Partner accused by controlling and bitter ex

[lawlessone2009]

Faith... Terrible and you're a mod as well......


It was mentioned that you're partner is appearing in the Magistrates Court?

[felix]

For Caillycakes

Sorry, I am in danger of hijacking thread as well. I tried to PM Caillycakes but couldn't - new member? - I would really like to ask him something relating to my case which I daren't post on an open thread. Something really odd he might just be able to help me with.... Could he PM me? Felix

[Faith]

Hi Felix, while Cailleycakes remains a New Member, they won't be able to PM you.
Shouldn't be long though

[Hopeful]

Thank you everyone

The Barrister has a good reputation from what I have read on forums etc. and when we mentioned him to the Solicitor, she said she does know him personally and he is very good, so we do feel quite confident about him, but hopefully, we will get to meet him within the next couple of weeks so we will know more. If he is not good or we do not feel confident with him fighting our case, we will find another one.

Yes, he is at the Magistrates court towards the end of this week. From what our Solicitor has said, he has nothing to worry about for this first Hearing as it is just procedure. He was worried that he would be remanded, but she said as he has kept to him bail conditions and has not contacted her in any way he is no threat so should be released. She is claiming that he raped her during their relationship on one occasion over 5 years ago, and since the separation she has been very friendly with him, even asked him back 7 months after she left him but he said no, and when he began to move on and get through his depression, she started having nasty outbursts with him taking back everything she said about him being a good father, logging his every tiny mistake like if her was 5 minutes late collecting his child from School or if he let her stay up late one night and when she discovered he was settled into a loving relationship it was the icing on the cake... she just turned completely at that point, so I am hoping we can prove all this.

Boys Don't Cry - Thank you for your comment too, as I am sure you can imagine, it is difficult to leave it to him when I see him becomming weaker after every hurdle... I am trying to help him become stronger as I know that it is his fight and he must fight it without me at the points when it matters most (ie in Court). I am suffering with anxiety and I feel by being pro-active and trying to help as much as possible it is easing my suffering a little.

This forum has already been a huge help and support, and we haven't even started yet, so thank you everyone and I will let you know how it goes at the Magistrates Hearing.

[Faith]

Yes the magistrate's hearing will be over before you know it.

[Saffron]

Hi Hopeful. I can't add to the advice you have already been given, but wanted to say Welcome

PS: As Caillycakes is a new member, s/he won't have PM privileges for 10 days. This was a rule we put in place to deter spammers and the large number of people who would ask for advice via PM rather than by contributing to our community. We are a Support Forum, after all!

[Hopeful]

Thanks again everyone.

I just have a quick question, my partner works with vulnerable young people, he has done for many years, but he has just seen on the DfE website that he is not allowed to work with children if he is even just charged with such an offence... does anybody know if this is the law? If so, he will have to leave his job

[Faith]

If he is charged, then it will make his career very difficult, at least for a time. If a not guilty verdict is reached obviously this will make things salvageable but in the meantime he will at least be suspended (in fact I am surprised that he hasn't been already)
Even before charge he may well expect to be referred to the Independent Safeguarding Authority who conduct their own investigation and decide if he should be barred from working with children and vulnerable adults. He will have a chance to make a representation for himself and appeal any decision he is not happy with but obviously the outcome of the police investigation and any subsequent trial will likely affect this.

He should also be prepared that if he is NFA'd, his arrest for a sexual offence may still show on his eCRB. Also, his workplace may want to conduct their own investigation after NFA and they work on a balance of probability rather than an evidential basis. I was NFA'd but am still currently facing a disciplinary at work (I work in a school) where it is likely that I will be dismissed.

I am sorry that this isn't better news.
It is by no means hopeless. there are means of fighting these eventualities but right now you should concentrate on the police matter and looking after yourself and bump.

[Hopeful]

Hi Faith

Thank you very much, I have been researching on the Internet for an hour about this and found nothing, so I am very grateful for your response. He works for an independant charity working with young people, so it's not looking good. I am so sorry to hear about your situation too, I just can't believe how much one person can ruin someone's life in such a way... fingers crossed for everyone and thank you again. x

[Faith]

If he is NFA'd and it shows up on his eCRB he can appeal to have it removed. Even if it does show up on his eCRB, it doesn't necessarily mean he will be dismissed or barred from working with children. The decision over whether he remains in the post is at the employer's discretion.

