How to get over the fear??

[innocentperson]

So, a few months ago I told my story about how this girl and I use to hang out a lot, and eventually had sex. As a result, things started getting a little more awkward even though we still tried hanging out and all that. Eventually we stopped talking and communicating, and within a few months I got an angry text from her BF saying that I raped her and so and so, which did NOT happen of course. But this was over 2 years ago. I forgot about it and was able to let it go until February when someone came up to me and asked if I knew her, so then I got worried again.

No legal action has ever been taken or anything, but the fact that he even said that, had me worried and confused. I asked for some advice on here and everyone was real helpful. I want to tell myself that nothing will come out of this, but I can't help but admit that I'm still worried about what could potentially happen. I don't want to relax and then suddenly find myself in trouble. I know I sound like a whining kid with this, as there are people on this site who are in much worse situations than me, but is there any way I can go about this without worrying too much? I got super tense the other day because me and some friends went out, and we saw her friends, and I was worried that I would run into her and things would blow up out of proportion. Hell, I even had a nightmare about it last night. But any advice would be appreciated folks.

Thanks

[RFLH]

hi innocentperson - this is the place to come to when you feel like that.

Sadly nobody can say without a doubt that nothing will happen - the fact that things have been said to you and still nothing has happened bodes well.

I suggest that you keep a record of this sort of thing - just in case.

Just try to give it as little thought as you can and live your life.

[Faith]

Spot on advice (as always) from RFLH

I can't add anything else to that...only reitorate that you should keep a record of things like the threatening text. IF it ever did go anywhere, the police would wonder why you were threatened all that time agao and nothing was reported.

In the meantime, try your very best to live your life. Do not give those people the satisfaction of affecting your life...

She probably said it to her boyfriend for his attention and sympathy and he sent that text in the heat of his anger. They have no doubt moved on now...which is what you should too.

We can;t make any promises that nothing will happen, as RFLH, BUT if anything ever did, you'd be as prepared as you can be to fight it.

Look after yourself. If things weigh too heavily, consider a visit to your GP

[Amre]

She's probably broke up with that guy by now, and she will tell the next unfortunate being that he raped her and you won't even be mentioned. Then he will get an angry txt at 2 am from an unknown guy thats angry he raped his gf...
Don't give this girl another nanosecond of air time in your head.

[innocentperson]

Thanks for the advice again everyone. I really hope that this was just a case of name calling more than anything. I dunno, this stuff just seemed to have left me looking over my shoulder all the time. I'm able to get through it, where I have times where I've completely forgotten about it, and it's great. But when I'm reminded, oh man does it suck. I hope that the fact that it's been so long, and that she still hung out with me afterwards helps my case IF anything ever happens, which I hope it doesn't. As for recording, yeah, I still have unfortunately have the message. I don't bother looking at it, but it's still there, and I've made sure to have mental notes in my head about what happened. See, I'm not so much angry anymore, but offended that someone would even say this stuff about me. It's sad to see how many people would go around saying this, I actually know another girl who kept referring to her ex as a "rapist" because she and him got into an argument after they slept with each other, it's really messed up. Thankfully, that was nothing more than namecalling also.

[gareth589]

Hi There,

I can only say this, if the girl went back to her ex boyfriend, there will be a story that she told him to get the sympathy card from him. This is what resulted in the text from him to you.

My advice is that you cant let it rule your life or fester as this is not good for the soul, If you have done nothing wrong then hold on to that thought and fight for it if needed.

If while your out, you take abuse from friends or worst case are attacked, then report it to the Police including the text from the ex, This would stop it, and to all intense purposes put a end to her crying wolf, as she has to choices, put up and say nothing happened or that it did, in which case you fight with all you have to clear your name.

Chin Up

[innocentperson]

Hi There,

I can only say this, if the girl went back to her ex boyfriend, there will be a story that she told him to get the sympathy card from him. This is what resulted in the text from him to you.

My advice is that you cant let it rule your life or fester as this is not good for the soul, If you have done nothing wrong then hold on to that thought and fight for it if needed.

If while your out, you take abuse from friends or worst case are attacked, then report it to the Police including the text from the ex, This would stop it, and to all intense purposes put a end to her crying wolf, as she has to choices, put up and say nothing happened or that it did, in which case you fight with all you have to clear your name.

