Falsely accused by ex

[catterz]

Hi,

First of all, I'm sorry for writing a really long post, but I need to get my thoughts down, so please bare with me.

I was arrested on Sunday after being falsely accused of raping my ex-girlfriend. I asked for a duty solicitor and found out that the allegation is for a supposed incident from over 4 months ago. She has accused me of having sex with her while she lay asleep, and in the morning I supposedly told her that I'd done it. Needless to say it's all false. After the supposed incident we then moved in together and shared a bed and led a very active sex life for 3 months. We split up about a month ago, but were still living in the same house.

After splitting up we continued to have sex at least once a week. We made a house rule that we did not bring back any other prospective partners because it would obviously upset the other person. Last Thursday, however, she got drunk and broke the role. I was upset but remained calm and explained the situation to the guy she brought around. I said to him he was welcome to take her with him, but I did not want them to sleep together in my house. He apologised as he was unaware that we had a history and left. As soon as he left, she flew at me, scratching, punching, slapping. I held her wrists so as to restrain her, at which time she bit me very hard on my arm. As I was restraining her, I couldn't move my arm away. The bite mark is still very prominent and will likely leave a scar. I let her go and went to move downstairs. She followed me down, entered the kitchen and pulled a very large knife out. She then tried to attack me with the knife. Luckily she was very drunk and I was sober and I managed to get away with just a few scratches from the blade. I escaped the house and contacted her family. Her brother told me to call the police, so I did and she was arrested. The next day she was charged with ABH.

Two days later I was then arrested for this false accusation. My life has turned upside down. The conditions of her bail for ABH mean that she cannot visit my house, however, her name is on the tenancy and her daughter was living with us, but I legally cannot stop anyone from coming in if she gives them permission. I am on holiday in France this week, and was still allowed to go as my bail is unconditional. I have since had a threat from her brother warning me not to return to the house without a police escort. I have not informed the police about this as I don't want to be seen to pester. My bail date is in less than 2 weeks, which I thought was quite quick considering I was only arrested 5 days ago.

Currently I am not sleeping very well at all. One night I am struggling to get to sleep, but eventually do and then wake up after only a few hours. The next night I practically pass out and then wake up before the crack of dawn! It's even following me to my dreams. I dream of lots of different outcomes, like getting a NFA or getting sentenced to 14 years, and some really bizarre ones where we get back together! (Clearly, I don't want that to happen!) The case is going through my head all day. I'm not sure if it's a good thing I have a week off work or not as it might have served as a distraction. I am scared to go back home or even be in the same town after receiving the threat from her brother. The only thing keeping me there is my job as it is going really well.

I have been speaking to my boss about this every step of the way and he doesn't think it will go anywhere. The MD of our company used to be a barrister and agrees. The duty solicitor I had for my interview said it was one of the quickest suspicion of rape interviews he'd ever sat in. He said they didn't interrogate me or challenge any of my answers. He thinks the case will be thrown out before my bail date. Even with all of this I am incredibly worried that I might be charged. She is very manipulative and I know a few of her friends have been called to give statements, one of whom contacted me yesterday. I wasn't even sure if they were allowed to speak to me. He assured me he was on my side and is very disappointed in her for doing this. That said, he is a compulsive liar from my experience, so I don't know if he was telling me the truth or not. He may have just been trying to probe me. Regardless, I have nothing to hide, so told him the truth about the matter, which is that the allegation is false.

I have extended my holiday but will be returning for my bail and am arranging to stay with a friend. I'm so scared over this matter and I just don't know what to do.

[lawlessone2009]

Welcome to the forum.

You've found a good place to be.

Sounds like your ex still loves you. Don't mean that in a bad way but love is strange sometimes. I think for your own good you seriously need to consider all your options for a complete and clean seperation. No more house sharing as knifes really can hurt!

The Police have a duty to investigate all alleged crimes. They have a DUTY. They also need to be impartial. Whether they do this or not is anyones guess but by the sounds of it they are on your side. They could of course be 'being your friend' to get you to down your defences and start talking...

Sleep is always seriously affected at the start. It's all fresh and raw and the lack of info about your situation and doubts about the future only adds to it all. You will be on a roller coaster for quite some time so stop by a 'stress' related website and read up on some of the identifiers for it and also some of the relaxation techniques that should be employed at times. Just now might be a good time to take up book reading if you don't already.

Be aware that your bail could go on for many many months. It does not mean that they think you are guilty, it does not mean that they are even investigating things any further it just means that bail is being continued.

[Faith]

Your bail date is very quick considering the nature of the case. I would take this as a positive and be cautiously optimistic that you have a decent case here as the accuser's motivation is blatantly obvious.
Are you still in touch with the solicitor who sat in the interview with you? If so, I would run it past them whether or not to inform the police of the brother's threat. It may be that they advise you to report it to the police, we can't advise you either way as we don't know the full case.
Generally, we advise not to share anything with the police, but I would suspect that this could be one of the occasions where it may be advisable to report as the threat is a crime. Was this threat made via a recordable source (i.e text, email, Facebook?) If so, take a copy for yourself and keep it safe just in case.

If you are having trouble sleeping then it may be worth visiting your GP

[catterz]

Thanks for your reply and for the ideas to try to relieve stress. I have recently started reading again and am working through a new book at the moment. I am finding reading harder though. I am forgetting what I've read because my eyes are following the words, but my mind is elsewhere. At least the book will last longer.

As for other methods, I think if I try to 'relieve' my stress much more it'll fall off!

