Tweet
Any advice would be hugely appreciated as I am slowly falling to pieces with the weight of what is happening to me.
I met a woman online last October via a mutual friend on facebook, we talked online, with intense personal & sexual chemistry & decided to meet in person, which we did. We immediately began an intense, virtually round the clock relationship from the first night we met, with me almost living half my time at hers, as I am a single father with sole custody of my children.
Having been given keys to her apartment by her & upon finding out she had deceived me over several key issues whilst she was away over the holidays, I accidentally but stupidly damaged several items in the property whilst dropping her stuff back & collecting mine having ended the relationship because of the deceit.
I spoke to her online while she was away & advised her of this & of my willingness to pay & replace anything required & on her return she asked me to go over to discuss this & after agreeing how I would replace or pay for the damage we then ended up back in the exact same physical relationship, with her insisting that our relationship was more important than material items.
I then spent most of January attempting to sell my motorcycle to cover the damages she was specifying, which she was aware of and agreeable, but when the bike had not sold she started to become more demanding about how I intended to compensate her, whilst still maintaining the relationship.
She began to threaten me with informing the police that I had deliberately caused the damage unless I signed over not just my motorcycle, but my car as well, and after one such exchange on my return from buying cigarettes for her one morning, when I said I could not deal with the endless see-sawing emotionally & that she should just do whatever she thought best I went to leave but she persuaded me to stay & we would work it out somehow.
We then had sex, as we had done every morning, noon & night the preceding 3 months, but when I went to leave for the afternoon, she once again started to threaten me over the police & damages etc I told her I would do everything I could to pay her asap, and that we should draw up a binding legal agreement that guaranteed such, with the car or bike listed as collateral within an agreed timeframe.
She just became more abusive so I left, after which she left me several voice messages calling me a liar etc, and we spoke on the phone several times that afternoon, with her being more & more abusive, saying she was calling the police & letting them deal with it all, I told her that was her choice but that until we resolved this I did not want to see her as it was clearly unhealthy with such mood swings.
The next morning I was visited by the police, who looked puzzled when they asked if I knew why they were there & I said I assumed it was regarding the damage to my girlfriends apartment. They then informed me that, no, she had made allegations that I had raped her the previous morning & arrested me on 2 counts of alleged rape.
I was absolutely shellshocked. I still am. The arresting officer went so far as to say he was worried I was going to faint & did I want water. Nothing about the damages was mentioned whatsoever.
In the car on the way to the station they were called & told to arrest me for criminal damage also, which they somewhat apologetically did.
I called a friend who arranged a solicitor to attend, who I explained the entire situation to, who said it was going to be pretty clear to the police that it was vindictive & baseless & to just simply repeat the above but in detail as it was clear this was motivated by her anger in believing I was not going to repay her.
I was interviewed, asked to explain the damage first which I did, admitting I had caused it, albeit accidentally & that I had been having items repaired or replaced since the incident, which was over a month previous, and that the accuser had been agreeable to this.
I was then arrested for theft, as according to the law, by removing the damaged items from her property without her permission, this constituted theft. Again I admitted I had removed the damaged items, but that she had been aware of this since the incident & had never regarded it as theft.
They then asked me for my version of the previous morning with regards to the sexual allegations, I told them in detail, they told me her version was that when I returned in the morning with the cigarettes she had asked me to go & purchase, we had argued vehemently about the car & that she had then fallen asleep and woken to find me forcing myself on her, she had told me to stop because she was still upset after the previous argument but I ignored her & forced her to have sex. According to her I then forced her to perform oral sex, making the 2nd count of rape.
I denied this absolutely & pointed out we had had bigger arguments over the previous months and had consensual sex, in fact the issue of the damage itself had clearly not stopped her/us from having the same consensual relationship this entire time so why would it suddenly be different except that I had told her our relationship was over when I left afterwards.
The officer pointed out that we could have had sex a million times, their only interest was in this one occasion & her allegation that she had not consented.
They confiscated my phone, which is full of very graphic texts from her sent prior to the allegation, demanding I come round & **** her etc etc & also contains multiple video & images of us engaged in sex, clearly taken by her.
I was then bailed until the end of April, and my solicitor assured me he was of the opinion it would probably be dropped, and if charged, would be very simple to disprove, all of which only made me more apprehensive.
Since then I have contacted the mutual friend I met her through, who was horrified to hear I was even involved with the accuser in the first place, and detailed that she has a history of duping would be lovers out of money/gifts etc, was even in the national papers over one such episode that settled out of court & he would have warned me to steer clear had I asked his opinion prior to meeting her.
I have saved the one remaining voicemail she left AFTER she alleges the offence happened & I have been scouring sites like yours for advice or information to see what I can do while I sit agonising & thinking the worst case scenarios as a single parent.
The mutual contact has since informed me that the accuser has contacted him and says she wants to retract the sexual allegations as she never really wanted me arrested for that but is afraid to do so now for fear of being charged herself.
She has a history of at least one suicide attempt which left her in a coma, takes masses of anti depressants and wears a morphine medical patch continuously for pain relief & sees a psychiatrist weekly.
I have asked my solicitor if we can contact her via the police to make payment for the damages, as agreed previously, he says to just wait until my bail appointment, which seems much less proactive than I would like to be, also I asked if we can request that her phone be examined, as it would show even more evidence of her behaviour & deceit, but he was vague about this too. He is a solicitor advocate and asserts that he has dealt with similar cases but I fear it is not his speciality.
Any advice on what I can, or should be doing.
