Absolute Torture

[NOHOPE]

well i cant make you tell her but i can only tell you from a wifes point of view i would be absolutley gutted if i was not told from the start.
maybe other partners will advice what they think, and im still here supporting my hubby somebody has said on her
the only crime he has commited was cheating on me and that is for me to punish and not a criminal court, well that is the best statement i have heard in a long time and i beleive that 100%.

[brokenman81]

Thank you and I really appreciate yours and everyone's support!! I didn't think some people could be so evil??

Another few weeks to go

[NOHOPE]

before this happenend to me i would of thought no smoke without fire, but my god i can not beleive how many evil women do this for there own selfish reasons.
and to make matters worse i can not beleive how evil the police can be just to get a conviction to help there stats.
and in what other crime can you get a trial with no real evidence just one person word against another, some parts of the law in this country is an absolute arse.

[lawlessone2009]

I would just like to add...

Your life is far from over. You're just taking an unexpected turning in the road but one that will no doubt give you an additional piece of experience that is somewhat lacking in our current nanny state. Welcome to the real world consequences of the fall out of a New Labour government. When you come out of the other side of this you will be a stronger person and hopefully not so willing to expose yourself to such dreadful consequences from your actions.

What you will have realised already is that it is far to easy to cry 'rape'. I know that genuine rapes happen and I am 100% behind the trial and conviction of genuine rapists but from my own personal view the politics and law have moved far too far in the wrong direction. We can never ever seem to have a happy 'in the middle' society and instead move from one extreme to the other. Rapists used to escape justice easily but now the innocent are finding themselves mixed up in the equation and having their lives ruined.

I can't speculate on her motive or rather I am not willing too. Her mind and thoughts are not accessible to me. I could generalise but it is not going to change the fact she made the allegation.

I am also not going to recommend you tell your partner. You know her better than probably anyone so you will know her likely reaction. What I will say is that you should consider that you may do far more damage by not telling her. You need a shoulder to cry on, someone to share your information/thoughts with and also someone that will visit you in prison to break up the very long days. It would also not be particularly nice to suddenly have to have her live her life dealing with you not being in it due to being jailed but her not having time to deal with it and get used to the idea.

Jail is NOT on the cards at the moment but you MUST prepare for the worst and be thankful when it doesn't happen. Jail is not forever. It is not the end of your life. It may 'change' your life but that is it. Many people on here can share some horrific stories with you and obviously the consequences of imprisonment but nobody can actually say that their life was/is finished. Expectations and options may be severely limited in some cases but even then you can still pop down to the shops for a packet of fags or some beers!

From what you have put forward so far I do not believe you will stand trial. Obviously lacking all the details makes my belief somewhat limited but if it is truly the way you have put it then I do not see it progressing.

Rape trials are incredibly complex as I am sure Rights Fighter will testify too. What you will need to do is gather any 'evidence' you feel may be of use. If you can have your phone forensically analysed (privately) and the data from it made available (to legal standards) then this could be used, if only to allay your fears as you would be able to see everything that the Police have seen.

You will need to post up a 'county' to receive recommendations as to legal representation should things progress to that stage. You need specialist representation from a highly regarded defence solicitor/eventual QC. You will also need to see if you qualify for legal aid or need to fund it privately. A privately funded defence in court will cost you thousands and unless you are seriously loaded your partner will most likely notice money disappearing at a hell of a rate.

It'll be hard to hide things from your partner if it progresses to charge so you will need to sort out how you will break the news to her 'if' it does get to that. If you intend to hide it from her just now then the questions will only get harder later on but then you may get an No Further Action or No Crime and feel that you told her unnecessarily. It's your choice.

Prepare for the worst and embrace the best.

Welcome to the forum.

