any help/advise falsely accused of rape with stepdaughter

[breakmyheart]

Firstly, i would like to express my admiration of those kind hearted people whom share their experiences ,supportive words and many possitive directions, and of course the site that enables this facility.

I was arrested 42days ago whilst enjoying my usual routines at home,with my partner of 12 yrs and two beautifull young children, on allegations of sexual abuse and rape of my 14yr old stepdaughter,whom does not live with us and only has regulated weekend visits on a 2 to three week cycle and proportionally allocated holiday times.

I was told that i would be interviewed and offered the available duty sol which they advised and duly accepted.i shortly found myself that evening being locked inside a cell and would be notified when the solicitor arrived.I recieved an internal call from him saying that he encourages the interview first thing in the morning and to shut my mouth until he speaks to me at 8.30a.m.The typical fears and quite suicidal i spent the eary hours of darkness in cold and discomfort until 1p.m when he arrived.On my interview he accepts my innocence and claims that the police want to charge me and i would never be seeing my children again!He was present throughout the interview which was horendous and such awfull allegations that are totally untrue.I was given assurity by the desk sargaent that i could make a phone call to my distraught partner after interview but that then changed to me being locked away again.Within a few hours the officer said he was arranging a lifeline for me in respect of bail, and was somewhat nasty and aggressive.The only taker within a substantial distance was a close relative that agreed to to having me.Other conditions are no contact to the prosecutor that included my partner???(i know she would never prosecute)no contact with my children or partner directly or indirectly, banned from the home towns and area and attend police station twice weekly.
I was given a train ticket voucher ,refused the uase of my own vehicle, told to go immediately out of the area despite them knowing i have no longer any money whatsoever or phone.I am an asthma sufferer and forced to flee in the cold and rainy weather and took me over 4 hours to travel to my destination,barely making the deadline of bail 11p.m.

I am due to appear on the 5th march to hear the outcome , my partner and children completely left in the dark with a loving man whom cannot protect,or provide for them and our love being taken controlled totally by others that could hardly be within the capacity of making character judgements upon me.

Seamingly social services and the police have carried out routine inspections ,confiscations and general questions at home (this was assertained by my grown up daughter from my previous relationship).I am not allowed to discuss the full nature of the case and have to protect myself as well as my loved ones, whom im sure have been through utter hell and continues so.
So hear i am wondering what on earth is going to happen to me.I have instructed new sol ,one that demonsrtates empathy and excells within this field.She has had no cooperation from the police and they failed to contact her.I am preying for a n.f.a as i cannot conjur the strenghth to face a trial should i be charged .Losing my entire life meanings has utterly destroyed me , i have lost my family for now my job and any self respect i ever had.
My sol is awaiting further for a response from the police for an outline of the intentions but nothing so far.
I have one great thing that has helped me. my partner and children have just moved to the same area that i am bailed to , they will recieve my families full support,help and guidance as i am towards the fight of my innocence.Typically at an all time low my worries of not knowing grows intensely.
I would welcome any comments and in particular from those that have been through this and may give me pointers as what to expect.

I thank those whom have taken time in reading this and look forward to any comments.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum though as ever sorry you needed to find us.

I have moved your post to a section where more members will pass by.

[Casehardened]

Hi again,

Your description of the time spent at the police station is (understandably) a little confusing but if you think it was more than 24 hours (the normal maximum before bail or charge) it would be worth you or your solicitor getting a copy of your custody record to ensure you that were treated fairly. You should have been allowed to make one phone call to someone (but if your partner was due to be interviewed by the police, this may have been why you were not allowed to contact her at that particular time)

PS have a look at this sticky as it may answer some of your concerns:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[breakmyheart]

time in police station

Hi , the time i was in the police station totalled just with in the 24hr period.Despite the sol opinion it was deemed that the cps required investigations to be carried out. Seemingly no statement has been carried out to date with my partner, and interviews with her were conducted prior to my interview. and apparently they are too busy to arrange her provision of statement.Her being left completely in the dark has led her to contacting my sol to seek advise.I have read your comments on procedure and this falls very much in line with my circumstances ,as im sure it does for many other people, however we bare the continued misery of wondering in our lonesome paths.many thanks for your time

Hi again,

Your description of the time spent at the police station is (understandably) a little confusing but if you think it was more than 24 hours (the normal maximum before bail or charge) it would be worth you or your solicitor getting a copy of your custody record to ensure you that were treated fairly. You should have been allowed to make one phone call to someone (but if your partner was due to be interviewed by the police, this may have been why you were not allowed to contact her at that particular time)

PS have a look at this sticky as it may answer some of your concerns:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[myhome]

Losing my entire life meanings has utterly destroyed me , i have lost my family for now my job and any self respect i ever had.

