hello

[lonley place]

Hi, Didn't want to fine myself in a place like this but now i am glad I have found you all.
I have read a lot of the threads on here but can't seem to find any thing like our case.
My husband has been accused of child abuse and rape by our daughter. None of this has reared its ugly
head until she moved in with a controlling man 3 months ago who is known to us through our employment.
We have had bad dealings with this man in the past and have just found out the man and his family have done this kind of things before with other people and have been accused of similar crimes too.Is he seeking some sick revenge is a question I am asking myself ?
Anyway Police knocked on the door told my hubby he had been reported for the rape of our daughter. They said he would be arrested and taken for interview...bizarly they allowed him to shower and get out of his dirty work clothes ! the did speak to me whilst they waited for him and although I was very careful what I said I did fill them in with the details of circumstances around our girl.
Crux of the matter for us is because of something I said, they decided they would'nt arrest they would do the interview under caution and Hubby would be free to leave at anytime. The asked us to contact our solicitor before they left the house so he could meet them at the station as this would "save time"
They also said they would need to talk to our son and me later the same day or at the latest the following day.
Hubby did the interview with his solicitor present...this is the bit I don't quite understand they let him leave with no charge.....this was 4 days ago, we have heard nothing since and they haven't contacted our son or myself either. What is happening. has anyone else had things happen this way ?? I am at my wits end with this, my hubby is devastated our daughter has done this and much as I don't like her right now I am terrified of what the man she is with is doing to her and our granddaughter to keep her telling these lies. Thanks for listening to my waffle my head won't seem to think with any logic at the moment.
Lonley Place

[kiakaha]

Welcome

Firstly welcome! I visit often but don't write much about me for my own reasons. I am not sure what the "norm" is, if it exists but I do know, from wise advisors on here that laws changed on Nov 12th (PACE) regarding arrests. This may explain the reason for caution but no arrest.

Other more knowledgeable members will be here soon - It's a great place for support. But do, as everyone is advised, find a specialist solicitor I case you need it. Hopefully you won't do.

All I can say for now is welcome and keep busy! You have come to a good place!

KK

[lonley place]

Hi KK
Thanks for your warm welcome
LP

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome, though sorry you needed to find us,

Sadly you are not in a 'lonely place' here, girls and women have all sorts of reasons for making these allegations, though it's specially painful when they come from within the family: mums are in a very difficult position with this sort of situation.

To address your specific concerns:

They said he would be arrested and taken for interview...bizarly they allowed him to shower and get out of his dirty work clothes !

You were obviously expecting the white jump suit routine as per TV drama! If the latest date of any alleged offences is more than 14 days ago then DNA evidence isn't time critical.

Crux of the matter for us is because of something I said, they decided they would'nt arrest they would do the interview under caution and Hubby would be free to leave at anytime. The asked us to contact our solicitor before they left the house so he could meet them at the station as this would "save time"

As kiakaha mentioned, the rules on arrest have recently changed as discussed on this thread (again the police may have felt, after talking to you, that they didn't require a DNA sample from your husband)
http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...-for-interview

Hubby did the interview with his solicitor present...this is the bit I don't quite understand they let him leave with no charge.....this was 4 days ago, we have heard nothing since and they haven't contacted our son or myself either. What is happening. has anyone else had things happen this way ??

This is a common concern and this sticky may answer some of your queries:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Casehardened]

I have moved this thread into the falsely accused part of the forum as more members are likely to see it there.

(however do please repost a short 'hello' in the introduction section if you wish)

[lonley place]

Thank you all for your kind words. I know in the end our FA'er will eventually slip up with her story, bad as it is, obviously we know her very well and she has spent her life lying about one thing or another.*
I am 100% supporting my man, but feels so afraid for my daughter and granddaughter at the same time, its a very hard place to be. I know that our girl is being influence by a powerful controlling man who has complete control of her, she has no where to go other than with him, he has made sure of that.
I have taken on board all the advice I have be pointed to and have realised we are not alone. So glad to have found this forum of support and understanding.
I'm not niave, I know this is not going to just disappear. I can only hope the police look at the wider issues involved, but I won't hold my breath.
One thing is for sure I will fight this tooth and nail, and support my husband in any way its needed. Its a irony... our daughter has accused the very man who has been there for her all her life and has given support when she least deserved it, even now he is immensely concerned that he has to defend himself by taking whatever action necessary to prove her lies
Thanks everyone for being here, I will be around a lot, so forgive me if I ramble on.
LP

[Rights Fighter]

It's rare that the police will charge anybody immediately after an interview - unless the suspect admits to whatever he has been accused of, of course.

