New to this ...Help...advise...what to do? Scotland

[cantgiveup]

Hi all, I have stumbled across this site online and thought it might be a place to vent, I think people are getting fed up listening to me going over and over the situation, but it is in my head 24/7...

My partner has been falsely accused of raping my best friend and I cant understand the legal process....

He was detained and charged, kept in custody all weekend to appear in front of the procurator fiscal on the monday...he was taken to the court, but did not appear, the police came to him and said that he had been bailed to appear in 4 weeks. His conditions were not to contact the complainant. There were no conditions around seeing myself, although I am a witness.

He attend court 4 weeks later and again did not appear in front of the fiscal. His solicitor told him he was free to leave the court, no bail, no conditions, no date to appear again. Apparently the police did not have all the paperwork (? would this mean evidence?). His solicitor has advised us that his case will be looked at again and we just have to wait until this happens. It may take months and months. I flit between thinking this is positive as if there was hard evidence it would have been dealt with, and thinking that they are trying to break us. Why does he have no bail, why are there no conditions?

We can have no kind of normal until we know what is happening, we live in a small place and the fact it is so unresolved is heightening emotions of the complainants husband who has made threats to my partner. It is such a surreal situation, neither my partner nor i have ever had contact with the legal system and are so lost in it.

[myhome]

Hi and welcome tot he forum - sorry though you had to find us.
Lawlessone will hopefully be along soon as he knows the Scottish system - keep strong though and keep asking questions and someone will be able to answer for you
MH

[cantgiveup]

Thanks myhome...I wish i did not have to find this forum, but I am glad it is here.

Everything is just so surreal..so many lives are being destroyed, there is so much fear, questions and anger and all the time you are supposed to carry on as normal for your children and go to work and pretend everything is ok. It is not ok, and I feel so powerless and out of control, how can some stranger make a decision on what happens to my partner on the word of one, IMO, pretty unstable / messed up individual.

[myhome]

Everything is just so surreal..so many lives are being destroyed, there is so much fear, questions and anger and all the time you are supposed to carry on as normal for your children and go to work and pretend everything is ok. It is not ok, and I feel so powerless and out of control, how can some stranger make a decision on what happens to my partner on the word of one, IMO, pretty unstable / messed up individual.

This is sadly so very true and it's something that we all feel.
However, not all FA's are messed up and unstable - some are just plain nasty, vindictive, unscrupulous, amoral and greedy
pretending to be "normal" and that nothing's wrong, day in, day out is physically and mentally exhausting; but there usually some people who you don't want to know what's going on, so pulling down a "happy face" or as I call it "my coping canopy" is all you can do when you are with them, and then let it all go when you can. Try to build in some time when you and your partner can talk about things alone, but, just as importantly - some time when you both DON@T talk about it - eg 10 pin bowling, hiking, gardening, going to the pictures etc....
If you don't try to fight the overwhelming feelings and emotions this situation has brought you, she will have won...
MH

[cantgiveup]

Lots of people are telling me that FA is all the things you say, I just never believed she would do anything like this, although I knew she was capable of some pretty stupid things she had always been a good friend to me...now I feel stupid and used by her, and devastated she has done this to me.

I know we need to be careful what we say and to whom, but is our silence seen as guilt? I wish we could run away from it all, if we didn't have children who have to return here to visit their Dad (FA was brought up with my ex and are like brother / sister) we would move away from this place. I hate the fact that my children, when they are with their father are around this nasty woman, but I don't seem to have any power over that either.