Hi breakmyheart and welcome to the forum though sorry you had to find us. This is an awful story and tugs at my heart strings - but sadly it is so familiar to those us who have been here a while....you will get loads and loads of practical and emotional support and advice and support on here so keep reading and posting when you can...members who can give legal advice will be along shortly...
With regard to the quote above - this too is very common and a very "normal" reaction in these very un-normal circumstances - I guess we have all felt this at the start and various other times. It's hard to imagine now, but these feelings do eventually begin reduce when the initial shock starts to wear off. We do feel destroyed and the suicidal thoughts are all too common too - but if you did that you'd never have your family ever again and your step-daughter would have won. You haven't "lost" your family - you cannot contact them - it's different - they are still there and will be when this is all over and they will be thinking of you as you are thinking of them. Can you, through your eldest daughter, get a message to your wife to say that you will think of her at - say 7pm every evening and ask her to think of you at the same time - or you could both look at the moon at that time for example - or a favourite tv programme at the same time - so there is a spiritual contact with her at the same time every day?
You have no reason to lose your self respect, though again it's what we've all done. You haven't done anything wrong - so you don't need to change how to feel about yourself - especially no reason to lose your self-respect.
Please, please don't think I'm being condescending or flippant in my suggestions. I really do understand how you are feeling because I have felt the same, (as have most of us on here) I'm just trying to help you to look at things in a slightly different way if you can....
keep strong - ......

[breakmyheart]

tears to my eyes

dear MyHome,

Such sound advise, and i must say, that i have always been blessed with a sixth sense, and throughout the closeness that i have established with my truely magnificant partner, that she shares almost the same blessing. When i cry or in my moments of greatest need, she shall know, she will find her inner strength to fight throughout my weaknesses. i already know that she has the capability of exposing the mere truth and reality for the six years of allegations pledged against me. I realise that you have no recollection of my character, or indeed my wonderful life and creation of 2 beautiful children, but remains that there were never any given oppourtuninty for these terrible things to ever of taken place, and within the last 2 years of my poor declining health, I have had the comfort of my partner nursing me through day and night nursing, and guiding me to attend what work I was able to do inbetween.

I believe e reason for such terrible accusations from the step daughter is surrounded by her wanting attention that I demonstrate in a dedicated fashion towards our own 2 children. Something that she could have been a part of, even on a intermitant basis. It was her lies. deceit, and violence that she bore on the younger ones that caused nothing but difficulties within our family unit. My closeness was surely built toa maximum peak by having an above average amount of time to share with my family, and finding it so difficult to have them taken away from me and further destroyed me that i couldnt even say happy birthday to my son on his 2nd birthday, conditions bearing that i am not allowed to even send a gift or card! When you consider bail conditions are meant to fall within human rights, perhaps anyone ould explain or give reason how humane is this towards our loved ones. I am not objectionable to having even supervised visits, why do we have contact centres facilitated, if it is all too much trouble to use them??? I am litterally torn to pieces, and try as hard as i can to keep myself together and never lose sight that one day my loved ones shall be awaiting with open arms and help me reinstate the love and meaning back into our lives once again.

I thank you for your consideration, and happy to discuss further, kind regards.

[feelingsad]

Hi breakmyheart

I know exactly how you feel. The only words I can use that you must be feeling are defiled and humiliated.

Take strength that you stand on truth and that these allegations are nothing more than that. I know it's hard as I too am experiencing the same but draw your strength from your loved ones. The police/CPS have an obligation to follow up on allegations regardless of how ridiculous they seem. I have no legal advice but if I can help with support from you I am here.

