paranoid and needs help

[paranoid_thoughs]

Hi all,
this is a long story and it may be complicated
About 1.5 years ago, I met up with a guy I met on a gay hookup site to have sex. We had chatted on the chatroom they provided on the site and decided to meet up on the next day. On that day where we met up, we in fact did not do anything, because we could not recognize each other in real life and we did not have each other's contact (cellphone, name, etc). So after a while, we both left the location, (we arranged to meet up in a mall) and we did NOT have any sex or contact in real life at all. We did not even say "hi". However, on that night, he messaged me on the gay hookup site again, asking if i was the man he saw and I said yes to his descriptions and have not contacted/ been in contact with him since. I am now paranoid that he is going to falsely accuse me of rape and live in anxiety with panic attacks. I know that it has been a pretty long time, 1.5 years, and nothing has happened but i am paranoid about those false claims of historic rape. Does anyone know any advice for what i should do?

[RFLH]

I think you may be panicking needlessly - if there's been no contact since then I doubt you'll hear anything else.

Don't let this take over your life - you're missing out on your life, which is a great shame.

Concentrate on the now and future and put the past where it belongs.

[paranoid_thoughs]

well, what has really made me paranoid is because he deleted his profile from the hookup site, and i am worried that he may be one of those people who accuse false rape after one night stand. I am really worried, what should i do?

[RFLH]

perhaps he'd just changed his mind - or found someone else.

I think you're over-thinking and worrying for nothing.

[myhome]

Hi - I'd echo RFLH's advice, but if you really can't put it out of your mind then I would strongly suggest that you go to your GP to be referred for some counselling, before this takes over your life completely - be strong

[paranoid_thoughs]

sorry, but what does GP stand for?

[RFLH]

I think your American P-T?

GP = general practioner or doctor.

[whatsgoingon?]

well, what has really made me paranoid is because he deleted his profile from the hookup site, and i am worried that he may be one of those people who accuse false rape after one night stand. I am really worried, what should i do?

But you didn't have a 'one night stand' did you? I really think you're worrying unecessarily - there could be 101 reasons why he hasn't been in touch again.
Perhaps the situation has made you think of what COULD happen after such an encounter so maybe avoiding getting into that sort of trouble is what you should be focusing on. Don't let it ruin the rest of your life though!
Take care.

[paranoid_thoughs]

But you didn't have a 'one night stand' did you? I really think you're worrying unecessarily - there could be 101 reasons why he hasn't been in touch again.
Perhaps the situation has made you think of what COULD happen after such an encounter so maybe avoiding getting into that sort of trouble is what you should be focusing on. Don't let it ruin the rest of your life though!
Take care.

no i did not actually have the one night stand. actually, we didn't even have any contact with each other on the day that we met. we just saw each other but didn't even say "hi" or talk. but yea i dont think i will ever one night stand in the future. i have read some other cases on false accusation of rape and have been paranoid ever since, kind of like, im thinking the situation is a time bomb going to explode eventually?

[IvorBinWronged]

You are a barmpot!

Go look up OCD and think about times you have fixated on things before and then go get some meds pal (i think prozac works) because you are suffering and that's not what life is about. No-one's going to FA you.

Good luck.

[paranoid_thoughs]

Go look up OCD and think about times you have fixated on things before and then go get some meds pal (i think prozac works) because you are suffering and that's not what life is about. No-one's going to FA you.

Good luck.

thanks for the advice, i did look u OCD...but i think my problem is that i am uncertain of whats going to happen in the future, and will a FA occur... i really dont know what to do and cant stop my obsessive thoughts on it..

[RFLH]

first step is to get some counselling - you are going to drive yourself nuts at this rate.

[myhome]

You are doing something that mental health professionals called "catastrophising." it is a very easy thing to do - to look ahead and put the worst possible outcome on to whatever the issue is. I will repeat my advice and that of RFLH - you need to get some counselling and the sooner the better otherwise you may end up very poorly indeed....

[Faith]

Ivor, I don't think it is productive to call the poster a 'barmpot'

I do agree that counselling may be beneficial. Look at it logically for a moment, paranoid thoughts. If no sex or even contact took place this isnt likely to ever happen. FIrst thing the police would want is a DNA sample of some kind. You also have the messages to prove that you didn't meet up. You acknowledge that your thoughts are paranoid. That's all they are, and needlessly so. Move on, and avoid these dating websites.

[IvorBinWronged]

Barmpot: the most heinous of names...

Ivor, I don't think it is productive to call the poster a 'barmpot'

I do agree that counselling may be beneficial. Look at it logically for a moment, paranoid thoughts. If no sex or even contact took place this isnt likely to ever happen. FIrst thing the police would want is a DNA sample of some kind. You also have the messages to prove that you didn't meet up. You acknowledge that your thoughts are paranoid. That's all they are, and needlessly so. Move on, and avoid these dating websites.

Faith. My choice of word and exclamation mark was to make light of a comment to a rather unique thread. The post was caring and understang of this members plight - he does show signs of OCD and prozac (or others) DOES alleviate symptoms. Please don't think it was being harsh - I'll save harsh for when it's needed.

As I stated - the guy is suffering - he needs support and direction. If he gets on a good medicine regime, these thoughts and though processes will probably disappear.

It should also be said that meeting strangers for sex is a behaviour that one could do with ejecting. I've never heard it end well in the mid to long run either in the gay or wider community.

Good luck.