What Do We Do? Accusatory Texts

[needadvice]

My husband is being accused via texts and emails of sexual offences (touching??) of another female family member. It's historic, about 30 years ago. The accuser would have been under 16 at the time, and my husband in his early twenties. It's utterly false, the accuser and my husband have not got on well for years, she has made up various other lies about him in the past.

She has not gone to the police - she simply sends him these messages with the undercurrent of threat - she wants 'justice'.

She started this particular campaign a couple of years ago and we ignored the messages. She has told other people - this has come back to us. She recently started sending again - what do we do? Thus far we have sent a simple factual message denying her claims which prompted an absolute torrent of abuse.

My question - what do we do now?

Do we - ignore and hope she gets bored and stops? Or does this look 'guilty' should she go to the police?

Or do we contact a specialist solicitor and get him to send a letter telling her to desist?

Does anyone have any views as we are at a bit of a loss and feeling rather worried?

Thank you all.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum, though sorry that you needed to find us.

A very similar situation to your husband's came up on the forum some weeks ago; unfortunately I can't remember the member's name so can't link to it (perhaps someone else might)

The consensus of opinion was not to initiate official action as if the matter came to the attention of the police they will be obliged to investigate and who knows where that will lead.

I note you said:

Thus far we have sent a simple factual message denying her claims which prompted an absolute torrent of abuse.[/I]

What reaction might a solicitor's letter provoke? The female in question obviously has a bee in her bonnet about something and is trying to provoke your husband.

Naturally if any mutual acquaintance 'mentions' the accusations you could then make a robust rebuttal which may then get back to her indirectly and provoke less of a backlash.

How close (in distance) is she? If you are not likely to bump into her could your husband not simply change his mobile phone number and email address (or put a block on her) though I suppose any new number might well filter through the family network to her and the accusations may then start again.

It is a difficult accusation to defend against, with the passage of time that has elapsed it basically comes down to the female saying one thing and your husband saying another. It would be useful to work out a motive for her making the accusations now rather than 30 years ago. For example is she short of money now and the requirement for 'justice' is actually a need for financial compensation?

[RFLH]

I'm with Casehardened, don't involve the police - they have to investigate and you may well find yourself on the end of a fictious charge and she walks away with a wodge of cash.

Is in convenient to change your phone and block her? I'd be inclined to keep that phone for family numbers so you don't have to pass your new number on in case it gets back to her.

I'm sorry you've found yourself here, but you'll find good advice and a 'listening ear'.

[Saffron]

I agree with CH and RFLH. Please do not involve the police.
Speak to your phone provider and see if you can block her number, rather than changing yours. Make sure you keep a record of all the texts she has sent, as you may need to refer back to them in the future (although I sincerely hope you don't have to).

[felix]

Get an android phone and use a call blocker app. There are many free ones

[needadvice]

Hello and welcome to the forum, though sorry that you needed to find us.

A very similar situation to your husband's came up on the forum some weeks ago; unfortunately I can't remember the member's name so can't link to it (perhaps someone else might)

The consensus of opinion was not to initiate official action as if the matter came to the attention of the police they will be obliged to investigate and who knows where that will lead.

I note you said:




What reaction might a solicitor's letter provoke? The female in question obviously has a bee in her bonnet about something and is trying to provoke your husband.

Naturally if any mutual acquaintance 'mentions' the accusations you could then make a robust rebuttal which may then get back to her indirectly and provoke less of a backlash.

How close (in distance) is she? If you are not likely to bump into her could your husband not simply change his mobile phone number and email address (or put a block on her) though I suppose any new number might well filter through the family network to her and the accusations may then start again.

It is a difficult accusation to defend against, with the passage of time that has elapsed it basically comes down to the female saying one thing and your husband saying another. It would be useful to work out a motive for her making the accusations now rather than 30 years ago. For example is she short of money now and the requirement for 'justice' is actually a need for financial compensation?

Hi all - thank you so so much for your help. I have been awake tossing and turning all night over this (and reading some of your stories I know we are getting off lightly thus far)..

Her motive - I think it is simple jealousy. We are settled, happy, comfortably off (relative to her) and she has never liked me either. In her texts she also accuses me of being complicit.

I will have a look for the previous forum posting - was it texts again involved - maybe I could search.

I think you are all absolutely right on reflection (and again having read the forum) not to go to the police as it will force their hand. She lives close to us unfortunately and we have mutual acquaintances. Changing numbers and call blocking is a good idea but part of me wants to know what she is accusing us of!

A question- is her accusation even relevant do you know? Could my husband be charged over something that long ago? (35 years).


