Help! Friend is crying rape and probably lying!

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Hi everyone, new here and like most newbies in need of advice!
I don't want to go into too much details in fear of being identified, so apologise in advance.
Main details:
-She says she can't remember anything apart from getting out a taxi with a stranger and her shorts were on back-to-front. So she hasn't actually accused anyone specifically
-she was wasted that night and got done for drink driving the next morning. I reckon she's using this as an excuse
-She kept smirking when I offered her my sympathies. This was in between tears. I know her well and can tell instantly when she's lying... I'm pretty sure she's lying about this.
-from experience (not personally) I know rape victims tend to shower/ wash compulsivly after the event. She hadn't showered when I went to see her 24 hours after the supposed event
-there was a period of 6 hours that night where she went missing, so it is plausible. She was brought home in the early hours of the morning by 3 randomers who were concerned as they found her passed out in the street. I reckon one of them gave her their shirt to keep her warm (she was wearing hardly anything) and she's put the shirt forward as evidence against whoever assaulted her.
-my fingerprints and DNA will be all around her crotch area too as I had to pull out a feminine hygiene related article from her pants... She was so wrecked she didn't even notice and now I'm paranoid I've put myself in jeopardy
-she's generally an attention seeking person. I'm not sure if that's clouding my judgement and making me cynical... She lies all the time and everyone's heard of the boy who cried wolf... It could be that!
How do I get her to tell the truth? It's a police matter now so she's not likely to withdraw her statement as it'll humiliate her. Please help! I'm so worried she's lying and is gonna get someone in real trouble!
Thank you in advance!
Ps I apologise for any typos/ grammar mistakes. I'm using my iPod touch with very fat fingers!!

[Casehardened]

Hi & welcome to the forum,

To help members offer the correct advice there are a couple of relevant questions (apologies for the personal nature; obviously if you feel this will this will be giving too much away there is no need to answer)

(a) do you live in the same property as your friend?

(b) are you in a sexual relationship with your friend?

[myhome]

Hi - welcome to the forum but sorry you had to find us....
This is a very complicated situation so the first thing I would advise is that you write down every detail that you can remember of the whole incident - even things that don't seem relevant....and get them then in time order.
If you have to go to the police station to "talk" to any of them ie if they ask you to- TAKE A SOLICITOR with you. I would suggest that you think very carefully about volunteering to go and give them any information before they've asked you. Police like getting convictions and they ain't too bothered whether it's the right person or not!!!!
One thing has occurred to me whilst re-reading your post: if you had to remove a "Feminine related article" by which I'm assuming you mean a tampon, how could she have been raped with this in place? She couldn't have been - not enough room!!!! but she could have been sexually assaulted.
Did she get to you and then tell you she had been assaulted? If so, you haven't anything to worry about I should think, because in her statement she will say that she was assaulted and then went to you and told you - therefore it couldn't have been you...
Good luck with this one and keep posting and asking for help - others will be along soon too
MH

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Thanks both of you
Answer to the first two questions:
1. No
2. No, she's a friend. One of those friends you'd consider a friend but not a mate if you know what I mean. I tolerate her. She however loves me... Or pretends to.
Another important piece of information: I'm female and neither of us are gay! So if my post made you think I was worried incase I'd be accused of rape it's not I've just reread it and it does kinda sound that way. I'm worried for the poor kid whose shirt it was and whoever else is harmed in the spinning of her web of lies... and cos I know what the police are like and I can't afford a knock on the door from them. My relationship with my family is pretty fractured already!

Also, I saw her in a&e the morning she got done for drink driving- she had a minor prang in her car so got taken there. I had to go to work later that morning and have a strongish alibi for the whole night (partly CCTV). I've written down everything though. I'm fuming with her so have gone over and over our conversation in my head - I can remember it all word for word. I've also taken photos of all texts and printed Facebook messages and photos with the date and time
showing.

This is all assuming she is lying and not crying wolf like every other time something bad happens to her...

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Ps the tampon thing... Kind of... A towel, don't know if there was anything else 'up there'.

Also, one of the reasons she thinks she's been raped is because she was missing her underwear. I can't be 100% (I was really drunk too...) but I'm pretty sure I ripped them off when I was trying to save her dignity. I remember it being really tough to rip out! Anyway I told her this and she said "yeah well I was still raped"

[Izzy]

Hi MeenaMammaLoo, from what you've written (and maybe I'm reading it wrong) is that your friend got really wrecked and got done for drink driving the next day.

She went missing on the night in question and was taken home by strangers. One of them gave her a shirt because she was hardly wearing anything, was she missing clothes?

If she was to drunk to consent to sexual activity then that is sexual assaullt/ rape if sexual activity took place.

