I feel sick

[How did this happen]

Hi DBI
Four months and nothing that must be so hard I feel for you and admire you as well. If this goes on four months I don't think there will be anything left of me I've lost 3.5kg already and last week managed a whole 9 hours sleep.... If this keeps up drugs for sleep will be necessary!!

Does anyone know if we should have a solicitor to inform the police of things like change of address my partner is for all extents and purposes moving and I'm not sure if he should inform them or not. I say for all extents and purposes as officially his address will be the same but he won't be living there full time.

[Casehardened]

Does anyone know if we should have a solicitor to inform the police of things like change of address my partner is for all extents and purposes moving and I'm not sure if he should inform them or not. I say for all extents and purposes as officially his address will be the same but he won't be living there full time.

Check his bail conditions on the notice of bail. I think the relevant address is the one where he would be found if the police were to make a spot check. If he is shuttling back and forth it would be best to phone the OIC himself and explain this (no need to get a solicitor to do this)

[Mortons]

Are there any bail conditions, specifically (but not limited to);
- ones requiring him to live and sleep at a particular address
- not to goto certain areas (eg not near the complainant)
- not to have contact with children
- doorstep/curfew conditions

If he has a live and sleep condition he must get permission of the Officer in the Case BEFORE he moves, otherwise he will be in breach of bail and could be liable for arrest.

The OIC is likely to want the Accused to live as far away as possible from the Complainant, so they will want to make sure it isn't around the corner etc.

When the OIC is contacted they will likely want to know the new address details, reason for moving, whose address it is, are there any children living there.

In this sort of case its prudent to make the Officer aware, but if you have concerns speak to your solicitor about whether you should or not.

[How did this happen]

Thanks all the only conditions are not to go to the accusers house and not to contact her.
It's not a move so much as a job change which will mean lives in a hotel so many nights a week.

When I speak to him next I will give him all your advice, this kind of thing are par of the frustrations of this and not being able to get advice from a solicitor because there is no charge. It's not so easy staying in touch as he has no phone and the cell phone company hasn't sent a replacement yet.

I swear NOTHING is going right just now!

[How did this happen]

Life pre FA

Does anyone who is the partner of a FA feel like this has consumed their whole life

As I previously mentioned I work from home and live on my own and I don't seem to be able to stop thinking about this horrible event and accusation.
I spend hours going over what was said and happened. I worry about my statement to the police and did I say anything they could take the wrong way..... They certainly tried hard enough to misconstrue things when I gave the statement.

I'm frantic about the bail date and what will happen, so worried we have no solicitor and I'm confused as to whether there should be one or not. I know that without charge there is very little can be done but I read all these comments saying don't contact the police for anything and don't speak to them without a solicitor so what happens if we don't have one and he answers bail and they want to request ion

Sorry I'm just so scared and I can't turn my head off it just goes round and round and round building me into an ever increasing frenzy. I have no one to talk to.

Ironically my OH is generally doing better than me as he has buried himself in work, unfortunately for me it's a quiet patch at work so I can't do that

[lonley place]

Hi
Its hard to forget the horror of what is happening, but it is possible to put it to the back of your mind if only for a little while.
Music was my saviour I found that if I sang every word in my head till the end of the song,I hadn't thought about the bad things for 5 minutes. I found games to play which I had to focus on also worked, hidden object or puzzles worked for me.
And it goes without saying the wonderful people on here helped in the down time. LP

[How did this happen]

Hi LP

I'm going to try and go back to my hobby this week and get out the house for a while, I may not have the focus for it but its better than festering.

DBI has sent me a lovely PM which has helped me feel better and my OH has phoned to make sure I'm ok.

Tomorrow is a new day, time to stop hiding away and worrying and try to fill some of these never ending hours and days.

I find reading helps take me to another place so I will be loading up my kindle and I may be draining the phone battery with a never ending supply of games

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Am glad to help you! It took a while but I have become a fighter Get out and do what u can but remember keep in mind: NOT GUILTY! You'll get there, yes you will. Good night

[How did this happen]

Hi All
I've decided we need to at least speak to a solicitor so that in the event of him being re-interviewed at the bail he can have a specialist solicitor present.

