Things getting a little tense

[is there justice?]

Hub is at Magistrates' Court on Friday to make his not guilty plea. The sol is expecting all the statements and tape tomorrow and it's all getting a bit tense now.

Hub has already said he doesn't want me to be at Court when the case is actually heard because he and the FA were involved to some extent though not a full blown physical affair and he wants to spare me the details. I will have to be a witness anyway.

I just want him to tell me everything, warts and all, because my imagination is probably much worse than the truth. I think I shelved all my anger at this carry-on in sheer panic at the FAs but it keeps bubbling up to the surface. At a time when I know he needs my support most I just want to scream at him.

[lonley place]

Hi Itj...Its understandable that things are tense right now, The plea hearing is looming on the horizen and your nerves are on edge.
Our imagination can run us ragged and we always seem to see things much worse than they probably are.
Have you tried to talk through how you feel with your hubby ?, If you know the truth of the involvement now there will be no surprises for you in the future. You deserve his honesty before the court case imo. LP

[cantgiveup]

Hub is at Magistrates' Court on Friday to make his not guilty plea. The sol is expecting all the statements and tape tomorrow and it's all getting a bit tense now.

Hub has already said he doesn't want me to be at Court when the case is actually heard because he and the FA were involved to some extent though not a full blown physical affair and he wants to spare me the details. I will have to be a witness anyway.

I just want him to tell me everything, warts and all, because my imagination is probably much worse than the truth. I think I shelved all my anger at this carry-on in sheer panic at the FAs but it keeps bubbling up to the surface. At a time when I know he needs my support most I just want to scream at him.

Hi ITJ, sorry to hear of your awful situation...I know exactly how you feel,in some ways it is similar to my FA. The betrayal and not knowing is unbearable, although you know for sure it was not rape you still have the right to be angry with your hub for the part he has played in things. My partner did not want to tell me either, because he was ashamed of the situation he found himself in and didn't want to hurt me further. (He was also advised by his sol initially not to tell me in case I turned on him, and corroborated the FA's allegations - which I would never do, but a woman scorned and all that) Anyways, my partner did not agree with his sol on this point and knew I would never do that and eventually gave me the full and frank truth. It was probably the hardest conversation I have ever had, but the truth was nowhere near as bad as I imagined and it cleared the air a lot. I do find it hard to let it go, not so much when we are together (we dont live together) but when he is not here it periodically plays on my mind a bit. Ultimately he did not rape her, they did not even have a full blown 'whatever' I know this to be true and if we have any future I need to let my hurt go and accept it. Whether or not we make it through this (I truly hope we do) I will support him fully through any trial that may or may not happen.

For what it is worth I agree with LP, you deserve the truth and the truth will be nowhere near as awful as where your imagination is taking you. If you can, try and talk to him and explain how you feel.

Best wishes. CGU xx

[myhome]

Hi ITJ - yup agree completely with LG and CGU...
Most ladies who are supporting their partner on here say that it was worse and hurt more not being told at the outset. It seems that most couples have stayed together and developed a stronger relationship through this and I know of one couple who are talking of getting engaged now it's all over.....

Although I can completely understand why you want to vent at your hubby but that might just drive him further away. Only you know the best way to talk anything through with your husband, but you also have a right to be heard. FA's don't just affect the person accused - it affects everybody round them , especially closest family. It would help you to be able to get rid of your built up anger and frustrations - have a look into counselling or talking therapies - your GP should be able to point you in the right direction.......

Be strong - be heard....MH

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Please remove your senior month messages ;-) Inbox full.

[myhome]

Please remove your senior month messages ;-) Inbox full.

What are senior month messages???????????????????????

[is there justice?]

Thanks MH, CGU and LP

I'm going to leave well alone for now and wait until we are in a better place. 'The talk' needs to happen at some time or things will fester but this week isn't the right time. In many ways we are stronger now but it's all this c*ap niggling away.

Hub expressed some doubts about sol tonight which I've worried about. All he seems to ask is if we've made a payment even when it's not due yet. Hub pays all bills on time. As the FA consists of sexual harassment charge and 3 low level (we assume) assault charges Sol thinks magistrates if given a choice. The risk being they tend to convict more than a jury but then have we two chances of appeal? I think if he can't pull it all together for the motive then we have the wrong sol.

I'm getting really stressed now. We haven't seen the statements or anything.

[lonley place]

MH, I think DBI was telling me my inbox was full lol...sorry to hijack the thread xx

[myhome]

MH, I think DBI was telling me my inbox was full lol...sorry to hijack the thread xx