Accused of raping my daughter

[Bluenikky68]

I don't know if this is the right site or even what I'm doing at the moment, but I've just been accused of repeatedly raping and abusing my 8 year old daughter. She lives with my ex-wife and has alledgedly made lots of claims to her and her childminder in the past few weeks.
I was arrested on Wednesday and finally got to see the duty solicitor who prevented the interview as he said I needed an appropriate adult due to the state I was in with anxiety attack and shaking and crying. The police couldn't get one soon enough so released me on bail with conditions.
Although I know nothing is true, I am petrified and want to die right now. All that is stopping me is that killing myself would make me look guilty. I don't know what to do now though, as I don't see anyway that I can prove a negative.
Can anybody help me please? Please?

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum, though of course sorry that you needed to find us.

Many members have been in your position and will therefore understand your emotional turmoil and will be able to offer support.

However time is now of the essence so practical advice is a priority.

Firstly have a read of this sticky if you have not already done so:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Secondly it is vital you consult a lawyer specialising in false sexual offences prior to the police interviewing you again (with or without the AA) it is possible that the duty solicitor has experience in this field but you must check. There is another sticky with members recommendations; if none of these are local to you, post up your county and someone maybe able to come back with a recommendation. Will you need to apply for legal aid as not all solicitors will not work on legally aided cases, though I believe most in the list do?

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

You are fortunate that the duty solicitor stepped in in view of your distress, as it gives you an opportunity to consider your responses in any reinterview the police may wish to undertake.

One thing you may wish to draw their attention to is any possible motive that you can think of for the false accusation.

[sharab63]

Hi you have my greatest sympathy i can understand what you are going through as almost everyone on this forum has gone through something similar who is doing the accusing is it your wife or is it your daughter and when and where was it suppose to have taken place try and stay strong god need us when we are at our weakest so try and pray he will hear and understand you when nobody else will if you are innocent nothing will come of it we all do get scared at first but it all ends in a glorious morning just stand up for yourself be strong god bless

[Bluenikky68]

Hi Casehardned. Thank you for that. I'd never considered a specialist solicitor would be needed. Mind you, I never considered I'd ever be in this situation either! I'm in Bristol, but will post in that sticky thread to see if anbody knows one. I think I'm over the limit for legal aid, but my parents have said they will pay whatever it takes if necessary.

I'm confident I know the reason behind this; my ex wants to go back to Europe, as it looks like her job is at redundancy risk, and she can't take our daughter without my consent. The stupid thing is that things had been pretty amicable for the past couple of years and I may even have consented if she'd asked me. My Family law solicitor had also just written to her to ask that contact be re-instated to avoid applying to court for variation of order, as she's been preventing contact for the past couple of months.

The allegations started off 'minor' (eg drinking and smoking (normal tobacco!) when overnight with me), then she upped it to walking round naked and watching porn. Next thing I know, 5 days after she would have received my solictor's letter, I'm woken at 4am and arrested for raping, beating, and forcing my daughter to do things. There's no truth to any of it apart from smoking.

I just feel so scared and hurt by it all. I have support from my boss and friends and family (those that I've told of it), but I'm lost. I'm trying to read through the forum posts, but can only manage a few minutes at a time as its so painful. Any more help or advice would be so much appreciated.

[Bluenikky68]

Hi you have my greatest sympathy i can understand what you are going through as almost everyone on this forum has gone through something similar who is doing the accusing is it your wife or is it your daughter and when and where was it suppose to have taken place try and stay strong god need us when we are at our weakest so try and pray he will hear and understand you when nobody else will if you are innocent nothing will come of it we all do get scared at first but it all ends in a glorious morning just stand up for yourself be strong god bless

Hi and thank you for your wishes. I think its my ex and the childminder, though I vaguely remember the duty solicitor may have said that my daughter has given video evidence now? I'm not really certain about that though. Its supposed to have been happening when she's had overnights and holidays with me; even when my mother has been present too. Apart from the truly vile things said, I've alledgedly beaten her with a weights bar and thrown weights at her, yet she's never gone home with any injuries.

Funnily enough, since I've not being having contact, I started praying on and off as missed my little angel so much. Unfortunately, when I was in the cell all I could think was "Why have you forsaken me"!

Thank you again and bless you too.

[Casehardened]

If you ineligible for legal aid then I would suggest you make enquiries of:

http://www.chrissaltrese.co.uk/contact.html

He works nationally (but on not legal aid) but is not a million miles away from you and is highly recommended by members who have used him.

When you do feel more able to read about other cases on the forum you will be amazed as to how many false accusations are prompted by custody issues and of course it is much worse when the accusation comes from someone you love.

[sharab63]

well as far as i can see she is really trying to put you under these people dont understand the damage it can do to a human being with these sort of accusations i have just got the go clear today myself of one of these false allegations, so you will be fine just get yourself a good solicitor prepared in case if it goes too far which i dont think it will and have you been charged cant remember reading it in your message and as for god abandoning you i am here to tell you that he has not and he never will

[Bluenikky68]

No, I've not been charged yet, but bailed until April with weekly sign-ons. They've taken my laptops, phones USB sticks etc, but I don't think there's anything illegal on them, some adult films and clips (mostly gay anyway) but nothing underage to my knowledge, as not my 'thing' at all.
As far as I understand, I'll be interviewed in April as they couldn't interview me on Wednesday.

My ex contacted Social Services 3 weeks ago, when she claimed I was walking round naked and watching porn; I think that was due to her receiving a very honest and frank email from my Mum. When I spoke to them after I got a letter from them, they said they weren't taking any action as there's currently no contact anyway. Now she's had the letter from my solicitor, seems she's upped the claims again to all this truly sick stuff.

I just feel lost and scared.