I think just knowing he has one who knows what they are doing should they be required will be a massive weight off my mind..... I know there shouldn't be a need as the forensics will show his innocence and I know that there is nothing they can do but the reassurance having one would give us is priceless.

Can anyone recommend one, I would like to use Chris Saltrese's firm as they seem very good and we can pay so that opens options but I'm guessing they are super busy and may not be able to help.

I know to some this might seem silly but having a solicitor would really help calm me down.

One last question that I may have asked before but couldn't see an answer to so apologies if I've missed it.
He has been accused and bailed for rape. When forensics prove this didn't happen can the story and charge (or perhaps accusation) be changed?

Thanks in advance

[Casehardened]

One last question that I may have asked before but couldn't see an answer to so apologies if I've missed it.
He has been accused and bailed for rape. When forensics prove this didn't happen can the story and charge (or perhaps accusation) be changed?

Thanks in advance

This is not the answer you want to hear, but some member's experiences is that the charge has subsequently been altered to 'attempted' rape, for which conveniently no forensics are necessary

Regarding instructing a solicitor, the consensus amongst members is that, if you are able to pay privately, Chris is the best there is.

At this stage the OH is only going to need advice, perhaps only over the telephone or a personal visit to the office; scheduling issues only arise when courtroom appearances are necessary.

I completely agree that is is reassuring to discuss matters with a specialist solicitor, so why not phone him up and make a preliminary enquiry?

[How did this happen]

Thanks casehardened

I was worried that was something they (the police) might have tried to do in the past!
I'm hoping that's not going to happen as its as ridiculous as the rape accusation it its one of the reasons I want him to have a good specialist solicitor.

We can pay, it will clear us out completely but if they decide to charge on this then all the money in the world will mean nothing if he goes to jail when he is innocent.

Really hoping my statement means something I was there and he only left me for the time it takes to smoke a cigarette outside and then go upstairs and pee. When I was interviewed I had no idea what he had been arrested for so no motivation. To be anything other than honest......although the fact that they were from the serious sexual crimes unit gave a indication.

[Rights Fighter]

Chris is busy yes but please ring as he may well be able to fit you in and his charges are certainly much less than many others.

[How did this happen]

Thanks Rights Fighter
I will get my partner to ring as soon as he can. It's difficult for him to contact anyone just now as the police have taken his phone and he is working away from home

Could you clarify if you meant Chris's charges are less than others or my partners.... Sorry I'm not sleeping well and I'm useless mentally at the moment.

One other question or advice really.

He has asked his service provider for a replacement SIM so that he can at least have a phone again. Now I know that the police are going to take their own sweet time analysing his for god knows what but I was wondering if we would be better getting a pay as you go until they are finished with him and its all over. The reason I was wondering this is I know they will get transcripts of all his texts and calls and I don't necessarily want to have to edit everything I say to him. Living apart means texts are a frequent means of communication for us and I don't want the police poking around in our fears, I want to maintain a degree of privacy

Will they look at texts sent after the alleged event?
Can they seize the replacement mobile as well with no provocation such as breaking his bail and contacting the accuser which neither of us would/will ever do again

Apologies if these are silly questions

[Rights Fighter]

Sorry, just got in after a much needed day off. Solicitor Chris may well be able to answer those questions. Maybe your man could ask a friend or relative if he can use their landline phone to ring Chris?

[How did this happen]

Hi RF

I hope you had a nice day off. I've only been here a few weeks but Ive seen the volume of posts you give and I assume this is on top of a full time job so I can only say you deserve it.

The phone situation for him is tricky at the moment. New job working away from home and no access to a phone and no family or friends around. To be honest his work hours mean the office will be shut by the time he finishes for the day but I'm hoping to sort out a PAYG mobile at least until the replacement sim comes in anyway so he should be able to phone next week.

I guess from everything I have read here the only real urgency is my mental health