[feelingsad]

Should say " if I can help with support for you" in my latter sentence.

[breakmyheart]

lost but far from alone

dear feelingsad,

Thankyou for your replies, an i hope you have had the oppourtunity of reading my responses to other kind hearted members.

This has to be the worst shock horror i have ever encountered, as if a new comer into a relationship can so easily be targetted, you can imagine that after 12 yrs and allegations made for a 6yr period from a person that you thought you knew, is beyond comprehension.

Like many I understand that procedures have to be taken and approriate investigations forth with. However, one thing in particular that many have not commented on is the redicule that for innocent parties that have so much to say, and so many points to raise through theoir witnesses and none of this can be gathered within the first instance of investigations. Wouldnt it be relevant that the CPS should be in receipt before making decisions on their directions. Does it have to be that we all hold this back in preparation to fight for our freedom and is is not within public interest that valuable funding is being wasted and they bear the huge risk of losing within the decision of trials.

In my case, i beleive that my surrounding relevant winesses would offer enough evidence to raise huge doubt of creditabilty from my accuser.As we are left so much in the dark, I have no idea of what procedures have taken pkace during investigation, but a little good news from my eldest daughter, is that the police have already offered my partner the return of the computer, and I can only assume that they have not found child porn etc as previously told to themthat there is nothing there other than what was declared prior to confiscation. My confidence that this will actually be returned or even the rest of the electrical equipment remains questionable.

I am so eager to find out prior to my end of bail meeting what the outcome will be. Frustrations are building that my sol has been unsucessful to find out on my behalf. Is this normal practise, or some sort of sadistical torture that the police are fully aware that we go through. I can confidentally say that I am certain that my partner has gone through the same being left in the dark treatment. We could all say, yes it is the way it is, but are we all forgetting that we are meant to be in the hands of professional people that are fully trained and hold the capacity to deal with such sensitive issues throughout. I fear not, and like any otherhuman being has demonstrated such poor treatment!.

I sincerly hope that your matters are slowly getting hopeful, and meanwhile we all remain scared shadows in the dark. Kind regards.

[Casehardened]

Hi,

I always try to put the opposing view in the interests of fairness and equity.

I know you feel that the police are pursuing a ridiculously unjustified investigation against you (because you have not committed any crime) but consider what if your own daughter came to you and told you someone had abused/raped her.

You would almost certainly believe her (at least initially) and either take matters into your own hand or encourage her to report the matter to the police for them to deal with it.

You would then expect the police to take her allegation seriously and deal with it appropriately.

This is what is happening in your case, it's not personal at all, and I guess the police probably privately wish that it would all go away!

[Hol]

Hope

Firstly, i would like to express my admiration of those kind hearted people whom share their experiences ,supportive words and many possitive directions, and of course the site that enables this facility.

I was arrested 42days ago whilst enjoying my usual routines at home,with my partner of 12 yrs and two beautifull young children, on allegations of sexual abuse and rape of my 14yr old stepdaughter,whom does not live with us and only has regulated weekend visits on a 2 to three week cycle and proportionally allocated holiday times.

I was told that i would be interviewed and offered the available duty sol which they advised and duly accepted.i shortly found myself that evening being locked inside a cell and would be notified when the solicitor arrived.I recieved an internal call from him saying that he encourages the interview first thing in the morning and to shut my mouth until he speaks to me at 8.30a.m.The typical fears and quite suicidal i spent the eary hours of darkness in cold and discomfort until 1p.m when he arrived.On my interview he accepts my innocence and claims that the police want to charge me and i would never be seeing my children again!He was present throughout the interview which was horendous and such awfull allegations that are totally untrue.I was given assurity by the desk sargaent that i could make a phone call to my distraught partner after interview but that then changed to me being locked away again.Within a few hours the officer said he was arranging a lifeline for me in respect of bail, and was somewhat nasty and aggressive.The only taker within a substantial distance was a close relative that agreed to to having me.Other conditions are no contact to the prosecutor that included my partner???(i know she would never prosecute)no contact with my children or partner directly or indirectly, banned from the home towns and area and attend police station twice weekly.
I was given a train ticket voucher ,refused the uase of my own vehicle, told to go immediately out of the area despite them knowing i have no longer any money whatsoever or phone.I am an asthma sufferer and forced to flee in the cold and rainy weather and took me over 4 hours to travel to my destination,barely making the deadline of bail 11p.m.