We have had a couple of members successfully have the additional info removed from their eCRB. Member Felix is currently taking that path too and it will be my next step once I find out if the allegation will show on my eCRB.

But that's a fight for another day. Take this journey in steps hon. Take Care.

[felix]

Just a point of clarification. I am going via the police - Chief Constable route. This is removal of all negative material, including fingerprints, DNA etc from POLICE files and computer. Faith, I was unaware that there might be a route to appeal to the organisation which prepares the eCRB. I forget what it is called. How might this appeal work? To whom do you write to?

Hopefully, it is all down to the charity concerned, and smaller independent charities have more discretion. Has he told his employer? He has a perfect right NOT to tell his employer as I understand UK employment law (but I am NOT legally qualified). Unless that is there is an explicit notification clause covering this in his contract. If he is charged not just arrested that obligation may change. He needs professional union or employment legal advice. Unions are good at this stuff!

There are advantages of declaring the problem up front to the employer. If he does so he is likely to be suspended until the CPS decide what to do - but should be on full salary.

If he has declared it he will be likely to be looked on more favourably if he is NFAed and subsequently it appears on the eCRB.

But this is a minefield as my post shows. Sorry, Happy to help via PM or phone if you like.....

Chin up, this is NOT the end of the world whatever happens.

[Faith]

There is a route via a solicitor where they can challenge whether information appearing on an eCRB is unreasonable. Have you looked on the CRB Forums? There is a link somewhere on this site but Google CRB Forums and there are some links to solicitors there.

I am using a firm reccommended from there. If something negative shows up in the extra info part of my eCRB then I can contact them to see if I have a case.

I will also try the No Crime route via MPs and Chief Constable...although getting the CC to reply is a challenge in itself.

You are right that most application forms only ask you to declare criminal charges, cautions and convictions.
However, some which involve children or vulnerable adults may ask if there are any known safeguarding issues that the applicant is aware of or 'has the applicant ever been subject to any safeguarding investigation. if so, give details'

In this scenario, it is most certainly better to declare up front. I would also agree with what Felix says that in many other scenarios it is usually preferable. You'd be surprised by how much employers may value honesty.

And, if suspended with pay, he may get more time off to help you with baby!

[felix]

Faith, would you be happy making direct contact via PM? There are some specifics I would love to talk to you about. Thx. Felix

[Faith]

Yes, you're welcome to send a PM.

[Hopeful]

Magistrates Hearing

Hi all

Just thought I'd give you an update. The Magistrates Hearing went as well as could be expected. We are going to try to find a better Solicitor though. He was very vague with a lot of things. He gave us a bundle of paperwork which contained her allegations and the witness statements and he said "I haven't had a look at any of it yet, but I will have a look over the weekend and we can meet next week to discuss." He then said we were going to be at Crown Court in a particular town, but when we got into the Hearing, the Magistrates stated a completely different town. When my partner asked when we can see the Barrister that we requested, he said "well we need to contact him and tell him that you have requested him, but if we don't get chance before the plea Hearing we will make sure you get one of our in-house Barristers" - that didn't inspire confidence as we have sought out a Barrister so that we can get the best representation and the plea Hearing is in three weeks. Once we speak to the Barrister we will feel much more at ease also with what we need to do next, so we are hanging on that.

The paperwork wasn't a nice read, it made me feel physically sick to be honest and I was poorly all day yesterday after reading it, but there was alot in there that can be pulled to pieces, so that was good. I think the bit that I struggle with the most which is silly, but it is discussing in great detail my partner's sexual relationship with his ex over and over again. I am sure as time goes on it will be easier, but we have a strong case so I am feeling quite positive. My partner was strong yesterday, although last night he became very emotional as he was thinking about the worst outcome and how we would deal with it. He believes he has a 50/50 chance whereas I like to think we have the edge. Time will tell...