[lonley place]

Hi Cantgiveup,
I can relate with your feelings. My husband was FA too, He was interviewed under caution then released. He was not arrested or bailed which made the whole thing seem surreal.
The police will be carrying out their investigation and that will take time, mean while they will probably tell you nothing.
Its hard to do but you have to try and live life as normally as you can, be there for each other and give yourselves time where you agree to be just together as you were before the allegation was made.
It does get easier as time passes and you find that for an hour or so you haven't thought about the bad stuff. Its always there at the back of your mind but try not to let it take over your life.
You are in an excellent place...all the support you need can be found here. Its been a lifeline for us and remember you are among friends who know how you feel.
LP

[lawlessone2009]

Not been on too often lately as I've been finding things a little difficult and I wasn't wanting to start a campaign on here or rant and rave about injustices...

However... As you will be all too aware the injustices are in full swing just now and in the mainstream media with the public eagerly following every word. Everything is being sensationalised beyond belief with the 'details' of the offences being a little thin on the ground. It's prime time for a false accuser to be stepping into their limelight and having their two minutes of fame and bringing down someone they either don't like or are jealous of in some way. Hell, they could do it simply for the fun of it!

We could go on all day about the 'reasons' for a false accusation and we could all attempt to agree with you or give you some further insight but I am sure you'll know the reasons better than any of us will ever know.

Scotland is a strange place as you're probably already finding out.

Your partner would've been arrested, interviewed, charged, processed (DNA, photo, fingerprints, potentially a VIPER) and then held over the weekend with an appearance in court supposed to be taking place on the Monday morning. It would've been a closed court.

It is kind of normal for things not to be fully processed and the procurator fiscal not to have reached a decision within such a short period of time so it is possible to be released on a 'Police Undertaking' (bail from the Police) rather than court bail. My bail was for 1 week, clearly this period has been extended slightly to 4 weeks in your partners case. Whatever the reason for the longer bail period is anybodies guess but it could be simply down to workload at the PFs end.

Generally after the period of Police bail you will appear before a closed court where the PF will present a charge and the court will generally grant court bail with conditions. This hasn't happened in this case so I would count that as a MEGA plus!!! There could be a very very strong possibility here that there never will be a case raised against your partner. It could also be a matter of allowing the town gossips to gossip and see if anyone else sticks their head up and makes an allegation.

There are evidential requirements that must be met before a case can find its way into court. The PF could well have reviewed all the evidence and sent it back to the Police for further investigation before making any decisions. Basically, from my interpretation, there is, at present, not enough evidence.

There is a time limit in place to protect people who are charged. Your solicitor should have explained this to you and your partner. My understanding is that they have 6 months to lay the case before a court which has jurisdiction (court where it's alleged to have happened) and then the case must be begun in court within 11-12 months (it's a little hazy here with regards to the exact timings). I would recommend contacting your solicitor to have this clarified as I am still a little vague on the facts and also, there are cases being decided in the higher courts every day that have impacts in the lower courts and the judicial processes (precedents and case law/legal interpretations/re-interpretations). The actual framework for the prosecution is being updated every single day and all of their processes are subject to change as well. Evidential requirements are subject to change.... The Police are subject to change (now Scotland Police rather than 'regional' Police).

There are so many things outwith your own individual circumstances that can have a major over powering affect on what your future holds. Don't be scared or stressed by it as the majority of things can be seen as positives. There are some blooming good solicitors and barristers out there that are fighting for the 'wee man' and ensuring that justice can prevail in some kind of semi-fair manner. There are also some idiots unfortunately... IF there is ever to be a case against your partner then you'll need to seek out a good legal team if you don't already have one, I wouldn't panic just now but bear it in mind.

I would also encourage you to correct anyone that wants to accuse your partner of the alleged crime. I would back him to the hilt and tell the bloody world that he didn't do whatever is alleged. Scream it from the roof tops! If the little b1t3h of a false accuser can run round ruining lives then you sure as hell can tell everyone and their granny that she's a lying toad! Some will believe you and others won't, at least you will be fighting back especially against someone that seems to think it's okay to run round shouting about something so personal that happened to them without the alleged perpetrator ever having being found to have actually done it!!!!!!

