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Hiya, please, any advie would be great thanks. background info.
i met my hubby in 2005. ive 3 other older children and a 5 yr old with my hubby now .
tuesday moring 13th sept 2011 hubby and i got home from looking at cars as trading the old one in and getting a smaller car but on mobility instead for us, we no longer need a 7 seater car for the 4 of us.
got home bout 11am, then 11.15 i remember it so well, we just made a cuppa when the door went, thought it was postie with a letter etc, but nope was 2 police, they asked if hubby was in, i said yea come in.. they came in living room, n said we r arresessing u on suspected rape . wtf is going on, since hubby been out of work just over 1 year after his disabilities have got worse and no longer can do his job, so they let him go, we been together 24/7 apart from odd hosp appts....
daughter had told em that since she was 10 yrs old, hubby had been repeating giving her malibu n coke, and having sexual ways with her, now boys would b sleep, and if i was downstairs, he get her upstairs n vice versa etc.......
then she said on her 17th birthday daughters best friend stayed over, n they was drinking TRUE. but when they came downstairs to have fag, sometimes both of them came down, sometimes xxxxx on her own,,, rmembering they were so gone, they had vodcas and was doing mega lots of shot drinks, when i was awake they were so gone, so we made sure 1 of us was there when we had fags to make sure they put them out properly, i feel sleep, daughter came down for fag on her own, and she said hubby had his way with her once again. apparently she keept this bottled up for all these years... on her 17th she told police that hubby carried her upastairs, done the deed, bought her down and done the deed again............
now hubbys mobility has got so bad, it takes him a few goes from sitting down position, to try n get a standing position with the stick and the stick is wobbling about, but he gets there in the end, he cant even lift up our 5 yrs old, nor can he do much with his poorly arm, cant even lift a kettle properly in the bad arm as the strenght is not there, so cant lift a child of 5, but can lift a child of 17 up n down stairs, hubby has been using his stick now 24/7, and relys on it, so theres no way in this world, he could manage to carry someone, even goin up the stairs it takes him so long. .
hubby was took away and questioned,,,,,,,,, im home alone, had my mate over, she helps loads, told kids dad gone to help grandad and granma as he had a car acciddent which is true, didnot need them nowing anything. ( there was a accident with the grandparents,)
tuesday early eve, hubby was bailed to my mums house, my mate looked after boys for me, and me and my mates hubby, as i cant drive took our car to get hubby from cop shop, we re read the bail condition, and the lady copper whom i spoke to earlier when i said i b feeding boys n then coming to collect him, told me, he must not go to our house, but when we collected hubby his paperwork didnot say that, so he stayed in car down road from house, i ran to house called and spoke to the officer whom let him go with his bail conditions, and this bloke confirmed that hubby can go to house, but he cant sleep there, ok we thought, least kids get to see u before they go bed etc... that make the 5 yr old happy.
tuesday night the 5 yr old would not eat, the 5 yr old has a massive food phobia going back from when he was 1 yr old, but slowly we are getting there.had social services come round, poking away , 5 yr old was crying, n upset wanting daddy. they let him to go my parents house as a bail addy, and he had to live n sleep there, he was not allowed to come to family home, n see the boys, this killing us all,
i could see hubby, not at the house thou...
wednesday morning did school run, n met up with hubby, now his bail conditions said, stay away from daughter , n her place of work, and to live n sleep at my mums house until friday when new bail terms and conditions would be in place. thanks god my parents are away till sat.
met hubby wed morning, while kids at school went into town, went back to house, as the bloke (bail officer) said he could come bk, then low and behold a knock at the door, it the lady copper and another bloe, and she asked is hubby here, i said yes, i said we double and triple checked over and over again from the bailing officer and was told hubby can come to house n not sleep, she said to me, 'xxxxxx, i told u hes nto allowed to come herere', she said they could arrest me and hubby again as we broke his bail cons, , we begged and pleaeded
lady cop, said stay here we will be back in 30 mins while they worked out y we was giving 2 differnet info regardin where hubby can go,., they came back n said there been a mis interitation, and hubby cant b at our family house, he was told to leave house, she stayed n talked to me, and after a while as told her how distressin boys was and how the 5 yr old is starving himself, as he cant cope with change to routine, she said, that after school hubby can come to house, stay in car, pick us up, go to mcdonalds and tescos to get some food, and drop u bk home, but he not allowed in house, but can chat via pcs, as hubby had his lappy with him, was so grateful, we was holding onto a whisker by messing up his bail.
