Very new to this....

[myhome]

I have several false allegations against me from the same person. I would like to ask advice/info etc on here but am afraid of jeopardising any case that may be brought. I've rarely eaten for 3 weeks, self harm and am running out of strength to cope with this any more....

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

If you would like some general advice without having to ask specific questions have a look through this sticky:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

This only refers to the legalities relating to your situation but if your health is suffering as a result then I would urge you to visit your GP (who will be bound by patient confidentially rules)

[myhome]

Hi Thanks - read this one several days ago before plucking up the courage to register. I haven't been arrested, charged or finger printed etc. so far I attended the police station voluntarily, have answered allegations (taped under caution) in my local police station with a solicitor; as of Tuesday last week (12 days after) the tapes still hadn't been sent to the station in a different part of the country where the allegations allegedly took place 22 years ago. 18 days further on, I'm no further foward and due to the nature of my employment I am also suspended from work - which I fully understand -( and they couldn't be more supportive). I'm on diazepam and fluoxetine and waiting to see my GP again and CPN this coming week.....

[Casehardened]

It's good that you haven't been arrested but this also means that there will be no urgency about the case (unsurprisingly, given the historic nature of the allegation)

Of course, this is absolutely no help to you in your situation, but I fear there really is nothing you can do to move things along any quicker, though it might make it easier for you to endure the wait by planning a potential defence.

[lawlessone2009]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It is incredibly positive that you've not been arrested or indeed dragged off to the 'different part of the country'. I would read that as a positive, a big one.

You are now within a system where 'waiting' isn't a matter of days but more months/years. You've not been arrested or charged so why are you suspended from work? I am assuming that you let them know about what was happening and they took the decision?

As far as the 'drugs' are concerned. I would really strongly urge you to 'come off' them. You may be experiencing some benefits but in the longer term they will be of little benefit and will become a hindrance. I completely understand your need for them but, having been there, I can also state that they do little to help. Simply distracting your attention is of far greater benefit and without the nasty side effects. Ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor so you can at least have someone outwith your normal life to unload your problems on, also adds a distraction for a couple of hours a week.

Historical allegations surface reasonably regularly on here. There are quite a few posts from other members and there are also members on here who have been through the ordeal directly or helped others. If you can possibly remember anything around about the time of the allegations then I would jot it down and see if you can construct a timeline which over time you can add too until you have a complete picture of what happened and when. It's amazing how the memory can be 'reminded' of what may seem like a silly detail but ultimately provides the solid evidence upon which your defence could rely. Also gives you something to do if you are finding life frustrating and slow.

If you are feeling suicidal then please seek help. It is usual in the beginning, I felt as if my life was over, finished, gone. I posted some of my thoughts on here at the time and others done their best to help me with me thinking 'what do you know?' yet they DID know. Suicide is NOT AN OPTION. It seems like the easiest thing to do but it isn't. I would rather dwell in jail an innocent man than take my life and let a false accuser completely destroy my life. Life is all we have once we strip back the 'luxuries' and not something that should be thrown away and especially not in the circumstances of a false allegation.

You will get help on here and lots of it. If you raise the issues/ask the questions then the forum members will give you as full and as frank answers as they can. We are a massively diverse group with experience beyond my belief. I am intrigued ever now and then when people pop their heads up with the most abstract and strange issue only to have it promptly answered and in detail!!

As for how long things will take, we're not able to answer that one unfortunately but the fact there is no charge/bail/arrest is extremely positive. Even if there is an eventual arrest it means little has changed, it can be used just as much to intimidate as it can to show that there is any chance of conviction. Remember not to answer any questions without your solicitor present. If you are desperate to find a solicitor who specialises in sexual offences within your area then try:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

If your county isn't there then post your county up and someone will direct you to the right door. A solicitor can probably do very little for you at present so other than a little meet and chat I wouldn't be expecting too much of them.

[myhome]

[QUOTE=lawlessone2009;34643]

It is incredibly positive that you've not been arrested or indeed dragged off to the 'different part of the country'. I would read that as a positive, a big one.

Why are these 2 things "Incredibly positive" ?


You are now within a system where 'waiting' isn't a matter of days but more months/years.

Why do you think this will be months/years? If I was able to carry on with my work I would feel at least a bit "normal" but can't envisage waiting that long for an outcome


You've not been arrested or charged so why are you suspended from work? I am assuming that you let them know about what was happening and they took the decision?

I work with vulnerable adults, sometimes visiting their homes. The CEO of the company and my line managers do not believe the allegations (I told them)but they had no choice - as I mentioned before, they are being incredibly supportive.



If you are feeling suicidal then please seek help. It is usual in the beginning, I felt as if my life was over, finished, gone.

I'm not suicidal any more - self-harm is different and is a coping mechanism....


.... but the fact there is no charge/bail/arrest is extremely positive.

Again - why do you think this???

Sorry for so many "whys" but this is going round and round and round in my head and I can't get it out......

[Izzy]

Hi Myhome, sorry you find yourself in this situation but it's good you've joined the forum for advice. You asked -

It is incredibly positive that you've not been arrested or indeed dragged off to the 'different part of the country'. I would read that as a positive, a big one.

Why are these 2 things "Incredibly positive" ?


Quite often an arrest and bail can follow after being questioned while the accusations are being investigated. As this hasn't happened it is a positive.

You are now within a system where 'waiting' isn't a matter of days but more months/years.

Why do you think this will be months/years? If I was able to carry on with my work I would feel at least a bit "normal" but can't envisage waiting that long for an outcome

Quite often the investigation can take a long time, doesn't mean it will in your case, but a lot of members have found it a very slow process.


