New And Confused: Looking for advice

[Rango]

Hi folks,

I found this website after I searched online for some advice and help. Excuse me if it seems patchy but all this has turned our lives upside down.

My ex partner, B, whom I still live with was arrested the start of last month due to an allegation made by his 18yr old daughter.

Just a little background for you: B was married had two kids (son and daughter). Marriage was a joke and the divorce was bitter and twisted and things were not good for years. At one point his daughter almost seriously hurt him when she was 8. The ex wife re-married a guy in the army and when the divorce was done in 2007 she moved to Germany with him and the kids as that is where he was stationed. My ex had no contact with the kids at all.

All of a sudden, whilst B was in London visiting his elderly father, two officers show up. They asked when he was back etc etc and started asking questions about me and our 3yr old daughter (who is autistic). B came back early and went to the station. That was when he was arrested and interviewed. I had a call just before 1pm from B (who was sat in a police car ready to come back from a station 12 miles away!) telling me I had to 'move out' before that evening due to little one being under 16 and the nature of the allegation. The officers who interviewed him spoke to me as well and were very rude and patronizing. But that is a whole different story.

For the past 5 weeks I have tried to make sense of the allegation made and confused about the way the police are going about it. I was expecting them to come in and take my computer and my hard drive etc. I been searching for help and answers to my questions ... I am a bit obsessive to say the least when it comes to anything 'criminal'.

I am mainly worried what will happen when he answers bail next week as I cannot stay where I am any longer (as I have out stayed my welcome and things are getting a tad fractious) and I have my little one who has already missed out on vital nursery and me losing work through all of this not to mention my health is suffering.

What would happen when he answers bail? I am new to all of this and feel a bit of a numpty asking to be honest.

[lonley place]

Hi & Welcome Sorry you find yourself in this situation.
I can't answer your questions regarding bail but someone will be along who can help you.
Its hard to cope with the range of emotions you are feeling and the fear of the unknown.
Take each day at a time, the investigation will drag on for months rather that weeks.
You have come to the right place for help and support, the folks here have a wealth of info and compassion. LP

[Rights Fighter]

Rango, why is it you that has to move out? Usually it is the accused due to bail conditions and SS intervention.

Are SS involved yet? Can your ex not move out and you move back in with the children? It seems an odd way for the police to have gone about things, in their advice/demands.

[Casehardened]

Hi,

If B has not been charged as yet with the offence there must be some doubt about the allegation and further investigation will take place before any decision is reached. 5 weeks is not overly long for this sort of investigation and there is a very real possibility that he will be rebailed for a further period of time.

I am guessing that you are probably living in his property on sufferance and that is why he asked you to move out and the police didn't impose bail conditions as would normally been the case for a couple living together; he may well have told them he was single! As Right Fighter has said, all you can do is appeal to his better nature and if this fails try to find alternative accommodation (perhaps by claiming housing benefit)

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum though sorry you had to find us. You will undoubtedly be going through all sorts of horrific emotions, circulations and what if type questions.
You will get loads of support and advice on here - practical, legal and emotional. keep posting and keep asking and their is almost always someone around who can help
Keep strong

[Rango]

Rango, why is it you that has to move out? Usually it is the accused due to bail conditions and SS intervention.

Are SS involved yet? Can your ex not move out and you move back in with the children? It seems an odd way for the police to have gone about things, in their advice/demands.

It is his house. It was the two detectives who told me on the phone to move out. And they was not very polite about it. Actually rather obnoxious and rude. SS called on the Tuesday just to make sure I was not in the house, and the social worker, when asked, told me that the police should have done more to help and support and not just 'throw' me out. She was none too impressed. I thought it was odd as well, but did not click on until a few days after.

Hi,

If B has not been charged as yet with the offence there must be some doubt about the allegation and further investigation will take place before any decision is reached. 5 weeks is not overly long for this sort of investigation and there is a very real possibility that he will be rebailed for a further period of time.

I am guessing that you are probably living in his property on sufferance and that is why he asked you to move out and the police didn't impose bail conditions as would normally been the case for a couple living together; he may well have told them he was single! As Right Fighter has said, all you can do is appeal to his better nature and if this fails try to find alternative accommodation (perhaps by claiming housing benefit)

He didn't ask me to move out, it was the detectives. He passed on the message.

I rent two rooms from him after we called it a day. I cannot afford anywhere myself (looked into private rental) as I cannot afford the deposit.