hubby dropped me n boys of home, my 10 yr old boy waling into house, floppeed on the sofa and sobbed uncontrolly, never seen my 10 yr old in such a state before, n it shows how much this was effecting him, my 10 yr old not daft, all i told him what his sister told police hubby had done something and cant come home.......... hubbysbail conditions was... not to go to daughters place of work, not to come to family home. do not contact daughter at all.
thursday morning, met hubby after i did school run, only had till 11am to spend with ihim, we went out for brekkie and sat in car n spoke about this ****, had to get home for 11.30 as had social worker coming round, had my mate there as backup aswell.(taking notes etc). .
then thurday afternoon, the lady cop called me, and said where is hubby?, i said he has a 2pm appt with jobcentre taling to a disability person there into gettin bk into work, she said, ok, i need to get hold of him, as they have decided to drop all bail conditions and he can come home to me n boys... she said she b over today sometimes with paperwork, this set me of in a state of cryin with happyness, and i called a lady cop, o thankyou, yr a diamond,,,
friday morning came, lady cop turned up and paperwork states not enough evidence to proceed, but now stuck with ss still on our back....
i cant work out or believe wat the **** daughter has done,,,,,,
we last saw her (daughter) in town last week, all was fine, and spoke to her on my birthday as had not heard from her earlier in the day, and she told me she got me a card and try n get it to me sometime. im still waiting for card.
Now background info, ive 4 kids but only the 5 yr old is mine and my hubbys child together, hubby came into our live in 2005, and is suxch a wonderful man, not a bad bone in his body, always was a grafter until just over 1 yr ago when his mobility and disabilities got the better of him and he was unable to carry on his job,
Hubby has always treated my other 3 kids like his own, always made sure they had what they needed, never went without, always there to help with homework, lifts here and there, fixing there pcs etc.
Now daughter is 17, she lives with her fella since june this yr and his family, 2 yrs ago, just before we all went on our family holiday hubby have been saving extra money in his wardrobe to give extra money to the kids on hols, it was in a moneybox type thing, which noone know about, he would save the odd couple pounds a week from his work money to put in the moneybox, now this was hidden in his wardrobe and daughter when she lived at home, she would always use the excuse she loved our big mirror in our room, hence y she was in our room, but at one time hubby noticed it felt light, so he write on the moneybox 107.00, to keep a tally of the amount in there. but holiday came and it was all gone! ...... found out a few months later it was daughter taking it from him.
daughters prom the other year, was smack in middle of the month, hubby went without by using his disability money to get her dress to be hired, shoes to match, hair and nails paid for by him, but he do this for all the kids thou ..... she loked a diamond on heer prom.
daughter was at college, and college in june 2011 (2 yr course) her tutor was concerned about her as she had not handed in her coursework etc, and only had 4 weeks to go before college was finished and she would get her marks, daughter swore blind she went to college and handed them in.. so in sept when college rang me, and asked if daughter was there, i said no, but you have her number, college told us shan has not been handing her stuff in and with that shes wasted 2 yrs of her lide. all because she could not be bothered to carry on for 4 weeks. this was a child care course.
Then 2 weeks ago, daughter txted me saying she pregnant, and then 2 days later she txts me to say she had a miscarrage, now any normal mother would be concerned and i txted her to get to hosp to be checked out, but she refused to and went back into work the following day. now she lives with her fella and his paretns and his mother is a nurse, so i cant understand y she did not tell my daughter how imprltant it is to go to hosp after a MC.
daughter told police hubby had a purple dressing gown on when he done these acts on her, even though hes only got a wooly black one, and a chinese robe, daughter forgot to tell police infact HER fella her boyfriend has a purple dressing gown, and when i asked her y she said hubby had a purple dressing gown, she stated she got confused about it all.