I am due to appear on the 5th march to hear the outcome , my partner and children completely left in the dark with a loving man whom cannot protect,or provide for them and our love being taken controlled totally by others that could hardly be within the capacity of making character judgements upon me.

Seamingly social services and the police have carried out routine inspections ,confiscations and general questions at home (this was assertained by my grown up daughter from my previous relationship).I am not allowed to discuss the full nature of the case and have to protect myself as well as my loved ones, whom im sure have been through utter hell and continues so.
So hear i am wondering what on earth is going to happen to me.I have instructed new sol ,one that demonsrtates empathy and excells within this field.She has had no cooperation from the police and they failed to contact her.I am preying for a n.f.a as i cannot conjur the strenghth to face a trial should i be charged .Losing my entire life meanings has utterly destroyed me , i have lost my family for now my job and any self respect i ever had.
My sol is awaiting further for a response from the police for an outline of the intentions but nothing so far.
I have one great thing that has helped me. my partner and children have just moved to the same area that i am bailed to , they will recieve my families full support,help and guidance as i am towards the fight of my innocence.Typically at an all time low my worries of not knowing grows intensely.
I would welcome any comments and in particular from those that have been through this and may give me pointers as what to expect.

I thank those whom have taken time in reading this and look forward to any comments.

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. You may have a while to go yet but this is were you need the strength in your family, people to stand by you and don't go via someone else to find out what she's up to cos you'll be re arrested. Stay clear of anyone she hangs round with. This is hard with families. But my husband talked to his brother about his son making a statement and unknown
to him his brother phoned him up playing he'll at him, so the son phoned the pc and had my husband arrested saying he wanted him to drop his statement. It was a total lie and we couldn't do anything about it. So please keep yourself with your family till all this is over.
I takes a strong relationship to keep things together. Hold on to that and you WILL get through this.
Sorry but the wait is long but keep your life as normal as possible.
I went through this on my own, only joining this site recently, you now will gain a lot of support. Embrace it and it will help you and your family.
Hold on
Hol

[breakmyheart]

countdown

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. You may have a while to go yet but this is were you need the strength in your family, people to stand by you and don't go via someone else to find out what she's up to cos you'll be re arrested. Stay clear of anyone she hangs round with. This is hard with families. But my husband talked to his brother about his son making a statement and unknown
to him his brother phoned him up playing he'll at him, so the son phoned the pc and had my husband arrested saying he wanted him to drop his statement. It was a total lie and we couldn't do anything about it. So please keep yourself with your family till all this is over.
I takes a strong relationship to keep things together. Hold on to that and you WILL get through this.
Sorry but the wait is long but keep your life as normal as possible.
I went through this on my own, only joining this site recently, you now will gain a lot of support. Embrace it and it will help you and your family.
Hold on
Hol

Hi Hol, thankyou for that,
I am being very cautious as to my conversations and contacts.I have a small family supporting this situation ,and above all i have to consider protection over my partner and children, and never put them at risk.If asked should a charge be made im sure they will provide their opinions then.
It is awfull waiting for news on the outcome, and now i realise that i could very well see the allocated timescale out to find out they require further time to investigate ,and another issue of bail, that i have asked my sol to approach on changes so i can at least try to see my children.I intend to fight this as i will NEVER give up trying to see my children.For those that point out
it is harsh but a system that is put into place that we all would expect if we had reason to report any crime, and has to be investigated etc , yes of course im fully aware and i am a rational person, but the reality is the brick walls that are put up between police and social services when children are involved and i dont believe that it can continue with thier total refusal that no chance of seeing them, and on reflection i am angry at this.
The s/serv are welcome to assess me to make opinion ,but they dont, so who is capable of assisting me to arrange visits??
Regards

