falsely accused by girl with aspergers syndrome

[bobb]

hi

have really been through a bad time i met a girl online on plenty of fish and exchanged mobile numbers . we had a naughty chat on phone and decided to meet
she started of texting (all this is evidence) me that she had eczema on her left breast also about that she don't do anal or oral sex when i said we could make do with her right breast.she said she will let me look at her naked and take pics of her on these texts
at no point was i aware and was agreed by police in police interview that i knew she had hidden aspergers syndrome

we met and went back to my flat and started kissing hugging passionately

in short she was very much up for it took of her clothes and we then after asking her went into my bedroom and i could not get it up so i asked her jokingly if she was really serious about no oral and anal in her texts. she took this question very to the point (as she had aspergers i did not know then)so i asked to give me a kiss down there and she gave me a little blow job.

i still could not get it up so we discussed diodes etc and i asked her if we could have some fun with a carrot . if she was ok with anal . i explained it won't hurt as it is conical in shape
she said yes to it and i got the tiniest carrot from fridge and put it in her anus. initially she liked it but it hurt a bit later. i stopped didn't take it out as it would hurt even more and took it out slowly

i told the police exactly as it happened and they at the the said they believe me

she also let me take few pics of her where she is smiling , which are on the phone teen by police
she got a phone call at this point from her friend where she replied in front of me that she was fine
later i was told she had texted her friend to text back so she could get out of here ....

i offered to drop her back where she wanted and am hoping this is picked up by police cameras
ANPR technology picked up my car after the incident , has it got pictures of driver =me and front seat passenger = complainant ,
can the police disprove that i gave her a lift back to ,
the complainant has just

she has has agreed to kissing . This kissing was passionate how does she describe getting naked on her own kissing me -- and then suddenly does she describe me slapping and pushing all false -- why would there be a need for that -- this is coming across as a planned manipulation ,

no where in the police interview was there any mention of complainant trying fend me off--or asking me to stop --why was this the case was it because her account of ever did not mention that she tried to stop me anywhere or informed me that she was not liking it -- any indication that she was not up for it --

infact she was more eager for sex and tried to put my penus inside her , I could not get it hard enough and could not get it up

i was not really worried till i heard yesterday that ai m getting charged -- i don't see how this happened as there simply is no sufficient evidence....

guys please help and educate me ?? surely if the complainant has exchanged messages about sex , let me take naked pics of her whilst she is smiling and accepted lift bak ? sure this does not happen when someone is really raped ??

all comments questions welcome ..

[Rights Fighter]

For God's sakes why do people feel they have to post up all these explicit details?

[wunderland]

gross ! I agree come on man that's pretty disgusting language your using please have some repsect you sound like a very bad pornographic writer and also Hate to burst your bubble Asperger's is a disability If i was you I would get legal advice do not speak to the police (MY GUESS IS other people who have been on this website will probably think diffrent and im very far from being a genius on the subject) they will probably say the girl had a mental illness and may have not been able to have had the mental capacity to know what she was doing) so even though your a nice guy and you probably thought you were doing nothing wrong they may be thinking your a bad guy so if i was you i would decline to make any comment to the police or statement which is your right and also consult a lawyer who is a specialist in sexual assult matters other people on here can help you with that but i can't im sorry also please no more filthy languge

[largactyl1]

Hi there, please take advice on what to do re. police from others here.

However, I do wonder if you too have Asperger's given the level of detail you have provided on the ins and outs of your sexual content - or whether you are just not understanding that on the whole we don't need an inappropriate level of information.

Asperger's syndrome at it's worse can be bordering autism on the autistic spectrum. However, it can be so mild that apart from rigid character traits and obsessions you would be unlikely to pick up on it unless you get to know somebody.

One problem you have is that unless a person with asperger's is getting mixed up between fantasy and fact, people on the spectrum rarely (if ever) lie as they don't have the social skills to do so. Mixing fantasy and fact however does happen with this social disabitily.

Please try and keep gory details to a minimum as it's not necessary. Do keep coming back and we will support you as much as possible. If you want more info on the Autistic spectrum, please ask some specific questions.

Regards
Jen

[bobb]

Hi Jen,

I am posting first time may be too many details apologies -

what I'm concerned about is me and my lawyer agrees that these is no evidence. the only evidence there is is against this lady .. like sexual ..text messages before meeting, pics in which she is clearly smiling , posing and proof that i dropped her back home.

why is the cps charging me then? my lawyer thinks it might be cause the parents of this lady are threatening to complain if cps do not charge ? surely cps cannot charge without realistic prospect of a conviction?
the police did try twice to verify if i had any slight suspicion abut her condition and then finally revealed the details about her having a police record and asperger's in their disclosure.