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you'll not need us for anything other than some moral support and comfort. Keep an eye on your partner, don't be afraid to seek out some medical help by means of medicine or talking with someone. Don't let this allegation destroy your lives, if you're planning on moving in together then DO IT!

[myhome]

There is a time limit in place to protect people who are charged. Your solicitor should have explained this to you and your partner. My understanding is that they have 6 months to lay the case before a court which has jurisdiction (court where it's alleged to have happened) and then the case must be begun in court within 11-12 months (it's a little hazy here with regards to the exact timings).

What a great injustice that this isn't the case on the rest of the UK

[cantgiveup]

Thanks all so much for the replies, I think this forum is going to be invaluable for support and advise.

Lawlessone - Your info makes me feel much more positive, I keep thinking that myself and then overthink and talk myself out of positive thoughts. I am glad you have been strong enough to come back on here despite your own problems and help others, you must have amazing inner strength.
My partner is currently using the duty solicitor he saw initially, his family when he was arrested looked in to finding a lawyer and amazingly it was his name that kept coming up. I have met him and he seems to have worked on several similar (ish) cases and tells us he has a very good advocate who he works with in regard to these cases. he has already spoke with the advocate as he felt it may be a good plan to submit my partners statement (in interview under his sol advise he answered no comment) as he felt this may well put a stop to the whole thing (he had done this in another case recently and the charge was not proceeded with) but they decided this was too big a risk as they have not seen the evidence.
Thanks for the comments about others, I think I need to find the courage to stand up. I have with all my own family and obviously his family, but have cut myself off from all others. I have done this primarily because I don't want my children to be around anyone who may bring up the subject in front of them. I just want to keep them completely away, their father is not doing that so maybe there is no point. I honestly and truly believe my partner did not do this. My kids father believe this woman's horrible allegation, but then he only has her version of events.
I don't think the sol mentioned a timescale, I had tried to look up online, but I found it hard to understand, I got the impression that serious charges (rape, murder) did not have timescales regarding how long they could take to present the report to the pf for decision. The sol advised it would prob be months before we hear anything, but to keep in touch if anything happened (her husband has threatened my partner and caused a scene in the street).

Thanks again for the advise and hope all is well with you.

[tiftaf]

Thanks myhome...I wish i did not have to find this forum, but I am glad it is here.

Everything is just so surreal..so many lives are being destroyed, there is so much fear, questions and anger and all the time you are supposed to carry on as normal for your children and go to work and pretend everything is ok. It is not ok, and I feel so powerless and out of control, how can some stranger make a decision on what happens to my partner on the word of one, IMO, pretty unstable / messed up individual.

I absolutely identify with all your feelings. The powerlessness is the worst. It's like this thing has happened and there is nothing you can do. I used to feel that no matter who I spoke to it was a case of 'Well you know he hasn't done it so crack on.' Totally frustrating. My coping mechanism was that the truth will, will out. Also, if your defence team can find a motive for these lies that definitely helps. Or it did in our case. Don't give up and ((hugs)) X

[cantgiveup]

my home /tiftaf / lonely place - thanks for your support, my emotions are all over the place, I seem to feel anger, despair, disbelief, shock, strength all within a minute. Fortunately for me my work has been amazing, changed my role temporarily to a less stressful one and referred me to counselling. They do not think I am ready to be back at work as I am so all over the place but are supporting me in my need to try and be normal, I hope that the longer I try to pretend for normality the more normal it will become!
My partner and I are not able to see too much of each other just now as we agreed for him not to be around my children in case there were Social Work implications, however as he is now no longer on bail / conditions there can be no SW involvement, but this may change if in the worst case scenario a charge is proceeded with, this is why it is so hard to plan what to do....are either of us able to be making big decisions at the moment? Maybe not. All I really know is that when I am with him it is a lot easier to cope with together than alone.

[lonley place]

I found early on in our case, to trust my instinct and go with what felt right.
No one can tell you what is right for your relationships, but beware of false friends who are only
after info and just wish to spread the "news".