[Boys don't cry]

Brokenman and Lawlessone
Do not mix politics and do not think about jail already.
Don't believe that the police will help you retrieving evidence from your phone.
A solicitor will.
I had mine (mobile) confiscated for 10 months and there was nothing that could help the prosecution.
The best thing you could do at the moment(ASAP) is to contact a solicitor and gather as many information as you can to find out why she made this false allegation.
About telling your wife ,I really respect NOHOPE's views and as I was (I like using the past tense) a husband accused by her own wife.
You are the only one who can and will make this choice.
Just one thing:Your mood will change dramatically so your wife might suspect that
you have some problems.
Best of luck.

[Saffron]

Brokenman.
If it helps at all, I am the wife of a man falsely accused. He had a drunken fumble with a colleague who then decided she had been raped.
He didn't tell me any of this for 3 months. He had been suspended from his job and was pretending to get up and go off to work every day.
I actually thought he was having an affair and finally confronted him. He 'fessed up. I was horrified at what he had done, but not as horrified as I was by the false accusation.
As NoHope has said, his "crime" was to betray my trust and as far as I am concerned the only person entitled to judge or punish him for that is Me.
This happened 8 years ago. We are still together. It has been a tough journey, but ultimately it has made our relationship stronger.
Good luck

[lawlessone2009]

Political reasons drive the increased prosecution of Rape. They are intertwined.

I did not say that the Police should help him regards the phone. I said he should have it forensically examined privately. The Police have already extracted their information from the phone which will hopefully be of assistance to the OP. What I would recommend now is that he has the information extracted also so that he can see what they can see. It will give him a better idea of the likelyhood of the Police dropping the case.

You also don't need to gather evidence of why she made the allegation. You need to gather evidence to disprove the allegation. You indicated the phone had texts on it which could be of use.

A solicitor is a must but not necessary at the moment as there is little they can actually do.

Further communications with the Police other than repeated bail appearances is a no no.

Jail is always a consideration but not necessarily a probability. It should always be considered and should form part of your reasoning for informing your partner as they will also receive a sentence if you do and it is only fair that they get time to consider possible issues just like you now have time. Surprising them at the last moment is not very nice.

Everything is entirely your choice. Nobody can force you to act in any manner but we can all make recommendations as to the course of action you should pursue.

As for mood changes, hit the nail on the head. She WILL notice and you won't be able to hide it. The alterations in your mind and behaviour will be that great that you will not even know what to hide or how. 'Stress' at work only lasts so long as an excuse...

[brokenman81]

Thank you for all your advice.

I am cracking up inside and as each date gets nearer I fall to pieces and then receive a call to say "we need to change the date" and then it gives you a bit of breathing space. I can only describe it as being held under water for until u can't breathe and then wen the date changes you have this pocket of air!!

[NOHOPE]

have you got anybody to talk to close friend or family,
you really cant cope with this alone i know you are on here but the support of family and friends is an absolute godsend.

[Faith]

A solicitor is a must but not necessary at the moment as there is little they can actually do.

I see this a lot and, while it is true to an extent, I do tend to disagree overall.
If you haven't got a solicitor arranged, who will accompany you if you need to be interviewed? Who will advise you on how to handle answering bail? Who will contact the police on your behalf to gauge their intentions days before the bail date? Who do you go to for advice if the police want further information or you find some evidence that comes to light that could get this thrown out?

If you get a solicitor now, when a charge comes, someone is in place and ready so the fight can begin immediately. In my case, I instructed a solicitor before the charge and we did some work on writing statements, gathering evidence and building up timelines and motives. my solicitor then worded it in a way that I never could that meant it was safe to hand to the police. And I firmly believe that it was through these actions that I received my NFA.

[Rights Fighter]

Funding is not available to a suspect until he or she has been charged - apart from the police interview(s) stage.

Some solicitors who are experienced in defending false allegations might give you some time for free prior to charge after interview, others you will need to pay - it depends on the solicitor.

They cannot give you solid advice about your own case until charge as no paperwork will be forthcoming from the police or Crown - so they can only advise generally.

