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  • False Accusation - your opinion

    Hi All new to forum, as you can imagine new to this and still in state of shock after being arrested and questioned last night.

    I read the sticky what happens next so I am comfortable with procedures, what I wanted was some opinion.

    Background is that after the FA and I had been on a couple of dates, we had sex at my house one night a few months back, we had sex 3 times. As we had been drinking, she is claiming there was no consent to the first but there was to the second and third (WTF?) and hence I find myself in this situation.

    My story is that she helped put the bed together (it was a new house) undressed herself entirely, and was talking/capable throughout - times 1,2 and 3. In fact, time number 3 was after we had slept through till late morning and shortly before she drove home. When I say she drove home, she actually gave me a lift to another town on route 10 miles away, and upon dropping me off lent over and kissed me - I'm pretty sure there is a huge CCTV in the square I was dropped in which may prove this. In addition, I left my coat in her car, which proves that she gave me a lift - the police have recovered this coat.

    During the night, she said some things to me that I found wierd, such as, does this mean you're my man other clingy type statements. I had previously made clear to her by text that although I liked her, there was too much other things going on in my life to have a serious relationship - the police have since seen these texts. You can imagine because of these statements, I had a gut feeling that this was a relationship that needed cutting off, when I had time alone to consider.

    She had been texting me post event in a casual way, I think hinting at when she would see me again, I tried ringing her but couldn't get a response so I text her asking for her email which she supplied albeit with a suspicious tone - I think she suspected that this was going nowhere at this point.

    Her text read something like, "I may have been foolish, but you're the fool. No Problem ". I never responded and composed an email a few days later explaining why I didn't want this to go any further. I explained that I did like her, and that she was a good, fun girl, but that I had strong feelings for someone else that I am not with, and that under those circumstances I couldn't give her what I thought she wanted".

    As far as I was concerned that was that, four months later, I got arrested, she had made the accusation about 6 weeks ago. In my interview, I have told the police everything that I have told you broadly, and they seemed to think that what I said is corroborated by evidence they have taken from her (they have her phone but gave mine back, they have her email that I sent to her but did not seize my computer when they did the search). They are saying it all boils down to consent, which in the light of the story I have given to you makes this seem to me a nonsense.

    I was asked why she would say this, particularly a couple of months later, and I said I don't know, you'd have to ask her, but my suspicion is that she is seeking revenge for feeling used and spurned, and that the timing is because she probably didn't read the email for a while - she told me she rarely uses it.

    I know the procedures as to what happens next, obviously not what the outcome is likely to be - but I would value your opinions as I am as you can guess pretty shook up right now.

    Many Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    Hi Mushroom,

    I am also in the early stages of accusation and awaiting evidence investigation while on bail. I wish you all the best with everything ahead, as this will be a long and daunting venture. If you wouldn’t mind, it would be nice to try and ride this one together, I know it probably seems pretty weird but Im really struggling finding or thinking of anyone to talk to, who will understand this emotional rollercoaster.

    It amazes me that a woman scorned could so easily try to destroy someone’s life; I don’t think they understand the consequences and implications on one single person’s life. If there’s a death in the family you lean on each other, money problems you lean on a friend. This is so black and white, people’s perceptions and thoughts differ. That makes it feel like a burden that needs to be carried alone, I know this is probably not the case, but Im finding it very hard to talk about these feelings that I have never had before. I am a confident, out-going person, happy to help anyone with out a sniff. At the moment I feel like Im an actor being that person and the reality is, Im totally crippled inside. How do I keep being the person that I can’t possibly be with these feelings in tow?

    I swear when I get out of the other side of this, Im going to write a book. Do women see it as an easy option of getting back at men; the word, a single syllable that makes the police jump as high as the "victim" wants.

    Good luck fellah

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by crazyshark View Post
      Hi Mushroom,

      I am also in the early stages of accusation and awaiting evidence investigation while on bail. I wish you all the best with everything ahead, as this will be a long and daunting venture. If you wouldn’t mind, it would be nice to try and ride this one together, I know it probably seems pretty weird but Im really struggling finding or thinking of anyone to talk to, who will understand this emotional rollercoaster.

      It amazes me that a woman scorned could so easily try to destroy someone’s life; I don’t think they understand the consequences and implications on one single person’s life. If there’s a death in the family you lean on each other, money problems you lean on a friend. This is so black and white, people’s perceptions and thoughts differ. That makes it feel like a burden that needs to be carried alone, I know this is probably not the case, but Im finding it very hard to talk about these feelings that I have never had before. I am a confident, out-going person, happy to help anyone with out a sniff. At the moment I feel like Im an actor being that person and the reality is, Im totally crippled inside. How do I keep being the person that I can’t possibly be with these feelings in tow?

      I swear when I get out of the other side of this, Im going to write a book. Do women see it as an easy option of getting back at men; the word, a single syllable that makes the police jump as high as the "victim" wants.

      Good luck fellah
      You know what, you're right to the wrongly accused it is so black and white and nonsensical. I think maybe you just have to draw strength from what you know to be the truth. Maybe that's naive of me not to worry and think everything will turn out justly.

      I strongly disagree with feminists that these accusations should be allowed to be made without understanding the full consequence. I don't think enough is done to make clear to these women what the consequences of such an allegation really mean. And in my mind, the consequence of falsely accusing somebody of this should carry an equal jail sentence as the crime itself.

