my life turned upside down

[jonathan]

again many thanks

i will argue my case , thankyou all

[IvorBinWronged]

Keep strong!

Hi there.

I read LL1's post and that's excellent advice. I would like to add that if you are unprepared, there's no harm in asking for a week or two longer whilst you get a proper second person sorted.

See if you can get a techie friend to take her picture and username and run them against other sites to see what other information you can glean. They say don't contact her but do investigate her within the law!

Consider putting in a counter-claim. You might have felt pressured into sex being on her turf and not yet realised it (why has no-one talked about this pressure that women put onto men - it's rape of a male by female sexual-coersion). Afterall, who invites people to their house first date?). Plod will have to take it seriously and if you explain that she used her PC to lure you to her, they may take her PC and electronic devices perhaps, which may show if she is doing this for the money (dates and times of compensation discussion sites access before the honeytrap exercise ie you).

Hey - and any employer that will not stand behind you is no employer at all!

Good luck.

[jonathan]

union

i am not in a union , they have said that i can take someone in with me but that they are not alowed to address the meeting , they gave me 2 choices last week , to resign or face dissmissal , i think it is known as hobsons choice, which means no choice at all

[Faith]

They are handling this completely wrong and clearly have little experience in dealing with matters such as this.

They are risking prejudicing the course of the investigation if they ask you about these matters while the investigation is ongoing. There is a point of law which actually refers to this, give ACAS a phone and ask them about it.

What they really should be doing is suspending you, with pay, until the case is closed and then raising the investigation themselves.

Might be worth pointing out to them, politely, that the meeting could prejudice the course of justice.

If they are still insistent that this meeting goes ahead, do not them bully you into a date...as Ivor says, if you need more time to prepare then ask for an adjournment. It is your right to do this.

If you aren't part of a union then your only other option is to take in a trusted colleague with you. SOMEONE must be there. Do not go in on your own. Ask your colleague to take minutes and notes. If the meeting is going too quick for him/her to write, politely ask for the discussion to stop while he/she catches up.

Take your time in answering questions. Listen to the question and only answer what is asked of you. Be open and honest but be very aware that anything you say to them can be passed to the police. This is why it can prejudice the investigation.

My advice to you now would be to immediately phone ACAS. They will give you some decent advice.
Adjourn the meeting if necessary
Organise some support to attend with you

[jonathan]

again many thanks

i am taking a work mate with me and will raise the comments made by you all , thankyou

[myhome]

at work they are looking to dissmiss me. it is not a work related incident. i have to go in on wednesday for a disciplinary hearing with a view to getting rid of me.they have given me no support, i am a support worker in a mental hospital, been there 9 months.this just adds to my problems , so will have to find a job asap , it will be a low paid one as not much out there .

Hi Jonathon - is your employer a member of the Mindful Employer Initiative? (Trying to open the site but it's not working at the moment) www.mindfulemployer.net They should be....there may be something in the Charter which could offer you some support - but there may not. There is probably no doubt that this FA is going to affect your mental health, so if they are in this Initiative they may be going against the tenet of the charter if they dismiss you. I hope this helps - but sorry if it doesn't. But please remember my previous thread when I said that you have many transferrable people skills and there are many many different ways you can work with vulnerable adults/youngsters. As L1(I think it was) said, if your employer won't support you over this, do you really want to work for them? Probably doesn't help right now but worth storing in the back of your mind. Frankly, I'm appalled that a mental health organisation should take this stand.....
Thinking of you
MH

[jonathan]

again good advice

i am following all leads thankyou, my employment is for a private company

[myhome]

my employment is for a private company

If you are referring to "Mindful Employers" this not an employer, it is an initiative set up to promote and support mental health in the workplace, and there are certain standards that have to be meet in order to get the tick mark - (a bit like "Investors in People" kind of thing) - and any employer or organisation anywhere can apply to belong. I would be very surprised - and somewhat shocked if your employer did not have this mark. If you look at their website or any of their headed paper, the logo - which is a kind of exaggerated tick - should be there....

[steve22]

Hi Jonathan,

I'm going to be really lazy and not read any of the past replies but enjoyed your original post. I can sympathize in some ways but not others. For example i had the police come and drag me out of bed at 6am whereas you seemed to be given the choice to come voluntarily (i would look at this as a good thing, if they took it that seriously they would have pulled you in before you could do any more damage to the local community, rather than being an obvious danger like i am).

The bad side of course is that you have had no prior relationship with this woman, assumingly no contact or messages of a sexual nature from her which would support your case that she consented.

