Help worried parents after son is accused of rape

[Sunshine0127]

Hi Everyone,

Unfortunately i am new to this site.

In the early hours of last Friday morning the police were at my door wanting to speak to my son (aged 20). Being the age that he is they took him in the kitchen to speak to and the next thing that we knew he was being arrested. The police didn't tell me what he was being arrested for due to the data protection act. He was taken to the police station where his DNA was taken, he was questioned without legal representation (he didn't want it as he said he had done no wrong).
14 hours later we got a call to say that we could collect him from the Police Station. We were met by our son outside of the station, once inside the car he told us that he has been released on bail without charge for the rape of a women that he had been with the previous night.
He had met this person via a social networking site about a month ago and became friends, he went round to her flat on Thursday evening to see her where her (male) friend was also present. Once inside he was sat on the sofa where the alleged victim sat beside him and started kissing him where my son told her he was not interested in her that way. The male friend told them to take it into the other room which to my sons regret did, where my son then said they had consensual sex. Afterwards they went back into the living room where he stayed for about 15 minutes before leaving and coming home.
He now has to go to our local police station in just over 2 weeks to find out what is going to happen.
Today a post was put on his facebook wall mentioning the alleged rape, i contacted the police to advise them of this and was told there is nothing that they can do.

If anyone can give me any advise it would be very appreciated.

Worried mum

[Teddy101]

Hi Sunshine0127 welcome to the forum. Sorry you had to come here because of what has happened to your son.

I too am new here. My son has been falsely accused of historical sexual abuse almost two weeks ago. You can read my thread.

Unfortunately I cannot offer much help right now except. I am learning too. I am sure many will be along to encourage, provide info and advice to you. I pray your son will be found innocent. God bless.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Sunshine, I'm sorry you and your son are in this situation, my son is in a similar position and was arrested nearly a year ago now. You'll find lots of surport and good legal advice on here.
All the very best

[Sunshine0127]

Teddy101 - Thank-you for your kind reply, what a horrid accusation to make against your son.

I am so glad that i found this site. I never would have dreamed that i would go through something like this and it makes it a tiny bit more bearable when there are other people that can relate to what you are going through and feeling.

Whatsgoingon? - How have you coped for the past year?

[Casehardened]

Hi Sunshine & welcome to the forum,

I wrote up a sort of 'FAQ' for new members which may answer some of your and your son's concerns:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Izzy]

Hi Sunshine & welcome to the forum, I'm sorry you find yourself in this sitiuation but Casehardened's sticky is a great place to start, it explains it all to tee.
The first three lines of your opening post could have been written by me nearly a year ago and I do really feel for you. Emotionally it's horrendous at the beginning but it does get easier.
You say your Son met the person via a social network, you should get your Son to take screen shot's of all correspondence between them.
It is a waiting game now, not easy I know but keep posting as it does help.

[brokenman81]

Hi Sunshine,

Ensure ur Son tells the truth. The Male friend should be a witness to this as he was in the next room. Have any statements been taking by this male???

[Faith]

You say your Son met the person via a social network, you should get your Son to take screen shot's of all correspondence between them.

Good advice; also take screenshots of any messages he receives on his Facebook from other parties relating to the allegation.
Now might be the time to seek the advice of a solicitor, there's not a fat lot they can do pre-charge but they may offer some initial advice before the bail date.

It is likely that your son will be rebailed in two weeks time as these investigations often take a significant time.
What will be asked of course is if your son was not interested in kissing the woman in question, why did he go on to have sex with her. This could of course be for a number of obvious reasons, but your son needs to be honest from the outset as brokenman81 says.

[whatsgoingon?]

Teddy101 - Thank-you for your kind reply, what a horrid accusation to make against your son.

I am so glad that i found this site. I never would have dreamed that i would go through something like this and it makes it a tiny bit more bearable when there are other people that can relate to what you are going through and feeling.

Whatsgoingon? - How have you coped for the past year?