      In my head, I know that this accusation is all about vengeance, so I'm not really prepared to listen to do-gooders saying that's not healthy. I'm Scouse, and Irish, and I won't let a grudge go - I will have vengeance once this is all cleared - and that again is motivating me.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by mushroom View Post
        In my head, I know that this accusation is all about vengeance, so I'm not really prepared to listen to do-gooders saying that's not healthy. I'm Scouse, and Irish, and I won't let a grudge go - I will have vengeance once this is all cleared - and that again is motivating me.
        I agree, this is how you feel now, but obviously you need to take due care and attention to the word "vengeance". You sound like a coherent man with everything ahead. Much similar to myself, a man of strict morals, although I still work hard and I play harder. Why not, life is too short.

        Don’t let her destroy you, if she has nothing against you, it will be very difficult, for you to prove anything on her. We need to concentrate on holding our heads high and free.
        I like to think that I climbed into bed with the devil and we need to shake him off. Deception and lies are his cause of justice, but we have the truth on side. Im not a basher of the bible, but I like to put things into context and a physical image rather than emotions, which are impossible to see.

        We all need clear goals and objectives in life; we would be lost without them. Im suggesting using vengeance as your motivation and concentrate on a justly and positive outcome. You might even feel sorry for her lowly and disgusting approach to life. I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. For her to do that to you, she’s obviously in a bad place and she wants someone to drag down to her level. You haven’t been there and Im sure you wont, as you're already better than her.

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry to hear you are in this situation chum, reading through your post it does seem obvious that there was no rape but who knows what is in the mind of the accuser? I pray for a speedy dropping of the case.

          As for vengeance, wise words from crazy there so put those thoughts to one side and concentrate on the matter in hand for now. Vengeance is a dish best served cold as they say, plenty of time for that when you are no longer the accused, but hopefully when this is all over you wont even feel that way anymore.

          Good luck
          Still here

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by crazyshark View Post
            For her to do that to you, she’s obviously in a bad place and she wants someone to drag down to her level. You haven’t been there and Im sure you wont, as you're already better than her.
            I guess when you put it that way... but if this goes any other outcome than NFA or NC, I won't feel any charity.

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            • #7
              Hi Mushroom.... welcome to the forum, it's seems like you've had a good look round and you're already getting alot of support. I noticed you'd made enquiries regarding Gerry McDonald who I can personally recommend as he defended my son.
              There is such a thing as drunken consent, and it doesn't seem that there's evidence against you - that doesn't necessarily mean that you won't be made to sweat it out on bail etc. but having a decent defence team from the onset will make a hell of a difference.

              Have you ever heard this saying 'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn' ? You are now learning about it the hard way.
              One of the problems seems to be that men and women do not necessarily want the same things in a relationship or know how to express it. I can see why she might feel hurt and rejected - this is what I can imagine her thinking:
              '...... he likes me enough to sleep with me but now that I'm showing I like him, he announces that he's keen on someone else - what does that make me? Used? A slut? An un-payed prostitute??? '
              Emotion/affection/sexuality can have undefinable boundaries - it's important to make it clear from the onset what it is you want and be sure that the other person feels the same way.... or take your time and see how things develope. It's got nothing to do with feminism. Sorry, too late for lectures.
              She's having her revenge. I would give up ideas of having yours.
              Get in touch with Gerry.
              All the best,
              WGO

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              • #8
                Please do not get bogged down with you knowing the truth or beleiving in the police or that the CPS will do the right thing, if they beleive they have a 51% chance of securing a conviction they will proceed without consideration of who gets hurt.
                Sorry that sounds so harsh but it's the truth and you need to know that from the start and prepare for the long and painfull fight ahead.
                DO NOT trust the police, secure a good solicitor that specalises in this type of case and only talk to them in this matter. You have entered this re occuring fiasco that destroys lives that we in England call the justice system and you need to fight back, not only to win and prove your inocent but to stay saine during the process.
                You have come to the right place for advice and the people on here are amazing and supported me through my time in hell, and I'm sure will be there for you.

                Write down everything, no matter how insignificant it seems, take screenshots of facebook, transcips of text messages, anything and everything may help you.

                Good luck my friend and under no circumstances allow this FA to be bigger than you are, stand tall and proud, eat and stay healthy or they have already won no matter what the eventual outcome.

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                • #9
                  Excellent post from Barney.
                  Good luck!

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                  • #10
                    Thanks all -- I will keep developments posted, don't care how long it takes, I'm not prepared to wear this ludicrous accusation. Ultimately, she and I both know the truth, and that will eat at her for the rest of her life whatever lies she uses to justify this to herself.

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                    • #11
                      "She's having her revenge. I would give up ideas of having yours."


                      Excellent advice from WGO. Focus on your freedom, not your revenge.
                      Don't get me wrong, we all felt like this at the beginning. However, you have a monumental fight on your hands and you need to focus on that for the time being.

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                      • #12
                        Thanks,

                        I fully intend to focus on what's important for now. As per advice above I have contacted Gerry's firm they will represent me in Oxfordshire, so I feel better already !!!

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                        • #13
                          Hi mushroom and welcome to the forum but sorry you had to find us.... you've already been given loads of great advice which I can't really add to but just wanted to say welcome. keep posting and keep asking questions and you will get loads more support and advice.....
                          "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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