An outlet to express my worries

[Chance]

Hello Everyone,

I've recently been falsely accused of rape. The police came to my home and told me that I had been accused and I asked me to come down to the police station for an interview, they didn't arrest me though. Once we got there they asked me if I wanted a solicitor present but I declined (I am regretting this decision now after reading some of the posts on this forum) as I didn't want to wait for one to come down. I just wanted to get on with interview as quickly as I could to clear my name, and to find out what had been said by my accuser. Even waiting five minutes in the waiting room by myself, mad me very unsettled and thousands of thoughts were running through my head with all sorts of potentially horrible consequences.

In the interview they asked me what happened on the night when I met this girl, I rambled on telling them every detail I could remember (again regrettably after reading some of the posts). I didn't want them thinking I was lying or there to be holes on unanswered questions. After the interview finished I was told I would be contacted to let me know of the outcome. The officer in fairness was respectful and never treated me like I was guilty, which I am grateful of, as hearing how awfully the police have treated some people on this site.

Now though I am struggling to cope which has surprised me as I am usually very laid back and level headed even in tough times. I've barely slept and, my appetite seems to be affected and my mood changes erratically. I live on my own and therefore have a lot of time to myself with my thoughts which isn't helping. I know I should keep busy and proactive, but when I leave the house I'm scared that I might bump into someone that she's told and they might say something. Word gets around quickly and people are quick to prejudge when rapes involved. I feel I'm in limbo just waiting for a decision that I can have no further influence on, it's a horrible feeling knowing that the path your life is about to head is in someone else's hands. Even if no further action is taken I won't feel that my name has been cleared, I'm still going to have that black mark over my name, it doesn't prove my innocence it just means there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute me. I just feel that any outcome from now on is a negative one. It's not possible to carry on living your life as normal no matter what the outcome this incident will have a permanent effect on me. I could carry on but I'm just thinking out loud.

I don't know what I want or expect from this site, I just wanted an outlet to express how I feel, and there doesn't seem a better place then with people who have experienced the same thing. It does feel better putting some of my thoughts into words.
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this, and I empathise with anyone that has experienced a similar situation.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I don't know if this will come over as reassuring or not, but your feelings are absolutely 'normal' (whatever that might be) in these circumstances, as everyone who has been through this particular mill will testify.

You have in fact been quite proactive in researching the internet and finding this forum; it is a comfort in discovering that one's own case is by no means an isolated incident.

Regretfully I can only concur with your view that, whatever happens, this experience will colour your life from now onwards.

As you have researched this forum you will be aware that it may be some months before you get a decision so feel free to continue to visit and post whenever you feel the need for company (are there no close family members or friends that you feel you could also confide in?)

[RFLH]

Hi Chance and welcome to the forum - since you've probably read a lot of other people's experiences on here you'll know its good to come on and chat - you'll find you'll get a lot of questions as time goes on.

[Izzy]

Hi Chance,

I can only echo what the others have said - all you are feeling is normal under the circumstances.

It is very easy to let it consume you in the beginning especially if you live alone as you won't have anything to take your mind off
it, I would really try and find something to distract you, I found exercise helped but really try and fight against sitting dwelling as hard
as it is.

I understand what you mean about being prejudged by people who have heard, all I can say is how I found it - It is difficult in the
beginning when word spreads but people might suprise you and those who don't aren't worth bothering about and after a few weeks
people find something else to gossip about. The worst thing you can do is hide away.

For me, anger kicked in ( took a few months ) and I have now gone from a person who overly worried about what people thought to
honestly not giving a damn. So it might be a cliche but there is some truth in time being a healer and you will find you will feel a bit better
and be able to deal with it all as time passes and you begin to feel stronger.

[Faith]

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear of your situation.
Now might be a good time to see if you can get some initial pro bono advice from a specialist solicitor.

The fact that you have yet to be arrested is a decent sign however

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Chance - nice user's name you've chosen... let's hope it really does bring you luck. Sorry you're going through this. There are things you can do which will help you stay afloat - one is keeping a healthy, regular lifestyle. Sleep, excercise, regular meals and plenty of water are paramount to a stressed out mind.
As for people knowing about it when you go out .... nothing's written on your forehead now is it? And if this girl's been spreading tales about you to people who really know her, she might just be having negative reactions from them.

Take good care of yourself

[Boys don't cry]

Hello Chance and welcome to the forum.

What you are feeling at the moment is absolutely normal and
you shouldn't worry too much about not having a solicitor during the interview.

I experienced the same:I thought I didn't need one because I would only tell the truth.

Did you talk about your situation to friends or family members?
You must keep busy and active.
I wouldn't care about what others say and just remember that you are innocent.

Do you know why she would make such an allegation?
(Revenge,financial motive,...)

While it is still fresh in your mind,
I would write as many information as you can about what happened exactly
and why she accused you of this.

Take care and you will receive excellent support from everyone here.

[Chance]

It is reassuring to know what I am going is 'normal' for someone in my situation. I do live quite an active life style and I do agree that during the day when I am active mind mine becomes at ease, it just in the evenings when I try to settle down my thought and worries come to the surface. I do believe that will begin to fade given time.

I have talked to a close family member and it does feel good to get it off my chest, and not feeling judged by her does make me feel better that maybe other won't be so quick to judge either.

I am confused though why she would make such an allegation, I barely knew her there is no obvious reason or any benefit should could gain by making such a claim. My mood and ideas about this change frequently, I become angry at her and the situation then sympathise it's strange.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice, it means a lot. Nice to have faith in man kind again