Do you think it's wise to contact the doctor for something to help with sleep? I know my lack of sleep is circumstantial and don't really want to become reliant on any medication, but can't help but feel that a good night sleep would do wonders for my mood.

[catterz]

Was this threat made via a recordable source (i.e text, email, Facebook?)

Yes, the threat was made on Facebook and I have taken screenshots of it.

[RFLH]

inform your solicitor, get it down in writing - should the case proceed then you should start looking for a specialist solicitor.

and yes - there are other ways of relieving stres, best laugh I've had for a few days! There is a sticky that tells you about relaxation techniques - you may find it useful

[IvorBinWronged]

Change the locks!

You'd be mad not to change the locks.

So what if her agents have the right to access. I'd much rather keep them at bay and explain my actions to a landlord/Police Officer than come back to find that someone had been inside my place with malice. Say for example that you happened to lose the key and you just needed to get in (you couldn't give her a key because your bail conditions will undoubtedly mean you cannot contact her nor use an agent - giving her a key could be construed that you wanted to contact her or ask her to visit you).

You said she cannot come to the house. She also cannot break in either - it's criminal damage. She would have to contact the landlord and if you levelled with them, they might even help you.

You also have got to consider moving unless you have an emotional connection. It's time to move on.

CCTV that you can link to broadband to iphone etc is VERY cheap (£250 max) (considering the risk) and easy to fit. It's better to see who is outside your door before you answer it whilst her lies have yet to be exposed. It can be set to give an alarm email if someone goes past a camera within a set time (back garden 24hrs, Front door/garden early hours, Hallway 24hrs better recording with audio etc). You can take the system with you too to the next abode.

The Brother is only doing what his Neanderthal brain is telling him to do. If he accosts you, defend yourself properly (by running first if you can - it's a great defensive move) without care for anything else but your safety. After a credible threat, you would have been acting "in fear for your own life" (remember that last line like it is a mantra).

Good luck with it Pal.

[Faith]

and yes - there are other ways of relieving stres, best laugh I've had for a few days! There is a sticky that tells you about relaxation techniques - you may find it useful

Snik Snik Snik

[lawlessone2009]

The Brother is only doing what his Neanderthal brain is telling him to do. If he accosts you, defend yourself properly (by running first if you can - it's a great defensive move) without care for anything else but your safety. After a credible threat, you would have been acting "in fear for your own life" (remember that last line like it is a mantra).

Good luck with it Pal.

Remember and kick him in the balls before ever considering punching him in the face and potentially hurting your hand! No obvious injuries and it hurts like hell...

[Boys don't cry]

Catterz

Welcome to the forum.
I just checked my first bail was only nine days after being arrested but the good news is that I am free.
Are you the owner of the house or do you rent it with this girl?
My suggestion is that one of you should move (I would),it will remind you too many memories in the future.

Sleeping,you may go to the GP or someone told me about "Calms"?
Never tried any of these but after a few nights of short sleeps,you should find yourself sleeping 10 hours a night at least once a week.

About relaxation techniques I can't help but as RFLH kindly suggested you,there is a sticky thread about them.
And this is true,you must inform your solicitor about her brother's threat.

I was the same and couldn't concentrate on reading nor even watching a film.

The only way for me to forget was to be busy (especially at work).

Enjoy your holidays in France.

[Boys don't cry]

Remember and kick him in the balls before ever considering punching him in the face and potentially hurting your hand! No obvious injuries and it hurts like hell...

And I thought I was the Harsh one

[catterz]

Thanks for the replies guys, and for keeping it somewhat lighthearted.

With regards to the living arrangements, it's a rented property with both our names on the tenancy. I'm going to arrange to pick up my stuff with a police escort if need be. Otherwise I have various family members and friends that have offered to come with me to ensure there're no issues. Apart from several personal belongings, important documents (which are locked away) and my TV there's not much I want to get out of there.

The police have informed me they are putting checks in place on the property whilst I'm on holiday. This is due to the conditions of my ex's bail for her ABH charge. There are no conditions to my bail, so I can do what I like, though I cannot contact her because that's also part of her bail conditions. So I feel safer that my property should come to no harm whilst I'm away. At the end of the day, if anything happens to it it should be pretty obvious where it went/who broke it, and it certainly wouldn't help her defense for ABH, or her case against me if anything were to happen.

Her brother's threats are probably just idle. He has a young daughter and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise the time he gets with her, especially considering that he's separated from the child's mother and he spends little time with his daughter as it is. I will still contact the solicitor once I can find his number. He's probably feeling like an idiot because he was the one who told me to phone the police in the first place.

[RFLH]

make the police work for you - get them to go with you for your belongings - safe in the knowledge they will then have to sit and fill in a pile of forms!

[Boys don't cry]

Regarding her brother,I am sure it is quite common.

It is call protection and in the heat of the moment,no one thinks reasonably.
Sometimes words are not meant.

Someone did it to me and then came as a defendant witness for me

Take care.

[Rights Fighter]

I certainly would not advise kicking anybody in the wotsits as that could result in a charge of ABH or whatever. I realise the suggestion was made in jest but however tempting it might seem, only use reasonable force if being attacked.

In the unlikely event that you are charged please let us know which county you are in and the nearest big town and one of us will find the appropriate defence team for you. If you can afford to go private check out the solicitor in my signature. If not I am sure one of us will find you somebody who can provide a more than adequate service on public funding.

Please keep coming back here to update us.