very scared also

[sladey229]

blimey where do i start, earlier this month i came home from a night out in my local town and luckily was sober whcih am extremely glad i was now and got a phonecall from an ex girlfriend of mine who i hav been havin a casual sex realtionship with for the last few months. she still really likes me and i hav been doin the wrong thing by still sleepin wiv her cos she always gets really upset that i dont want to be in a relationship wiv her. so the night was no different she came round we had sex and then bit later we sat downstairs and she then got a taxi home. she was really upset and said how i made her feel worthless and rejected cos i was jus using her which is quite a fair point. however she then went on to say how i hadnt been there for her over the last couple of months and that i had really ruined her life and that she really hated me and wanted to ruin my life . i really didnt take that as a threat and it didnt even occur to me what she meant by it until 11pm the next evening 4 police officers turned up at the door to take me to the station on the allegation of rape.
i am now thinkin constantly about this and really cant get it out of my head but hav been really lucky in the way that my friends and family hav been there for me and they havnt had to ask me they jus know that its not true. i am obviously angry and extremely worried bout the whole situation as if its jus one word against another wot can i do. i havnt been charged but hav given statement and hav to go back at a certain date to see whether im charged or not. what makes me evenmore angry is the fact that my ex has been goin out in the town on days and places where she knows that normally i wuld be. how can sum1 do that . luckily i havnt been out cos am findin it hard to deal with but shouldnt that be the other way round? has anyone else been in similar situatuion wot advice can u give?
many thanks. simon.

[Ashley]

First bit of advice....take nothing for granted....if you have not already consulted an experienced solicitor you should do so immediately.
You have been granted police bail to return to a police station at some future date, this period is to allow them time to make further enquiries and decide whether charges should be preferred.

Don't wish to scare you unecessarily but the circumstances you describe are perhaps the hardest to defend. Sex took place, any forensic evidence is neutral, you say it was consensual, she says it wasn't it. It matters not that you have had a long standing consensual relationship. If she maintains that on this occasion she said NO, then it is rape.

Couple that with the admission that you essentially used her for your own sexual gratification, the prosecution would have a field day if the matter went to trial, they could make you look pretty callous in the minds of a jury.

Hopefully the investigation will demonstrate the allegation is vexatious and unfounded and no further action will be taken. You need to try and ensure that is the outcome. Keep letters, cards, records of phone calls, text messages, email especially if these post date the alleged offence. Provide evidence that demonstrates she is 'stalking' you, making conscious steps to see you. First port of call though is good legal advice.

Hope it works out.

[sad person 6]

I feel so sorry for you what you are going through sounds just like what my family have just gone through but my poor brother was convicted awaiting sentance.I dont mean to scare you but good luck you really will need it.

[schnoo]

That is a very harsh circumstance indeed, tough to defend in court.

Sorry to hear this has happened to you I hope you immediatley took legal advice.

She obviously has a flagrant disregard for the true purpose of the law, which certainly isn't to make you feel better about making a twat of yourself by incarcerating the other party.

I would feel so angry right now at her, I would pay a private detective to follow her around recording her daily events looking for something else to play dirty right back with.

If I could not find anything I would blatantly get her set up. Once she is brought up on charges of preferrably Prostitution or possibly Crack Dealing her orginal allegations would certainly be less credible.

DON'T BREAK THE LAW!

Seriously though now, how many sexual encounters has she had with different people since you knew her ? If the answer is loads then that will help your case no end if you can speak to these people and obtain statements or ask them if they mind speaking into your dictophone or similar. Human beings are repetitive creatures when it comes to their behaviour, chances are if she acted like that with you she has acted like that before with others who are also gonna be annoyed by her, who may be able to act as a case relevant character witness for you because they are an ex-sexual partner.

Don't feel bad though. You did nothing wrong strictly speaking, because what woman doesn't expect all men to need sex all of the time? It's the masquline biological imperative. It's your biological urges she was using both for her own physical satisfaction and to feed the possibility of a long term thing which you had already told her you didn't want.

So you had consenting, adult, sexual relations with her numerous times, but you didn't want to go steady. You explained this to her by the sound of it at a time prior to the alleged incident.

This resulting situation is a symptom of her non existent self esteem.

Clearly she had sex with you numerous times in the hope of guilting you into a serious relationship through the completley text book "oh how can you just use me like this, you're not nice etc approach." Even though on multiple occassions she kept coming back for consenting sex with you when she was fully aware you didn't want a relationship.

You may feel a bit guilty about giving into your human drives, but don't she knew you would and continued using that tactic of mental offense on you because she saw that it affected you the way it was meant to.

She clearly has such low self-esteem she needs clinical help. Anyone acting the way she was acting with you is a psychological mess. The thing about people with low self-esteem is they never feel bad when they hurt people around them, because they've been hurt so much they are just "broken"
Plus as you've found out desperate people are capable of very malicious acts.

Ask your legal representative how they are planning to defend you. Hopefully they will be able to give a more gruelling crossexamination of her in court if you have managed to find character witnesses and other evidence to support your story.

One last idea because I feel for you. Do you know anyone she knows well? A vocal recording of her boasting about her criminal actions, and I mean "criminal",
would be the best thing your barrister could hope to present in court during the cross examination. Then it would be case dismissed. And miss X up on justly deserved charges of her own.

All the best my friend, in love & life.
If there is any justice you won't see the inside of a prison.

What goes around comes around and it's usually three times bigger. : )

[kerry]

You know, it really saddens me to hear that there are in fact so many cases of alleged rape where the accusers are the supposed "victims" where in fact they are not.

The way the law stands just now, there is so much support for the accusers but almost nothing for the accused. Even if the person accused of the offence has nothing brought against them, these allegations can still ruin their lives because it is held on police records as "intelligence"

A person close to me has had to deal with such a case. He was accused of attempted rape when he was a teenager. The accuser was younger than him. The scottish Procurator Fiscal dropped the case so it never actually went to court. If it had he would never of had the problems he faces now.
The simple fact that he was accused means that the police have kept this information on record.
He used to work in childcare. His dream career. Due to the disclosure system, it means that the police can put on his disclosure whatever information they have about him even if it is an allegation. He cannot work in his sector because of something he was wrongly accused of almost 4 years ago.

We are now taking his case to the Parliament to get his name cleared. It will take a long time but innocent people are being discriminated against by the legal system which is supposed to protect us.

I would love to hear from anyone who has been falsely accused of any crime. The law will not change because of one person trying to be heard.

email me at kerry.milton@ed.ac.uk

p.s the law is different in england to that in scotland where i am but in general, the same things happen



Kind Regards