How do we react to others?

[cantgiveup]

Hi all,

My partner of 3 years (we do not live together) has been falsely accused of rape, he did not do it, this I know. I understand that some people will believe it and some wont, but we live in a small place, and the accuser is telling all her pathetic version of events, my partner and I agreed that we would discuss with no-one what happened as we did not want to feed any gossip and are trying our best to protect / shield both my children and his children from the gossip. Although my partner is not on bail and has no conditions, we are not seeing each other around my children as we don't want to antagonize an already very volatile situation (all friends and family, my children's father are all close / know each other), initially we were so shocked, hurt, bewildered by the whole situation we hid ourselves away, hoping that the police would see sense and the case would be dropped.

7 weeks on reality is kicking in and we realise that we have to have some resemblance of normality - although it feels like that is impossible, we have to try. Basically we feel like we have to fight back. I have had no contact with any mutual friends (the accuser and mine) since it happened so her story is all that is out there and people have nothing else to go on. we are thinking maybe we should tell people what really happened that night..we are thinking of moving in together (that was our intention before all this happened) so we can support each other through this as it feels like no-one else understands what we are going through. We are talking and talking and trying so hard to do the right thing for our children we are getting nowhere. If we did not have children we would be making a much more public stand of our togetherness and where my loyalties lie. I am so frightened for my kids, and the repercussions / impact this has on them.

[tiftaf]

Hi all,

My partner of 3 years (we do not live together) has been falsely accused of rape, he did not do it, this I know. I understand that some people will believe it and some wont, but we live in a small place, and the accuser is telling all her pathetic version of events, my partner and I agreed that we would discuss with no-one what happened as we did not want to feed any gossip and are trying our best to protect / shield both my children and his children from the gossip. Although my partner is not on bail and has no conditions, we are not seeing each other around my children as we don't want to antagonize an already very volatile situation (all friends and family, my children's father are all close / know each other), initially we were so shocked, hurt, bewildered by the whole situation we hid ourselves away, hoping that the police would see sense and the case would be dropped.

7 weeks on reality is kicking in and we realise that we have to have some resemblance of normality - although it feels like that is impossible, we have to try. Basically we feel like we have to fight back. I have had no contact with any mutual friends (the accuser and mine) since it happened so her story is all that is out there and people have nothing else to go on. we are thinking maybe we should tell people what really happened that night..we are thinking of moving in together (that was our intention before all this happened) so we can support each other through this as it feels like no-one else understands what we are going through. We are talking and talking and trying so hard to do the right thing for our children we are getting nowhere. If we did not have children we would be making a much more public stand of our togetherness and where my loyalties lie. I am so frightened for my kids, and the repercussions / impact this has on them.

That is such a tough one. Surely people will talk whether you live together or not? In terms of telling people what happened that night, I wouldn't actively start doing that but I would be quite prepared to explain what happened if approached.

Not sure if this helps.

[Saffron]

Maybe you could select a couple of people to talk to. People you trust and love. Even though you have each other, this is a terrible ordeal to go through on your own.
We lost a few people we counted as close friends when my hubby was FAd. Conversely, a couple of people who were acquaintances stepped up to support us and are now firm friends.
You might well lose some friends; you could just as simply gain some.
Those who matter will understand. Those who don't understand don't matter.
Sorry you find yourself here.

[cantgiveup]

Thanks, it is so sad we find ourselves here, but I am so glad we are, the support everyone offers is amazing, even just the belief of the truth from a stranger helps.

I have given myself a very stern talking to this week...I need to be strong for my children and my partner, and if that means losing a few supposed friends along the way then so be it. I hate the thought of people not liking me and talking about me, I have always had problems with this, but really does it matter? We just need to get through this as best we can and hope that honesty and sense prevail.