[breakmyheart]

countdown

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. You may have a while to go yet but this is were you need the strength in your family, people to stand by you and don't go via someone else to find out what she's up to cos you'll be re arrested. Stay clear of anyone she hangs round with. This is hard with families. But my husband talked to his brother about his son making a statement and unknown
to him his brother phoned him up playing he'll at him, so the son phoned the pc and had my husband arrested saying he wanted him to drop his statement. It was a total lie and we couldn't do anything about it. So please keep yourself with your family till all this is over.
I takes a strong relationship to keep things together. Hold on to that and you WILL get through this.
Sorry but the wait is long but keep your life as normal as possible.
I went through this on my own, only joining this site recently, you now will gain a lot of support. Embrace it and it will help you and your family.
Hold on
Hol

Hi Hol, thankyou for that,
I am being very cautious as to my conversations and contacts.I have a small family supporting this situation ,and above all i have to consider protection over my partner and children, and never put them at risk.If asked should a charge be made im sure they will provide their opinions then.
It is awfull waiting for news on the outcome, and now i realise that i could very well see the allocated timescale out to find out they require further time to investigate ,and another issue of bail, that i have asked my sol to approach on changes so i can at least try to see my children.I intend to fight this as i will NEVER give up trying to see my children.For those that point out
it is harsh but a system that is put into place that we all would expect if we had reason to report any crime, and has to be investigated etc , yes of course im fully aware and i am a rational person, but the reality is the brick walls that are put up between police and social services when children are involved and i dont believe that it can continue with thier total refusal that no chance of seeing them, and on reflection i am angry at this.
The s/serv are welcome to assess me to make opinion ,but they dont, so who is capable of assisting me to arrange visits??
Regards

[Boys don't cry]

Welcome to the forum Breakmyheart.

You have been given excellent advice by Hol,you must be extremely careful not to breach your bail.

The best solutions to see your children would be:

-To ask your solicitor if he could change your bail conditions (but the police usually won't help.)
-To contact a family solicitor and explain your case.

-To get an appointment with a cafcass member:
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

-To request a contact order from a county court.
http://www.familylaw.co.uk/system/up...8/CB1_1108.pdf

You may also go to your nearest citizen advice bureau to get more information.
I am sorry to read about your situation and must warn you that it could take a few months before you are able to see your children.
It might also become relatively expensive.

There are other fathers in the forum and hopefully they will give you further help.
Take care and always keep faith.

[Hol]

Insane

Hi Hol, thankyou for that,
I am being very cautious as to my conversations and contacts.I have a small family supporting this situation ,and above all i have to consider protection over my partner and children, and never put them at risk.If asked should a charge be made im sure they will provide their opinions then.
It is awfull waiting for news on the outcome, and now i realise that i could very well see the allocated timescale out to find out they require further time to investigate ,and another issue of bail, that i have asked my sol to approach on changes so i can at least try to see my children.I intend to fight this as i will NEVER give up trying to see my children.For those that point out
it is harsh but a system that is put into place that we all would expect if we had reason to report any crime, and has to be investigated etc , yes of course im fully aware and i am a rational person, but the reality is the brick walls that are put up between police and social services when children are involved and i dont believe that it can continue with thier total refusal that no chance of seeing them, and on reflection i am angry at this.
The s/serv are welcome to assess me to make opinion ,but they dont, so who is capable of assisting me to arrange visits??
Regards

This is ****! The same thing happened to my husband. My daughter had her baby five weeks early and was in hospital two weeks prior. A total of seven weeks before he was allows to see her and had to stay away from the hospital.
When my daughter had her now one year old baby girl, she went hysterical and screamed for her dad, as everything got to her. The matron decided to take it on her own back to let her dad come to the hospital to calm her down. He was met at the front door and escorted to her bedside and we had to tell them when he was leaving. My daughter and husband broke down as a lot of happiness and anger flooded their emotions. It was a sight I never want to see again. After an hour my daughter came stable and my husband was escorted out.
How can people treat us like animals? There needs to be some changes, like yourself, I understand that there has to be guide lines but feel the innocent party always comes off worse.
I really hope you can get to see your children, otherwise your guilty before proven innocent, how wrong is that.
Best wishes and good luck
Hol