your wife is not supporting you it will make the whole matter feel much worse (though not affect the result as she is not a witness)

The easy option would be to quickly leave for another camping holiday, though a solitary one this time! The problem is that this will encourage the 'vigilantes' but worse, should the police have been informed, it would look as if you are trying to evade being interviewed.

Trying to put myself in your position, I would keep my head down (remember you don't have to answer/open your door and if they do try to break in then this is a 999 matter irrelevant of the reasons) and as other members have suggested collate any evidence and keep it separately from PC or phone as these may be examined if you are interviewed.

If your friends are 'normal' folk they will eventually calm down, review the facts, and realise it takes two to tango, after all their daughter was hardly a naive teenager at the time. If the police have actually been informed then you will unfortunately go down the well-trodden route that so many members of this forum have followed, but in this case any bail conditions will dictate your movements.

[now what?]

That's correct, looks like my wife is staying with the parent of the woman along with my step daughter.

Not sure exactly when this all came out, I had been away on business for a couple of days but I guess Wednesday as my wife was really funny with me on the phone yesterday.

Assuming she doesn't cave in and admit she is lying and the police want to interview me does anyone know how long Ican expect to wait before iI get a knock on the door?

I guess there must be a significant doubt or I would have expected them to be waiting for me when I got home from work yesterday.....

[sparks]

I do not think there is a set time to the Police calling to your door, but they have arrested people at work also, might I ask is the split with your wife a result of the camping trip?
You might also want to make a note of important phone numbers, in case the Police do take your phone.