Daughter accusing step dad of attempted rape

[brokenmotherandwife]

Hi all,
I am sorry to bother you, but i am really needing some advice...I am really at my wits end!

My 15 year old daughter has accused my husband of 8 years (been together 10) of attemping to rape her. I do not belive her as i am always in and the children are never with the hubby on his own (not anything to do with me not trusting him, im a full time house wife, live in a small village with hardly any buses, have limited funds so couldnt afford a bus anyway!!, we have 1 car which hubby uses for work. We cant afford to go out evenings, so im always with them...what she has said would be totally impossible. I would love to go into details, but am concerened if i did, i could be easily identified, so all i can do is sort of brush over it...

At the moment he is on bail, which has just be extended for another 6 weeks, (already done 5), due to ongoing police enquiries. It took social services nearly 4 weeks before they came to see me, the hubby can only see our other children in the presence of my mum (who also doesnt believe it). This has finacially crippled up, hes not allowed home, my other 2 children are devistated, my older has started fighting and become angry..the youngest wont sleep, and cries for daddy all night. My 15 daughter is now livivng with grandparents and will never return home..her dad cant have her, due to his girlfriend not liking my daughter after she tried to split them up, and she is not allowed at their house...and i think this started after she was told by me and my hubby that she wasnt allowed to see her violent nasty boyfriend anymore (i do have proof of this!!).
We have been let down by ss and cp on all aspects, and they have only interviewed me and my my for my hubbys defence, but have interviewed everyone my daughter has wanted. In my opionion they have already made up their mind...the ss even placed her in a "safehouse" for 4 days with her boyfriend, even though they knew she was having underage sex with him and a history of violence!!! When confronted, all i was told was "we wont do anything because of her age" ....sorry i thought the legal age was 16!!!
I feel like im chasing my tail all the time....the police even sent his new bail to our home address....where hes not allowed to be??? when asked, they said on the computer he lived here!!! Just a farse if you aske me!!!

I would appriciate any help/ advice anyone could give me

Thankyou x

[Faith]

Welcome to the forum, although of course I am sorry that you have had to search us out. Glad that you did find us though as you will find support and understanding here.

As the forum will show you, false allegations, whilst still uncommon, are by no means rare. So please take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Our members are either going through something similar or have come out the other end.

This must have torn your family apart and what an awful position for you to find yourself caught in. If your daughter has tried to split her father up from his partner, it is clear that she has a history of this behaviour. Her motive obviously seems fairly clear too...'if you're going to split me from my boyfriend...then I'll destroy your relationship too'

Did your husband have a solicitor present at interview? It is important that he now finds an expert solicitor in the field of sexual allegations. If you post up your county (nothing more specific), someone may be able to advise a good solicitor through experience.

The police will now be gathering evidence which they will then pass to the CPS who will decide whether to press charges. Unfortunately, as you are discovering, the police will not be on your side. Their task is to gather evidence to try and get a prosecution...hence why they are more interested in speaking to those on the side of your daughter (I'd be interested to know who these people are, besides her boyfriend. Are other people backing up her claims?)

Any evidence that you find should be shown to your solicitor...NOT passed to the police. The police may well take any evidence to your daughter and allow her to alter her statement so it fits in...then you're left with little defense. I know this is not the way the police are supposed to work, but in many cases, this is the reality and it is a bitter pill to swallow.

Prepare for several rebails...this situation is painfully slow. Stick together as a family unit...avoid contact with your daughter

Keep coming back to us for support. This is a very difficult time but we will help you through it as best we can.

[Rights Fighter]

Dad and his girlfriend might be able to throw some light on why she is not allowed in their home. Has she told outright lies which has caused them to exile her?

[Browneyedgirl]

Hi Brokenmotherandwife and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are in this situation and no doubt you and your family are all going through varying emotions at the moment. I not surprised you feel at your wits end.

Now is the time you need to be proactive. Think back and remember any dates, incidents and who was involved. Start to document everything you can think of and any supporting evidence. You mentioned that there have been issues between your daughter, her dad and his girlfriend – this too will help, so document whatever details you can. Next, put it into chronological order – this will help with your defense. Go into as much detail as you can, do not leave anything out. This might take some time to do and just when you think you have got everything down, you will recall something else. Your solicitor will sort out what is relevant and what is not.

I would also keep a detailed log of any conversations you or hubby have with anyone with regards to the investigation. You never know when you might need to refer back to what was said on a particular day/time.

