So angry and hurt

[Faith]

He may be bottling a lot of things up, even without realising. Could be worth a visit to the GP, if he is agreeable.

[Boys don't cry]

I agree with Faith.

Your son is really brave not to talk about it and I was wondering how he could manage.

I admire him for keeping on with his life and hope the best for your family.

How often does he talk to you,on the web,skype or phone?

Take care

[So angry and hurt]

So angry and hurt

Anxiety levels are at an all time high! Prelim hearing immanent, I don't know why I feel so uptight, it's not like the real thing, can't stop crying, then I want to be on my own, then I want company.
I think people think they are being helpful when they say oh don't worry they can't find him guilty, but it's not helpful i just want somebody to lift me away from it all and if I feel like this now what on earth will I be like at trial ? Just listen to me, all about me and I'm not the one accused, I almost wish it could be, at least I would try, my son will hardly talk about it, I could scream at him .
I hate her for what she is doing and I wish so much I could prove her lies .
I asked before about statistics and no one would be drawn on it ? Why not ? And why have they(cps) decided to pursue this case when I have read about very similar cases that have been NFAed , is it because my son has convictions for fighting or have they got other evidence they haven't shown oh dear please somebody help!,, sorry ive lost the plot today.

[So angry and hurt]

Reply to, whatsgoingon

So sorry I just saw pm from you and I can't work out how to send one back so thankyou! How's your son at the moment? Will you be able to get to him for any court cases,if it goes that far. And I hope you're ok too, is your husband quite supportive? Thinking of you and here's hoping we get some real good news soon x

[largactyl1]

Hi So Angry,

You really are under intolerable stress at the moment - is your son burying his head in the sand while you project into the future as to what could happen? To be Falsely Accused of a sex crime is a wicked thing on so many different levels ( devastating and frightening for the Falsely Accused, undermining people who really have been attacked) and must be all the more devastating when your boy is a victim of FA.

Have you been to see your GP? Maybe s/he could help with your levels of anxiety or refer you for some talking therapy? While this is a good place to let off steam, maybe talking about it with someone might help. The Samaritans are particularly good at 3.00am when everything is going around and around in your head.

Keep coming here for help/advice and a place to let off steam. Hopefully everything will be dropped but as the quote goes: Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Kind Regards
Jen

[Boys don't cry]

I asked before about statistics and no one would be drawn on it ? Why not ?

I hope that you are feeling a bit better today.
I remember you asked about the statistics and I also remember answering that "I did exactly the same".
It is a way to find reassurance and comfort but every case is different.

Largactyl1 is right and you can call the samaritans at any time,you must talk to someone.
You cannot keep all this pressure.

Take care

[Rights Fighter]

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics." ~ Mark Twain

What do statistics have to do with anything? What one person's 'statistics' may be, will differ hugely from another person's. The Government do not as far as I know investigate statistics relating to False Allegations because FAs have to be proved to be false - that is very difficult.

I deal with appeals every day and I can see in some cases that the def was guilty of some of it but the rest was embroidered. Others are guilty of the lot and still protest innocence, regardless.

Some are innocent of the lot but proving it is difficult.

STATISTICS IN GENUINE FALSE ALLEGATION CASE DO NOT MATTER.

Nobody is hiding or hiding from anything by not discussing statistics on here.

I've seen some very wild "statistics" that have been plucked out of the thin air by at least one person on here and they believe their own 'statistics' further on down the line.

[So angry and hurt]

So hurt and angry

Thankyou again to the "voices of reason" it's so important to keep it real and easy to let everything spiral out of control, I do feel better today and we have a date for trial. Managed to speak with barrister and that was ok . He had only just got the full statements and wanted a chance to look through them properly so we didnt get copies but we will. There doesn't seem to be any nasty surprises! Yep all things considered I do feel better.
I read on the forum somebody said they had felt much better when the case got underway because they could at last havre a chance to DO something, I felt the same. Thanks again everyone x

[So angry and hurt]

So angry and hurt

Can anyone advise me please; I have just been told by one of the witnesses in my sons case that he needs to change his statement because he left out some things that he should have included, he does have a very good reason for not saying in his first statement, and that some of the things he first said he did say under some duress (can't give too many details) and also a new witness who firstly refused to give a statement at all(again with very good reason ) now feels that she is able to come forward. Do you think that the police/jury will understand that some people change their minds about coming forward and speaking out? These people's evidence could be very important , thanks for any help xx

Also it seems that our "Victim" was on a dating site although she was in a long term realasonship ?

[worriedandconcerned]

Well I tried to stop writing for a while to see if I could sleep a bit better if I stopped thinking about it all.
It didnt work! So looking for a few friends again, I wish I had a majic wand, I have been looking through statements and everything looks awful when it's written down, even the most normal of things, like the sort of everyday stuff looks sinister and out of context.
I'd like to go to a trial and watch how it all works but I wouldn't know where to start and I might have to shout out from the public gallery, also I am worrying because I don't seem to see many members writing of outcomes to previous trials, does that mean they are all locked up!!!
I do hope not because that means we can't trust the system at all.

No i had my trial about six weeks ago now and i came out the other side like many do.
After the trial it does leave you very confused or it has with me so dont put much on here.

[whatsgoingon?]

So sorry I just saw pm from you and I can't work out how to send one back so thankyou! How's your son at the moment? Will you be able to get to him for any court cases,if it goes that far. And I hope you're ok too, is your husband quite supportive? Thinking of you and here's hoping we get some real good news soon x

My son seems Ok at the moment, his life is upside down but he's soldiering on. He seems to be determined to deal with it his way, no GP, no easing up on himself but worst of all, he seems to assume that because he's been accused he's already condemned. The first hearing at the CC is soon, the real trial probably in January. That'll be 2 Christmases, 7 birthdays and 2 New Years with this on our hearts. I just don't understand why it needs to take so long. My husband feels sick about it aswell, his attitude to the 'victime' is different to mine, he's quite hostile and that is sometimes difficult for us. She hasn't actually made any claims against my son, it's the cps who have decided she couldn't have consented because she can't remember anything. Sometimes I cope OK, sometimes not at all. We have heard some very good news recently on the witness front. I read you have too... so let's be optimistic!
What a game, eh! When do we get to say," I'm getting off this ride" or "Can I have a change of cards please"!
So Angry and Hurt... please take good care of yourself.

[Casehardened]

Do you think that the police/jury will understand that some people change their minds about coming forward and speaking out? These people's evidence could be very important , thanks for any help xx

Also it seems that our "Victim" was on a dating site although she was in a long term realasonship ?

From the jury's point of view, the evidence that they hear on the day is what will make an impression, not the timing when the paper statements were submitted.

If the prosecuting barrister is doing his job properly he will pick up on this delay and highlight it in his cross examination so it is important the witnesses are prepared for this line of questioning with their explanations.

As for the accuser using the dating site, I fear that highlighting this will be counter-productive and, in any case, may not be admissible. Her explanation may well be that she did this because she was unhappy in her long-term relationship thus engendering some sympathy in the jury!

[So angry and hurt]

Reply to all helpers!

Thankyou all, our trial will be early in the new year, strangely calm just now? No idea why , maybe my brain is saying " slow down or burn out " so I have! It probably won't last but I feel better so that's good. My son is doing ok . I asked him today if he could or would ever forgive her, he said no. And neither will I , this is not the kind of people we are and it feels so bad to be this angry with somebody and not to be able to resolve these feelings. The barrister says that even if she says that she can't do the court case and therefor backs out , that the cps will not let us know until days before the trial .Is this legal, surely they should tell us ALL the evidence? Thankyou all