I feel sick

[How did this happen]

Ok today is one of those very low low days, my partner has gone back to work so I'm on my own until Friday with just my imagination. I work from home so no distraction there and I just feel I can't cope with anymore bad stuff
I'm going through a divorce
My father in law has cancer
This false accusation
My grandmother is falling into Alzheimers
And I have a high stress job

Top it up with the company I bought my dads birthday present from has just gone into liquidation and won't be sending me his present or giving me my money back.

I'm having a truly awful year and I feel very sorry for myself today.

I tried to have a session with my personal trainer but I've managed to eat so little that was a disaster.

I just want to crawl into a soft dark hole until it all gets better.

Sorry pity fest over, must try to be more positive

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi how did this happen

Sorry to hear things are not going do good for you today. I was like that at the weekend but it has got better. As i said to my husband, it's awful trying to cope with an FA when you also have other serious problems to deal with. I work from home too, so I can understand you there. And it's tough when your partner is away all week, too. But hang in. Things will become easier to cope with even if you don't believe it at the moment. And it's only 3 sleeps until your partner is back with you. When you wake up tomorrow, then only 2 ;-)
If you feel the need to PM anyone, you can PM if you wish...

Take care!

[myhome]

sorry to read you're low to-day - they come and then they go again - you're allowed to have them!!!! You would be unusual indeed if you didn't!!!! Don't beat yourself up - but accept that you're trying to cope "normally" with a very "Un-normal" situation - big hugs........

[How did this happen]

Hi don't believe it and my home
Thank you so much for the one words and support.
I have decided after reading many many of these posts that I am NOT gong to wallow in self pity today.
Yes what we are going through is hell but so many of the people here are going through worse with claims made against them by their loved ones or so many years ago.

So a major attempt not to have a down day for the rest of the week! Which probably means avoiding facebook as its tearing me up with the comments from the FA's girlfriend saying what a good time they had over the weekend. The FA was even on my partners LinkedIn I just don't understand that at all. My heart goes out to those genuinely raped and I wonder how many of them have a drunken holiday the next weekend and check out their rapists profile.

Anyway rant over, I'm going to attempt to get a couple more hours sleep and then set about getting through the day in a more positive frame of mind

Apologies for wallowing

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi
Am really glad to read that! Hold your head high and try not to look at any of that person's profiles whatsoever. Don't let her eat your day up. Justice will win in the end!
I sincerely hope you will have a nice day!
Take care.

[How did this happen]

Hi don't believe it and my home
Thank you so much for the one words and support

This was meant to say kind words

[Mortons]

The police have kept [...] his phone which he needs for work.

Various police forces take various amounts of time but sometimes as much as 10 weeks to interrogate a phone (due to backlogs) others can do it onsite in an afternoon.

If its the phone number he needs such as a self-employed tradesman I would suggest getting him to contact his provider and they can send out a new sim card in the post.
This won't affect the police interrogation of the phone.
However he needs to be aware that the police will likely get all the phone records from the provider which may include any new messages sent, so be aware regarding any communications sent/received to that new sim.

Put sim into a cheap phone until he gets his original back (in the event that nothing is found on the phone).

This is the sort of tips & tricks that Solicitor may have told him about.

[How did this happen]

Thanks Morton we ordered a new sim last Monday it's just taking an age to arrive.

Nothing will be on the phone all contact with the FA and her girlfriend were through me. If they go back over a year there may be some texts to the girlfriend.

I know he should have had a solicitor and he knows that too but they locked him in a cold cell for 15 hours with only a thin T-shirt and some jogging bottoms (police issue as they seized ALL his clothing) and didn't go near him for that entire time apart from twice when he got to go to the toilet.

He wasn't given food or water,he wasn't given a phone call, he was scared and worried about me and naively believed the police were the good guys and as he had committed no crime it would all be fine.

We are trying hard not to worry too much on the fact that he didn't have a solicitor. There was no sex, there was no sexual contact!! I was there in the building and he was only upstairs out of my sight for a very short time 2-4 minutes (about the time it takes to pee).The forensics will prove that the supposed rape is a work of her imagination and hopefully save the day for us.

[How did this happen]

Last night was a toughie
My partner is absolutely convinced when he answers his bail on 10th May that they will lock him up and put him in jail for a crime he hasn't committed.
I don't know how to reassure him

I have a burning ball of rage and pain and hate in my stomach against the evil female.

He is so scared and so am I.

If his bail gets extended or he gets charged I'm so worried about what that will do to him.

I've read on here about the charge being changed from rape to attempted rape when they didn't have enough evidence to prove the first.... Seems so unfair!

