family life been ruined

[destroyed]

Can anyone help me my son has been falsely accused of rape and was arrested on suspicion.He is 18 and met a girl on facebook who had her age and told him her age to be 17 but has now been found to be 14. He had consentual sex with this girl and has admitted to doing so. Also this girl came to our house when we were out and had to get 2 trains and a taxi here.This girl has been talking about sex to him on facebook and in texts and text him 30 minutes after this alleged offence asking him to help her as her parents had reported her missing and this was the first he knew about it. My son has a very respectable job and has never even had a detention in school and 1 girlfriend. He is an absolute wreck and just crys and lays in bed in the dark. My life is falling apart as i don't know what will happen next or what could be the worse that he faces.The police are sayin that they are not looking at rape at the moment but are looking at sexual activity with an underage.
HELP

[Faith]

Your trump card here must be that she lied about her age. Please say you have copies of her fb page and messages where she declares her age.
The law states its a criminal offence if the accused had no reason not to be aware of the complainants age.
Does your son have a solicitor?
The age difference being to short will also be a factor for the CPS to consider

[myhome]

Hi destroyed, and welcome to the forum, though I am sorry you had to find us. This is a truly awful situation for your son to be in and we will all be able to empathise with exactly how he's feeling. My advice would be to get him to see his GP as soon as possible to get some medical help and be referred for counselling. Most of us on here have found our GP's to be wonderfully sympathetic, completely non-judgmental and a great source of support.
Please reassure your son that he is far from being alone in being FA - there are just so many of us - and whilst that is probably little comfort to him immediately, once I found out how widespread FA's are, I was no longer ashamed and thinking I was the only one and that the whole was pointing its finger at me...
Maybe you could suggest he reads several of the threads on here and also many of the happy endings.
Keep posting and coming on and we'll help all we can......... in the meantime, keep strong.......

[So angry and hurt]

So hurt and angry

Hi,
I'm so sorry you and your son are having to go through this dreadful time, the thing that struck me was that as far as I can see your son truely believed that this girl was seventeen,so? Where is the crime? Nobody asks for ID when they are just about to have sex, and I'm sure that you can only be committing a crime if you know you are,if that makes sense.
My son was falsley accused and has now been found not guilty ,so I do understand some of what you are going through but I truly feel that this cannot go anywhere, having said that I guess the police will want to frighten the living daylights out of you poor son ( which they have already achieved by the sounds of things ) so please please just do wht you can to support your son and find any evidence ie Facebook, text messages ect also was she on the pill has she had previous sexual partners, is she troubled, in any way ect ect, do these things now ,you may not need it but its sensible to gather it anyway,you may have to wait a while to get a decision so just sit it out.
And remember your son has done nothing wrong. Take care

[Casehardened]

To elaborate on Faith's excellent explanation, the relative age factor is a recognized defence.

Google 'Young man's defence' to find out more, and should the matter go any further, ensure you select a legal team experienced in this field.

[Saffron]

The main thing you need to do is retain any FB messages that show her claiming to be 17. Likewise any text messages. Do not give them to police, give them to your solicitor.
Your son is, in the eyes of the law, a minor, i.e: under 18. This will be taken into account when the CPS make a decision about whether to charge or not.
How did the police get involved in the first place? You need to think about the girl's motive. Was she in trouble with her parents for coming to your house? Could she have fabricated the rape claim in order to clear her of blame as far as her parents are concerned?
Others will no doubt be along shortly. In the meantime, welcome.

[destroyed]

I would like to thank you for your kind words my mind is just a wreck.I got some more information from the police today that they are planning on charging him with consesual activity with a minor which is still horrendous as he will have to sign on the register for at least 2 years as they say they cannot look at the skype conversation were she told him her age and she has deleted her fb account before she reported him but they do have his laptop and phones.My son has also discovered that he has pubic lice but before this hasnt had a girlfriend for over a year.I have also found out today that the girl has had a young life of abuse and is currently living with foster parents this just seems to be getting worse the more I find out I dont even know how things are going to go he wouldnt last 5 minutes in prison.

Very upset parent

[Izzy]

I don't believe Facebook can ever be totally deleted, I think if you log into it, it's resurrected. If she had put a false age or sent messages saying she was older, they would still be there. I'm not sure about Skype..

I'm sorry you are going through this but please don't dwell on prison and register's. Has your Son had a solicitor with him while being questioned?
It comes across, from what you've written that an investigation has stemmed from the Foster Parents reporting her missing.