In complete shock..falsely accused of rape and not sure what to do

[mranonymous]

Hello i would like to remain anonymous due to many issues but i would like to share my account.

I have a Wife and Children and although I cheated on her what i am being accused of is really unfair.

One evening i was out with friends drinking and for the first time I tried recreational drugs (of the class A nature) being someone who completely detests them i was shocked that this even happened considering I would never dream of doing this.. I blame it do to the company i was with and the level of intoxication i was in at the time i took the drugs.

Nevertheless the amount that it took meant that the effects soon wore off and the alcohol was starting to wear off too.

I went to a nighclub and met a girl, she seemed lonely so i spoke to her and she seemed friendly. She told me to meet her on the dance floor. Within 10 minutes i remember her name but not what she looked like so i asked her male friend if he had lost her and what she looked like so he told me.

I eventually found her and she was dancing with a dude so i cut in and had a dance and it was on and off between the dude and I. She did say it was her friends brother.

Anyway moving on we left the club and she asked me to pick her up because he legs were hurting so i happily obliged then she said she had no underwear on and people could see so i put her down and she said she was only joking then asked for a piggyback and of course i gave her one. We finally set down on a bench area and were discussing what we would do the rest of the evening. I asked her where do you want to go.. and she replied anywhere.

I said okay lets go to the hilton hotel.. so she said okay. We walked to the taxi together.. made our way to the hotel and then we ended up there. I booked the room, we were cuddling and stuff in the foyer then went up to the room.

We turned the light on and then i felt it would be better with the light off so she was more comfortable. I must stress at this point i was completely aware of my surroundings and what was going on as was she.

I took my clothes off and got on the bed. She took hers off and followed. I performed cunnilingus on here for a great duration of time and she was enjoying it. We proceeded to sex and again I could tell she was enjoying it by her facial expressions and the body language between us. We both had a shower and we discussed my children but not my partner.

at some point i said to her i presume your on contraception and she said no the pill doesnt agree with me. i discussed what would happen if she got pregnant and she replied i dont believe in abortions. telling her i already had children and wasnt ready for another one didnt gain much sympathy for her.. she said i should of asked :/

We had a shower together while she held her hair up stopping it from getting wet i gave her soap and shower gel over the shower screen..}

She told me her job, she asked about mine i told her. I told her about my kids but not that i was in a relationship at the time.

we had sex 3 or 4 times that evening in multiple positions and i performed cunnilingus on her many times. she didnt want to perform fellatio on me which i accepted. It did start to get a bit dry and i said are you okay? she said yeah its getting a bit sore down there but its okay. I asked her if she needed to be home and she said no where im from my parents dont mind. She's 19 and im 27.

We had many discussions about many topics and it was a comfortable atmosphere we slept in each others arms for a while. I never felt that she was uncomfortable at any point.

We discussed exchanging numbers and possibly meeting up again and she said she would like to meet me again.

We had another shower this time together and then we started to get ready to both go home. I asked her if she wanted to be my **** buddy and she got really funny about it saying do you just want to meet me for sex then?

I said no and i illustrated that i didnt want her to feel used and this evening wasnt about her being used and i would never wish for her to feel used and that we didnt have to just meet up for sex. i think this may of played on her mind and actually made her feel used.

I ordered at taxi and dropped her home first then i went home.

There was an argument between me and my partner but we resolved it.

Later that evening the police came to my home, took my clothes and told me that the young lady had alleged that i had raped her. I was completely mortified and i told my partner another story, i was in true shock horror.

I went to the station and they gave me an 2 hour interview.

Her version of events goes as follows.

I picked her up and walked her out of the club (almost impossible as it requires walking down a large set of stairs, she told me she was waiting for her male friend and i told her no.. your coming with me.. she said she wanted to go home in the taxi.. and i replied that shes coming with me to a hotel. We got in the taxi she didnt remember the route but we ended up at the hilton hotel. When we were there she presumed we would go to the room to continue talking. When we got in the room, i pinned her down, took her clothes off and forced her to have sex with me. She kept saying no but i continued to pull her hair and force her. Apparently i raped her vaginally 4 times. Apparently i held her down by her shoulders. She didnt mention the shower, she didnt mention the taxi home (i called the taxi from the hotel so there will be some recoord of that as well as cctv).