[lonley place]

Hi Rango
Have a look at shelter http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_ad...d_bond_schemes They have a bond scheme, a chat with them may point you in the right direction. LP

[Rango]

Hi Rango
Have a look at shelter http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_ad...d_bond_schemes They have a bond scheme, a chat with them may point you in the right direction. LP

Hi LP,

Unfortantly the rent deposit scheme is not an option for me where I am. Looked into that few months ago. But I will call Shelter and ask their advice.

Thanks to all that have replied so far Its a great help.

[Rango]

Just An Update

Just a little update on things:

I spoke to one of the detectives who is dealing with my ex's case and he has cleared a few things up for me.

Part of the bail conditions is (and this is how it was put across to me initially) that he cannot have any contact with my daughter what so ever. Turns out this is not true. He can see her as long as myself or another adult is with her. I was told that he could not talk to her on the phone, again not true, and that as long as I am with her they can talk.

I was told by another officer that SS would be involved afterwards (that is if it comes back NFA) and they would do an assessment ... surprise surprise that is not true as far as the detective I spoke too is concerned.

I have been given the run around the past two weeks with various people, especially SS, but today the detective was brilliant in helping me and contacting the right people to get me back to my home town.

B answers bail next Thursday and my brother is going with him for moral support and to contact me as soon as anything is known. Fingers crossed though.

[myhome]

What a c&ck up!! Hope all goes well next Thursday......

[Rango]

Update

Well B has been bailed for yet another 4 weeks.

I have had to come back to the house (due to being thrown out of where I was staying) and B stays in a hotel. He went to notify the station that he has had to stay in a hotel and they basically said that he did not need to notify them! I think that is rather odd.

He cannot have unsupervised contact with anyone under 16 - hence why I had to 'leave'. But the hotel is £30 a night and we are wondering if he would be able to pitch a tent in the back garden due to work. My mum is going to see what's what as nothing is adding up ... because he still has the keys for the house. Surely he would not be allowed to keep the keys?

All in all, getting me back home and cost of hotel has added up to £300 already!

And to top it off, I am ill as well due to the stress etc.

[cannotthinkstraight]

I know how you feel. The hotel fees for the first few weeks financially strained us. The police do not care where my partner is as long as he's away from our children. On the day they bailed him, he was bought back to the house to collect some belongings-he still has keys. He also took a zopiclone (sleeping tablet) by mistake in front of them, thinking he was taking his meds for anxiety. They did not care still allowed him to drive off. He could have been a danger to himself or someone else whilst driving to the hotel.

This is an awful situation to be in and i can relate to it. I pray for the truth to be out.

Take Care xx

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Rango... a belated welcome to the forum

It's fairly common for people to be re-bailed several times, so be prepared for it. So far as you moving out, then in, now him staying in a hotel, what a farce that all is and I'm sure it's really adding to all of your distress, including your daughter.

The wording on the bail order should be specific. No unsupervised contact with anyone under 16 means just that.
It seems to me that it should be possible for you both to stay in the house, just to ensure you set things up so that your little one doesn't have contact with him without you or someone else being present.
This may mean organising things so that if there are times when you are likely to be out of the house and he in, you bring in someone to baby-sit or get someone to look after her at theirs. Or even making modifications to the flat. Write down a plan of action (so that you can easily explain it if necessary) and stick to it. Getting a few people you really trust involved, might be of great help.

All the best

[Rango]

Hi Rango... a belated welcome to the forum

It's fairly common for people to be re-bailed several times, so be prepared for it. So far as you moving out, then in, now him staying in a hotel, what a farce that all is and I'm sure it's really adding to all of your distress, including your daughter.

The wording on the bail order should be specific. No unsupervised contact with anyone under 16 means just that.
It seems to me that it should be possible for you both to stay in the house, just to ensure you set things up so that your little one doesn't have contact with him without you or someone else being present.
This may mean organising things so that if there are times when you are likely to be out of the house and he in, you bring in someone to baby-sit or get someone to look after her at theirs. Or even making modifications to the flat. Write down a plan of action (so that you can easily explain it if necessary) and stick to it. Getting a few people you really trust involved, might be of great help.

All the best

So, would he be allowed to stay in a tent in the garden you think? This is an idea my mum is going to put across and ask. There are two adults here (myself and brother) as well as little one.