[just married]

I'm so sorry to hear of this bluenikky68...
I can barely imagine a situation more horrible....
It is good that you have found the forum, where there is a wealth of advice and support.

You have not been forsaken.... if you have strength to draw on, then continue drawing on it....
A lot of members here on the forum have been through, and are still going through unbelievable hurt.....

Look after your health... eat. sleep, exercise, relax when you can. I hope you can see your GP, whom you may find surprisingly sympathetic to this bizarrely common situation...

I found myself falsely accused by my young wife last spring, and took to walking and running five or more hours a day to try to find space in my head for reason..... I was recommended to see my doctor, who referred me for counselling, which was, and still is, very helpful for me, to talk through how you feel. My NFA came and went, (after 6 weeks of 'investigation') and I now continue my regime, albeit less extremely.

Most comforting thing of all, probably, bluenikky, right now, is that you are not alone.

Also, this is only an allegation. Don't panic. I understand you have not been charged. If the police have taken your computers, etc, it may be likely that you'll be repeatedly rebailed until their administration has time to examine your stuff, even before they decide whether or not to charge you. It may be a long wait.. I'm sorry...
take care,

JM

[Bluenikky68]

Thanks JM, Sharab63 and CH. I've spent all day reading stuff on here and trying to makes some kind of sense of what is going on and what I need to do now.

One of many questions though is about the interview. On Wednesday, before the sol said they caouldn't interview me without an AA, he drafted a prepared statement basically just denying all allegations and said that he would give the police that and I was not to answer any questions. Thinking about it now though, I don't see how the police/ CPS would decide for NFA if I'm not saying anything other than "not true" or offering any kind of 'evidence' to refute dates and other inaccuracies.

Does this mean the sol is no good and just wants it to go to court (i won't be eligible for legal aid so will have to pay privately)? He did say that lots of people would try and encourage me to get a different sol to use, for whatever reasons. Should I stick with him for the interview in April and then look to get a specialist when/ if charged or should I get a special sol now in preparation, or should I stick with him anyway? I've started putting texts and emails together, but if the police don't get given them how can the CPS not just proceed?

Sorry if this is kind of naive stuff, but I'm really lost here and trying to find info from other posts but not seen about this aspect yet.

[lonley place]

Hi and Welcome. You have found the perfect place for support and empathy.
My hubby was accused of historical rape of our daughter. Its a horrendous situation to be in but...Sit back,take a deep breath and try to relax a little. Believe me the super people here will give you help and advice when ever you need it.
Its hard to come to terms with the false allegation but as time goes by we discovered that you start to
be a bit more positive in defending yourself and fighting mode kicks in. LP

[just married]

Sorry, but from my very limited experience, being arrested and bailed without yet being interviewed is I think unusual, but from what you say, that the duty solicitor postponed the interview due to your distress for an appropriate adult to be with you, sounds understandable.

You say you're conditionally bailed to return to the police station weekly until April, and you'll be interviewed then? That sounds a very long way away.... Or has the duty solicitor presented a 'no comment' document to the police to replace your interview?

When I was arrested, I gave a full and frank one and a half hour account, without a solicitor present (I had done no wrong, why would I need a solicitor?) of my responses to the allegations read to me by the DC interviewing me.

From some of the stories on the forum, I have since seen it is unwise to talk to the police without representation.... the police are, you could argue, budget-driven to achieve performance related conviction rates....

Your ex wife's motives remains the first thing, maybe, to consider why these false allegations have been made against you, and there do seem to be several.... Financial reasons are also not uncommon....

Finally, try not to dwell on too many of the horror stories here on the forum. Don't forget, you have only had an allegation made against you. You haven't been charged, and you would be only if the police and CPS can find sufficient evidence for it to be more than 51% in the public interest to do so.

Prior to a charge, there's very little a solicitor can do... Do be careful if you're paying someone...

Hopefully, senior members will stop by again soon with more comprehensive advice...

JM

[Bluenikky68]

Thank you LP, and also JM again. Knowing I'm not alone is upsetting but helps too.

You say you're conditionally bailed to return to the police station weekly until April, and you'll be interviewed then? That sounds a very long way away.... Or has the duty solicitor presented a 'no comment' document to the police to replace your interview?

The duty sol did a handwritten personal statement that I signed and dated, but I don't think he gave it to them; he planned to use it in the interview so I wouldn't have to answer anything. I'm pretty sure when I was released he said that I would be interviewed on 02 April when I have to return. The custody sergeant said it would be a long wait too, before he gave me the date.

Another thing thats come back to me (sorry, but much of those 24 hours are a blur) is that the sol said my daughter hasn't has a medical exam yet, but would be having one either Feb/ March. I don't understand this at all, surely that would be done instantly?

Thanks again to all though for the support and advice I'm getting here. As you say, JM, maybe some more senior members or mods will be able to give me some more advice too?

[bookworm123]

hi bluenikky , welcome to the forum. im sorry you are going through this . my best guess is your ex is ready to move on and does not want you tagging along. i have seen a woman in my family behave this way. when she no longer wanted to be with the father of her child he became public enemy number one. the fact that you have been an attentive and caring father means she has had no good reason to get you out of their lives. this way you are the bad guy and she gets to do whatever she wants . but remember just because she has said these awful things your life is not over. you must fight her lies for your daughters sake and stay strong . listen to the guys on here who know what they are talking about , there support and advice is invaluable x

[Bluenikky68]

Thanks Bookworm. I know I have to fight, but its terrifying reading some of the stories on here and how I'm guilty until proved otherwise. I can't prove what I haven't done, so I feel like I'm totally screwed and fearing the worst already.

I keep looking at the Xmas card my daughter sent me that my ex added a comment to "Wish you a better 2013!". WTF! I've often wondered if she is insane, but right now I feel like I'm the one going mad!!