Advice needed please

[Casehardened]

As the girl is not a minor (by a considerable margin!) and the allegation is historic and it would be difficult to put a non-consensual spin on it (male & female going away on a camping trip together!) even if the police have been informed the investigation is not going to be high up their list of priorities; I suspect, if the allegation has indeed been reported (which is by no means certain in view of the threats) this could be one of those instances where it would dealt with by means of an initial 'voluntary' interview rather than a dawn arrest.

[now what?]

Well finally a little bit of good news, I managed to get in touch with the couple in the next tent and they have said that everything they heard definitely sounded consensual especially as we both came out of the tent in the morning with massive grins across our faces and how we were acting with each other all evening. and they pretty much heard everything.

Guess it's just a case of waiting to see what happens now.

[lonley place]

Hi, Sorry to hear of your plight but its really good to see you digging around for proof if your innocence ! LP

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum but sorry you had to find us... you've been given great advice so far. The only thing I can add is that many solicitors will an initial half hour consultation for free in the hope they will get some business from it. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a look for any specialist sols in your area who deal with historic rape defence - there is a sticky on a nother part of the forum which lists some all over the country. If your county is not there, post it up and someone should be along and be able to help you....Half an hour is not a long time so befor e you go make sure you have written down everything you want to know so you don't waffle and don't miss anything out...
Good luck.....

[now what?]

Thanks for the pointer, was planning to try to find somewhere for some free advice on Monday, will check out the list and see what's in my area. I have already written a detailed account of the night from what I remember and what the two witnesses have told me they saw and heard so I can just read that out to the solicitor.

I have decided to stay with a friend for the next week so my wife and step daughter can move back into our house, she was staying with the accusers parents which I don't think is a good idea. One of the witnesses who also knows my wife is going to call her today to tell her that there is absolutely no way that what happened was not consensual as they heard pretty much everything from their tent and saw us both the next morning laying on a blanket outside the tent cuddling and smiling.

Should I contact the police in case they are looking for me? Don't want them to think I have done a runner. My wife will be at home so can give them my contact details but phone reception is pretty poor where I am staying. Bear in mind that I don't actually know if this had indeed been reported to the police or if I was just told that to try to frighten me.

[now what?]

Character Assasination

Well this has only been going on for 3 days now but it seems news is spreading fast. One of the witnesses just called me to tell me that there are rumors being spread all around the pub that I have been arrested and charged, the pub is 20 miles from where I live but I know a lot of people in the area - the police haven't even contacted me yet!!

I'm beginning to think that the woman's parents are deliberately spreading false rumors just to make me out to be a bad person. Is there anything that I can do about this? surely it's slander to spread things like that about someone if they have not been convicted or even arrested?

Fortunately on this occasion the witness heard people talking and put them straight but I don't think the rumors are going to stop.

[Casehardened]

I'm afraid the rumor machine coupled with Chinese whispers goes with the territory plus folks who are not clued up on the subject will use the term 'been charged with' when all that has happened is 'arrested on suspicion of'

However the gossip may not necessarily be malicious; imagine if this had happened to a casual acquaintance of yours, you would also be speculating on the circumstances.

I would strongly recommend you don't contact the police but be easily contactable.

[now what?]

I'm afraid the rumor machine coupled with Chinese whispers goes with the territory plus folks who are not clued up on the subject will use the term 'been charged with' when all that has happened is 'arrested on suspicion of'

However the gossip may not necessarily be malicious; imagine if this had happened to a casual acquaintance of yours, you would also be speculating on the circumstances.

I would strongly recommend you don't contact the police but be easily contactable.

That's great advice, thanks, I was going to call in the morning and ask if there is a warrant out for my arrest.

Do you think about it should arrange a free half hour with a solicitor just to lay the cards on the table to see what they they think I should do next?

[Casehardened]

Do you think about it should arrange a free half hour with a solicitor just to lay the cards on the table to see what they they think I should do next?

If the police do wish to interview you you must have a solicitor present so, rather than take the duty solicitor on the day, there is no harm in discussing the situation with someone now and checking that they would be prepared to sit in with you.

There is a list of firms recommended by members in the Useful Information section of the forum.

[now what?]

I have tried to contact a solicitor on out of hours number today but no response yet, I have also called my local police station to ask if there is a warrant out for my arrest and was told I would have to attend a police station with ID. Obviously I am not going to do that before I talk to a solicitor.

Do you know if the solicitor will accompany to the station when I go (remember that I don't actually know for sure that this has been reported to the police)

The woman in question is pretty intelligent so I think she will know that in reality there is no chance of me being convicted, I suspect that she has only said it was rape because she is a friend of my wife and by saying it was rape stops my wife thinking of her as a bad person for sleeping with her husband. What I really don't get though is why suddenly decide to make our sexual encounter public knowledge? It happened 10 months ago and although I have seen her socially since we have not had sex since. I do know that she has been on anti depressants for years and seem to remember her mother mentioning that her new boyfriend had persuaded her to stop taking them.