The baby is my daughters fella.
Now i contacted jeremy kyle ( not wanting to air my life on tv, but i felt no other way for answers ) to ask for a lie dectector tests, i got a email back from the show and was told jeremy is in america promoting his show there and will be bk in UK after xmastime. i told daughter and she said she will never go on there to do a lie detector test as her boyfriend thinks its not fair for her to go on tv and be exposed, but my hubby said yes i will go on there to prove to all he is not done nothing.
Now, my sister and my parents and hubbys paretns all beieve my hubby and not my daughter, as they know how my hubby is and how my daughter has been over the years, with her mixing with wrong friends, drugs etc, even her real dad gave her drugs, but she refused to give us any details as i said i would shop him to police as thats not on!...
Now aug 2011, daughter and her best mate, even came on holiday with us and the boys, so if this did happen y on earth did she agree to come on holiday, it was all booked and payed for before this **** happened.!. Daughter had told her best mate whom came on hols with us, before holiday started, and her best m8 told her counsellor about it all, during holiday, the girls and i had a big bust up, they were not behaving, so i sent them home as they was ruining the holiday for my 3 boys.
Ive contacted and researched some online, and i was thinking of getting a lawyer for deforamtion of charactor and slander against daughter, but you cant get legal aid for this type, and enquired about private lie detector tests but they are between 550-750 each, which i cant afford either.....
im at a loss, as i need to know whom the lier is......
my daughter txted me to say she dont want nothing to do with me or the boys and have blocked us all on fb als, alsongside she blocked the rest of family members also.
daughters baby is due in 11 weeks time.
now due to hubbys disability and being signed off work due to being unable to carry on working his job, hes been doing courses and has been helping out at a college type thing, teaching people how to use computers etc. now hubby wants to be able to do this as a self employed living, and has enquired about the next course he needs to do to allow him to teach other people in schools/colleges or from home etc etc.
Now, question is. will a enhanced crb check show this rape alligeration against my hubby on file.?
if so, can or how can it be removed?
if it is on there, its messed up his life, hes lost confidence since he lost his job, so having this to work towards teaching people would be a massive boost for him. but worried this wont happen coz of daughter etc etc..
i want this over and done with, what action can be taken to clear his name once and for all!!!
any advice... this is tearing me apart and i now the boys miss there sister so much ......
thanks x
THIS IS THE EMAIL SHE SENT TO ME.........
Mum, no matter what happens, i'm your daughter and i love you sooo much.
If you really know me, like a mother should know a daughter, the decision that you will have to make will be easy.
but know that deep down it will be the hardest thing you may ever have to do. But you can only pick one.
It breaks my heart to do this to you, but its always on my mind.
You deserve to know the truth and I have to think of my future. Because if i ever have a daughter, or if the boys get a girlfriend in years to come I could never live with myself if the same thing ever happened to them. If you think you can't cope know this your an amazing mum and your stronger than you think.
If your wondering why I never told you, well its because I obviously never wanted to hurt you or the boys.
I should'nt be apologising because their was nothing I could do to stop it, I was vulnerable.
I couldn't say this to your face I've tried for so many years but when I tried to the words just never came out. I was so scared to tell you because I don't want to lose my family. I still am as scared as I was years ago but I can't live with this agonising secret anymore.
Mum you truely truely deserve happiness and you don't deserve to be lied too. I am your daughter and I always will be.
But I need to do what is right and I hope you do aswell.
I know right now your confused but soon it will become clear, maybe now you will no the reasons for many of my actions when I was younger.
If you don't believe or choose me then please tell the boys that I love them and Know no matter what I'll always love you mum.