[lawlessone2009]

my home /tiftaf / lonely place - thanks for your support, my emotions are all over the place, I seem to feel anger, despair, disbelief, shock, strength all within a minute. Fortunately for me my work has been amazing, changed my role temporarily to a less stressful one and referred me to counselling. They do not think I am ready to be back at work as I am so all over the place but are supporting me in my need to try and be normal, I hope that the longer I try to pretend for normality the more normal it will become!
My partner and I are not able to see too much of each other just now as we agreed for him not to be around my children in case there were Social Work implications, however as he is now no longer on bail / conditions there can be no SW involvement, but this may change if in the worst case scenario a charge is proceeded with, this is why it is so hard to plan what to do....are either of us able to be making big decisions at the moment? Maybe not. All I really know is that when I am with him it is a lot easier to cope with together than alone.

You're sensible to avoid Social Workers at all costs. Last thing you want is them poking their noses in as they're quite hard to get back out again even when everything is over and done with. You also don't want them gathering data on your children, heaven knows what they'll do with it!

Meeting your advocate early on seems to ring bells with me! Out of interest, is it: http://www.blackchambers.co.uk/index...derick-nelson/

It could well not be but it's not generally until later on in the case the advocate pops up but I know he's always in there early.

[cantgiveup]

Lawlessone - my partner has not met the advocate, the sol contacted him to make aware of charge and to ask advise re my partner submitting statement / declaration as he thought that this could put an end to things, it was agreed that his was too risky as the sol had not seen the evidence. I am not sure of who the advocate is, only that he is based in Glasgow.

Do you know how long it takes for the victims rape kit results to be returned, as I think if it is back it may be a reason why things have not progressed further? Or can it take months and months?

Thanks again

[lawlessone2009]

Forgot to add... I'm just me. Nothing particularly strong or courageous about me, just been there and worn the t-shirt. It's a blooming horrid experience to go through and must be equally horrific for those near to the accused. I've had long enough now to attempt to get an understanding of the wider picture. I've also been overly sensitive to recent reportings in the media and been able to construct an understanding of the present day legal system with regards to sexual offences. It's not purely driven by justice.......

You'll all be going through an incredibly difficult time just now but as others have mentioned, it gets easier.

If you are receiving threats or being intimidated or if she's running round slandering you or your partner then seek advice from your solicitor and if necessary make a criminal complaint against her/him/them/everyone. I would pass it by your solicitor first to see what they say and what they recommend, running to the Police could potentially stir up a hornets nest BUT you cannot allow things to get out of hand and certainly cannot allow any individual to become violent.

Ignorance is bliss in people generally but when the ignorance is backed up by violence it's a whole other kettle of fish. Unfortunately you guys will never be 'ignorant' to sexual offences again. You will constantly be plagued by it forever after, turning up the radio when a news reader reads out something sexual, hearing certain words/meanings in songs, finding books that you read to be a little 'odd' at times and questioning the authors life experiences, double reading the newspaper articles about rape, watching specific programs or identifying with plots in soaps... Hell, it's everywhere and ignorance really was blissful but now you and your partner will no longer be ignorant in any manner and will become sensitive and indeed sensible. It's a pants lesson in life but see it as simply a lesson, don't let it take over and bog you down.

Positivity is something that comes and goes. It's easy when having a bad day to blame the existence of the allegation for the bad day. It's easy to start blaming each other or look for meanings or possibilities or chances or whatever else for raising the issues and inflicting pain on each other. DON'T. I'm not saying you will but be aware that it happens and it happens all too easily. Focus on the positives and they do far outweigh the negatives but the negatives are easier...

Do I have a piece of fruit or a sweetie? Stick with the fruit as in the long run it's the sensible and most rewarding choice.

It's jolly good that your work have been so helpful and supportive. Reward them with continuing to be the best you can at present be for them, they'll respect you and be thankful for it.