I know that she is saying I raped her whilst she was asleep and intoxicated which makes no sense as one of the witnesses in the next tent clearly remembers loud sex noises coming from the tent and during sex she was on top of me for some of it which would be an impressive feat for someone who is asleep.


Sorry I know that I'm rambling a bit but my head is all over the place at the moment, I just want to know if it as been reported or did the woman's parents just say that to frighten me because I had sex with her daughter and they are (we're) close friends. Problem is her daughter is not the innocent girl she thinks she is. Before our encounter I remember her telling me about a night she ad out in London were she went back to a house wit 2 men and slept with them both, also this was not the first time she had gone out and ad one night stands. Shame I have no proof of this!

[sparks]

Hi if your having trouble contacting a Solicitor, most will take email enquiries, include your phone number so they can call you back.

[now what?]

Hi if your having trouble contacting a Solicitor, most will take email enquiries, include your phone number so they can call you back.

Solicitor contacted me this afternoon. He is convinced that the whole thing is utter bulls**t! Had an allegation have been made to the police on Wednesday or Thursday of last week he said they would have been knocking on my door the same day or at the very least would have contacted me by now. He has advised that I do nothing and do not contact the police. He also said that in the unlikely case he is wrong and they do contact me the fact that I have two independent witnesses willing to state that the noises they heard were of two people having a great time that the CPS would throw the case out well before it reached court.

Doesn't make me feel better that these rumours are being spread and that I have lost all my friends in the area because of it. There is the option of perusing the assault that happened but that is probably not advisable as the parents would mention when interviewed that they did it because their daughter said I raped her (if indeed that is what she said) and that might make the police investigate it which would put me back in a position where I might be arrested.

Feeling more confident now and currently writing an email to my wife to arrange a time for me to collect the rest of my belongings and move out. Think I am going to just move out of the area and start again. Most of my work is about 80 miles from where I live so think I will move closer to work area which will save traveling time and car costs.

Thanks for all your support and I will pop back soon to let you know how things go or if the police do contact me.

Love to you all and I hope things work out well for everyone on this site, it's been a tough few days but that nothing compared with what some people on here go through. This may be the end of my marriage but I'm looking at it as a new beginning.

[Casehardened]

I'm glad that the solicitor was able to reassure you as to the possible outcome but can I suggest that, unless you were already having marital difficulties, that you don't jump too soon. A very brief fling 10 months ago is hardly a reason to divorce.

Everyone concerned is emotionally charged at the moment, including yourself, and it may well be a good idea to stay nearer your work for a couple of weeks until the dust settles and angry feelings subside and only then have some frank discussions with your friends and wife.

[now what?]

I'm glad that the solicitor was able to reassure you as to the possible outcome but can I suggest that, unless you were already having marital difficulties, that you don't jump too soon. A very brief fling 10 months ago is hardly a reason to divorce.

Everyone concerned is emotionally charged at the moment, including yourself, and it may well be a good idea to stay nearer your work for a couple of weeks until the dust settles and angry feelings subside and only then have some frank discussions with your friends and wife.

Much as I would like to think that is possible I don't see a way back form here, the reason we moved to the area in the first place was because my wife was such close friends of the parents of the accuser, for there to be any hope of a reconciliation it would have to be in another town and my step daughter is at college in the area and has a boyfriend who she is very close to, she was pretty upset when we moved her from London 2 years ago and my wife will not put her through that again. Maybe in time things will change but for now I cant see any other option but to move away. I have worked out both of out finances and If I contribute £200 a month towards the rent of out house it means my wife and step daughter can carry on living where they are and will not have to go through the stress of moving. My wife is going on holiday in 4 weeks which will give me two weeks to collect my stuff an move out. The fact that I will be contributing means we will still have contact so there may be a chance of reconciliation in the future.

[now what?]

Update

So it's been over a month now and still no contact from the police. I have been told that the woman in question has been interviewed by the police twice but they have advised her no to pursue the case (do the police actually do that???).

Her story is so full of holes it's like a bit of Swiss cheese, she claimed we were alone on the camp site when in fact there was a large group of girls on a hen night and a couple sleeping in the tent next to ours who have since come forward and made it clear to all the people who have been told of the allegations that nothing untoward occurred and we were seen the following morning hugging and cuddling me with the woman laying on the grass next to me with her head on my chest. He Ex boyfriend has also stated that "this is what she does". If she does something she later feels guilty about she makes up a story to cover her tracks.

Word is spreading and some of the friends who initially shunned me have contacted me to tell me that they have now heard the truth from 3rd party.

So all in all looking very positive.

One question I need answering if possible is regarding her complaint to the police. Will there be any indication of the accusation on my record even if I haven't been contacted, interviewed or charged? The reason I ask if that I am considering volunteering for a local organisation to get to know people in the area I have moved to but it will involve and enhanced CRB check.