Apparently as soon as she got out of the taxi she went to find her friend and they immediately called the police to report this rape.

i have told my partner a web of lies because i honestly cannot break it to her. i have cheated on her in the past, and i really dont want to lose her or my children. It will risk our marriage and our plans and i cant even look her in the eye. She can sense something wrong, she has had dreams about me cheating on her the night that this happened. I feel like a zombie i am walking around unhappy with this in the back of my head.

My solicitor told me it is unlikely to go to court he thinks it may be NFA's due to the fact she came with me to the hotel and due to the fact she also travelled with me in a taxi back to her house.

My friend said to me the fact that she said you raped her 4 times should be reason enough that she is lying. Because after being raped once in a hotel surely she would make a lot of noise or she bang on the door or try to get away. Also when i was having a shower she had ample opportunity to leave.

I am honestly heartbroken i dont understand why it went from us having some harmless fun together to this crazy allegation. I feel like i cannot live my normal life and i have never felt this stressed or worried about anything.

My wife thinks that I got into a fight because i cannot bare to tell her i am just praying it gets dropped. I dont want to put too much detail on here because i dont want it to link to me.

my bail conditions say i cannot speak to the girl directly or indirectly.. but i wish to know what her agenda is. why she is doing this. i know a few people that are mutual friends with her on facebook and i am wondering if it would be wise to get them to contact her and say listen stop this you are potentially breaking up a marriage, and ruining a family, and ruining this persons reputation and causing him great distress. it isnt true so stop lying. it wouldnt even be with the cps yet so she could cancel this whole thing and everyone could get on with their lives.

i am so depressed and stressed. i really dont know what to do

please help

[Casehardened]

Hello & welcome to the forum.

Firstly,yes it is important to remain anonymous as anyone can view your posts, and secondly if you look at a few other member's threads you will note that your situation is not that unusual just that details and locations are different. Have a look at my thread in the useful information section of the forum to give you an overview of 'what happens next'.

In your case it is great good fortune that you decided to use a hotel; presumably as it was a Hilton there would have been a live receptionist, if so the woman has hung herself with her own statement as it is inconceivable that after you had apparently dragged her from the club and into a taxi and then into the foyer, that she would not have taken the opportunity of asking for help at the desk; should it go to court the defence barrister will relish his cross-examination.

Nevertheless you mustn't get complacent as i am guessing that you confirmed to the police in your interview that you had intercourse so it is a matter of consent. In this instance the law says that a woman can lead you to the bedroom, take her clothes off and then say no to intercourse and it then becomes rape; very much a case of being condemned by her words alone! I would suggest that, while it is fresh in your mind, you try to remember the taxi (to hotel) details and see if you can get hold of the driver as his statement will be useful.

To end on a positive note, the CPS will be using the criteria of whether a jury is likely to convict in whether or not to charge, and from your account I would judge it to be unlikely.

I will leave it to the wonderfully supportive ladies and partners on the forum to advise you regarding telling your wife!

[mranonymous]

Thank you for such kind reassuring words.

I was thinking of having someone that she doesnt know message her saying dont do this to yourself its not worth lying ruining peoples lives, families, careers, prospects etc over a silly lie etc. Adviseable or not? I know what the bail conditions say i just think letting her know if she tells the truth too late she could be perverting the course of justice and get into even more trouble. I was thinking in such message there could be empathy in the sense of 'i know why you would do such a thing' but it isnt worth it for whatever reason youve said it.. its not too late to tell the truth and do the right thing and that the best thing to do is just drop the charges.

Hello & welcome to the forum.

Firstly,yes it is important to remain anonymous as anyone can view your posts, and secondly if you look at a few other member's threads you will note that your situation is not that unusual just that details and locations are different. Have a look at my thread in the useful information section of the forum to give you an overview of 'what happens next'.

In your case it is great good fortune that you decided to use a hotel; presumably as it was a Hilton there would have been a live receptionist, if so the woman has hung herself with her own statement as it is inconceivable that after you had apparently dragged her from the club and into a taxi and then into the foyer, that she would not have taken the opportunity of asking for help at the desk; should it go to court the defence barrister will relish his cross-examination.

