confused and scared

[mark1982]

Thanks lawless one, im glad someone understands. I really think she beleives it in her head, im prety sure she is not quite all there in her mental capacity. She is borderline anorexic and has been battleing her weight for a year, i often wonder if that affects her mind.

I know we were going through a difficult Patch but I was trying so hard to put things right, I completely changed myself for her but it still wasnt enough. I just cant get my head around why she would think i would do that to her. I have given up my friends, my lifestyle, changed jobs and lost 2 stone in weight for her but it seems she cannot love me for who I am. Now she seems hell bent on destroying me. She has called me fat and ugly, she says I am selfish. Even before all this happened she had worn me down, I doubt myself all the time, I have no self confidence anymore and feel like I am merely existing. I have the support of everyone, even her sister has pledged to support me through this. She says she knows I do not have it in me to hurt her. But the doubts are always there eating away at me.

I sent her some text messages, apologising for hurting her. I wasnt admitting to the rape, I felt I had done something to upset her and wanted to try and let her know I still care and love her. I am worried these will be used against me in some way. I have sent messages questioning myself to her sister, I asked her if she thought it was my fault, did i miss the signals? She said she could not believe her sister, she knows i am not capable of doing this to her. I did say I still cant see where I went wrong and that is where I am at today. I feel I should give up and let her win. Its a battle I never wanted to take part in, I would rather go down myself than let this destroy my wife. I love her with all my heart and I know she will be a mess right now. I dont want her to go through the court thing, I dont know if she could make it through without serious damage to her mental health. l Feel I am being selfish for fighting this.

[mark1982]

Thanks for the explanation, so pleased we got that cleared up! The feathers in my pillows don't fluff out as you describe but attack me with the pointy ends of the feather sticking through in the dead of the night!

I do not recommend Mary Monson sols at all - I have yet to hear a good report about them. Which area of the UK are you?

Please note the solicitor in my signature and check out his website.

Thanks rights fighter, I am based in norfolk. Trying to find a good solicitor is so difficult.

[Rights Fighter]

If you can afford to pay have a peek at the website in my signature was he works nationwide. He charges a lot less than many others.

If you cannot afford to pay privately, if I remember later on I'll check out my own lists of recommended sols, although you will find a newly started thread on this site that lists sols used by others.

[Boys don't cry]

Thanks lawless one, im glad someone understands. I really think she beleives it in her head, im prety sure she is not quite all there in her mental capacity. She is borderline anorexic and has been battleing her weight for a year, i often wonder if that affects her mind.

I know we were going through a difficult Patch but I was trying so hard to put things right, I completely changed myself for her but it still wasnt enough. I just cant get my head around why she would think i would do that to her. I have given up my friends, my lifestyle, changed jobs and lost 2 stone in weight for her but it seems she cannot love me for who I am. Now she seems hell bent on destroying me. She has called me fat and ugly, she says I am selfish. Even before all this happened she had worn me down, I doubt myself all the time, I have no self confidence anymore and feel like I am merely existing. I have the support of everyone, even her sister has pledged to support me through this. She says she knows I do not have it in me to hurt her. But the doubts are always there eating away at me.

I sent her some text messages, apologising for hurting her. I wasnt admitting to the rape, I felt I had done something to upset her and wanted to try and let her know I still care and love her. I am worried these will be used against me in some way. I have sent messages questioning myself to her sister, I asked her if she thought it was my fault, did i miss the signals? She said she could not believe her sister, she knows i am not capable of doing this to her. I did say I still cant see where I went wrong and that is where I am at today.I feel I should give up and let her win. Its a battle I never wanted to take part in, I would rather go down myself than let this destroy my wife. I love her with all my heart and I know she will be a mess right now. I dont want her to go through the court thing, I dont know if she could make it through without serious damage to her mental health. l Feel I am being selfish for fighting this.

Hi Mark.

Your story is nearly exactly like mine.
I loved her,she mentally destroyed me.
She was anorexic as well,criticising,...
Same or nearly same position in bed,...
Her sister believed me and "saved me".

Your wife is a narcissitic pervert,
she claimed for rape because there was probably turmoil in your relationship and you told her that you needed some time away.
But you wrote that at the beginning "she didn't consent" so if you loved her so much you must have reasonably believed that she was.
You have been kind and gentle with her,probably caressing and kissing her.
She didn't push you back at the beginning as she would normally do,nor tried to move away during the act.
You would never have raped her because you loved her but I hope that she didn't do like mine:She planned it.
I would like and will help you more but I hope that she was not crying between the pillows and that you ignored this.