Still confused why i am to be charged ..

i am worried about the situation but also confident that without me knowing her metal illness there is not much of a case.

[Faith]

Put it this way bobb. If you genuinely had raped her, then what evidence would there be? There wouldn't be a bright neon sign on her privates saying it.
Rape is a crime where there can't usually be evidence except one word against the other.

My thoughts are that there is likely a case against you because, to your own admission, she made it clear she did not want to do anal or oral sex and you later pressured her into it.

Whether or not you are guilty and asperger's syndrome aside, you have behaved pretty badly

[bobb]

hi Faith,
there was simply no pressure i asked her before i did anything . When i referred to the text message she said she can make exceptions if she liked someone. now if u ask someone to gives a kiss down there how can that be called pressure , there was absolutely no pressure ..
we just carried on with sexual things and it was all in agreement.
I really was shocked when the police came knocking on my door.I am not the kind of guy who can force anyone to do anything.
this lady also has a criminal record ... I'm a innocent guy in trouble ..

[Rights Fighter]

I went out with a guy some time ago who asked me if I would partake in a certain act which I did not want to do.

That should have been the end of it. He should have respected my wishes and left it alone - but no - like you he ask knowing full well what the answer would be. I dumped him because it continued which proved to me he had no respect for my feelings. If there is not respect then there is no relationship.

I am fortunate in that if I say 'no' I mean 'no' and I will stick to it.

Some women though will agree despite not wishing to, in order to stop the pestering - this is called 'submission'. If somebody submits to something they do not wish to do, and they have told you they do not wish to do it, then in effect you are forcing them to submit to something they do not want to do.

You may not have forced yourself on her physically but she may well have felt under pressure to do what you wanted.

I really hope you learn from this. If a woman says 'I do not like to do that' then please don't ask her to do it again, because she may well feel she has to, merely to keep you sweet. This means that she will not enjoy it because she is doing it under sufferance. If she is not enjoying it then that is a selfish act on the part of the man.

Learn to accept that if a woman says 'no' or 'I don't want to' - or 'I don't like doing that' - she means it - so respect her feelings.

You now need to look honestly at what really happened and then deal with it appropriately.

[Faith]

this lady also has a criminal record ... I'm a innocent guy in trouble ..

People with criminal records are immune to rape?
You are a guy in trouble, yes, but this appears to be trouble of your own making. The post above mine is spot on in every word...

That lady could well have felt she had no choice. Perhaps she was scared you'd react badly to her...after all, you were unpleasant enough to bring it up when she had made it clear beforehand that she was not comfortable with it. Her condition could well have made that pressure on her even more intense. I accept that you were not aware of her Asperger's but regardless, no person should feel under duress to carry out acts they don't want to.
Not everyone is strong enough to deal with the situation of saying no face to face, hence why she felt the need to spell it out before she met you so she wouldn't have to come up against it. Only for you to then go and disregard it...

There is a very fine line both in morals and in the eye of the law between intense pressure and rape. I think you have some serious soul searching to do...

[lawlessone2009]

Your sexual encounter sounds very 'clinical'.

Discussing sex seems quite odd in the circumstances. You had both text each other about what would happen and then actually talked your ways through things???

And then the "Hey I know you don't like it but since I'm real special then on you go"........

I'm not saying that persuasion is wrong but it really depends on how much pressure you have exerted. If the female has Aspergers then it really depends to what degree she suffers, it can affect many people in many different ways.

My brother is a sufferer and he has a top degree, highly paid job, plenty cash and a happy(ish) life. There are certain things and situations where mentally he simply cannot cope though.

I actually believe I have a touch of it also. I believe it's in the 'high functioning autism' (brother is even higher hence his extreme academics) region. Couple it with stress and anxiety (externally brought on!) and I am finding myself in a scrambled mess more often than not. I don't stop working until I am literally exhausted yet at times achieve very little on other occasions very complex tasks take little time and even less effort. Communications with other people and expressing your true feelings is difficult. You are either very happy and content or extremely angry and ignorant. People with Aspergers generally, in my experiences, like to have plenty of 'me' time and also pursue technical jobs.

I wouldn't put aspergers down as the reason for the possible charge. I would take a little look at yourself and consider what you said and how you acted. I am by no means saying that you are guilty or that you have committed a crime. I wasn't there and have merely read and interpreted your original post and it isn't very nice. I can only hope that you had a proper solicitor present during your interview and that you did not put yourself across as you have in the posts.

