Update & life after not guilty verdict.

[Lee2312]

Hi all. Not sure if you have all read my previous posts so if you need to see what i went through feel free to have a lookback at myold threads.

I was found Not guilty 4 months ago after my accuser admitted lieing under Oath about contact we had had and the judge ordered a not guilty verdict on all counts. I thought it would end 16 of the worst months of my life but has it?

I always used to dream of the day i could live my life free of the huge weight on my shoulders. I always thought the grass would be greener, the sun would be brighter and i would live every day like it was my last.

Im still only 26 years old. After all this was over i was promoted to a senior position within my company..I only graduated in 2008. I have a lovely girlfriend who was with me nearly through it all but you will never believe it. She never knew. Imet her after my arrest. She gave me the strength to fight this but she never knew it.

Its not quite like i thought. I struggle to motivate myself daily. I would say i have a great opportunity at work to really shine but i am giving about 10%...if that, I cant help it. I go with the best intentions but my concentration has gone. I know i have a problem and i will give it my best to address it but i dont seem to have the same drive i used to and the worst thing is i dont know why. Even worse than that i know i shoould, after what i have been through, appreciate every second of my life. I should appreciate my girlfriend more but sometimes i prefer to be alone. Just thought i would share with you all. Its about time.

[Faith]

Hi

It's perfectly normal for you to feel burned out after such a draining experience.
Whilst there will be relief that you are a free man and your innocence has proven the injustice and the trauma remains.
A false allegation is like a wound that heals over but can be re opened by the slightest thing.

It sounds like you may be going through what is called 'post event depression', a depression which sets in once the bad situation is over.

I would reccommend visiting your GP to get some counselling.
It might also be surprisingly helpful to open up to your girlfriend about this. Let her in and you may be amazed at how much closer you become and how you will overcome this forever.

You got the right result but no one can ever argue that it is easy. A false allegation will change your life forever, no matter what the result. but there will come a point when you will get near as you can to normality and you will be able to lead a happy life.

You're almost there. Your girlfriend and your career are physically in place, you just need to rediscover your motivation and your ability to appreciate the good things in your life.
I truly think counselling or at least opening up to someone outside of your close circle may allow you to start doing this.

Take Care.

[Casehardened]

Hi Lee,

Both you and Faith are only a few months down the line from your respective NFA's.

As a 'veteran' of just about 26 months (mercifully I've forgotten the exact NFA date though my arrest is indelibly engraved in my mind) I really wanted to offer some hope.

Unfortunately, bearing in mind that I can only speak from my own perspective, I can't really say that I've completely moved on though life is immeasurably better than in those dark days immediately after arrest.

Nowadays, in comparison, there may well be several consecutive hours in the day when I don't think about the accusation and at around the 15 month point a rather pleasant feeling of well-being descended and I was able to start eagerly collecting experiences again (Much, I imagine, the sort of state of mind that one would experience on being reprieved from a terminal illness)

Sadly, in my case the accusation came from a family member and the resultant fallout has split the family, probably permanently, so in my case this 'bereavement' will always be there as a reminder, hopefully 'stranger' accusations will be easier to deal with.

As a coping mechanism I found it helpful to write my story down as a feature article supposedly for a newspaper or magazine though I never did get it published (the press wanted the assurance of an accompanying PCJ prosecution of my accuser and the magazines wanted to sensationalize the story, i.e. re-write it and include photos!)

I also posted extensively on this forum to the extent that the other moderators eventually got fed up and invited me to join their team

I suppose knowing that I am not alone on this rocky road has been the greatest help of all, after all we are designed to be social creatures and this experience is extremely isolating.

[RFLH]

CS, so not true! Its because you are wise!

What you are doing is mourning, you will find that it gets easier and you'll learn to cope with it and develop a strategy to put it to the back of your mind for longer and longer periods of time.

Its not going to happen anytime soon, it'll just creep up on you, but the emotions are still raw and when they begin to heal you will look back and see how far you've moved on.

It will happen, just not overnight.

[Saffron]

Agreed.
The pain doesn't ever really vanish, but it becomes dulled with time. We are eight years on and sometimes I don't think about it for days. Other times I have a good wallow in self-pity, drink myself stupid and cry buckets.
Nowadays I try to draw positives from the experience, the main one being that I am still here. She didn't beat me, she didn't win.
Keep posting. It does help.

[Boys don't cry]

Nice thread

My freedom is not even one month old so my heart is still bleeding intensively.
I was accused by my own wife who now I must still fight against to try to see my son.
I 'll have to go to County court to have a right to see him as she blaims me for other things.
She said that he is scared of me and traumatised.
If he is traumatised it is because it's been nearly one year he hasn't seen his father
and if he is scared of me it is because she lied to him, like she lied to the police,to the court,to her family who doesn't even believes in her as one of my witness was someone really close to her.Same flesh,same blood but this one is pure.
I have been found not guilty because I kissed and caressed her,she admitted it.
So how could I have been rough in her statement to the police and gentle with affection and tenderness in Court .Plus she made other mistakes like this which were good for my defence.
Three nights ago I woke up suddenly at 4am and thought I was in court.
I have been in the local newspapers where they were please to dirt my name and when I was found not guilty it only appeared in a small paragraph (and I had to look for it).
Even the barrister told me "Don't worry,you are still young (I wish) and you will find someone who will respect you"
I would love to but after all this I don't think so.I think that if you are with someone who cares for you it must be easier to go through this or afterwards.
At the moment I just want to see my son.

[RFLH]

boys don't cry - there are good people out there and hopefully you will find someone when the time is right.

[Denise]

boys don't cry - there are good people out there and hopefully you will find someone when the time is right.

This is very true, but how the hell does a poor accused man ever trust again ?

I always say and I still believe, you see the true person after a break up and I can honestly say I've always walked away from a relationship short changed despite being a door mat

There ARE good women out there and I really hope you strike lucky when it's your time xx

[0990]

I think it just takes time , my false accuser was a girl friend of a few years , now the thought of trusting some one to that degree again frightens me to death

[RFLH]

it will take time - a betrayal of the worst kind is bound to affect you. Just remember that not every female is like that, some of us are nice and trustworthy!

[Boys don't cry]

So sweet

Thank you RFLH,Denise, 0990 and the others for your kind support.
I am so pleased I found this website and I will continue to post to try to help others.
I think I already said it before but when I saw some homeless people before I always wandered how can they become like this.
Now I know that it is extremely easy.
I know that there are good women out there as there are some good men as well
but I find it outrageous to use the police time and the court,...to falsely accuse someone.
It is evil.
It is too easy to destroy someone's life,families,friends.
A family member told me that later I will laugh about it.
I would like to but I don't think so,it was cruel and just for financial reasons.
I think that my mojo will be "Radix malorum est cupiditas",it means "Money is the root of all evil"
I also like "Honi soit qui mal y pense"
It was love,tenderness and affection but I have been set up.
Once again thank you for being constantly present and supporting the others.
Bless you.

[RFLH]

mine is more like-"Semper in merda sum, solum altitudo mutat"!!

always in the ****, just the depth varies!

[Denise]

I always give something to the homeless. If I hadn't have had my friend and family I would've been joining them with nowhere to live, because I ran out of an abusive relationship, I didn't get him nicked despite friends family and a policeman trying to persuade me to, ironic but it was the accusers father, if only I could turn back time, it'd all be reversed because they didn't think up their sick lies back then and once their father had been released the police surely would've seen straight away it was revenge xx