Good question! Sometimes I don't. I've had to face other life challenging events so have learnt relaxing techniques etc. Sometimes I take homeopathic tranx, sometimes something a bit stronger if I really need to. Fresh air and excercise are great things, as are hot soaks with relaxing bath oils ( don't laugh, every little thing to make you unwind counts), prayer, other things to do... singing,music laughter. Whatever gets you thinking about something else and you can say 'that feels good'. To me sleep is a must, if I can't sleep I start to go a bit loopey, everything goes swimming round my head, so I'm prepared to take a short course of sleeping pills if I really need to just to get back into a good rythm. Also, I have no hatred,( just fear) which helps alot. Hatred is a terribly normal but distructive thing.
Hope some of this helps.

[Sunshine0127]

Hi everyone,

Thank-you so much for all your support and advise.

I contacted the PC in charge of the case today to see if she was aware about the comment that was made on my son's FB page which i reported yesterday (she was not). I have to say that i found the attitude of the PC to be very uncaring and unhelpful. She was actually on her way to see my sons alleged victim.

My husband is taking our son to the police station when he has to go back in 2 weeks, what happens then...
Will he be interviewed again? If so will my husband be able to sit in on the interview? Do cases like this get dropped so early if there is not enough evidence ect..

It's been a bad day today, i never knew i could cry so much.

[brokenman81]

Remember the Police are no friends of the accused!!!

Mine even came over on 1st day of court and said we are all ready, think we are just waiting on your legal team to get their act together!

Well if they had of saw through the lies of this evil person, then tax payers money wouldn't of been wasted!!

Keep the faith!!!

[Izzy]

Hi Sunshine,

I'm sorry you have had a bad day today. You said your Son had to go back to the police station in two weeks, is it to answer bail?
They won't let your husband sit in and I would be contacting a Solicitor to sit in if they are going to interview your Son again.

My Son also gave an initial interview without a Solicitor and after being on the forum I advised him to not speak to the police again without one, I would give your Son the same advise.

Watch Facebook and take screen shots of anything that could of be of use.

If you're still feeling really low, I would make a Doctors appointment and maybe get something just to help you through the next couple of weeks, I got something and it did help take the edge off.

Take care x

[So angry and hurt]

So angry and hurt

So sorry for you and your son ,I am also a mum and going through all the above,I just wanted to say there may be a chance this gets dropped but please please act as though it will go all the way, I really regret not having collected more information in the very early days,I too was convinced that the whole thing would be dropped, others where laughing at the allegation and saying" its ridiculous,and it's obvious what has happened here" ie; drunk married woman jumps in bed with younger lad" but now nearly a year later we have a court date fixed and please believe me the police WILLNOT investigate this in a way which will help your son in any way,shape or form so don't expect them to.Dont bury your head, do everything you can,(the police actually told me not to try and play detective and to leave it to them) ,we'll quite clearly they haven't done there job and I wish I had carried on ,I just felt so scared,I felt whatever I done, it could make it worse for my son. Try to use the time you have to do something positive. Look after each other .

[Boys don't cry]

The police actually told me not to try and play detective and to leave it to them

I am absolutely not surprised about this.

You MUST play detective,you must find abnormalities,lies,nonsense,clues against the accusation.
If possible physical evidence,writtings,recordings,...witnesses.

Keep faith Sunshine.

[Teddy101]

Hi Sunshine0127

Hi everyone,

Thank-you so much for all your support and advise.

I contacted the PC in charge of the case today to see if she was aware about the comment that was made on my son's FB page which i reported yesterday (she was not). I have to say that i found the attitude of the PC to be very uncaring and unhelpful. She was actually on her way to see my sons alleged victim.

My husband is taking our son to the police station when he has to go back in 2 weeks, what happens then...
Will he be interviewed again? If so will my husband be able to sit in on the interview? Do cases like this get dropped so early if there is not enough evidence ect..

It's been a bad day today, i never knew i could cry so much.

HUGS to you honey. I know exactly how you are feeling. Praying that you have much strength and you know what I recall my son as a baby and I remember all the joy he has brought me since then and it gets all my fight back in me. He is my blessing from God and I will not give up.

As brokenman81 says the plods are not your friend. Remember that. They are only concerned with the alleged victim/s.

I am new to all of it. My son has been interviewed once. And I also don't know if he will be interviewed again.

May God give you the strength and courage you need. Honestly it truly is my son's and my faith that is sustaining us besides all the great support we have got here already.