Chin Up

Thank you with the kind words! Yeah, thankfully ever since that message nothing has blown up, the only real big thing was when some girl asked me if I knew this girl. When I asked for advice before everyone told me to not go to the police, because they would make an issue out of nothing, and to avoid this girl at all costs. I've done both and so far no issues have happened. Maybe I am just overthinking it because I ran into some of her friends over the weekend, which wasn't a big deal. We just said hi and went about our business. But I'll definitely keep the advice in mind, I told myself I wouldn't go to the plice or anything unless it was absolutely necessary. I don't want to dig a deeper hole for myself. It's just left me worried, that's all, I fear what might happen but remind myself that it's been over 2 years, and if nothing's happened then it most likely won't happen. My friends tell me the same too, they say I should relax more and not think about it so much.

[Boys don't cry]

Innocent person.

I wouldn't report anything to the police especially if she said you raped her.
You would play with fire from her friends and the police.

Do not rely on your mental notes because under stress they might erase themselves.
Take notes:When,what time,who,...
You have the text on your mobile so copy it on your computer.
This is not paranoia,this is prevention.

Otherwise just try to live normally,maybe they are just bullies.
Take care.

[gareth589]

Innocent person.

I wouldn't report anything to the police especially if she said you raped her.
You would play with fire from her friends and the police.

Do not rely on your mental notes because under stress they might erase themselves.
Take notes:When,what time,who,...
You have the text on your mobile so copy it on your computer.
This is not paranoia,this is prevention.

Otherwise just try to live normally,maybe they are just bullies.
Take care.

BOYS DONT CRY
______________

Why would he be playing with fire if he has done nothing?

My advice would be, if he was attacked by her friends and family. It could be the no win situation, dammed if he don't, dammed if he does.

if he was to report it first, If there is no evidence there, CPS could look at it that he went first, what has he to hide, as people don't go to the Police with something as serious as this to confess.
I am just wondering what your past experience is on this?

[innocentperson]

Well, truth is I don't intend on reporting anything unless something drastic happens. Like I said, other than someone asking me about her, nothing's happened since those messages. So I just ten to go about my business, I just seem to have my moments where I get a little worried about this and that. I won't lie, I like coming to this site because the advice helps me relax and gives me a bit of reassurance, but man, sometimes I read some people's situations on here and it freaks me out... Which is why, I won't lie, I sometimes just try to come right back to the thread. Stuff scares me. But like I said, nothing's happened since, and I hope it doesn't happen now.

[Amre]

Do you worry that you will be reported for the rape or that someone will beat you up on her word?

[Izzy]

BOYS DONT CRY
______________

Why would he be playing with fire if he has done nothing?

My advice would be, if he was attacked by her friends and family. It could be the no win situation, dammed if he don't, dammed if he does.

if he was to report it first, If there is no evidence there, CPS could look at it that he went first, what has he to hide, as people don't go to the Police with something as serious as this to confess.
I am just wondering what your past experience is on this?

Because every allegation be it true or false will be investigated.

[wunderland]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay happyness is a state of mind,fear is only a state of mind

[largactyl1]

Hi there,

Well, it's been a long while now and you have heard nothing so it seems unlikely (but possible I guess) that anything will ever come of it. Hopefully over time you will think of it less and less until it becomes a distant memory. Keep hold of any evidence, but put it away. Plus, write down any concerns you have, or any contact - and put that away too.

It is very hard not to think of something - eg if I said "Don't think of cabbages" what do you immediately think of? But it will fade - probably has faded quite a lot for you as we speak. Something that has such a terrible emotional and psychological impact upon you will probably always make you cautious about physical relationships but maybe (if it's mild) is not a bad thing on the whole.

Very best wishes to you
Jen

[innocentperson]

Do you worry that you will be reported for the rape or that someone will beat you up on her word?

I'm worried that I'll be reported. Given that it hasn't happened for over 2 years, but I feel like this is something that will never go away. I'm not worried about anyone trying to beat me up. I've read stories about how people just go about their lives then one day cops show up, and they get arrested for no reason, and it scares me. I'm a college student who's trying to strive for the best, but I worry that something could happen and I'll lose my opportunities at everything.