It's really good that your work is being supportive, your feelings of shock and despair are normal at the beginning but they will pass and you will find the strength to fight. The self harming you need to try and stop, if you can discuss it with your GP.

[Rights Fighter]

howthread.php?2491-Specialist-solicitors

If your county isn't there then post your county up and someone will direct you to the right door. A solicitor can probably do very little for you at present so other than a little meet and chat I wouldn't be expecting too much of them.

The Specialist Sols bit is to recommend good solicitors who have been used by members in the past as per the OP there, I believe.

I don't know of any sols in far West Cornwall but you might find that Nunn Rickard of Exeter comes under the same area.

[lawlessone2009]

The Specialist Sols bit is to recommend good solicitors who have been used by members in the past as per the OP there, I believe.

I don't know of any sols in far West Cornwall but you might find that Nunn Rickard of Exeter comes under the same area.

Sorry... Late, tired...

Meant for the OP to go through the list and if a local(ish) solicitor wasn't in it then to post up their county in this thread and someone may be able to help... You've attempted to help.

[lawlessone2009]

I am assuming that 'Izzy' has answered the queries raised as a result of my posting. If not then feel free to ask them again for clarity.

I am with you with regards your employer. It is another positive that they are willing to support you which is not always the case.

With regards continuing working giving you 'normality', yes, I agree and I also feel for you with regards the fact that you can't at present.

I cannot comment on the self harming as I could easily offend. I would, however, recommend that you don't but it is not for me to even begin to understand or ask for any reason. The pressures and worries in peoples lives are dealt with in many varying ways and if you have your methods then that is entirely your choice.

You're still in the infancy of the false allegations. In time information may begin to flow and some of the many questions with regards the accusations will be answered. The beginning is, in my opinion, the worst. Complete uncertainty about everything and also having a completely new situation thrust upon yourself is a complete mind screw. You will be bouncing all over the place and feeling extremely emotional. It's normal. Over time things will begin to settle down but everything kicks back up again as information/bail dates etc appear. There are some on here that have experienced a short investigation and others that have been dragged to the bitter end.

[myhome]

[QUOTE=Rights Fighter;34700]The Specialist Sols bit is to recommend good solicitors who have been used by members in the past as per the OP there, I believe.

Thank you for your help. Sorry if my reply in the specialists sols section has come across as sounding a bit terse - it certainly wasn't meant to sound like that....

[myhome]

Update

Spoke to my solicitor to-day, who says he saw the officer who conducted the Interview on Tuesday and the tapes hadn't been sent to the other county before as she'd been off work for a few days. It seems the tapes have now been sent. I still haven't been told any more than that except that they may now wait for the other person (who has some joint allegations with mine and some of his own) to come back from the other side of the world but they can't find where in this country he is. To say that this is tearing me apart is an understatement and the more I read about what could happen, the worse it is and I don't know where to get the strength from to carry on. Because the other police force now have the tapes I am living in fear of the 6.30 am bang on the door even though I know I have done nothing wrong...

[Casehardened]

I still haven't been told any more than that except that they may now wait for the other person (who has some joint allegations with mine and some of his own) to come back from the other side of the world but they can't find where in this country he is.

Just to clarify, as you haven't mentioned this person before, is he someone who has also been accused of similar offences by your accuser
i.e. joint enterprise?

Sorry that you're still in limbo, but as regards the 'dawn raid' this is unlikely to happen unless fresh unrelated accusations are made (the purpose of surprise visits is usually to preserve evidence, prevent absconding, or prevent collusion)

[lawlessone2009]

Spoke to my solicitor to-day, who says he saw the officer who conducted the Interview on Tuesday and the tapes hadn't been sent to the other county before as she'd been off work for a few days. It seems the tapes have now been sent. I still haven't been told any more than that except that they may now wait for the other person (who has some joint allegations with mine and some of his own) to come back from the other side of the world but they can't find where in this country he is. To say that this is tearing me apart is an understatement and the more I read about what could happen, the worse it is and I don't know where to get the strength from to carry on. Because the other police force now have the tapes I am living in fear of the 6.30 am bang on the door even though I know I have done nothing wrong...

As 'casehardened' indicates, a dawn raid is very doubtful.

Try not to dwell on the horror stories too much. I did the same in the beginning and it did me no favours. Everyone does it of course and it is extremely difficult to try and sooth out or provide remedies.

Your world falls apart and everything centres around sex. Everything plays on the mind, everyday situations change... Over sensitization takes over. Add in the stress and uncertainty along with the feeling of powerlessness and it's a recipe for disaster.

It's all normal though.


Try to slow things down. You're in this for a while, sadly, so take your time. Relax a little and have some time out. Try and allocate an hour or two a day where you will read and read and read to your hearts content about the situation and the possibilities, pop on here, ask your questions at the end of it and then turn it all off. Watch TV, go for a walk, go to the gym, visit friends, do something else.

[myhome]

[QUOTE=Casehardened;34763]Just to clarify, as you haven't mentioned this person before, is he someone who has also been accused of similar offences by your accuser
i.e. joint enterprise?

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes, the other person was my boyfriend at the time (I'm female btw). He has been accused of offences of his own and some jointly with me and I have some of my own all of which were alleged to have taken place around the same time over 23 years ago. (Accuser is female). Some allegations were made last year and then added to earlier this year. Because I had moved from that county to where I now live (completely unrelated move) the Police have taken until last month to find me. He's been traced to the other side of the world but they don't kow which part of that country.
Thanks for reassuring me re dawn raid. Does the feeling of dread, nausea, fear and just about any other negative emotion ever go away? I live on my own so can't draw on physical comfort from a significant other. My sister and brother have been brilliant, as have my employers. I don't know whether to tell closest friends or just let them think I have depression again.....