Some sols will advise you what you can be doing in the meantime to assist your case and if you can assist the police (some evidence you might be able to offer the police while other evidence is not such a good idea as there are unscrupulous officers who will then hide/lose the evidence then pretend they were never given it).

It's swings and roundabouts I'm afraid.

[Faith]

Yes, which is why I think that it's best to seek out a solicitor before hand...else who are you going to ask whether or not evidence should be given to the police or not?

There were times when the police asked me and my other half for extra info and we would have happily given it (naively) had it not been for the solicitor telling us not to. Similarly, there was information that the solicitor worded in a certain way so it could not be used against us.

But yes, you're right, it's not necessarily a given that a solicitor will help out in this way, I think I was very lucky. But I think, at the very least, it does no harm to research specialist solicitors BEFORE charge, even if you don't instruct them until after charge.

[Rights Fighter]

Yes Faith - you had one of the very best solicitors in the UK who actually knows first hand how false allegations affect the accused and their loved ones, so he is not only sympathetic but empathetic too.

[lawlessone2009]

I see this a lot and, while it is true to an extent, I do tend to disagree overall.
If you haven't got a solicitor arranged, who will accompany you if you need to be interviewed? Who will advise you on how to handle answering bail? Who will contact the police on your behalf to gauge their intentions days before the bail date? Who do you go to for advice if the police want further information or you find some evidence that comes to light that could get this thrown out?

If you get a solicitor now, when a charge comes, someone is in place and ready so the fight can begin immediately. In my case, I instructed a solicitor before the charge and we did some work on writing statements, gathering evidence and building up timelines and motives. my solicitor then worded it in a way that I never could that meant it was safe to hand to the police. And I firmly believe that it was through these actions that I received my NFA.

I agree but there is still little they can actually do. Even simply reassuring you is pretty meaningless as disclosure won't take place until a charge materialises.

Rights Fighter has laid things out clearly. I was side-stepping most of the solicitor angle as England differs from Scotland in so far as the charging procedure is concerned. It's charge then wait up here where as it's wait and then charge in England. Not a lot a solicitor in England can do at present except bill you.

What I would recommend is that no further answers to questions are put forward without at least a duty solicitor present and always ensure to get the name/practice for them. The Police won't really give to many answers even to a solicitor as a possible charge may sit for a while before any attention is paid to it and a pushy solicitor may result in a prosecutor throwing a charge down the line just to quieten everyone down. Doesn't happen quite that way of course but EVERYONE is left waiting, accused/Police/prosecutor/solicitor/courts/accuser. Very long process which cannot be rushed through and nobody is willing to speed it up just in case a mess is made of things.

It also gives time for social networks to work their magic and other potential 'victims' may come forwards strengthening the prosecution case.

Lots of considerations which take a lot of time.

Rights Fighter knows the system inside out and can no doubt shed light on a lot of it as she does constantly.

Patience and perseverance is the only route at the moment. You do however need at least someone you can speak with and nobody is better than a partner. Even showing them this thread could help with breaking the news! You're clearly anxious and stressed enough to turn to the internet and forums for answers and by the looks of things we've all been helpful(ish) and understanding, your partner may just surprise you more.

The 'rawness' that you are currently feeling will pass with time. It will be massive peaks and troughs but things eventually calm down a little and you will be able to start concentrating your energies on other things. Being on here for reassurance and assistance will help and it's also good to have a rant and rave (within reason). Everyone on here has been affected in some manner by 'rape'.

[brokenman81]

I can't depend on anyone!! I've told 2 people who I deem very good friends and seem to understand what I'm going through to an extent.

It scares me to death, people mentioning jail etc. I have not done anything wrong apart from be unfaithful!!!

It's been just over 4 months now, I'm just wondering what peoples gut feelings are??? I seemed to think the police were on my side until my Sol told me they weren't!! I did say to the police that "you do do the right thing don't you?"