[edinguy]

Hi case hardened
He didn't take the duty solicitor naively as he hasn't done anything wrong and at the time thought this would be realised and it would all go away. Seems so silly now!!

H intends to use Chris saltrese should the worst happen, can he engage them now?
When I spoke to them they implied he would have to wait in being charged.

Don'tbelieveit, we haven't told anyone for exactly this fear, I he is charged I know we will have to face it.

My home thankyou for the kind words, we are trying to be strong it's just so hard just now. Hopefully it will subside a little. One thing I can say is that I thought we had a strong relationship before, that was nothing to now! I love him more than anything else in the world and we will get through this together!!!

I regretted not going in with a solicitor too but it was the best thing I ever done and if I didn't I may not be sitting here replying to you so don't beat yourself up about him not choosing that option.

He had nothing to hide so why would he need one?
He wanted to help as fully as possible so why would he need one?

Be strong and positive!

[edinguy]

Last night was a toughie
My partner is absolutely convinced when he answers his bail on 10th May that they will lock him up and put him in jail for a crime he hasn't committed.
I don't know how to reassure him

I have a burning ball of rage and pain and hate in my stomach against the evil female.

He is so scared and so am I.

If his bail gets extended or he gets charged I'm so worried about what that will do to him.

I've read on here about the charge being changed from rape to attempted rape when they didn't have enough evidence to prove the first.... Seems so unfair!

No 2 cases are the same so try not to compare the one you are dealing with to that of others, I spent many a week, month and even year doing that and making myself ill with worry.

He did nothing wrong, the truth will come out. You know it and he knows it and judging by the way he wasn't charged straight away ect the police know it too.

They system isn't great and it treats the accuser like a piece of garbage with no support whatsoever but that does not mean he is going to jail it's just the way they deal with these things.

[How did this happen]

Thanks Edinguy
I just wish we could get a solicitor who could advise us of what the process is. We have so many unknowns and its hard not to freak out. But we can't get a solicitor until he is charged.....it's only been two weeks and it feels like a lifetime.

I want him to have a solicitor with him when he answers his bail just in case they charge him, I know they shouldn't as there will be NO forensic evidence at all but right now I have zero faith in the entire legal system.

In fact I'm struggling to have faith in anyone but my partner because this was a 'friend' who did this to us. Then I read some of the horror stories on here and realise how much worse it could all be.

When I was interviewed the police told me that they had done the forensics on my OH I asked how long they took to come back on average and they said 2-3weeks. My question is in people's experience do the police hold onto the results until the bail date or if the probe the allegation is false will they let us know.

I know it's probably another unanswerable question

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi how did this happen

I am sitting in rather the same boat as you. I have been interviewed, my husband has not. As far as I am aware there is no charge nothing. And I know he is innocent. We are now into our fourth month without anything happening. A sol cannot help us either. We also have a very long list of "don't-knows" to cope with and it's tough. But with time, you learn to cope and find the fighter in you!
Take care!

[edinguy]

Thanks Edinguy
I just wish we could get a solicitor who could advise us of what the process is. We have so many unknowns and its hard not to freak out. But we can't get a solicitor until he is charged.....it's only been two weeks and it feels like a lifetime.

I want him to have a solicitor with him when he answers his bail just in case they charge him, I know they shouldn't as there will be NO forensic evidence at all but right now I have zero faith in the entire legal system.

In fact I'm struggling to have faith in anyone but my partner because this was a 'friend' who did this to us. Then I read some of the horror stories on here and realise how much worse it could all be.

When I was interviewed the police told me that they had done the forensics on my OH I asked how long they took to come back on average and they said 2-3weeks. My question is in people's experience do the police hold onto the results until the bail date or if the probe the allegation is false will they let us know.

I know it's probably another unanswerable question

Not sure how it works in England as my experience was different but I went through interview, medical DNA and then was released without charge only to be charged at later date.

All I can say is some of us have been through what you are going through and it's not easy and you will feel utterly helpless but it will get better because he is innocent!

You know the forensics will come back with nothing and you are a witness to his whereabouts so it just couldn't have happened. Timescales the authorities don't give a jot about it makes no difference to them about the emotional state of the accused and family.

Chin up and face this head on it will be over one day.

[Mortons]

2-3 weeks seems overly quick to me.

Keeping it simple. When he returns to the police station to answer bail there are generally four possible outcomes

1) re-interviewed (then 2, 3 or 4)
2) No Further Action => End of the case
3) Rebailed to return on a future date => eg if forensic results haven't come back
4) Charged

I have some clients now who have returned to the police station for the 5th time over period of months waiting for the dna to come back.
The final decision whether or not to charge in these case is done by two Crown Prosecution Service lawyers. It will be based on the evidence as a whole.