Apologies for this being such a long thread, just beside myself with anxiety.
I met a woman online last October via a mutual friend on facebook, we talked online, with intense personal & sexual chemistry & decided to meet in person, which we did. We immediately began an intense, virtually round the clock relationship from the first night we met, with me almost living half my time at hers, as I am a single father with sole custody of my children.
Having been given keys to her apartment by her & upon finding out she had deceived me over several key issues whilst she was away over the holidays, I accidentally but stupidly damaged several items in the property whilst dropping her stuff back & collecting mine having ended the relationship because of the deceit.
I spoke to her online while she was away & advised her of this & of my willingness to pay & replace anything required & on her return she asked me to go over to discuss this & after agreeing how I would replace or pay for the damage we then ended up back in the exact same physical relationship, with her insisting that our relationship was more important than material items.
I then spent most of January attempting to sell my motorcycle to cover the damages she was specifying, which she was aware of and agreeable, but when the bike had not sold she started to become more demanding about how I intended to compensate her, whilst still maintaining the relationship.
She began to threaten me with informing the police that I had deliberately caused the damage unless I signed over not just my motorcycle, but my car as well, and after one such exchange on my return from buying cigarettes for her one morning, when I said I could not deal with the endless see-sawing emotionally & that she should just do whatever she thought best I went to leave but she persuaded me to stay & we would work it out somehow.
We then had sex, as we had done every morning, noon & night the preceding 3 months, but when I went to leave for the afternoon, she once again started to threaten me over the police & damages etc I told her I would do everything I could to pay her asap, and that we should draw up a binding legal agreement that guaranteed such, with the car or bike listed as collateral within an agreed timeframe.
She just became more abusive so I left, after which she left me several voice messages calling me a liar etc, and we spoke on the phone several times that afternoon, with her being more & more abusive, saying she was calling the police & letting them deal with it all, I told her that was her choice but that until we resolved this I did not want to see her as it was clearly unhealthy with such mood swings.
The next morning I was visited by the police, who looked puzzled when they asked if I knew why they were there & I said I assumed it was regarding the damage to my girlfriends apartment. They then informed me that, no, she had made allegations that I had raped her the previous morning & arrested me on 2 counts of alleged rape.
I was absolutely shellshocked. I still am. The arresting officer went so far as to say he was worried I was going to faint & did I want water. Nothing about the damages was mentioned whatsoever.
In the car on the way to the station they were called & told to arrest me for criminal damage also, which they somewhat apologetically did.
I called a friend who arranged a solicitor to attend, who I explained the entire situation to, who said it was going to be pretty clear to the police that it was vindictive & baseless & to just simply repeat the above but in detail as it was clear this was motivated by her anger in believing I was not going to repay her.
I was interviewed, asked to explain the damage first which I did, admitting I had caused it, albeit accidentally & that I had been having items repaired or replaced since the incident, which was over a month previous, and that the accuser had been agreeable to this.
I was then arrested for theft, as according to the law, by removing the damaged items from her property without her permission, this constituted theft. Again I admitted I had removed the damaged items, but that she had been aware of this since the incident & had never regarded it as theft.
They then asked me for my version of the previous morning with regards to the sexual allegations, I told them in detail, they told me her version was that when I returned in the morning with the cigarettes she had asked me to go & purchase, we had argued vehemently about the car & that she had then fallen asleep and woken to find me forcing myself on her, she had told me to stop because she was still upset after the previous argument but I ignored her & forced her to have sex. According to her I then forced her to perform oral sex, making the 2nd count of rape.
I denied this absolutely & pointed out we had had bigger arguments over the previous months and had consensual sex, in fact the issue of the damage itself had clearly not stopped her/us from having the same consensual relationship this entire time so why would it suddenly be different except that I had told her our relationship was over when I left afterwards.
The officer pointed out that we could have had sex a million times, their only interest was in this one occasion & her allegation that she had not consented.
They confiscated my phone, which is full of very graphic texts from her sent prior to the allegation, demanding I come round & **** her etc etc & also contains multiple video & images of us engaged in sex, clearly taken by her.
I was then bailed until the end of April, and my solicitor assured me he was of the opinion it would probably be dropped, and if charged, would be very simple to disprove, all of which only made me more apprehensive.
Since then I have contacted the mutual friend I met her through, who was horrified to hear I was even involved with the accuser in the first place, and detailed that she has a history of duping would be lovers out of money/gifts etc, was even in the national papers over one such episode that settled out of court & he would have warned me to steer clear had I asked his opinion prior to meeting her.
I have saved the one remaining voicemail she left AFTER she alleges the offence happened & I have been scouring sites like yours for advice or information to see what I can do while I sit agonising & thinking the worst case scenarios as a single parent.
The mutual contact has since informed me that the accuser has contacted him and says she wants to retract the sexual allegations as she never really wanted me arrested for that but is afraid to do so now for fear of being charged herself.
She has a history of at least one suicide attempt which left her in a coma, takes masses of anti depressants and wears a morphine medical patch continuously for pain relief & sees a psychiatrist weekly.
I have asked my solicitor if we can contact her via the police to make payment for the damages, as agreed previously, he says to just wait until my bail appointment, which seems much less proactive than I would like to be, also I asked if we can request that her phone be examined, as it would show even more evidence of her behaviour & deceit, but he was vague about this too. He is a solicitor advocate and asserts that he has dealt with similar cases but I fear it is not his speciality.
Any advice on what I can, or should be doing.
Apologies for this being such a long thread, just beside myself with anxiety.
Comment