Another thing:I loved her so much as well and I seriously considered suicide.
I know why I am still here and alive:For my 10 years old son,my family and now for people like you.
At the end I was really thinking "Why should I commit suicide for something I haven't done?"
My "ex" wife even told the police that I said I would kill myself if she was talking to them.
She would have been celebrating now telling everyone that she was right and that I couldn't cope with guilt.
The bungalow just for herself,compensation,...

This website is really supportive and we'll help you going through this.
Keep strong and it is your turn to be selfish,at least for your children.
Take care.

[mark1982]

Thank you so much. You have described the situation I am in perfectly. I feel a bit better knowing there are people who have been in the same boat as me.

[Rights Fighter]

I did say I still cant see where I went wrong and that is where I am at today.I feel I should give up and let her win. Its a battle I never wanted to take part in, I would rather go down myself than let this destroy my wife. I love her with all my heart and I know she will be a mess right now. I dont want her to go through the court thing, I dont know if she could make it through without serious damage to her mental health. l Feel I am being selfish for fighting this.

Either you did this or you did not. If you did not and you plead guilty then you will become a self-confessed rapist. This will never leave you.

Do you think your wife will stand by you and wait for you while you serve a very long sentence? You will come pout with nothing and nobody. If she is lying - is she worth that?

[mark1982]

No shes not, I did not rape her. My intentions were loving and she has used it against me. I feel betrayed by her but at the same time I know its not her doing this to me. I have know she has been ill for a while, we were trying chinese medicine before this happened. i was desperate to have my wife back. I have started to realise she hasnt been the person I married for a long time now, I just didnt notice how bad it had got. I guess I had blinkers on and wanted to beleive she would get better.

[Rights Fighter]

if she is not lying then she is 'mistaken' - I can tell you, that will not sit well with a jury. I am sorry to sound 'tough' but I am telling you like it is.

You have two choices:

1: Do what you have suggested and plead guilty which will make you a self-confessed rapist (wife rapist at that so unlikely to find a new partner when you are released from prison after serving a long sentence and being on the Sex Offenders Register for life)

or

2: Wake up, smell the coffee and fight hard for your freedom.

[mark1982]

I will fight this. Im starting to get some of my spirit back now. I Have finally eaten after 3 days of nothing and feel so much better for it.

[RFLH]

can I ask where the charge of child neglect comes in all this?

[mark1982]

On the morning that they found my wife I knew she had told the police of the alleged rape. I had asked her to come home and she said it was too late, she had done what was nescessary for a new life for her and "her" kids.

I was in a bad way at the time, my wife had slashed her wrists and ran off and I was scared for her saftey. i had been out all night looking for her. I knew what I would be in for and could not cope with it. I rang my sister in law and my mum and asked them to get to the house as soon as they could , to look after the children. Knowing what I intended to do I said my goodbyes to the children, the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I crushed up around 40 tablets and put them in the car, I then waited for someone to turn up and look after the kids. My sister in law turned up first, I got in my car and pulled out of the drive, I waited for her to pull in and drove off, I saw my mum a little way down the road and decided my kids would be safe. I left them on the sofa watching cartoons and eating a bag of sweets. The police say the children were on their own and I had left them. This is not true, my sister in law waited for my mum and then drove off after me, the police arrived as she had just driven off and my mum had turned up. They also say that I left pills on the side, again this is not true, their was a small amount of reside on the side and alot of empty packets of pills but nothing that would harm them. I made my decisions very carefully and made sure the kids were safe before i left.

You have to understand the police were on their way to arrest me and I needed to get out fast. I drove to a secluded forest. I knew as the car was a work vehicle it had a GPS tracker fitted so I walked for an hour into the forest and made my last few texts to those i love.I then tried to swallow the crushed tablets, a little went down but the rest came up. I then tried to cut my wrists with a stanley blade I found in my work bag but it was worn and blunt and I could not force myself to apply enough pressure to go deep enough. As i was sitting there a deer came up to me and stopped with its face around 6 inches from mine. I sat there for a minute and at that point I could not stop myself from getting back up and walking to the car. Im not sure why it stopped me from killing myself, I guess things like that dont happen every day. For my childrens sake Im gald it did.

When I got back to my car there were so many police, they loaded me into the car and drove at high speed to the hospital. Once I was given the ok they aressted me. The two police officers were so understanding and were a credit to the police force. they were kind and helpful and made a difficult time bearable. I wish I had got their numbers as I would liked to have thanked them properly. I was then stripped of my clothes and told to put on track suit bottoms. They booked me in and I was escorted to a suicide watch cell. I was treated well and given some food, I had to force it down so I could make a statement. all I wanted was to get out of there. It took 7 hours before I got to the interview room. I had two female police in the room with me and that in itself was very intimidating. My solicitor said the interview went well, they kept trying to catch me out, they managed this only once. they kept repeating questions in a different way, something I found very frustrating. having had no sleep the previous night Im worried I may have missed stuff out or rambled. I was shattered and the interview room was very uncomfortable and hot. Once it was all over they release me on bail, I cant see my kids, my wife or leave my mums house except to go to work. I still feel like Im locked up.