Nevertheless you mustn't get complacent as i am guessing that you confirmed to the police in your interview that you had intercourse so it is a matter of consent. In this instance the law says that a woman can lead you to the bedroom, take her clothes off and then say no to intercourse and it then becomes rape; very much a case of being condemned by her words alone! I would suggest that, while it is fresh in your mind, you try to remember the taxi (to hotel) details and see if you can get hold of the driver as his statement will be useful.

To end on a positive note, the CPS will be using the criteria of whether a jury is likely to convict in whether or not to charge, and from your account I would judge it to be unlikely.

I will leave it to the wonderfully supportive ladies and partners on the forum to advise you regarding telling your wife!

[mranonymous]

And yes i have confirmed that intercourse took place and that it was completely consensual as it was.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi

My personal opinion: don't do it. It may be regarded as a threat, putting her under pressure or whatever, even if it doesn't come from you directly. I have wnated many a time to contact the FA either directly or indirectly because it would have given me the feeling of having done something, but I didn't. It's a horrible waiting game that we have to sit out...

Take care!

[mranonymous]

Hi

My personal opinion: don't do it. It may be regarded as a threat, putting her under pressure or whatever, even if it doesn't come from you directly. I have wnated many a time to contact the FA either directly or indirectly because it would have given me the feeling of having done something, but I didn't. It's a horrible waiting game that we have to sit out...

Take care!

Thank you. I dunno i just think that someone humans can be one-track minded until something makes them see clearly that what they are doing is wrong

I have checked the FA's facebook and on the morning that it happened

ALL OF THIS HAPPENED between like 3/4 and 8am she wrote to her friend. Sorry (friends name) <3

Presumably shes saying sorry because she went off and left him.

[Saffron]

Please do not try to contact the accuser IN ANY WAY, even via a 3rd party. If she inform Plod that she has had a text message (or any kind of message) from someone she doesn't know advising her to withdraw her complaint, you will be remanded before you can say "Hokey".

I am now going to talk about your relationship with your partner.

Speaking as the wife of someone who was FAd in almost identical circumstances, please please tell your partner. My hubby did exactly the same - kept it a secret for almost 3 months. He even used the same excuse as you - got involved in a fight at a bar. In a way that was almost more hurtful than him cheating on me.

Do not blame your situation on the company you were keeping that night. Everything that happened was your choice - you chose to get drunk, you chose to take class A drugs, you chose to chat up a random stranger and you chose to go with her to a hotel room and have unprotected sex with her four times. (I am not judging you in any way here - I have, in my wild youth, done all those things as well - apart from the 4 times bit!) However, bleating that it was "just a bit of harmless fun" and that your current situation is "unfair" will not do you any favours. Your partner certainly won't think it was harmless fun, especially as the sex was unprotected. Yes, being arrested for something you didn't do is unfair, but it is far better to hold your hands up and say "I have done something monumentally stupid and the outcome is this" than attempt to make feeble excuses.

OK, that's my two-pennorth.

Get yourself a good solicitor - one who specialises in successfully defending FAs.
Write down everything you can remember about the night/morning in question.
Ask your sol to contact the nightclub and the hotel and request copies of the CCTV footage. Some places only keep footage for a couple of weeks, so it is absolutely imperative that this is done immediately.
If you can remember the cab company you used, contact them and pass the details to your sol. The taxi firm will have a log of which drivers did which routes at which times and will be able to identify the driver who took you to the hotel. He can then be interviewed.
Ask your sol to take a statement from whoever checked you in to the hotel.
Keep any text messages she sent you.

Do all of this now, don't delay.
And tell your partner.

[mranonymous]

Thank you so much. Can you advise a solicitor so i can get in touch straight away. Currently ive only used the duty solicitor.

Please do not try to contact the accuser IN ANY WAY, even via a 3rd party. If she inform Plod that she has had a text message (or any kind of message) from someone she doesn't know advising her to withdraw her complaint, you will be remanded before you can say "Hokey".

I am now going to talk about your relationship with your partner.

