Falsely accused and in shock!

[Devastatedandshocked]

Hi All,

Sorry to bother you guys but I have been at my whits end since last night when I found out that my brother was arrested on Sunday morning, accused of rape.

The story goes...

He went out with a few of his friends to a nightclub on Friday night where he met a girl who invited him and his friends back to a house party which they all went back to.

When they arrived, she was all over him pretty much straight away and was practically pulling him up the stairs. Anyway, stupidly he had sex with her and woke up in the morning and left on amicable terms and kissed her goodbye.

One of his friends realised on Saturday afternoon that he had left his phone at her house so he went with him to get it back. She was quite friendly to him and they had a chat (with his friend present). He asked if he last night was OK to which she replied "What was OK.?". He told her that they had had sex thinking that she was joking and she said that she couldn't remember it even though he had left her house a few hours earlier.

They didn't really talk about it further and he and his friend left and didn't think anything of it still kind of thinking that she was winding him up in front of his friend.

She was later spotted out drinking on Saturday night and seemed in good spirits.

Sunday morning, the police arrested my brother for rape. She was alleging that she couldn't remember anything and that he must have forced himself on her without her consent. Even though the house party was pretty busy and there are lots of witnesses to her coming on to him.

He has now been bailed for 9 weeks until they interview everyone who was at the party.

All of us are pretty much in a state of shock at the moment and never thought that this would happen to us.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[browndown77]

Hi Devastatedandshocked

We all know what you are going through, each of our stories is a personal tragedy that will change our lives forever, but at this stage there is not much he can do other than wait for the police to complete there investigation.

Did he have a solicitor present when he was interview? Did he answer any of the questions?

I know there have been a few thing in the press about rape cases where the female has been so drunk therefor its considered she couldn't of consented or something like that, but i'm sure that more knowledgeable members can give you accurate accurate advice.

[Devastatedandshocked]

Hi,

Yes, he had a solicitor present and answered all of the questions. He is in as much shock as we all are.

Got 9 weeks of this constant worry to deal with now :'(

I am not sure as to how much either of them had drunk but a friend of mine who is in the police said that as soon as she has touched alcohol it can be a problem.

Thanks for the advice.

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum and really sorry you had to find us. I have been here 3 months and ther is on average one new member joining every day which is shocking, horrifying and very very sad. You will get loads of support and advice - practical, legal and emotional on here. Read the other threads - especially billykickass- http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...149-So-worried - long but worth the read - similar story to yours...

Got 9 weeks of this constant worry to deal with now :'(

With regard to the time scale it is impossible to predict - some get NFA in 6 weeks, one member has just been cleared of 14 counts of rape after 4 years, but the "norm" seems to be 18-24 months - each one is differerent.

Be prepared for you and your brother to go through an horrendous rollercoaster of emotions - some you didn't know you had. Many people find their GP to be a great support. \keep posting and become involved in the forum and you will learn a great deal - we're all here to help and support each other

[jonathan]

welcome

hi, it would be better if your brother came on the site as we can then help him direct, regards jonathan

[Faith]

Not necessarily. Anyone can request and expect support here. Plenty of our members are not the person directly accused but a family member

[Saffron]

Just in response to Jonathan, and in support of Devastatedandshoclked:
I am the partner of someone FAd.
I joined this site in about 2003 (or it might be 2004, it is such a long time ago now!) and I seriously don't think I would still be walking the earth if it hadn't been for the support I received here.
Outsiders think that being FAd is torturous, and yes it is. But as the supporter of someone FAd, seeing the devastation and desperation your loved one is going through, whilst being utterly powerless is frightening. I can list the emotions if you like, but the list is pretty long.
Jonathan, yes, the person who has been FAd might find it useful to join, but ultimately he has to make that decision. Sometimes joining a site like this makes it all too real and scary.
However we will do all we can to support the partners and family of those who are FAd.

[lonley place]

Hi Devastatedandshocked & Welcome. My Hubby was FAd, he never felt able to join the site himself,
I thankfully found it and joined for both of us. The support and advice we have received has been exceptional, we would have found things a lot harder to cope with had we been alone.
Its horrendous watching a loved one suffer, we suffer along with them and sometimes don't know what to do for the best so its good to come here.. gain support and strength from others when we need it most. LP