You said that she didn't actually accuse anyone specifically but she has put the shirt that one of the randoms gave her to keep warm forward as evidence against whoever assaulted her, so I'm guessing that one of them are being accused and you are worried about your DNA comming up in the results?

[Casehardened]

Mea cupla my apologies for jumping to conclusions (& not checking your profile first!)

I've therefore scribbled out all the suggestions I was going to offer as Myhome's advice is much more relevant; I guess that if there is to be a police investigation you may well be a witness(as you were the first person she told?) so it is important to have the facts straight in your head in case you have to give a statement.

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Hi MeenaMammaLoo, from what you've written (and maybe I'm reading it wrong) is that your friend got really wrecked and got done for drink driving the next day.

She went missing on the night in question and was taken home by strangers. One of them gave her a shirt because she was hardly wearing anything, was she missing clothes?

If she was to drunk to consent to sexual activity then that is sexual assaullt/ rape if sexual activity took place.

You said that she didn't actually accuse anyone specifically but she has put the shirt that one of the randoms gave her to keep warm forward as evidence against whoever assaulted her, so I'm guessing that one of them are being accused and you are worried about your DNA comming up in the results?

Izzy, you've got it so right I almost think you know me! I don't know whether any sexual activity went on. She said she can't remember anything about actual event and won't tell me what the doctors said. Which is fair enough I suppose. I also wasn't witness to the lads bringing her home, but the person who told me is a border force agent so I trust their word. I haven't included or listened to any hearsay.

I just want to get her to tell me the truth. I'd like to humiliate her and get her in trouble if she is lying but I probably won't. I want an easy life! I will however make sure she tells the police she's lying though... Make sure the charges are withdrawn (not dropped) and anyone's name is cleared, public ally if this story ever reaches the press.

[Izzy]

Me to MeenaMammaLoo - you had replied by the time I had posted and I was wrongly presuming you were male.

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Mea cupla my apologies for jumping to conclusions (& not checking your profile first!)

I've therefore scribbled out all the suggestions I was going to offer as Myhome's advice is much more relevant; I guess that if there is to be a police investigation you may well be a witness(as you were the first person she told?) so it is important to have the facts straight in your head in case you have to give a statement.

No worries! We all do it thank you. I've got everything down now, photos from Facebook the works. I was the first person she told I think yes, but definately not the last... She's told everyone except her family. I really hope she is lying though... I'm pretty certain she is as are others she has told.

[MeenaMammaLoo]

Me to MeenaMammaLoo - you had replied by the time I had posted and I was wrongly presuming you were male.

Your reply was still appropriate thank you!

I don't think she realises how big a lie this is to tell (if she is) and I need help telling her this without sounding like I'm accusing her. If this really did happen I'd feel awful for thinking this way.

[friday]

Wow, that's a difficult situation. If she was blackout drunk then there is a chance sex occurred either consensually or non consensually. If anything happened when she was passed out then obviously it's rape. It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about (in my opinion) but you've done all the right things (photographing messages etc). Although there are things which are common ways to react to a sexual assault, it really isn't that straight forward. The first time it happened to me I washed compulsively. The second time it happened I basically sat on the sofa in complete shock, without moving for a long time. When did she go to the police/sexual assault referral centre? Is it possible she didn't wash because she knew she should preserve evidence? How do you know she hadn't washed? They have showers at the SARCs, is it possible she washed there? I also alternated between laughing and minimising what had happened, and crying. I'm not saying she is telling the truth, I'm just pointing out that people can react in very different ways. What happens now really depends on what forensic evidence is found. There could be no evidence of sex/sexual assault (therefore nobody to look for), evidence of sex/sexual assault (someone to look for and then try work out if it was consensual) and finally if they link the shirt to someone they could be either a suspect or a witness.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hello MML - welcome to the forum! What a difficult situation you're in.
This is my opinion... if she is lying,(or you strongly believe she is) then the police must be informed, whether you persuade her to do it or you express your fears to them. Otherwise, you are, in effect, an accomplice to someone being falsley accused for rape. Someone trying to help her when she was in a bad way certainly doesn't deserve to be accused of rape , if that's what happened.

If she isn't lying, this will probably be revealed in the police enquiries. The have specially trained officers for sexual cases. I'm sure you'll get nearer the truth with some gentle probing.

As far as your DNA goes... so what? You were helping her out in an emergency.

I think you've been given excellent advice so far on writing it all down and keeping records etc.

How did she get home? In the taxi or did she drive? When was the taxi?

Good luck!

[Rights Fighter]

Watch out in the local news for somebody claiming they have been raped. If they pull somebody in try to find them and offer your support as a 'witness' of recent complaint. Usually recent complaint witnesses give evidence for the Crown but in this case it would be for defence.