Accused of rape by woman 10 years older

[OnlyGodKnows]

Hey guys am glad I found this site,I was falsely accused of raping a girl I met on a night out ,we went back to my place with her friend who decided to leave moments afterwards upon noticing that we were kicking it.I casually had sex with this girl,My flat ate who I had been out with came back with another girl and because room is close to the lounge I had to stop and told this girl to leave.i reckon this disappointed her and she went to the police and cried rape.She is 10 years older than me am in university and currenlty very stressed.Any advise would be much appreciated.

[Casehardened]

Hi,

I'm pleased that you took the time to read my write-up as you will have some idea what to expect.

I'm assuming you have been arrested, interviewed, & sampled for DNA, and in this case, again assuming the girl went to the police almost immediately afterwards, DNA forensics will confirm sexual intercourse took place.

The issue therefore is of consent, and you will need to show that she willingly came to your room and the body language prior to this (i.e in the club or pub where you met her) indicated that you were 'getting it together'.

Her friend's and your flatmate's statements will be crucial to this; (though the former may of course be biased against you)....can you think of anyone else who may have seen you together; are you in a hall of residence with CCTV covering the entrance?

Obviously, even if you can show she was a willing participant, she has the right to ask you to stop at any moment & it therefore becomes rape (!) however, assuming the worst-case scenario in that the matter goes to trial, you need to paint a picture for the jury of an initially consensual encounter (though I have to say the reason you gave in your OP for for the girl regretting it, and therefore accusing you, doesn't exactly fill you with glory)

To end on a positive note, you may wish to read through some other members accounts of similar situations (You didn't specify in your OP, but I'm guessing that there was quite a bit of alcohol consumed that night by both of you?) and many of these have ended in NFA's.

[RFLH]

ps - we're not all guys!!

[OnlyGodKnows]

Further help and advise

Hi @ case hardened

First I would like to say thank you vey much for the reply,yes everything you mentioned is right am currently out on bail,the situation in more detail is that we were in club and had a VIP booth,so these two girls were dancing outside the booth hoping we would invite them initially, everyone just ignored them.Me and a friend went to the smoking room and I found the girl smoking we had a conversation and she asked why we were being snobs my reply was do you know who I am??in a cheeky way so she was intrigued and I told her I was a footballer as a joke.My friend pulled me and we went back an hour later I saw this girl and asked her if she wants to come back and party with me and she didn't hesitate and was filled with excitement so me her and her friend leave and go to mines.She asked where I stay and having mentioned my area which is a posh area filled with lots of footballers she was eager to find out a lot about me.As I mentioned earlier on we got back had sex,upon my flat mates arrival I told her she needs to bounce because I have Uni tomorrow and she was in shock to learn that I was a student(which I now regret).she went to the sitting room room and I jumped in bed.She called a cab and next thing I know I was spending the weekend in police custody.We still haven't received her statement but from my questioning there is a lot of lies.ex that I pulled her hair and dragged her to my bed among others.Anyother person who can relate please help as I have exams coming up am losing appetite.p.s @RFLH I'm sorry I didn't mean guys like that just in a friendly manner

[Casehardened]

Hi again OGK,

Thanks for elaborating a bit on your initial post. Just a couple of further questions; have you been charged with rape & bailed to court or were you bailed for further enquiries to take place? Is the friend you were with in the club also your flatmate? Would he/they be prepared to make statements corroborating your account?

You mentioned not receiving the girl's statement but you wouldn't get to see this unless you are charged. Did you have a solicitor present at your police interview, if so after the interview was over did he give you an opinion as to how he thought the case would go. If you haven't been charged solicitors will only get paid for attending the police station with you for any further interviews so you may not be able to get any further legal advice (unless you are happy to pay for a private consultation)

If you haven't been charged then this may well drag on for months before the CPS make a decision (your user name being particularly apt in this situation!) From your account it is difficult to see where the police will get any further information that they haven't already got but ironically this means the file is more likely to lay around on a CPS lawyer's desk.

Obviously, as you mention, this is going to considerably affect your life in that you will be able to think of very little else until it is settled one way or another (and even then the trauma doesn't really go away completely)

Hopefully other members will chip in with their own coping mechanisms, but I found it helpful to plan a defence strategy and cross-examination as if I were the defending barrister.

It also helps to discuss it all with family and friends if you feel comfortable with doing this, and on here if not.

[RFLH]

that's ok OGK - once we've looked up things on Urban Dictionary we can reply!

[Denise]

Sorry you're going through this

The coping mechanism ? Is there one ? I think we all cope differently

For me working was the worst bit, I had very little time to channel my thoughts into being pro active, therefore it consumed my entire waking moments (it was my son arrested but I had a huge input)

All I can say from my experiences is to use your stress in a positive way in remembering everything you can and writing it down

Keep studying, this may not go anywhere and you will have your life ahead of you
Don't let her lose you your future
Did she have injuries to show if how you supposedly hurt her ?

You need someone close to you to talk to, but we are all here for questions
If you haven't dealt with the police before this forum is brilliant for the do's and donts following arrest

Keep positive and keep fighting xx

[fighter]

hi, i think the motivation of the girl is clear why she has accused you. However, no excuse to accuse you of a crime. She would be probably smarting or want to teach you a lesson. Her motivation though could be helpful in explaining why she did it. It is good that there are other people around you and can give statements.