If your hubby is able to, get him to recount his police interview to you. Type out the questions he remembers he was asked, then underneath, in a different colour or font, write what he remembers was his response. This will help you to analyse what the police have to go on and should help you with compiling your document suggested above. Also note down possible motives for making the allegation.

Does your daughter use facebook? If so, do some research. Look for anything she may have posted, particularly around the time she alleges the incident happened. Screen shot everything, do not copy and paste. Keep copies of all documents safe, under lock and key, ideally somewhere other than your home. As Faith said, pass documents through your solicitor and not to the police.

Many of us here on the forum have come into contact with the police and social services for the first time in similar circumstances and will be able to empathise and support you through this ordeal. I know this is probably the last thing you need to hear at the moment, but you need to be strong and focused on helping your hubby fight this.

Keep coming back for support. Once again welcome.

[Casehardened]

I can understand you not wanting to go into details so please don't post the answers up, but did the police give any indication to your husband during the interview when the 'attempt' was alleged to have taken place and how intimate the 'attempt' was?

If the case is considered current i.e. if the alleged incident took place within 14 days of the report to the police) then forensic evidence (or the lack of it) should be significant though I suspect the accusation of 'attempted rape' was made to pre-empt this.

If the date of the alleged incident was more than 14 days before it was reported then forensics would not be relevant, it would be termed historic.

[Faith]

great advice browneyedgirl

[brokenmotherandwife]

Hi again all, im really sorry ive not been on here, things have been hectic as you can imagine
Firstly, i would just like to say, that my hubby got NFA on the 14th June 2012. That was in just under 6 weeks from start to finish. Apparently, it didnt even go to cps...but how true that is i dont know. we have been lied and mis informed from start to finish
The problem im now having is with ss....and i have made a complaint to them, but i wonder if anyone knows anywhere higher i can take this?? We do have a solicitor. Even though this has ended they still wont let my hubby come home, and at the core meeting we were told its because they have "unanswered questions". i asked them to ask us the questions, to which i was told "we dont know what they are yet" ggrrrrrr
My ex daughter got someone to take my youngest daughter, while she was out playing at a family members house, which luckily my youngest freinds raised the alarm straight away. the police have been informed. My ex daughter the same night, called the police "fearing for the safety of my youngest". i got awoken at 12.30am. Myself my hubby and my family have had no end of abuse, threats ect. She along with her boyfriend are getting worse by the minuet, but nobody wants to help me or my hubbys side and all ss are bothered about is my ex daughter. My childrens school wrote a glowing report for both children and said they have never had any concerns about the children. They also stated that this is had a severe effect on both my children, but ss wasnt bothered by this....to me its ironic that my hubby can babysit, look after and be around any children, but not his own
Sorry to ramble on, just gutted that even though we have made a massive step by the NFA, we still have so far to go 13 weeks later
Any advise would be most helpful and THANKYOU TO ALL WHO REPLIED BEFORE AND I SO RUDELY IGNORED I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND XXX

[lawlessone2009]

So the Police investigate for all of 6 weeks and decide that there is to be no further action. Couldn't have been a difficult case and they've decided not to pursue anything bearing in mind that there are TONS of pressure on the Police to prosecute anything that moves when it comes to sexual allegations involving minors.

SS are now dragging their feet?

If your husband is not facing any charges and has no proven guilt then tell SS to 'do one'. They are unfortunately not very easy to get rid off once they become involved in your life and will want to turn your whole family into 'victims' for their own self serving crusade. They'll say they NEED to be involved 'for the childrens sake'. Whether you choose to entertain them or not is another matter but they ARE reasonably powerful (and massively incompetent!) people and can more or less do as they see fit. Unfortunately the majority of the time they don't do enough or they do the completely wrong thing........

I would speak to someone above the case officer at SS. See what they say. These idiots barge into your life, do an 'assessment' and believe they know everything there is to know about an individual. You've been with your husband for 10 years!!! He's also had ample opportunity to 'groom' the kids and yet it takes a disgruntled teenager in a rage making an isolated allegation and BANG HEADSHOT! Tell em in no uncertain terms to line up their sniper scopes on a family that genuinely needs help and to stop wasting your time and their own.

[Faith]

The SS will have to do their own investigation and unfortunately the best you can do is comply and co-operate and be patient. That way they are more than likely to reach the same conclusion as the police.

The fact your husband was no further actioned (as opposed to no crimed...which is a rare thing to get) means, on record, regardless of what the OIC said about it not going to CPS, that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute. Not that it definitely didn't happen.

Family and Civil law work on a much different basis...they work on a balance of probability rather than an evidential basis.