Accused, lost scared destroyed

[evian1976]

Hi all on 4th feb at 2am I was arrested outside a supermarket to my total suprise on suspicion of Rape!. The events leading up to this was I was out mooching around as I do when I am working away from home and came across a bar and went inside, it was your typical midweek bar a people danicng. I was sat next to a family group and had some general banter and I went to the toilet. On returning I noticed what I originally thought was a man stood at the bar looking Sad, lonely so I approached and ask them to sit with me as I was also on my own. We chatted and had some drinks to be told she was a girl and not gay. She has had a hard life and didn’t know why she dressed and ;looked the way she did. At the end of the evening we left and exchanged kissed and touched each other’s genitals, I invited her to my hotel at which point she said she had to go, so we went separate ways.

My life has been ripped to pieces as not only did I cheat on my partner which is bad enough in its self I now have this added stress to deal with, I have left my family home and my 3week old daughter and 15month old son and 2 other children I see as my own. Between us we have 7 kids and I know the extent of sexually abuse as my own sisters and mother as well as my partner has all been through it. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I can remember exchanging kisses as she was a smoker and remember the foul taste

I was interviewed and DNA taken and they are waiting for CCTV and any witnesses to come forward, I am scared, lonely and don’t know what I should do, I have a underwhelming feel of guilt and shame for what I have done to my wife but anger for been accused of this and am looking for some words of support and advice..

I made the mistake of not wanting a solicitor as I hadn’t done anything wrong

Please help

[Casehardened]

Hi & welcome to the forum though sorry that you have needed to

Hi all on 4th feb at 2am I was arrested outside a supermarket to my total suprise on suspicion of Rape!.

At the end of the evening we left and exchanged kissed and touched each other’s genitals, I invited her to my hotel at which point she said she had to go, so we went separate ways.


Please help

How soon after the consensual sexual experience did she report the alleged rape to the police & did you digitally penetrate her. If within a day or so she will have undergone a medical examination to establish if your semen or DNA is present internally in her (as of course it may be if you digitally penetrated her)

Obviously if the results of the medical examination are negative then this is a good indication that the rape allegation is false. I'm guessing you've been bailed for further enquiries to take place so I'm afraid it will just be a very painful waiting time for you, but do explain the situation to your wife; you may find she will support you and it will be better for her to find out about the allegation from you.

Have a look at: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[evian1976]

I did digiatlly pentrate her but didnt have full sex, it was shortly after the incident happend. I have told my wife and she is hurt but supportive needless to say I have left our family home.

Thanks

[Boys don't cry]

At the end of the evening we left and exchanged kissed and touched each other’s genitals, I invited her to my hotel at which point she said she had to go, so we went separate ways.

I was interviewed and DNA taken and they are waiting for CCTV and any witnesses to come forward.

I made the mistake of not wanting a solicitor as I hadn’t done anything wrong

Hello Evian and welcome to the forum where you will find great suppport.

Hopefully there will be enough cctv evidence for your defence if she didn't go with you in the hotel.
(The hotel clerk might also confirm your statement).

You made a mistake not to have a duty solicitor during your interview but try not to worry too much about this,some of us did the same.
Next time just make sure you are represented by someone who has experience in rape accusations.
There is a sticky link in the forum with specialists in the matter and if you are from another county some members might be able to obtain information.

Did you tell the police that you touched her genitals?
Try to remember as many details as you can about the evening you spent with her and write everything while it is fresh in your mind.
Time,place,conversation...details are extremely important.
Keep all your notes and only share them with a solicitor but not with the police.

[evian1976]

Yes I did tell them I touched her and she touched me, it was 2 adults in a moment of madness... not passion. I did touch her and her me.

Its only been a few days and the hurt and guilt is heavy, I feel so worthless and ashamed

[Casehardened]

I did digiatlly pentrate her but didnt have full sex, it was shortly after the incident happend.

If she has alleged that this act was without her consent then this is why you were arrested on suspicion of rape. (the definition of which is now any form of penetration) Unfortunately the issue will come down to consent i.e. you felt this action was with mutual consent and she alleges it wasn't.

It is difficult to guess how the CPS will view it, they will weigh up both your and her statements in coming to a decision as to how to proceed.

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum and realy sorry you had to find us. It seems the situation you are in is very sadly a common one. You will get a lot of help and advice - practical and emotional so keep reading and posting....Be prepared for a whirlwind turmoil of emotions too....

[Angry and frightened]

Hi Evian, welcome! You will find a lot of support on this forum , the people are really experienced and caring x

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Evian - welcome . I can understand how distraught you are, a very similar thing happened to my son (although his case was more complex in that there was a third person involved) He was also arrested on suspicion of rape then charged with Assault with digital penetration . He was aquitted a few weeks ago.
Take it seriously. Look on the site to gather any info and don't let it shock you into inertia.
Just a thought... Could it be that she deliberately looked like a bloke to increase her chances of finding a prey to set-up?? It would be interesting to find out if she's got a precedant of FA s.
All the best

[evian1976]

I am taking this very seroius. I think of nothing but this entire mess. I have been to my doctors who has signed me of for a few weeks and give me some anti-depresants. I have spoken with a solicitor who has stated that I have to return for a 2nd interview some time next month.

It changes nothing, I just cant seem to get out of this hole I have been dropped into. I still see no light at the end. Its the worst time of my life every and I am not sure I will ever be the person I was before this ordeal.

[feelingsad]

Evian

Take courage my friend. Even though you feel the guilt of your infidelity if your partner is still with you draw strength from that fact alone. (Sorry had to put it based on your initial post). Stand on truth and have faith that the truth be ousted. I have no legal advice but wanted you to know that I'm supporting you in these sad times. Too many people are using the word rape today which makes it difficult for the actual victims. I hope your OK and will be praying for you.

[myhome]

I just cant seem to get out of this hole I have been dropped into. I still see no light at the end. Its the worst time of my life every and I am not sure I will ever be the person I was before this ordeal.

When you're in the hole - and we all appreciate what that feels like - it seems that the sides are vertical and slippery and there is no way out...fortunately, there are those of us whose turn it is to be at the top and we are there to help you out and keep the light shining - which will happen, although it doesn't seem like that now.....you just have to trust that we know......
You quite possibly won't ever be the person you were before, but there are positive sides to this too. There is no doubt at all you will be a stronger person - because you will have found inner strength you never knew you had. One of the changes in me (and I'm only 3 months in) is that i no longer worry about insignificant things or people who gossip, any more - it's trivia - and doesn't matter.....I'm sure other members can suggest other positive changes they've found too....keep strong, remember you're innocent and have done nothing wrong.....

[evian1976]

I recieved a call from my solicitor today, I was due to attend the police station on Monday for a 2nd interview but the office has spoken to the Crown Prosecution Service and he has been advised to carry out further enquiries including awaiting the toxicology results.

What does that mean ?

Thanks

[iviv]

Hi.
It means that the CPS are looking for more evidence. If one/both/none were drunk then it comes into play during a potential trial - either the defense/prosecution could use it for or against you.
so its just the CPS covering their back/making sure they don't waste thousands of pounds in the courts.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Evian - waiting around is quite normal I'm afraid
Toxicology tests also include drugs including rape drugs (not sure that's the right term). The tests don't take long to do but may be held up in a queue at the lab or awaiting interpretation (ie. backdating in the case of alcohol).
Don't take it personally or worry unduly - no-one's in a hurry to see it all dealt with except for yourself.
Have a good week-end.