Love you always your only Daughter S,,,,,,, xxxxxxxxx
please any advice, links etc. thankyou xx
i met my hubby in 2005. ive 3 other older children and a 5 yr old with my hubby now .
tuesday moring 13th sept 2011 hubby and i got home from looking at cars as trading the old one in and getting a smaller car but on mobility instead for us, we no longer need a 7 seater car for the 4 of us.
got home bout 11am, then 11.15 i remember it so well, we just made a cuppa when the door went, thought it was postie with a letter etc, but nope was 2 police, they asked if hubby was in, i said yea come in.. they came in living room, n said we r arresessing u on suspected rape . wtf is going on, since hubby been out of work just over 1 year after his disabilities have got worse and no longer can do his job, so they let him go, we been together 24/7 apart from odd hosp appts....
daughter had told em that since she was 10 yrs old, hubby had been repeating giving her malibu n coke, and having sexual ways with her, now boys would b sleep, and if i was downstairs, he get her upstairs n vice versa etc.......
then she said on her 17th birthday daughters best friend stayed over, n they was drinking TRUE. but when they came downstairs to have fag, sometimes both of them came down, sometimes xxxxx on her own,,, rmembering they were so gone, they had vodcas and was doing mega lots of shot drinks, when i was awake they were so gone, so we made sure 1 of us was there when we had fags to make sure they put them out properly, i feel sleep, daughter came down for fag on her own, and she said hubby had his way with her once again. apparently she keept this bottled up for all these years... on her 17th she told police that hubby carried her upastairs, done the deed, bought her down and done the deed again............
now hubbys mobility has got so bad, it takes him a few goes from sitting down position, to try n get a standing position with the stick and the stick is wobbling about, but he gets there in the end, he cant even lift up our 5 yrs old, nor can he do much with his poorly arm, cant even lift a kettle properly in the bad arm as the strenght is not there, so cant lift a child of 5, but can lift a child of 17 up n down stairs, hubby has been using his stick now 24/7, and relys on it, so theres no way in this world, he could manage to carry someone, even goin up the stairs it takes him so long. .
hubby was took away and questioned,,,,,,,,, im home alone, had my mate over, she helps loads, told kids dad gone to help grandad and granma as he had a car acciddent which is true, didnot need them nowing anything. ( there was a accident with the grandparents,)
tuesday early eve, hubby was bailed to my mums house, my mate looked after boys for me, and me and my mates hubby, as i cant drive took our car to get hubby from cop shop, we re read the bail condition, and the lady copper whom i spoke to earlier when i said i b feeding boys n then coming to collect him, told me, he must not go to our house, but when we collected hubby his paperwork didnot say that, so he stayed in car down road from house, i ran to house called and spoke to the officer whom let him go with his bail conditions, and this bloke confirmed that hubby can go to house, but he cant sleep there, ok we thought, least kids get to see u before they go bed etc... that make the 5 yr old happy.
tuesday night the 5 yr old would not eat, the 5 yr old has a massive food phobia going back from when he was 1 yr old, but slowly we are getting there.had social services come round, poking away , 5 yr old was crying, n upset wanting daddy. they let him to go my parents house as a bail addy, and he had to live n sleep there, he was not allowed to come to family home, n see the boys, this killing us all,
i could see hubby, not at the house thou...
wednesday morning did school run, n met up with hubby, now his bail conditions said, stay away from daughter , n her place of work, and to live n sleep at my mums house until friday when new bail terms and conditions would be in place. thanks god my parents are away till sat.
met hubby wed morning, while kids at school went into town, went back to house, as the bloke (bail officer) said he could come bk, then low and behold a knock at the door, it the lady copper and another bloe, and she asked is hubby here, i said yes, i said we double and triple checked over and over again from the bailing officer and was told hubby can come to house n not sleep, she said to me, 'xxxxxx, i told u hes nto allowed to come herere', she said they could arrest me and hubby again as we broke his bail cons, , we begged and pleaeded
lady cop, said stay here we will be back in 30 mins while they worked out y we was giving 2 differnet info regardin where hubby can go,., they came back n said there been a mis interitation, and hubby cant b at our family house, he was told to leave house, she stayed n talked to me, and after a while as told her how distressin boys was and how the 5 yr old is starving himself, as he cant cope with change to routine, she said, that after school hubby can come to house, stay in car, pick us up, go to mcdonalds and tescos to get some food, and drop u bk home, but he not allowed in house, but can chat via pcs, as hubby had his lappy with him, was so grateful, we was holding onto a whisker by messing up his bail.