[Boys don't cry]

Mark

I am sorry for what is happening to you.
Obviously you reached the bottom but now is time to come back up.

You need to write as many details as you can remember about the "rape".

You said that your wife is ill and suffering,you are not sure if she was crying or not.
So physically she must be a little bit weak and the prosecution will stress this.
It was not very wise to let empty boxes of medicine near the children as well.

I don't know what you really want to do (and what you did).

If you didn't rape her I don't understand why you would want to plead guilty.
If you didn't rape her then you will have to fight,but it will be hard.

I am not pessimist but I lived it a few months ago,sometimes it would have been too easy to pass away.
But it is true it is selfish,so forget about this.

If you are really innocent,think about your children,do you love them?
So wake up and start building your defense.

[mark1982]

Im not saying I want to plead guilty, I would could never hurt someone like that. I have done nothing wrong. She has taken away every piece of me over the last year and it feels like I have been left with nothing. When you have nothing left how are you supposed to fight? Im tired, tired of everything.

I feel like I am trapped, im scared to go out, I went to the local supermarket yesterday and panicked when I heard a child that sounded like mine. I dropped the basket and ran back home. When do these feelings go? Im due in work tomorrow and im dreading it. I know they are all on my side and they all care but Im not sure how I can face them. I am their boss, the one who is supposed to know it all, the one they come to with their problems.

I have spent my life giving all of myself to people, I try and help everyone I can, I do volunteer work and I gladly give up my time to help those in need. but now I feel betrayed. I feel like I have been used and discarded. It has killed off the part of me that loves people, Im afraid to let anyone in anymore. I dont know if I will ever be the same, I liked who I was but I dont think that perosn exists anymore. I feel cold and closed off to everyone else.

[Boys don't cry]

Im not saying I want to plead guilty, I would could never hurt someone like that. I have done nothing wrong. She has taken away every piece of me over the last year and it feels like I have been left with nothing. When you have nothing left how are you supposed to fight? Im tired, tired of everything.

I feel like I am trapped, im scared to go out, I went to the local supermarket yesterday and panicked when I heard a child that sounded like mine. I dropped the basket and ran back home. When do these feelings go? Im due in work tomorrow and im dreading it. I know they are all on my side and they all care but Im not sure how I can face them. I am their boss, the one who is supposed to know it all, the one they come to with their problems.

I have spent my life giving all of myself to people, I try and help everyone I can, I do volunteer work and I gladly give up my time to help those in need. but now I feel betrayed. I feel like I have been used and discarded. It has killed off the part of me that loves people, Im afraid to let anyone in anymore. I dont know if I will ever be the same, I liked who I was but I dont think that perosn exists anymore. I feel cold and closed off to everyone else.

Mark,please.

Believe me I lived exactly the same story.
One morning I had everything,family,mortgage,motorbike.The same evening I slept on the floor at work,just with a rucsack,a few pants,my wallet.
One week after,motorbike accident.
It's been more than a year I haven't seen my son.
I had to start from scratch and your real family is near you,mine is abroad.

I do not doubt that you are a good man but I should warn you that it will be long,stressful,hard.
It is just the beginning.Work saved me and to win you will have to keep your mind as busy as possible.
You will be tired,I used to sleep 4 hours a night for months.
Cold sweat,nightmares,children voices haunting,over or undereating.
Feeling suicidal,feeling absent,sick,hammered,...

I gave around 10 years of my life and for what?
I survived,I called the samaritans,I called one of my family member nearly everyday.
My boss told me :"You must fight for your son".
I did and one day I will be proud to tell him that I love him and that I won for him.

You will see who are your true supporters.
Then you'll have to fight again and again.

I probably thought like you that life was an easy routine but suddenly...
I suppose it is a bit like boxing:now you are on the floor,everything is dizzy.
It will take months before you will seem to feel normal.
Talk to your family,talk to people.
When you will have enough posts on this forum you will be able to pm me.
I'll try to help you more.

Once again don't do anything selfish.
Think about your children and look after yourself.
Take care.

[mark1982]

Thank you for the support. Can I ask you if you still want your wife back? Even after all of this I want nothing more than my wife and children back, the problems we have been having seem so insignificant now. I still love her to bits which is making this so much harder. I wish I could hate her for this but I cant. I feel she has betrayed me but I know she is not herself. I just want to help her get better and have the wife I love so much back.