My work sacked me the next morning over the phone (still bitter as i LOVED my job) due to a search warrant being executed at my desk. So i can feel where you are coming from.

Stand your ground. You are innocent until proven guilty. I would be totally honest with your employer come the hearing. Dont go on a complete defensive like you are guilty but give them a chance to empathize with your situation and what you are going through and that in the eyes of the law you are an innocent man.

Good luck and keep your chin up. This forum has been a massive source of both support and advice. My advice would be (given that im new to this whole scene since christmas) - stay realistic. Anything could still happen. You could find yourself in a prison cell (read the docs provided to ease your mind on this a little) or alternatively facing NFA.

It has affected me in a way that i cant contact women anymore without thinking what the consequence may be eventually and having to do it all over again. Lets remember that I, like many am innocent and also a very young man. At only 22 years old this will affect me for a long time.

We all are here to help and if you have any questions most members are able to assist from experience even if the legal advice isnt that you would get from a solicitor. Sorry i wasnt much help!

[jonathan]

hi steve

thankyou for your comments, it is always good to look at things in a different light. the police never knew who i was and rang me not knowing where i lived , i am sure that there are texts on the womans phone, i had deleted all mine as it had been 6 weeks . i have written a statement that i will read out at work tomorrow . it seems from what people say on here is that it is a waiting game , only if i am charged do i get legal help, until then it is wait and see, i keep hoping for a letter or a phone call to say it is over , i imagine everyone goes through this. there is no evidence against me

[jonathan]

dismissed

hi all, 10 days after i was arrested and not charged my employer dismissed me , i have done nothing wrong and unless i am charged dont get to defend myself, i declared the allegation to my employer as i was a support worker in a mental hospital, they did not know what to do. i was called in last week and asked to resign , i refused , so we went through the motions of a hearing today, i was supported by a good friend from work, but they had already made their mind up about getting rid of me , they kept us waiting for 3 and a half hours , i read a statement out about how it was a false allegation , i also stated that they had not supported me , they said they had no choice but that i could reapply for a job when it was all sorted, why would i want to work for an employer who would offer me no support, special thanks to jilly for all her support, a true friend x

[Faith]

What was their grounds for dismissal?
Have they given you the opportunity to appeal?

[jonathan]

hi faith

the only reason they gave was that they had taken advice and wanted to be seen to be protecting the name of the company . no mention of appeal , just that i was dismissed and they would be writting to me. i said what about my months notice as stated in my contract, they said they would look at it , at all times i stated the allegation was false and all i was looking for from them was some support, they said maybe they could look into helping people in the future , i now have to try and explain all this at the job centre

[lawlessone2009]

the only reason they gave was that they had taken advice and wanted to be seen to be protecting the name of the company . no mention of appeal , just that i was dismissed and they would be writting to me. i said what about my months notice as stated in my contract, they said they would look at it , at all times i stated the allegation was false and all i was looking for from them was some support, they said maybe they could look into helping people in the future , i now have to try and explain all this at the job centre

Constructive and unfair dismissal.

Company name????? There is NO COMPANY without employees, they are what make the 'company'. No company is too big to fall or too important enough to ignore the needs of those who work for it. I would ensure you never need to work for them again and if you are successful at an employment tribunal and subject to any terms of settlement I would smear their name in the dirt.

I would be attempting to get an appointment with Citizens Advice. You could be lucky and get an undergraduate that's studying employment law as your advisor, very diverse people work there.

The monetary side of things will potentially become an issue if your money supply has now been snipped. Do you have a support network around about you? Family?

As far as the job centre is concerned. You do not need to justify yourself to them. A P45 should be an adequate enough start to get the ball rolling. The issue you will have is that any jobs that come up will be difficult to apply for! Can you move into a different area of emplyment whilst the accusation against you is open? I have a bit of experience in dealing with the job centre and generally find that you can either have a nice easy life or a very difficult one and it is simply down to the person doing your signings every fortnight. No other explanation!!! They're also a bitter bunch of self-righteous jobsworths generally but every now and then a good one comes along.

It would be horrendous for you if all this was dropped in a matter of weeks!

Keep positive, what's for you will not go by you.

Take a few days out and focus on YOU. Relax in a hot bath, go for a long walk, visit a museum or do something that you want to do but work has prevented you from. It's almost the weekend so it's not as if you're going to be starting any form of job hunting or such until next week anyways...

[jonathan]

thankyou for your advice

i agree with you , thankyou