hubby dropped me n boys of home, my 10 yr old boy waling into house, floppeed on the sofa and sobbed uncontrolly, never seen my 10 yr old in such a state before, n it shows how much this was effecting him, my 10 yr old not daft, all i told him what his sister told police hubby had done something and cant come home.......... hubbysbail conditions was... not to go to daughters place of work, not to come to family home. do not contact daughter at all.
thursday morning, met hubby after i did school run, only had till 11am to spend with ihim, we went out for brekkie and sat in car n spoke about this ****, had to get home for 11.30 as had social worker coming round, had my mate there as backup aswell.(taking notes etc). .
then thurday afternoon, the lady cop called me, and said where is hubby?, i said he has a 2pm appt with jobcentre taling to a disability person there into gettin bk into work, she said, ok, i need to get hold of him, as they have decided to drop all bail conditions and he can come home to me n boys... she said she b over today sometimes with paperwork, this set me of in a state of cryin with happyness, and i called a lady cop, o thankyou, yr a diamond,,,
friday morning came, lady cop turned up and paperwork states not enough evidence to proceed, but now stuck with ss still on our back....
i cant work out or believe wat the **** daughter has done,,,,,,
we last saw her (daughter) in town last week, all was fine, and spoke to her on my birthday as had not heard from her earlier in the day, and she told me she got me a card and try n get it to me sometime. im still waiting for card.
Now background info, ive 4 kids but only the 5 yr old is mine and my hubbys child together, hubby came into our live in 2005, and is suxch a wonderful man, not a bad bone in his body, always was a grafter until just over 1 yr ago when his mobility and disabilities got the better of him and he was unable to carry on his job,
Hubby has always treated my other 3 kids like his own, always made sure they had what they needed, never went without, always there to help with homework, lifts here and there, fixing there pcs etc.
Now daughter is 17, she lives with her fella since june this yr and his family, 2 yrs ago, just before we all went on our family holiday hubby have been saving extra money in his wardrobe to give extra money to the kids on hols, it was in a moneybox type thing, which noone know about, he would save the odd couple pounds a week from his work money to put in the moneybox, now this was hidden in his wardrobe and daughter when she lived at home, she would always use the excuse she loved our big mirror in our room, hence y she was in our room, but at one time hubby noticed it felt light, so he write on the moneybox 107.00, to keep a tally of the amount in there. but holiday came and it was all gone! ...... found out a few months later it was daughter taking it from him.
daughters prom the other year, was smack in middle of the month, hubby went without by using his disability money to get her dress to be hired, shoes to match, hair and nails paid for by him, but he do this for all the kids thou ..... she loked a diamond on heer prom.
daughter was at college, and college in june 2011 (2 yr course) her tutor was concerned about her as she had not handed in her coursework etc, and only had 4 weeks to go before college was finished and she would get her marks, daughter swore blind she went to college and handed them in.. so in sept when college rang me, and asked if daughter was there, i said no, but you have her number, college told us shan has not been handing her stuff in and with that shes wasted 2 yrs of her lide. all because she could not be bothered to carry on for 4 weeks. this was a child care course.
Then 2 weeks ago, daughter txted me saying she pregnant, and then 2 days later she txts me to say she had a miscarrage, now any normal mother would be concerned and i txted her to get to hosp to be checked out, but she refused to and went back into work the following day. now she lives with her fella and his paretns and his mother is a nurse, so i cant understand y she did not tell my daughter how imprltant it is to go to hosp after a MC.
daughter told police hubby had a purple dressing gown on when he done these acts on her, even though hes only got a wooly black one, and a chinese robe, daughter forgot to tell police infact HER fella her boyfriend has a purple dressing gown, and when i asked her y she said hubby had a purple dressing gown, she stated she got confused about it all.
