partner is being threatened by ex of 4 yrs ago

[youfoundme]

Hi, my partner is being thretened with rape by his ex, they havnt been together for 4 years now and its just come out 6 month ago. She doesnt know i know, but he showed me the text when she sent it. all because he wouldnt do something he asked... its getting boring now, i want to say something be he insists on not giving her a reaction... She hasnt reported it either... Confused much.

[Faith]

Do you mean she's threatening to accuse him of rape?

[youfoundme]

yeah she is, she has been telling him this for the last 6 month. if he doesnt do something for her she will throw this at him.

[Faith]

Make sure these texts are kept.
If she were a genuine victim of rape, she would not use it as a weapon.

Is there anything in these texts that imply that the rape is made up? Have you discussed this with your partner?

[youfoundme]

We have spoke about it, and the messages keep relating that she gona start by telling me.. threatning behaviour is what i see.. but then i dont fully know. She says she has texts from him saying sorry which she will send viral and this will stop him from getting his children... Then she will say he is a bad father and leaves his kids alone, which i know is certainly not true lol.... He is the kind of guy who says sorry for moving an ordament outa place.. i have known both them for 20 years, she slept with my ex, when she was still with my current partner, which i know about and he doesnt. very long story lol... but i sometimes have a doubt as to why someone would say that someone has raped them... i dont know. I was forced upon when i was 14 but back then i didnt know what was happening but ad never go to the police now tbh and say i didnt giv consent 17 yr ago.... then again everyone is diff. This person has completed a phycoligy ( cant spell it) course and sometimes i think she plays with his head, he gets very confusd at any point of conflict, we been together 3 yrs and never had an arguement yet, ( we only see each other 3 times week, that myt be y) anyway am bafflin. thanks for replying

[Faith]

Are you saying that you're not completely sure whether or not this rape took place?

This must be really messing with your head; I am sorry that you are in this position.
When she says that she has texts from him saying he's sorry, does your partner know which texts she refers to?

If it is just a generic sorry then it could refer to anything, such as the breakdown of their relationship. Is she suggesting that these texts say he is sorry for raping her?

[youfoundme]

she says she has proof in the messages, he says he doesnt know what she is on about, he explained they did hav a nyt when they were doing things and she suddenly said leave me alone and he said he did.. he been very honest with me. But there always the doubt to why she saying it and now.. I know her family hav a history of rape, coming from the male side. i just dont know, i received an inbox off a male relative, saying lots of things and i replyed with, tell her to go to the police if this is true, i woulkd never wish this on anyone if it has taken place, but, nothing adds up.. heads been in bits for months now. the daft thing is, i know this girl and if my kids or me were in danger why not tell me.. i know him too and i dont think he would. but at the back of my head, you never know anyone fully so there always a doubt of maybe, maybe not... 99% of me thinks he hasnt

[Faith]

Yes I understand what you're saying, hon, this must really be driving you nuts. And it isn;t fair on you as you are smack bang in the middle.

My gut instinct would be that if she were genuine, she would never use it as a weapon. However, that gut instinct could of course be completely wrong. The only two people that 100% know the truth are your partner and his ex.

If she is saying that she has proof then indeed, why doesn't she just go ahead and report it.
Keep any texts that she sends. If this goes to the police, there's a chance your partner's phone will be seized so save them elsewhere too so that they can;t go missing. If this goes further, this is powerful evidence.

If your partner is completely assured that she cannot have this 'proof' that she speaks of then he musn't give in to her threats. If he does, then straight away he looks guilty. And she will just keep making demands. I know it's not easy as she is the mother of his children, but he needs to avoid contact with her altogether. She will either eventually give up or she will follow through and go to the police. Make sure these texts are safely stored elsewhere for that eventuality.

Bear in mind if you report her to the police now, they will need to investigate the alleged rape. Which will result in your partner being arrested and questioned. My advice would be to try and get on with your lives and hope that she will give up when she sees it is having no effect. However, you need to be fully assured of your partner's innocence and that can only come from your heart. You know him better than any of us here.

Please keep coming back for support.

[youfoundme]

thank you, this has helped, i spoke to my mom and she said similar, but i just needed a bit reassurance from somewhere or someone who knows, of you know what i mean... i told him yest that if she continues that i would phone police and he was fine with that.... I havnt contacted her because i dont want to feed into it and if she needs to she can contact me.. i will have words tonyt with him about staying well clear and thank you... helpd lots..

[Faith]

No problem...keep coming back if you need to. Direct him here if you think he might need advice too.
Take care of yourself.

[RFLH]

we can edit your posts if need be - if he wants to read them.

[youfoundme]

ok thank you.

[Saffron]

Excellent advice from Faith and RFLH. I can't add anything, but wanted to say welcome

[Rights Fighter]

We have spoke about it, and the messages keep relating that she gona start by telling me.. threatning behaviour is what i see.. but then i dont fully know. She says she has texts from him saying sorry which she will send viral and this will stop him from getting his children...

I think this thread is in the wrong place - it appears to be in the 'General Discussion About rape' bit - not false allegations.

If she sends these text messages (if they exist) 'viral' then she will be committing a criminal offence (libel among others) because they relate to an alleged crime (or crimes) that have not yet been investigated.

[Hopeful]

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through, I was in your shoes last year. My partner was constantly being threatened with Rape, receiving texts and phone calls demanding things, and if he did not give in, she would use it. She started contacting friends and family and even went into his child's playground one day and told another parent in front of children that he had raped her. It was getting very much out of hand, so we sent a letter to her through our Solicitor telling her that if she carries on, we would get a non-molestation order against her. This just added fuel to the fire, and when she lost a custody battle of their child it was the final straw, she reported it to the Police alleging she was raped over 5 years ago. The only advice I can give is that you must keep all text messages, record phone calls and anything else, keep a note of any potential witnesses too, just in case it does go further. He would be best not to give her a response whatsoever when she mentions it.

Good luck and this forum is helping me greatly at the moment, so I am sure it will help you.