Speaking as the wife of someone who was FAd in almost identical circumstances, please please tell your partner. My hubby did exactly the same - kept it a secret for almost 3 months. He even used the same excuse as you - got involved in a fight at a bar. In a way that was almost more hurtful than him cheating on me.

Do not blame your situation on the company you were keeping that night. Everything that happened was your choice - you chose to get drunk, you chose to take class A drugs, you chose to chat up a random stranger and you chose to go with her to a hotel room. (I am not judging you in any way here - I have, in my wild youth, done all those things as well!) However, bleating that it was "just a bit of harmless fun" and that your current situation is "unfair" will not do you any favours. Your partner certainly won't think it was harmless fun. Yes, it is unfair, but it is far better to hold your hands up and say "I have done something monumentally stupid and the outcome is this" than attempt to make feeble excuses.

OK, that's my two-pennorth.

Get yourself a good solicitor - one who specialises in successfully defending FAs.
Write down everything you can remember about the night/morning in question.
Ask your sol to contact the nightclub and the hotel and request copies of the CCTV footage. Some places only keep footage for a couple of weeks, so it is absolutely imperative that this is done immediately.
If you can remember the cab company you used, contact them and pass the details to your sol. The taxi firm will have a log of which drivers did which routes at which times and will be able to identify the driver who took you to the hotel. He can then be interviewed.
Ask your sol to take a statement from whoever checked you in to the hotel.
Keep any text messages she sent you.

Do all of this now, don't delay.
And tell your partner.

[Saffron]

Have a look at the stickies recommending solicitors. If there are none in your area, post up your rough location (county or large town only) and someone may know of a firm to recommend.
The duty sol will not be able to do much at this point because s/he only gets paid to attend the copshop for interviews and bail appearances so any further work would be unpaid. If you appoint a specialist sol you will have to pay them to do these things.

[erin]

and I hope the partner you have cheated on before and she has forgiven you I hope she finds it in her heart to help you webs of lies are not good. Also there is probably a very good chance police read this site so be carefull what you say the less you say the better but on this website you don't have client privilege god should have mercy .if the pain becomes to much zoloft 100mg works very well for me daily after a few weeks you start living with like 80% less pain but i was suicidal so that 20% still breaks me down daily but everyone is diffrent siime people are against pills but be carefull it's a jungle your in now got good lawyers dont think this will all just nfa away

[Saffron]

Erin, I know you have been through hell, and I don't want to upset you. However I don't think your response is rational and therefore I am going to delete it. I appreciate that you meant well.
Please don't take this the wrong way

[mranonymous]

Its in the South East Region i am looking for. The home counties. I am happy to pay for a decent lawyer. I just want my innocence proven however possible.

Have a look at the stickies recommending solicitors. If there are none in your area, post up your rough location (county or large town only) and someone may know of a firm to recommend.
The duty sol will not be able to do much at this point because s/he only gets paid to attend the copshop for interviews and bail appearances so any further work would be unpaid. If you appoint a specialist sol you will have to pay them to do these things.

[lonley place]

Hi mranonymous,
On the subject of your wife....How will she react if she finds out from some one else ?
I know that if my husband had kept the allegation from me and I later found out from a 3rd party I would have been deeply hurt by the deceit.
Also is there a chance the police may want to talk to your wife. LP

[mranonymous]

Hi mranonymous,
On the subject of your wife....How will she react if she finds out from some one else ?
I know that if my husband had kept the allegation from me and I later found out from a 3rd party I would have been deeply hurt by the deceit.
Also is there a chance the police may want to talk to your wife. LP

Seeing as though i have cheated on her in the past on numerous occasions i really dont want to tell her. I feel right now i am protecting her from the truth. I know you lot are recommending i tell her but i am really praying that it gets NFA'd and i can put everything behind me. Or that the girl drops the charges.

I dont think there is a chance the police may want to talk to my wife. If she finds out from someone else obviously she will be devastated

[lonley place]

Hi, sorry I have got to ask...which truth are you protecting her from, the cheating again or the FA ?
Either way I can't help thinking that maybe you are trying to protect yourself from further hurt.
Remember also that your wife could be your greatest support while the investigation is on going.
As the oic of our case said..The lies and deceit have a nasty habit of biting you on the bum. LP