The baby is my daughters fella.
Now i contacted jeremy kyle ( not wanting to air my life on tv, but i felt no other way for answers ) to ask for a lie dectector tests, i got a email back from the show and was told jeremy is in america promoting his show there and will be bk in UK after xmastime. i told daughter and she said she will never go on there to do a lie detector test as her boyfriend thinks its not fair for her to go on tv and be exposed, but my hubby said yes i will go on there to prove to all he is not done nothing.
Now, my sister and my parents and hubbys paretns all beieve my hubby and not my daughter, as they know how my hubby is and how my daughter has been over the years, with her mixing with wrong friends, drugs etc, even her real dad gave her drugs, but she refused to give us any details as i said i would shop him to police as thats not on!...
Now aug 2011, daughter and her best mate, even came on holiday with us and the boys, so if this did happen y on earth did she agree to come on holiday, it was all booked and payed for before this **** happened.!. Daughter had told her best mate whom came on hols with us, before holiday started, and her best m8 told her counsellor about it all, during holiday, the girls and i had a big bust up, they were not behaving, so i sent them home as they was ruining the holiday for my 3 boys.
Ive contacted and researched some online, and i was thinking of getting a lawyer for deforamtion of charactor and slander against daughter, but you cant get legal aid for this type, and enquired about private lie detector tests but they are between 550-750 each, which i cant afford either.....
im at a loss, as i need to know whom the lier is......
my daughter txted me to say she dont want nothing to do with me or the boys and have blocked us all on fb als, alsongside she blocked the rest of family members also.
daughters baby is due in 11 weeks time.
now due to hubbys disability and being signed off work due to being unable to carry on working his job, hes been doing courses and has been helping out at a college type thing, teaching people how to use computers etc. now hubby wants to be able to do this as a self employed living, and has enquired about the next course he needs to do to allow him to teach other people in schools/colleges or from home etc etc.
Now, question is. will a enhanced crb check show this rape alligeration against my hubby on file.?
if so, can or how can it be removed?
if it is on there, its messed up his life, hes lost confidence since he lost his job, so having this to work towards teaching people would be a massive boost for him. but worried this wont happen coz of daughter etc etc..
i want this over and done with, what action can be taken to clear his name once and for all!!!
any advice... this is tearing me apart and i now the boys miss there sister so much ......
thanks x
THIS IS THE EMAIL SHE SENT TO ME.........
Mum, no matter what happens, i'm your daughter and i love you sooo much.
If you really know me, like a mother should know a daughter, the decision that you will have to make will be easy.
but know that deep down it will be the hardest thing you may ever have to do. But you can only pick one.
It breaks my heart to do this to you, but its always on my mind.
You deserve to know the truth and I have to think of my future. Because if i ever have a daughter, or if the boys get a girlfriend in years to come I could never live with myself if the same thing ever happened to them. If you think you can't cope know this your an amazing mum and your stronger than you think.
If your wondering why I never told you, well its because I obviously never wanted to hurt you or the boys.
I should'nt be apologising because their was nothing I could do to stop it, I was vulnerable.
I couldn't say this to your face I've tried for so many years but when I tried to the words just never came out. I was so scared to tell you because I don't want to lose my family. I still am as scared as I was years ago but I can't live with this agonising secret anymore.
Mum you truely truely deserve happiness and you don't deserve to be lied too. I am your daughter and I always will be.
But I need to do what is right and I hope you do aswell.
I know right now your confused but soon it will become clear, maybe now you will no the reasons for many of my actions when I was younger.
If you don't believe or choose me then please tell the boys that I love them and Know no matter what I'll always love you mum.
Love you always your only Daughter S,,,,,,, xxxxxxxxx
please any advice, links etc. thankyou xx
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