Charging decisions in these cases are generally done by the CPS after further 'investigation'. Some police officers will investigate properly but sadly many do not. Many will only gather evidence to ensure a conviction.

it can take anything from a few weeks to several months and up to two years before a charging decision is made.

Hang on in there.

[So angry and hurt]

So hurt and angry

Hi there I was just reading this and wondering whether this man is trying to make money( re compensation payout) is he into drugs or any other bad people? You say he may have done this before? Can you let the police know? This is a truely terrible time for you, and made a thousand times worse the fact that your own daughter is accusing ,but maybe she is in trouble herself with this man, is there anyone who can talk to her on her own?
I have posted before that the one thing I should have done from the start and didn't was to start gathering any evidence/information straight away,it is harder to do six months down the line, so do it now! Stay strong ,you know your husband is innocent,but don't imagine this will be sorted out quickly
(because it probably won't)
There are a lot of really nice people here who can give you support even if it is only kind words sometimes, most of us have a good idea how you are feeling .
Take care, and I hope you have some answers soon.

[lonley place]

Hi
Thanks Rights Fighter for your kind words.
So hurt and angry, I KNOW our daughter is in the control of this man. We have until now always been a close knit family group. He has been seeing her for a while now and this is not the first time he has said things to break the trust we have always had with our kids and each other. The last was him saying my hubby is not my daughters dad, It is fortunate that I kept the text sent which started that one. My daughter didn't even know he'd text me until I knocked on her door wanting to know what was happening.
He realized that night I wasn't the same push over our daughter is. He apparently got the info of our daughters parentage from a member of his family, it was just a pity he didn't get the correct info..one good thing to come out of this hell is the police say they are going to do a dna test to prove who her dad is.The member of his family has been interviewed by the police and it was found they got this info from a "spirit" as they are a medium. The police were not very impressed to say the least !
From what the police officer has said it was boyfriend who called them, so I wonder if daughter knew what he had done before the police contacted her. So yes I believe this is a way to keep our girl away from anyone she knew before. She is isolated totally and so is our granddaughter...I want to shout at the police so loud the fears I have for their safety. This man can make daughter do this what can he do to a child ? terrifying thought !. Seems I am in no mans land at the moment I want to ring the dealing officer and tell her how wrong she is about all this and get herself off to daughters boyfriends house an ask some searching questions, but would that do harm to my hubbies defence should this progess to a charge.
LP

[Rights Fighter]

He sounds like he is barking mad. However although the police may think he's a bit odd, if your daughter continues with the allegations then that is where the focus of their investigation will be. Peculiar as this man might be the police will not at this point be interested in his input.

She may well be heavily influenced by him but the burning question is: "what does he have over her that makes her continue with the allegation?"

Like 'so angry and hurt' has suggested, this could be about money.

Unfortunately this is not the first case that I have heard about where the allegations have come forth after a visit to a medium or spiritualist church.

[So angry and hurt]

So hurt and angry

Well I don't know but I do think from what you are saying that your daughter and grand-daughter could be in a very strange environment right now. I do actually believe in spirt/ psychic abilitily and all that but I'm not sure that the spirt world would be causing grief like this! Lets hope that the police can see through this circus act, and in the mean time I would think about contacting social services and sharing your concerns about your daughter and granddaughter. Is your daughter quite young? And how old is the partner in relation to her?

[lonley place]

The main hold he has over her from what I can see is that she will feel like she has no where to turn
if she admits she is lying. She has alienated every one of the people who were her support network.
Her daughter has even been stopped from seeing her dad. Isolation is the worst thing to happen to her.
She is vulnerable anyway as she had a brain tumour removed 2 years ago and is still recovering from that.

[Rights Fighter]

Brain tumour? Could be a false memory if she believes it happened. A good defence point should it become necessary.

[lonley place]

Yes Rights Fighter she had a brain tumour removed thankfully with success. You could well be right about the false memory theory, though I have my doubts but who knows what going off in her head.
I thought the tumour and the risks removing it, the worst possible thing that could happen in all our lives....how wrong I was

[largactyl1]

Hi Lonely Place, Just wanted to say welcome. I agree that Social Services should be involved if you fear for your daughter and in particular your Grandaughter.

Best wishes
Jen