Accused, lost scared destroyed

[myhome]

Hi evian - sparks is right - take some time to reflect on what's happened and how people have reacted to it. I'd suggest that you don't make any decisions in haste or in the heat of emotion that you may regret later.......

Everyone is here for you and we will help all we can - please keep talking to us and asking questions................

[evian1976]

All so lost, so depressed, I know I cheated on my partner and I can never forgive myself for that, and I have told her that.... I run out of hope and stength, sleeping is like being awake, awake is like sleeping I dont know the differnce anymore..........

I continue to punish myself, I have to live with this curse of loosing the best thing in my life and thats my soul mate, the only person I have ever really cared about

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP1JyBRlkNA

[is there justice?]

I no longer know the difference between sleep and awake, sleepijng dreams are like reality there vivid, clear, scary. The biggest fear I have realised is that my partner is one of those people that dont beilve me, I would never knowingly cheat on her..... all this was setup and everyone has taken the bait. I am going to have to set her free which is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. For that strengh and support I am going to need lots of

Evian
Give your partner time - she has had a lot to take in. When hub was FA'd there was an element of deception with the other woman though not a full blown affair. When does it become infidelity I wonder?
However some three months later, we are stronger than ever in every way. We communicate far more and we are rock solid.
That's quite a long way from wanting to bash his head in with a frying pan!

[myhome]

evian - like ITL said - give it time and as I said before don't make any decisions in the heat and turmoil of all this going on. Your emotions and your partner's are running high, and trying to look positively into the future right now is too hard for both of you. Even looking beyond a day positively is hard......

Have a look at billykickass's thread (I went to his trial for support) - he and his girlfriend split up for a while - they got engaged 2 weeks ago!!! They and their families and me are now forever friends.....

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...worried/page20

There is a future - it's just so hard to see right now......you've come a long way so don't give in - you're stronger than you think you are....

MH

[barney]

Hi, If you give up they win, fight for your sanity fight for your family but more importantly fight for yourself. Trust me I know what a nightmare you are going through but there is an end to it and some form of normaility can be brought back into your life, but only if you fight.

Stay strong and focus on happy thoughts and memories.

[evian1976]

Update

I got a phone call from the OIC today and to say the least I was so scared to call him back, was just to tell me that the bail date has to be extended by 2 days as to make sure the CPS reach a decision..... Still very much depressed and scared, so much to loose :-(

[frightened spouse]

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, I can totally emphasise with the panic regarding CPS decision my husband turns his phone off most of the time now as he is so scared. There is nothing more terrifying than the unknown and what seems like endless waiting which you have already endured for many months. All we can do is hope for the best but have plans in place should a charge come about.

You are not alone there are so many of us in similar situations, we must dig deep and get to the end of each day. There is a better life beyond this no matter how tough it gets.

Best wishes

Frightened Spouse

[is there justice?]

Hi Evian

Of course you are scared witless but don't forget it could be good news too. You haven't been charged yet so there is still hope.
Fingers crossed for you

[myhome]

Hi Evian - good to hear from you again. You've been given great advice from FS and ITJ. It IS a very worrying time and there is nothing you can do to change that....
But you can have some control over how you react to it and cope with it...many on here say, "Prepare for the worst and be pleased when it doesn't happen!" You could have a go at writing down what the various outcomes of this bail date could be and then several options of what you will do for each.....and in fact billykickass said it was a kind of relief when he was charged because he then knew what he was dealing with and could start doing something about it....(he got 2 Not Guilty btw).
Keep strong .....you'll soon know...... MH

[evian1976]

I have to answer my bail at 10am in the morning and was told by the OIC that I would find out either way what was happening via a phone call, but nothing, no news from my Solicitor either.... scared is not in. this will bring so much shame to me I cant handle it, I didn't do this but mud sticks right.

[is there justice?]

Oh Evian, you know the truth and no-one can ever take that away from you.

When hub was first charged we felt as though everyone knew by looking at us even though it wasn't public knowledge. Now quite a few people know but their support has been humbling and this week I've had several emails offering support as his trial looms closer.

Try to get some sleep - you are assuming the worst and could easily be quite wrong. Even if the worst happens you will discover hidden depths of strength and courage.

There is no shame in being falsely accused. The one who should be filled with shame is the FA. There is plenty to deal with, fear, anxiety, even dread but not shame.

Hoping to hear some good news from you tomorrow

[babygal2014]

Hi Evian, how did it go down the police station today and hope you are keeping strong.

[evian1976]

Hi all, well where to start!
I was told by the OIC that either way I would be told the day before if I was going to be charged or not so could ensure my Solicitor was there............... I heard nothing from my Solicitor or the OIC so of I went feeling good that no contact must mean good news right! Well I got there was put in a cell, asked was my Solicitor coming to which I didn't know, then was told I was going to be charged..... My world fell apart that moment.... Later the OIC came in and charged me on 2 offences... Rape and Digital penetration without consent….. Wow my head was shattered, I was told I would get bail because of the severity of the crime (I understand that) and I didn’t attend bail 14yrs ago for something, my mental state, and the best witness interrogation.
So I was told I would be going court that very day (Maj)… I am sure so many of you have been through this but scared was not in it, I wish I could tell you everything about me but just now I can’t, but I will after this. Back to the cells waiting for transport, then taken to court and in more cells still no Solicitor, Some time passed and I was told that my Sol had appointed a local Sol for me as they couldn’t get here…… great someone new who doesn’t know anything about the case .
It was something reaching out and I am glad he came; I am looking to change Sol after meeting this guy and once this is over if he will allow me to post his contact details I will.
He informed me that, I wasn’t informed as the police wanted to push this through and get a result, not sure how true that is but made sense. He tore the alleged victims statement to pieces, all along I have maintained I didn’t rape her that we did touch each other and Wow, it was the day after she reported the alleged touching without consent that I raped her….. No semen was found, they couldn’t determine how old the injuries was, the list is endless and I wish I could share all but for now I can’t. I drugged her she said, but the forensics show nothing when her blood was taken… Also she said I had been back to the said area to look for her to make sure she doesn’t testify…… its 500miles away!!!!! And that place is the last place on earth I want to visits ever again after this.
It’s the 1st bit of hope I have had since this mess started, and I have learned that no matter how nice, polite, friendly, got your back an OIC maybe….. It’s just a front because the things said in interviews to get a confession are the lowest ever.
I want to rant and show my frustration but I am not in the clear just yet… I could shout from the top of the roofs to vent my anger.
How can I get charged by CPS, after 2 mins of Sol reading and saying the above… I don’t understand at all the justice system.

[Casehardened]

Wow, what a horrible day for you!!!

I'm supposing that the Mag appearance was a committal hearing and you've now been bailed to a plea hearing at Crown (otherwise you wouldn't be posting!)

If so I would take comfort in that the solicitor told you the 'evidence' for the alleged rape is rubbish (I recollect that you said there was consensual 'touching') as undoubtedly, should it get to that, a jury will form the same conclusion.

[is there justice?]

Evian

I hope the shock is subsiding a bit now, must have been awful.

it underlines the advice of 'never trust plod'.

Your new Sol sounds as though he is on the ball and should make short work of the charges. I know being charged is awful but, providing you get justice, it is over and done with.

Take care and rant away, on here anyway.