We're considering closing this forum and would appreciate your thoughts, memories, comments etc, and especially any offers of help if you'd like the forum to stay running.
You may read the posts but if you wish to post yourself, then you need to register. This is simple and you just need a valid email address.
Register Here
We look forward to seeing you posting soon!
If you have already registered, but have forgotten your password, please click here to get it reset.
Hi JM - thank you so much - I'll always be here because I've done nothing wrong and have so many people here, family, friends and work supporting me... I'm really sorry that I must have worried you; I just have very dark days sometimes when I just get overwhelmed by it all - yesterday was one of them Thank you again and a Happy new Year to you as well.
Hey mh,
I think most of us get the dark days...
But then you get, or I did, fantastically bright ones for no apparent reason... entirely self-generated joy.... Maybe like the country mouse.. just sometimes, getting out from under someones big boot.
I read various recommended books to help at the start... the first one by Paul McKenna, and a psychologist, teaching about reinforcing positive neural pathways. A helpful quick fix in my situation, the heartbreak coming a faraway second place after the shock of FA. The second recommended by BDC, by a French victimologist, Marie-France Hirigoyen... Hugely helpful, basically explaining that yes, sheer evil does exist, and unfortunately there's no reasoning with folk who'll do anything to pursue their own agendas. The third, Carl Yung, recommended by my counsellor.... I think, kind of gently examining the sinner in all of us...
As for suicide, (silly, selfish thought) From the posts I read here early on, the most compelling argument was to not give your false accusers the satisfaction... or to add fuel and drama to their deluded fantasies.... as you say, 'everyone would immediately think 'so she's guilty then'... possibly. Or not. Anyway, Don't. It detracts from our strength together.
As for casehardened and lawlessone, I can understand the muddle.....
I'm only a lightweight on here myself, but I've had sound advice and support from both, with gravitas, early on, before my NFA, and there, I believe, are two extremely wise thoughtful and generous birds.
ps, I was delighted to read earlier on that the 'ban' from your work is lifted.... Various senior members here know the ins and outs of the position on this.
Last edited by just married; 1 January 2013, 09:28 PM.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better
The black day's will get less.
I always thought "white coat syndrome" was when your blood pressure went up due to a fear of Doctors
I'm thinking it's not the meaning here though
But in this case it's when you see plod.
Oh and the only street smart you need is that every (EVERY!) interaction you have with plod is all geared up to making a case against you. Their job is to fill jails. How pathetic.
When you see their vehicles, just block it out. When you see their members, walk the long way around them and try to make a game of avoiding them.
If you haven't watched YouTube why you should never talk to the cops then get you and your brother and make it essential weekly viewing so it blooming goes in.
While you're at it go watch some Disney comedy for your soul and sanity.
Good luck.
Last edited by IvorBinWronged; 1 January 2013, 11:17 PM.
Reason: Spelling. Change smart house to smart you. Stupid autoprompt.
Police and subsequently the CPS "take every piece of evidence and try to extract the most negative connotations for their presentations in court". It's their job to help Judges fill those jails.
My solicitor rang me this morning. It seems that the Inspector of the other police force has e mailed him and said that if arrested it won't be through a knock on the door, but through my solicitor, and all further communications to me will be through him.
From my understanding, they have now found out where my ex bf is living so have referred the case to the CPS because they are the only ones who can write a "Letter of Introduction" to the police force in that Commonwealth country asking them to interview him on their behalf. (Apparently this is to prevent any plod - his word not mine - from asking police around the world to interview people for any old reason). This letter has not even been sent yet....only when that due process has taken place and my ex been interviewed can they then decide what to do next. The Inspector has said that this case has been on-going for over a year - she made some allegations in 2011 and added more in 2012 (though I can't think why it has taken them a year to find me - only changed my surname by deed poll on divorce and moved 300 miles down the road back home) and he also said that for the sake of my solicitor's client ie - me - and "of course, the VICTIM" he wants things to move along as quickly as possible!!!. Made my blood boil to hear her referred to as a "victim."
I also asked my solicitor if he still thought it would go to trial and he said yes...... and it would be a matter of months rather than weeks before we heard anything else (so at least I can stop being afraid of the post, unmarked cars and police cars!!! - just the telephone then!!!!) I asked if he had experience of defending these cases and he replied he'd being doing it for over 20 years and they were his "Bread and butter!"
"Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh
Just remember Myhome that going to trial is to prove your innocence.
You will have a few months to prepare your defence and you will get support from us.
Just remember Myhome that going to trial is to prove your innocence.
Hi BDC - thanks for the support but I'm puzzled by your quote above. I thought that the FA had to prove my guilt and that I was innocent in the eyes of the law (!!!) until proved guilty???
"Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh
Write down everything you can remember about events and times surrounding the alleged incidents. Any tiny scrap of evidence, corroborations, ie, things you were doing around the times of the allegations, where you were..... receipts, anything with dates and times........interactions with other people.... hopefully good people.... phone conversations, texts.... even deleted texts can be technically sometimes posible to retrieve.... as you start to assemble some kind of document, ( mine eventually ran to 40 pages,) you will remember more and more.......
Ultimately, once you've spent enough time, and you think you may have absolutely everything you can possibly remember to defend yourself against the allegations, then you can start to compress your document down to a few concise, bullet pointed pages.... infallible evidence to refute the claims of the false accuser... Don't disregard the 40 pages either..... it's all useful.... just writing it all down helps the memory. I'm sorry, but this happening has/will change your life, and if you're anything like me, having your version of events typed out can do no harm.... Your record of your story... It's likely if a trial is going to be possible, then your solicitor's team is going to need everything you can give them to be able to know how best to defend you.
(I took a few weeks... I was arrested, processed, interviewed, bailed to return in 6 weeks. I was NFAd without charge after a 6 week 'investigation') ... My various copies of my 40 pages are now at the back of the bedroom wardrobe.
I'm sorry I'm no use to anyone regarding trials, because I didn't have one, though I had myself as prepared as i possibly could be, for anything I could possibly imagine.
I'm sure this must have been already said to you, Mh.....
The gathering of evidence to defend yourself.... just recording your version of events, can become an obsession, but for me, whilst bailed and waiting to return six weeks later to the police station and answer bail to I didn't know what, It became quite cathartic......
I'm sorry if this is harsh, and I'm sure you must know this. Sorry if I've repeated what's already been said.
please keep in touch.
jm
Last edited by just married; 3 January 2013, 01:27 AM.
Yes, you are innocent until proven guilty.
When I write you will go to prove your innocence,I should have written to show the jury that you are innocent.
If you can find some evidence for your defence it will be easier.
It is like an exam,if you tell the truth,know your story and don't make mistakes,you will have more chances to pass.
You have a few months to prepare it so try to remember exactly what happened and always keep something to write.
Sometimes "souvenirs"will come back at any time of the day or the night and it will be useful to keep notes.
You must work for it and your solicitor and barrister will help you to achieve.
Take care and always keep faith.
Thanks JM for writting in a better way what I wanted to,now you can go back to bed,it's 2am
Dear BDC, dear, Mh, I have so little useful experience to help.....
but plenty of pain.... I try to do my best.
Bedtime soon... one more cup of coffee 'fore I go...
Hi myhome - how are you today hon? Just checking in t'is all
Hi RF - Hey there - thanks for your message. I'm a little more rational to-day! I went in to work (used the car park - doing retail therapy!!) and had a long natter with my line manager. She's so wise and such a support. I go back to work proper on Tuesday to have a meeting with my Project Manager and personnel to find out what work I'm going to be doing (as I'm not allowed to work with my clients whilst this is going on). Really looking forward Tuesday and getting some sense of "normality" back in my life..... CPN is coming again tomorrow..
Hope you're ok too.
"Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh
Hi JM and BDC - thanks for your advice. Everything is helpful - I've learnt so much since being on here...
I can't bring myself to write anything down yet, but unknown to me, every time I talked about it with my sister and I remembered something else, she has been writing it down for me.....
With regard to texts and computer/e mails etc, this won't apply as the allegations stem from 23 years ago and I have not had any contact with the person since. There is nothing I can refer to about that time because FA has not given dates (and in one of her allegations not even a location!!!) and I've moved back to my home county.... I think that in my case - if it goes to trial, it is her word against mine and my ex bf....I really don't know how I can prove to the jury that she is lying and I am not.......although there are a couple of holes in her many allegations.
"Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh
Thank you again and a Happy new Year to you as well.
Tweet
Comment