Relationships (an update/continuation)

[lifesnotfair]

Hello again. I haven't posted for a while but I need your help again.

Some of you will be familiar with my original thread 'Relationships' in which we discussed my concerns for my b/f. Things were on a fairly even keel for a while but now the trial is rapidly approaching (late April) and he is beginning to lose it. He doesn't want to go out anywhere, other than to his daughter's sporting activities. He is absolutely broke.

He has been very, very low for over a week now but the icing on the cake was today when he had his car seized for having no insurance (cancelled direct debit because he couldn't pay it). He has his car back 'for now'. I haven't spoken to him so I don't know the full details.

On Monday night, I practically begged him to make an appointment with the doctor. He has told me he has an appointment next Thursday but I don't think that's soon enough. I'm so worried about him. I think he may be headed for a complete breakdown. Tonight, in a text, he called himself a 'waste of space'.

Please, please help. Is there anything I can do, and quickly?

Thank you

x

[RFLH]

can you get him to an A&E dept? They will have a psych on call, it sounds as if he is really depressed and should get help sooner rather than later.

[Faith]

RFLH is right, this is something that needs dealing with now.
There are some very concerning signs here

[fighter]

lifesnotfair, i agree with what everybody has said.. if you feel thursday is too late.. bring him to A&E indeed and also maybe he needed you more with him? Maybe he needs a talk with his defense team also to get assurance about the defense strategy..basically to feel better about the trial..

take care and sending you strength and courage vibes!

[lifesnotfair]

Thank you for your swift replies. It's very tricky for me at the moment. He is distancing himself further and further from me and nothing I say or do seems to be right. We have only communicated by text this week, we haven't spoken on the phone.

He's sent me a text this morning saying 'sorry about yesterday's stress, I'm just really struggling at the moment. I'm ok'.

I feel like I only see part of the picture. All the suggestions you've made make sense, but it's getting him to agree to anything. x

[fighter]

Lifesnotfair,ah yes making him agree with going to AE is definitely hard. I did have the same problem with my partner asking him to go to the GP even; at least he has agreed to go to a GP. let us pray he really go for it.. hugs! sending you more patience, strength and courage vibes.. it is harder to help people who doesnt want to be helped.

[Faith]

Lifesnotfair, if you think it might help for him to talk to somebody who has been through these things then feel free to send me a PM and I will give you my email address.

I went through these feelings and am now with a GP and counsellor who help me a great deal.

[Saffron]

Lifesnotfair, it's the feelings of utter helplessness that are so hard to deal with. I know exactly how you feel. My hubby refused to see the GP. He threw tantrums; physically threw things around; shouted, screamed, blamed me, smashed up the house....It was horrible.
It was only after he smashed up the bannisters in rage that he finally agreed he needed help, and I went to the docs with him to make sure he attended.

I can't add anything else, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

[lifesnotfair]

Thank you so much for your replies. He seems a lot calmer today. I'm going to talk to him on the phone later for the first time in nearly a week. I will be able to gauge how he's feeling then. I'm not going to let him get out of seeing the doctor though!

I will let you know how it goes. Thank you again. You help more than you know. xx

[Boys don't cry]

Believe

I have been through this as well and managed to by calling one of my family member everyday.
Talking to colleagues (probably too much) but it does take out the venom.
I went to the GP but couldn't stand the medicine.
A few times I called the samaritans but your b/f must feel the good vibes from the other one.
I am sorry to say this but I stood up and felt stronger after a motorbike accident.
So maybe he needs a good Go.
Tell him off,tell him that he is innocent and he knows it.It is a fashion now to claim for rape.
Do you know someone "stronger"than him who could tell him.
Sometimes some of my friends and family told me "Don't worry we believe you didn't do this"
-"So why the ... am I here,in this situation???".
As I have seen in this website and it is true just your boyfriend can make it.
I know sometimes I wanted to end it,this website helped me going through,
my son,my mother and I wanted to fight until the end because I knew I was
innocent.
Just keep posting,if you want PM me as well and I will give you an my email adress.
Keep faith.

[lifesnotfair]

Thank you Boys Don't Cry. I spoke to him last night and he seemed much calmer. I can't get him to message you as he does not know I am on this site (is that a bad thing?)

x

[Boys don't cry]

Lifesnotfair

You are always welcome and if you need any help I am here.
Maybe your boyfriend should know about this website?
Take care ,be strong and believe.

[Boys don't cry]

You are always welcome and if you need any help I am here.
Maybe your boyfriend should know about this website?
Take care ,be strong and believe.

Your boyfriend in court must wear suits with neutral colours for the shirt and ties,
Grey,white,I even wore a purple floral tie.
When your life depends on it you don't care about money,you just care about LIFE, your future,and being smart,credible.
Another important thing and it is true ,he must have a few(but not too many) character references from if possible women.
I had 2 men and one women witnesses who came.2 women and one man written references.
One of her family who came as well to support me ,God bless her.
The jury must trust him,that he cares about his customers safety,he cares about his job,his family.
He thought that this woman was distressed,even in danger,he wanted to help her,to look after her.But it was not her first time that she had these kinds of problems,so she took advantage of him probably for revenge or to attract attention.
Et voila...
If your boyfriend can prove this he will be fine.
He must have reason to believe that Under section 1(1) SOA 2003 a defendant, A, is guilty of rape if:
I will mention just the last one as it is the one which saved me.
A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
Didn't she refuse,did she do the first moves as he was only trying to help her...
I could write all night long to help you but my batteries are low,I need some sleep.
Just keep in touch and I will help you as much as possible.

[lifesnotfair]

Woo-hoo!!!!!

B/F had a call from the police today. The CPS have dropped the case!!!! OH THE RELIEF!!!!

I want to thank each and every member of this forum who has read and responded to my posts with words of comfort and wisdom. You have helped me through my darkest moments.

It's been a long and difficult road and my b/f and I have had our problems along the way. I just hope that we can work our way back to how things once were.

Thank you again. x

[largactyl1]

That's fantastic news. You may find that emotions get a bit tangled still - a sense of relief but also anger that you have been put through this situation that has affected yr b/f and you.
Very best wishes to you (and some dancing bananas)
Jen