Do keep yourself busy with your studies, and if you are comfortable you can go for counselling with the uni; and inform your tutors that you have personal problems so there would be less pressure on you. We got in this situation with my partner being accused while I am in the uni; at some point I have to tell my supervisors so I could get support and would be less pressure.

take care.

[OnlyGodKnows]

Hi
On the questions; have you been charged with rape & bailed to court or were you bailed for further inquiries to take place? Is the friend you were with in the club also your flatmate? Would he/they be prepared to make statements corroborating your account?

To answer on the questions yes i have been charged and was arrested over the weekend for 36hours ended up going to court and got released on bail.Yes the friend i was with in the club is my flatmate and has already given a statement to the police when they arrested me in the morning,however he initially mentioned that annoyed which is true after i told her i wasn't a footballer and no one gave her attention after going me going to bed and my flatmate going for cigarettes(Once again i regret).As for the other witness she is also willing to give a statement on what happened. @Denise thank you very much for your encouragement to answer your question she didn't have injuries as far as i am aware.She went further to claim in her statement that she bit me on the shoulder which was a lie.Thanks God they medically examined me because i had no slightest form of injury.I still don't understand how someone would want to accuse a human being of such evil.I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.I am on legal aid and still waiting on evidence from the other side with my solicitor.Thanks a lot guys on the support to study i think its the only way i put my mind out of it.

[Denise]

The fact she said she bit you yet you proved you had no injury is a proved lie
Ours said my son had a hairy chest at 12 yrs old, yet he's 21 now and still not a hair (he showed arresting officer)

Thing is, when they lie, typically they over elaborate (the biting you part) these are the type of things you've really got to work on

Revenge and financial gain are the 2 common motives
They can claim large sums of money, I was mortified when I found this out xx

[Casehardened]

Hi,

On the basis of what you've told us I'm surprised that you've been charged; I can understand the girl being annoyed but to take revenge with such an accusation is dreadful.

It is good that your flatmate and his girl are willing to give evidence for you and if you can think of anyone else who saw you together in the club with the girl this would be helpful. If this didn't happen too long ago consider trying to get CCTV footage from the club or any from on the way back to your room. Ideally the police should have already done this and your solicitor will then get copies but if they haven't bothered then ask your solicitor to approach the club directly. You need to show that the girl was accompanying you home willingly.

We usually recommend that anyone who is facing a false accusation charge instructs a solicitor who specialises in this type of work. Are you using the duty solicitor who attended the police station at the time of your arrest; this is no problem provided you are confident and comfortable with their advice. If not, post up the county in which the allegation occurred and you may get a recommendation for a firm from other members. (the further into the process, the more difficult it is to change)`

[Izzy]

Are you in Scotland by any chance, OnlyGodKnows? The charge after arrest makes me think you might be.

[Saffron]

Hi OGK
Sounds like a typical case of revenge and alibi to me. She thought she had bagged a footballer/rich man and then found out you were a poor student! She feels embarrassed and might even have a boyfriend who is asking for a serious explanation. Either way, claiming she was raped spares her blushes.

I am not moralising here, but I think you haven't behaved very nicely towards her - having sex with her and then telling her to leave. I hope that when it is all over you will learn something from the experience. There is no such thing as no-strings sex. It's a harsh lesson, but you are not the first to learn it and sadly you won't be the last. For what it's worth I think it works both ways and that she has behaved pretty badly - not just for the rape allegation, which is despicable, but for jumping into bed with someone on the grounds that she thought she might get a few nice presents, perhaps some cash, or even a life as a WAG.

Others have given excellent advice. Welcome.

[billykickass]

Yeah much better examples are: Dolphin trainer, travelling wine salesman, or even my personal favourite is 'a minor Bollywood star'. Sorry dont mean to be faseachious (sorry about spelliing). You wont be the first or last person to have told such a fib to get with a woman!
However im sure like the rest of us you are much regretting it now and will never do it agin, Lesson learned so to speak.

Sorry its taken me so long to comment, but welcome try and keep your chin up and i really wish the best for you.

[OnlyGodKnows]

Hi
Once again thanks a lot for the support.I have truly learned a lesson just came back from a viper test and yes I'm in glasgow.When they arrested me they asked me to call a lawyer so I called one I used for a minor assault which I just got a simple fine for years ago.I am not really sure on the capabilities regarding sex offences but given that we have not received any evidence from the fiscal I can't really tell.I don't think it is ethical to mention the law firm here but as far as am concerned I need to start building up my defence and it takes someone wo is willing to put in time am just scared that lawyers on legal aid don't?am I being paranoid?Anyways another concern is that when I was in court locked up waiting bail I was discussing with other people regarding our cases however I was caught in surprise when I mentioned the name of this girl and one of the guys (who I must say in Scotland can be referred as a junkie) sorry for the language said he knows her and even described me to her saying she is trouble and comes from a very rough area.This further brought me to tears,not only did I get accused.?But how could I have gone that low to interact with such a girl? it's really a tough time but thanks to the sites advise I'm coping well.