Relationships after False Accusation

[Boys don't cry]

Lifesnotfair.

Welcome back and when I saw your name I was happy as I remember I wrote to you end of March.

I am sorry about your last post and in a way you saved him.
I can't understand this and I was ready to write "Life is not fair".
I would have give anything for someone to support me during this turmoil and thanks God I found this website.
I suppose you should turn the page as some people in life are just...I could use so many adjectives.
Like my barrister last said:
"Don't worry,you are still young and you can find someone who will respect you"

Just try to go out and forget about this...He is not worth it and you deserve better.
Best wishes.

[RFLH]

I can empathise as the same happened to me, only several years later.

All I can say is - try not to dwell, there are nice chaps out there - I found myself one! Just be grateful there were no children to get stuck in the crossfire and no messy divorce to contend with.

It'll hurt for as long as it takes, but it does get easier each day.

Be kind to yourself.

[Rights Fighter]

Hello there. I logged in today after a long absence. Some of you who have commented on this thread may well remember me from a couple of months back. I asked for advice on my relationship after b/f had the charges dropped against him. If you remember rightly, our relationship had suffered for some months. You will also remember that despite much struggling to keep our relationship going and much soul searching that I ended the relationship.

I have to say that he was extremely angry when I ended it and did nothing to try and salvage it, which actually made me think if the decline was anything to do with the allegation at all. He hasn't spoken to me since and blocked me on facebook. A couple of days later, I had to text him because he has my lawnmower. We entered into an exchange by text and he accused me of being selfish and how it was only ever all about me, me, me. That hurt me very much after I had stood by him all that time (he was arrested in January 2011, charged in May 2011 and charges were dropped in March 2012). At one point I even told him that even if the worst happened and he went to prison, I would wait for him and even help him out financially when he came out. How this can be viewed as selfish, I will never understand. So, in the end, I felt that I had served my purpose.

As for starting a new relationship, two days after it ended, I found out from a friend that he had joined an online dating site! That was extremely painful. So, I guess I agree with the point of view that people react to these things differently. The end of that relationship absolutely broke my heart but I'm pleased to say I have some great friends without whom I would not have gotten through the last couple of months.

What I would say is, if you have been falsely accused and your partner stands by you, hold on to them with everything you've got. Keep talking about all those plans, hopes and dreams that you have, they will help you to realise that life will go on even if the worst happens.

Much Love x

So sorry to read this

Maybe this part of his personality is a part-reason why the allegations were made in the first place?


I found out from a friend that he had joined an online dating site!

Wonderful! So he is putting himself right back in the firing line as clearly he's joined on the rebound.

I know one guy who is on 'Plenty of Fish' who has described his ideal first date as "A drink and a blow job ...lol"

Pillock. He's fodder for some female shark who's looking for some easy money.......

[lifesnotfair]

Do you know what?? You're all too lovely!

The comments about men who have been falsely accused forming new relationships are really interesting. Speaking from my own experience with b/f and the way he treated me when I ended it, I have to say I'm reluctant to ever trust a man again! I gave him my all and he couldn't even end it amicably. That was a kick in the teeth, I think that hurt more than actually ending it. He definitely changed throughout his ordeal; the man I left was not the man who swept me off my feet. I sincerely hope that one day he does reflect and take some responsibility for what happened.

Keep smiling and battling! xx

[Faith]

I do have to agree with RF...it seems very unusual that he feels comfortable jumping back into the dating game, especially through strangers online!
Reading the responses on this thread, many men who endure this ordeal are absolutely terrified of pursuing a relationship (or anything else) with a female ever again.

Regardless, you hold your head high hon. You did all you could and by all accounts, it seems to me to be a huge loss for him...and a lucky escape for you!!

[wunderland]

If any single girl is being nice to me i get suspicious and i used to like flirting but now can barely smile at girls. I am attracted still but i have horror at the same time I used to be a happy go lucky guy..........................I don't know how somone could date RIGHT after a false accusation I have allways had girls in my life and allways had girlfriends now i allways think they have a motive im sick I think i would need a good 5 years of mental therapy before i started to be able to date again it's really sad for the victims of false accusations there is nothing as bad that can happen to out manhood it kills it kills

[Saffron]

I have to say I agree with Faith and Wunderland. It;s odd that he is throwing himself back "onto the market" so quickly, especially given the FA.
You did everything you could. It's his loss, not yours. Hold you head high!
And have some flowers

[felix]

May I put a slightly contrary spin. My other half stood by me throughout my ups and downs on bail, knew all the details - or at least as much as she wanted to - and now, a year after "Decision not to Proceed" I would say we are closer together than for many years. We are together on pursuing the "clearing my name" actions which kind of helps.