Explaining, or attempting to explain, your way out of a 'situation' to a Police Officer during an interview is not something that you should be doing which hints to me that you didn't have a solicitor present and if you did whoever it was clearly shouldn't be practicing law.

I have no idea if the 'cadder' ruling applies in England & Wales and if it doesn't then I hope you're in Scotland if you didn't have a solicitor present during interview.

What you need to do is make sure your solicitor is a specialist in the are of sexual crimes. If you have already done this then you are going to have to seek their opinion on the evidence if and when it comes in. If there is a resulting charge then arguing about a mental condition may actually damage any defence you put forward. You are going to have to formulate a defence and do it with a specialist in sexual crimes.

I'm not condemning you as guilty but you could have damaged your position if you have given the Police every last detail of what went on in the same manner as your original post. You would basically have self incriminated yourself if they are able to twist the knife enough. In future do not speak to the Police, they are not your friends. Even the brightest highest flying legal eagle on the planet can get carried away and incriminate themselves so don't go kicking yourself just don't go giving away information in such a detailed manner.

Closed answers to open questions and all that malark. If you feel the need to expand on info then ask yourself why and if it would be of any benefit. The Police aren't there to believe or disbelieve you, merely to gather evidence to substantiate a charge. You give them the info and they'll use it whether they believe you or not. Police do interviews every single day of their lives and they know how to ask questions, if you've never been in trouble before it doesn't make you an innocent person just shows you haven't been caught yet.

Welcome to the forum. As things progress we will all move away from grilling you and help you formulate a defence/fill in the questions/listen to your rants and generally help you in anyway we can. You've by no means produced the worst first posting that's ever appeared here but you really need to understand that 'details' do you little favour and could actually result in a lot of damage in a courtroom.

I would also highly recommend deleting your POF account. That place is brimming with strange people ready to hang you at the first opportunity. Also restrict any access that others may have to your pages on social networking sites such as Facebook by either playing with the privacy settings or simply deleting. Get your defences up now as your going to need to learn to keep the details in in order to defend yourself.

Many changes are probably already taking place in your mind along with frustration and anger and questions. These are normal. You will need time out to relax and I would also recommend seeing your doctor and explaining (in as little detail as possible) that you are under incredible stress and need some help, if indeed you are. I am only supposing you will be.

[bobb]

is personality disorder a common factor when it comes to false accusations?panic attacks and depression ,Borderline personality disorder in specific?

[Boys don't cry]

Who have personality disorder,you or her?

Panic attack,cold sweat and depression are common factors between falsely accused.

Good luck!

[lawlessone2009]

Personality disorders being common to false accusations is not really something that is too easily answered as it is near impossible to actually quantify the number of false accusations. True accusations have as much chance of making it to trial as false ones (and vice versa) depending on the circumstances and quality of evidence.

It could be argued that a lot of false accusations are a direct result of some mental imbalance or illness but I do not believe that a 'mental fitness' test is something that is required of anyone reporting rape. I also wouldn't be of the opinion that it would be something that too many solicitors would be willing to bring up in court as part of a legal argument without good solid proof that it was the case.

The reverse could be argued of course. Mentally ill people are more likely to commit rape!

It's a minefield and not really an avenue I would encourage you to explore too deeply unless you have strong evidence to substantiate any claim you put before the court. You will not get any respect or positivity from the jurors who in all likelyhood will either be experiencing mental illness first hand or know someone who is.

Mentally ill people can be classified as 'vulnerable' and it could be taken that you viewed your false accuser as mentally ill, hence vulnerable, and took advantage of her.

If you can get a qualified medical opinion then you and your legal team could explore this avenue but please remember that there is a difference between someone who goes to their local GP and gets a sick line or some anti-depressants and someone who is actually certifiably mentally ill. It takes specialists to diagnose an illness and these specialist spend years in specific fields rather than helping the locals out with the flu and some malaria tablets like your GP does.

[largactyl1]

Hi Bobb, just wondering about your question re. Borderline Personality Disorder. Do you have BPD or are you trying to find out if your accuser could have it? If it is the latter I would very VERY much doubt that someone with Asperger's could possibly have BPD as well.

[bobb]

Hi Bobb, just wondering about your question re. Borderline Personality Disorder. Do you have BPD or are you trying to find out if your accuser could have it? If it is the latter I would very VERY much doubt that someone with Asperger's could possibly have BPD as well.

it has been disclosed to us by police that she has aspergers syndrome --and criminal record ..it seems she has a interest in bpd on social websites etc...
all I'm asking is if someone cannot communicate due to aspergers and the other person does not know about it -- which is proven then how can there be a case...

I want to know of another cases where mentally ill women are intact crying rape ..as it will explain a lot of things..