I am really grateful for your help and so sorry we are here. This is so alien to how my husband and I live.

[Boys don't cry]

Hello and welcome to the forum, though sorry that you needed to find us.

A very similar situation to your husband's came up on the forum some weeks ago.

Here it is:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...-over-the-fear

[Casehardened]

A question- is her accusation even relevant do you know? Could my husband be charged over something that long ago? (35 years).

Of course he is nowhere near that stage, after all it's only mischief making from her at present, but the honest answer is yes, the police would initially investigate the accusation.

Sadly someone is in a similar situation with a similar timeframe, though a charge hasn't been brought and hopefully won't be:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...c-sexual-abuse

Please don't be overly depressed by what you read on here, but it is well worth being prepared; Saffron's advice about retaining copies of the texts and emails is excellent (but store them away from the phone and PC and preferably not at home!)

[Rights Fighter]

I've known people accused of something that happened over 60 years ago and it's gone to trial.

Change your phone and number but keep the one you have in case you need it should the complainant go to the police.

I have a cheap Samsung phone (cost around £40) and it blocks telephone numbers and text messages.

I can imagine that this is very distressing for you. My only thoughts can be that they are hoping for hubby to drop himself in it. Even by saying 'I am sorry if something happened all those years ago but I don't remember it' would be enough for her to take it to the police. Clearly she feels she does not have enough evidence at the moment otherwise she would have reported it.

She could be building up to blackmail him. If she does and you report her for blackmail she could still then go to the police to prevent any prosecution against herself. It's a very difficult call.

I know of a person who took out a civil action after the ex partner and daughter made allegations to SS to prevent them fostering. When it was clear they were about to lose and they stood to lose a 6-figure some they went to the police. He ended up being convicted. His appeal failed and I have now sent it on new grounds to the CCRC. it could take several years to clear his name - if we ever do.

You really need to think long and hard about what you really want/need to do. Or not do.

[needadvice]

Yes I wondered about the blackmail thing too. We are not going to the police or a solicitor as we are just hoping she finds someone else to pick on and lose interest. I have screen printed the phone but why can't I leave the image on my PC at home? Have no idea where else I could store it as so sensitive....

A few days ago we sent a text back along the lines of - I deny your accusations completely.

We are now just not responding to anything.

You have all been so helpful and I will read the threads you have linked - thank you.

I know it's a cliche - but HOW do these people live with themselves??

[Casehardened]

I have screen printed the phone but why can't I leave the image on my PC at home? Have no idea where else I could store it as so sensitive....

I seem to be painting a blacker and blacker picture for you, so I stress again that this is all supposition at the moment.

However, if the police get involved, as the girl was under 16 at the time of the allegation, they may well send your husbands computer off for analysis to see if there is anything 'of interest' on the hard drive and it may be gone for months and you would be unable to access anything you have saved.

Store the screenshots of the texts and emails on a usb key and tuck it away somewhere.

[needadvice]

I seem to be painting a blacker and blacker picture for you, so I stress again that this is all supposition at the moment.

However, if the police get involved, as the girl was under 16 at the time of the allegation, they may well send your husbands computer off for analysis to see if there is anything 'of interest' on the hard drive and it may be gone for months and you would be unable to access anything you have saved.

Store the screenshots of the texts and emails on a usb key and tuck it away somewhere.

Ah OK, I understand now! Great idea on the USB - thank you. Had visions of asking a friend to store the messages on their PC !

[lawlessone2009]

Just now is a good time to ensure there is nothing on the computer!

Nothing at all even if you think it is innocent. No good just deleting things, you'll need to get new hard drives. I know the stress and strain you guys will be under but you need to discuss with your husband what he's used the computer for. Surfing strange porn sites and stuff is not really what you want a Police computer forensics guy to find.....

As for the texts. Ignore them. Do not respond in any manner.

Just now is the best time to watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE

It's American but it is the same here in a roundabout way.

If you DO need to talk with the Police ensure that you have a legal representative present.

[felix]

Can I strongly recommend new hard drives on laptops or pcs in the house. I ignored increasingly bizarre emails and texts (hysteria and threats of suicide) and as a last resort she went to the police and @ccusef me of violent rape. Phone and laptops were held for over 7 months and forensic ally examined.

[Boys don't cry]

Lawlessone.

When I saw 46 min ,I thought it would be too much for me but I loved it.

Regent Law Professor James Duane is true ,speaks so fast but he is brilliant.

From the "self defence against a lobster" until "We don't do interrogations,we do interviews".

Thank you for this link.